My extensive rant on women, relationships, dating, PUA, and society

[TheSolitaryMan]

I don't have any social life unfortanetly, just like alot of guys out there. You obviously aren't suffering as bad as me or any other guys like this because most guys I know like this we can't even relate to girls our age because if we ever tried to befriend them or be social they think we are creeps. When you're in a situation like that it's almost game over.

I don't have a social life either. I went about 3 or 4 years without going to a party or social event in my teens. I'm legally allowed to drink, but I never have outside my own house in a social setting. I've never been out clubbing.

Last year, my first year of University where you're supposed to have a wild time and all that crap, I went to one small party and that was it. Never been drunk. Etc. etc.

I'm not much different from you at all. The difference between us is that I don't embrace this stuff you've been linking. Sometimes, yeah, I get down and start getting frustrated that some girls don't make it more obvious that they like me.

However, they're young and my age too, so I can't expect them to know everything. I think the girl I want has never had a BF before, so she's probably finding it awkward too.

It's very tempting to just heap blame on women/society/some other outside element, but the reality is that things aren't nearly as "messed up" as guys like those in the links would have you believe.

I can count maybe 12 women I've met in the past 4 years who've been particularly attractive, easy-going, friendly, understanding and kind. That's without going to clubs and stuff, obviously.

All I'm trying to get across is that your post is really not accurate on how it really is.

Please, give me some information on how "guys like you" come across creepily, and I'll do my best to address that point more concisely.

 

[nerdygirl]

I'm sorry you find it difficult to overcome your social anxiety and timidity enough to approach enough females to meet a nice one.

The therapy people recommend isn't necessarily to help you meet a girl, as it is to overcome your fears and gain confidence. Humans are generally herd animals, after all, and those of us who do not have a social life are often damaged in some way. In nature, when animals know that something is wrong with one of the herd, that one is ostracized. People do the same thing, and even if you approached a male for friendship, you'd come off as creepy.

 

[blackhole]

i tend to think of myself as a one man wolfpack

 

[nerdygirl]

i tend to think of myself as a one man wolfpack

Not a solitary wolf, but an entire pack? That sounds busy!

 

[firebird85]

I'm sorry you find it difficult to overcome your social anxiety and timidity enough to approach enough females to meet a nice one.

The therapy people recommend isn't necessarily to help you meet a girl, as it is to overcome your fears and gain confidence. Humans are generally herd animals, after all, and those of us who do not have a social life are often damaged in some way. In nature, when animals know that something is wrong with one of the herd, that one is ostracized. People do the same thing, and even if you approached a male for friendship, you'd come off as creepy.

Very insulting post, not only to me, but to the other posters threads I've read here. What is your purpose here? To tell people who have a hard time making friends that they are damaged goods? There's a huge difference between choosing to be alone and being ostracized for being who you are. And it's not about this artificial thing you call confidence.

I don't have any social life unfortanetly, just like alot of guys out there. You obviously aren't suffering as bad as me or any other guys like this because most guys I know like this we can't even relate to girls our age because if we ever tried to befriend them or be social they think we are creeps. When you're in a situation like that it's almost game over.

I don't have a social life either. I went about 3 or 4 years without going to a party or social event in my teens. I'm legally allowed to drink, but I never have outside my own house in a social setting. I've never been out clubbing.

Last year, my first year of University where you're supposed to have a wild time and all that crap, I went to one small party and that was it. Never been drunk. Etc. etc.

I'm not much different from you at all. The difference between us is that I don't embrace this stuff you've been linking. Sometimes, yeah, I get down and start getting frustrated that some girls don't make it more obvious that they like me.

However, they're young and my age too, so I can't expect them to know everything. I think the girl I want has never had a BF before, so she's probably finding it awkward too.

It's very tempting to just heap blame on women/society/some other outside element, but the reality is that things aren't nearly as "messed up" as guys like those in the links would have you believe.

I can count maybe 12 women I've met in the past 4 years who've been particularly attractive, easy-going, friendly, understanding and kind. That's without going to clubs and stuff, obviously.

All I'm trying to get across is that your post is really not accurate on how it really is.

Please, give me some information on how "guys like you" come across creepily, and I'll do my best to address that point more concisely.

Well, considering how anti-social people are in general these days. You walk up to strangers and they ignore you. If people in general ignore strangers what's your chance of talking to a girl and going further?

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I don't have any social life unfortanetly, just like alot of guys out there. You obviously aren't suffering as bad as me or any other guys like this because most guys I know like this we can't even relate to girls our age because if we ever tried to befriend them or be social they think we are creeps. When you're in a situation like that it's almost game over.

Please, give me some information on how "guys like you" come across creepily, and I'll do my best to address that point more concisely.

Well, considering how anti-social people are in general these days. You walk up to strangers and they ignore you. If people in general ignore strangers what's your chance of talking to a girl and going further?

So your explanation of coming across "creepy" is that you think you'd come across creepy if you actually got the attention of a stranger? Not through any actual experience of trying to do just that?

I had some random guy start up a simple conversation with me when I was browsing DVDs in a superstore the other day. It was just a basic greeting and some chit-chat. I was happy to respond, it's not like I thought "Damn, what a weirdo!" or anything.

More in line with your "goals", I find a friendly smile at most unknown girls often yields a smile back, even if it's just a cursory one. People are surprisingly receptive, even in this era of mobile phones and so on.

I was talking to this older woman when I purchased something yesterday (she was at least 20 years older than me, but rather attractive) and just by holding eye contact and smiling a bit, I had her grinning at me.

I was almost tempted to throw in a cheeky wink as I left the store, but the shyness stopped me there

Would I really want to go out with someone 20 years my senior right now? Of course not. She probably knew that too. I was just being friendly, brightening her day a bit.

People like it when they're showed attention. Treat it like a bit of fun to just interact with other people when you're going out - be lighthearted about it. I know being lonely is painful, but every time you're out somewhere, even if it's just to buy some lunch, that's your opportunity to just chat with some girls or even just establish eye contact.

Your solutions to the "problem" so far seem to boil down to just wallowing in this idealised stuff you've been linking, moaning that you'll always be lonely...and so on.

Unfortunately, if you keep that up, you probably will. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Be less serious about it, dump the silly rhetoric those guys are spewing, forget "the dating scene" (it's a cliched, inaccurate term) and just get out there with a smile and some false confidence. When that girl you look in the eyes looks back, you'll feel great even if you go no further with her.

At least, that's how I get along. I make it kind of a secondary objective to get at least one smile from a girl every time I go out, as silly as it sounds. It can really boost confidence a bit.

 

[firebird85]

What I was saying is that there is a barrier around people. It's very tough to get someone random to talk to you. Everybody has the clique mentality. Especially girls who are 20-23. I have no doubt that if this scenario you describe happened with any of the girls on here who claim they are lonely it would just be the same old ostracism.

 

[ladysigh]

Based on his negative responses I really don't think the OP came here looking for help or advice, just trying to cause trouble (you see lots of these types in the political forums). I think its best if we just ignored this future serial killer.

Oh, btw, Mr. Women-Rule-the-World, why is it always a woman who gets reported as missing on the evening news and then is found DEAD one week later? Yeah we've got it easy! (Insert rolling eyes emoticon here)

 

[Limlim]

And remember, when you're feeling like total **** and the social anxiety is becoming too much to bare, remember this song and everything will be okay.

[video=youtube]

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

What I was saying is that there is a barrier around people. It's very tough to get someone random to talk to you. Everybody has the clique mentality. Especially girls who are 20-23. I have no doubt that if this scenario you describe happened with any of the girls on here who claim they are lonely it would just be the same old ostracism.

The girl I like goes round with around 3 other girls at almost all times. This makes it very hard to talk to her, yes. So if I can't talk to her, I talk to her friends as much as I can.

Very slowly, I'm getting slightly more attention from her, as she wants to join in when her friends are joking with me or whatever. It's been 3 months since I've seen her now since the academic term has broken up, but things seemed great when I left. I'm also getting to know her friends as people too.

You have to just ignore "cliques" and talk to people as much as you can, even if shyness makes it very difficult. I'm definitely not the most confident guy, I just spend a lot of resources trying to be friendly and seem confident when I talk to people.

Is there any point in my continuing to try and reason with you, or are you just going to respond with completely pessimistic two liners each time?

I get the feeling 90% of the stuff you're saying is just something you've picked up and held onto as a philosophy when you've never actually tried to do anything different.

Also, LimLim, I have to say that huge, disturbing grin and the title of the video kind of put me off watching it

 

[Equinox]

It's becoming clear to me that Firebird is not in any way interested in help or advice, like dk1967 says. Not once has he made a comment suggesting that he's actually read any of the stuff people are saying, instead just repeating the same old nonsense he started with. The fact that NOBODY agrees with him doesn't seem to make him reflect one bit, and if he insists on playing the "poor me, 20 years old and I know everything, I'm so lonely and nobody understands me" role, then by all means. This guy is either a troll, or he's a really sad and pitiful boy who desperately needs help, but there's not much anyone here can do about it when he refuses to accept it.

I won't bother trying to talk some sense into him any more. I'd probably get more reflected answers from my neighbour's two year old daughter.

 

[firebird85]

What I was saying is that there is a barrier around people. It's very tough to get someone random to talk to you. Everybody has the clique mentality. Especially girls who are 20-23. I have no doubt that if this scenario you describe happened with any of the girls on here who claim they are lonely it would just be the same old ostracism.

The girl I like goes round with around 3 other girls at almost all times. This makes it very hard to talk to her, yes. So if I can't talk to her, I talk to her friends as much as I can.

Very slowly, I'm getting slightly more attention from her, as she wants to join in when her friends are joking with me or whatever. It's been 3 months since I've seen her now since the academic term has broken up, but things seemed great when I left. I'm also getting to know her friends as people too.

You have to just ignore "cliques" and talk to people as much as you can, even if shyness makes it very difficult. I'm definitely not the most confident guy, I just spend a lot of resources trying to be friendly and seem confident when I talk to people.

Is there any point in my continuing to try and reason with you, or are you just going to respond with completely pessimistic two liners each time?

I get the feeling 90% of the stuff you're saying is just something you've picked up and held onto as a philosophy when you've never actually tried to do anything different.

Also, LimLim, I have to say that huge, disturbing grin and the title of the video kind of put me off watching it

It's just something I experience time and time again. Maybe the social scene in the UK or australia or NORWAY is different, but here in America it's really not all it's cracked up to be.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

It's just something I experience time and time again. Maybe the social scene in the UK or australia or NORWAY is different, but here in America it's really not all it's cracked up to be.

What sort of girls are you going after (intelligent, shallow, spontaneous, introverted, extroverted, pretty?) and where are you looking for them/finding them?

Give me some actual in-depth content of your personal situation and I'll see if I can perhaps lend some advice, becuase clearly something is not right with how you are approaching things.

 

[nerdygirl]

I'm sorry you find it difficult to overcome your social anxiety and timidity enough to approach enough females to meet a nice one.

The therapy people recommend isn't necessarily to help you meet a girl, as it is to overcome your fears and gain confidence. Humans are generally herd animals, after all, and those of us who do not have a social life are often damaged in some way. In nature, when animals know that something is wrong with one of the herd, that one is ostracized. People do the same thing, and even if you approached a male for friendship, you'd come off as creepy.

Very insulting post, not only to me, but to the other posters threads I've read here. What is your purpose here? To tell people who have a hard time making friends that they are damaged goods? There's a huge difference between choosing to be alone and being ostracized for being who you are. And it's not about this artificial thing you call confidence.

Congratulations on your marvelous interpretation of what I said. I certainly didn't say that "some of us who do not have a social life are often damaged in some way". Instead, I called people damaged goods.

In fact, I'm going to insult everybody here right now by going so far as to say, "A lot of you have emotional scars! You might be able to find treatment through therapy!" Man, I am a terrible excuse for a human being for saying something so false and evil.

 

[firebird85]

It's just something I experience time and time again. Maybe the social scene in the UK or australia or NORWAY is different, but here in America it's really not all it's cracked up to be.

What sort of girls are you going after (intelligent, shallow, spontaneous, introverted, extroverted, pretty?) and where are you looking for them/finding them?

Give me some actual in-depth content of your personal situation and I'll see if I can perhaps lend some advice, becuase clearly something is not right with how you are approaching things.

intelligent, quiet, ANY girls really. Having worked in the workforce there were times where I'd be the only male employee and I'd talk about work stuff with the girls but that would be it, outside of that they'd want nothing to do with me. It's really hard to find girls my age, maybe it's just cause I'm not in college or working right now but that's just what I've seen. Another thing I've seen is how if you ever do see a girl who is in your age range it's like they are disconnected from guys.

 

[floffyschneeman]

Why is it such a big deal to find a girlfriend/boyfriend or date? Don't people have families or work or personal goals they can focus on while that partner hasn't arrive yet? When people can't find dates, I don't think it's because everyone has a problem with them, just that they are trying TOO hard. Focusing on one tiny spot and neglecting the entire picture. Personally, I am not so concerned about males being involuntarily celibate, I am more concerned that most people can't take it if they're single and would just date someone for the sake of dating. First and foremost, you don't take a partner to complete you, you complete yourself so you'll be ready for a partner.

 

[blackhole]

Maybe the social scene in the UK or australia or NORWAY is different, but here in America it's really not all it's cracked up to be.

happiness is contagious

it's also a journey, not a destination

happiness is attractive

i don't think women are nearly as superficial as you think. sure, there is a certain segment that are. but that goes both ways, male and female

all this alpha male stuff will rot your mind

walk to the mirror right now, take a good hard long look at yourself, and say out loud "what do i have to offer as a potential mate?"

think about that^, work on that^, and quit wasting your time on philosophical reproductive tendencies of homosapiens.

if what you have to offer is:

- pessimism
- anxiety
- anger
- resentment
- desperation
- closed-mindedness
- obnoxiousness
- one-track thinking
- tons of unworked-on emotional baggage
- etc

... i can't possibly imagine why dates are not flocking to your doorstep.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

intelligent, quiet, ANY girls really. Having worked in the workforce there were times where I'd be the only male employee and I'd talk about work stuff with the girls but that would be it, outside of that they'd want nothing to do with me. It's really hard to find girls my age, maybe it's just cause I'm not in college or working right now but that's just what I've seen. Another thing I've seen is how if you ever do see a girl who is in your age range it's like they are disconnected from guys.

I'm studying, so I tend to meet quite a few girls 19-22. Most of them seem interested in guys.

I reckon it's probably at least in part because you're not studying or working that you're not finding similar girls to you. I'm sort of lucky in one regard - working in a scientific field attracts intelligent girls (and very pretty ones actually, those "nerd" stereotypes can get out ) who share my interests perhaps.

Also, you mentioned wanting "any" girl...do you think perhaps you're giving off a little bit of an air of desperation when talking to these girls? That's often subconscious, but can be a huge turn off. A girl will want to be with you because you want her, not "any" girl.

Imagine if a girl went out with you because she wanted "any" guy. It suggests a lack of stability or commitment.

I had my own personal combat with being sort of "desperate lonely", then I realised that there was 0 point in kissing or going out with a girl for the hell of it. Once you get over that kind of rationalisation that feeling fades.

How do you carry yourself in general? Do you try to maintain an air of confidence, however flimsy it may be?

I'm not saying be fake, you must always be yourself I think, especially if you want someone that's going to care about you personally. But you should try to be optimistic and give off body language that is also positive.

I used to look at the floor a lot and sort of walk around looking away from people, I've worked hard to turn that into standing tall and looking at people as much as I can, it helps a ton.

My suggestion would be, next time you're at work or whatever:

- Pick a girl you find attractive (whether a mix of physical or personality or whatever)
- Walk towards that girl. Think positively, be in as good a mood as you can be. Give her a smile. Not huge, mouth open grin. Just a happy, pleased smile.
- If she smiles back that's a good first step. If not, she may be distracted or not paying attention, so don't worry.
- Just ask "How's it going?" or something basic like that. Chat about what you did at the weekend, any good films you saw...
- When/if you feel that your confidence is waning, make a polite excuse (I have to go sort out blah blah) and move on. Give her another smile if you feel it's appropriate.

If you're confident and happy or seem confident and happy most of the time, that's naturally attractive.

 

[blackhole]

perhaps you're giving off a little bit of an air of desperation when talking to these girls? That's often subconscious, but can be a huge turn off.

i read a statistic once (too lazy to find it) that said women are 10 to 100 times more adept at reading facial expressions and body language than men. i know that seems a bit severe and, depending on how they did the figgurin', it probably is. the main point is that women can read you better than you can read yourself. so, if you are trying to hide what you have on the inside, or ashamed of what you have, or unsure of who you are...it will be written all over your face, your tone of voice, the way you move, and everything about you.

 

[Limlim]

Waaatch it @_@