Odd behavior

[wildrice]

No behaviour is odd until someone starts thinking it's odd.

 

[tsar]

I disagree. There is odd behavior if someone is acting a way they normally don't. Like say someone starts taking drugs that person will start to act a way they never had before.

 

[EveWasFramed]

OK then. Behavioral changes. Is that better? lol

 

[EveWasFramed]

This is probably a pipe dream, but there's a good chance that when we move to another state in a few months, that the stepson will go back to living with his mother because he doesn't want to leave Georgia. If we move a substantial distance from his ex and his kids, we may have a shot at salvaging things. The steps bring an inordinant amount of stress anywhere they are. So in less than six months, 80% of the issues would be nearly wiped out. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror if I didn't at least try.
I just wish they knew or could admit that all of them treat me poorly or improperly.
So I count down the weeks until the summer...

 

[bleed_the_freak]

^^ Confucius say no odd behavior, only odd posters.

---

This is probably a pipe dream, but there's a good chance that when we move to another state in a few months, that the stepson will go back to living with his mother because he doesn't want to leave Georgia. If we move a substantial distance from his ex and his kids, we may have a shot at salvaging things. The steps bring an inordinant amount of stress anywhere they are. So in less than six months, 80% of the issues would be nearly wiped out. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror if I didn't at least try.
I just wish they knew or could admit that all of them treat me poorly or improperly.
So I count down the weeks until the summer...

I hope this works out for you.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Id like to thank everyone again for the replies and support, as well as the private messages. <3

 

[EveWasFramed]

Thought I'd post an update...
After several more weeks of failing grades, my stepson (just this evening) went to stay with his mother and will switch to the school she works at. I'm sure he will be here most weekends, but hopefully his mother will more closely monitor his grades (she knows all the teachers of course) and he will be able to graduate next year. I'm not sure how thing will go from here. My husband didn't want him to go and feels that he failed the child. I guess in a way, he did, but not in the way he thinks. He gave his son way more opportunities to do his school work than he should have, without issuing consequences for not doing it.
At this point, it's neither here nor there. No matter what his parents did, or did not do, my stepson only has himself to blame for his predicament. He failed to put in ANY effort and now he's in a situation no one wanted him to be in, especially himself.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Hopefully everything works out in the end.

Good luck <3

 

[EveWasFramed]

Hopefully everything works out in the end.  

Good luck <3

Thanks, Callie. <3

 

[GHOSTNYOURMIST]

I think he made the right decision. It's still up to him to do the work even with his mothers help.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Well, he almost made it a month before she got fed up with his attitude and ******** and called demanding that we either take him back or she'll "do something else with him." I assume she means some sort of group homes that deal with angry teens who can't control themselves.
She is the custodial parent...fought for custody, but only had the child in her possession for about a year before he started living with his dad. And this time, she couldn't even handle him for a month. He's still failing most of his classes and isn't likely to pass for the year. That means another year in school. It was nice to have a break from at least a little of the drama he creates. I only had to hear about it, instead of watching it as it unfolded.
I think what disturbs me the most was a comment he made to his dad. He said, "Anyone who doesn't like me exactly how I am, can get the hell out of my life." I can't think of a single person that likes the child just as he is. That's sad, but what gets to me is that not once does he ever entertain the possibility that HE might be the one who has issues and needs to self-examine.
I'm just not certain and can handle the chaos he brings again.

 

[Meaw]

He has a troublesome way of wieving self-development indeed. Maybe you should try to find some place to put him instead of the mother, somewhere where he could get better and then get out if he got better. Sometimes a slight wake up call that would not be doomed to follow someone forever could help... but only if done right. And a minor setback is better than a major one.
Done with my tired rambling, good luck, Eve!

 

[EveWasFramed]

He has a troublesome way of wieving self-development indeed. Maybe you should try to find some place to put him instead of the mother, somewhere where he could get better and then get out if he got better. Sometimes a slight wake up call that would not be doomed to follow someone forever could help... but only if done right. And a minor setback is better than a major one.
Done with my tired rambling, good luck, Eve!

Thank you, Meaw. <3
Unfortunately, for the child and myself, his father would never place him anywhere. In truth, his father doesn't think his issues are that serious. A mistake on his part, to be sure. He's going to get up in the wrong person's face, being a jerk, and it will end badly for him.

 

[Paraiyar]

Sounds like the kid is a loser and he'll only grow out of it if he decides he wants to.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

The sooner life kicks him in the ass and/or nuts, the better off he will be. I know his type. I was that kid that had to learn from the school of hard knocks. I learned about respect the first time I ran my mouth and got popped in it. It's a cold world out there.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Sounds like a group home or military school would be the place for him to go. It seems this kid has no respect for his parents or authority figures. The "get out of my life" sounds typical for a lot of teenagers, we were all there once and it isn't always easy to find your footing. His older brother isn't a very good influence on him and he seems to want to rebel against anything anyone tells him. His father needs to grab the kid by the back of the neck and lead him on the right path, he can't just be his son's friend he has to be the parent. Teenagers need strong guidance. I had an uncle who bounced between his parents, he would have been better off with his dad but his mother would let him do whatever he wanted. He could have had a much better life if he stuck it out with his dad but with him there were rules. Now that he is much older, had kids of his own, who actually turned out pretty decent, he is off the grid and no one knows what is going on with him. It's like he's just a ghost. At least he never ended up in jail or anything serious, but your step son, I can see that in his future if something doesn't change. It doesn't seem like he's going to change on his own and become a more respectable human being without a hand behind him.

 

[EveWasFramed]

You guys are all correct. I wish it were otherwise, but I agree wholeheartedly with you all.
Today started their weekend here (they're here every other weekend). We're sitting at the table, eating dinner, and the 18yo stepson gets a call. He goes to his room to have the convo. He comes back a few minutes later and tells his dad that his mom would like him to call her. After about 15 minutes of them talking, he comes in the kitchen to whisper to me what's going on. He's currently in the 16 yo's bedroom talking to him, with his mom on speaker phone. Apparently, she has hydrocodone missing and started searching for it. She said she found two empty bottles (with her name on them obviously) thrown over their back fence. I'm sure he's going to deny having anything to do with it. I've warned his parents previously (if you've read this thread or another I posted, you'll see the references). I warned them that he was either abusing prescription medication or selling it. Neither of them seemed overly concerned, nor did they opt to drug test him. I know they will never do anything and I'm starting to imagine what my family's future would be like with a dealer or a junkie in the home. My stance has always been (for family members who would live with me on and off, periodically) was no illegal activity in my home and drugs would automatically bar them from staying with me. There was one exception when I helped a family member get into rehab and after completing the program, allowed him to stay for a while.
I have my own child to think about. She is the main reason I refuse to allow anyone doing drugs into my home. I'm extremely worried. I know what havoc, chaos and misery that someone like my stepson can bring down on their family. Theft, hoodlum friends who steal, danger in general...I already can't leave cash lying around and now I have to lock up the medicine I have for pain (tennis elbow) and for sleep (Ambien).
That kid is going to end up costing his parents (and myself) their money, sanity and peace. I'm anxiously waiting to see how the conversation goes. His usual MO is to deny and if that doesn't get them off his back, he makes up some half truth/half lie, fantastical story or blames it on his "friends." He was just trying to help so-and-so. I can't believe how quickly things are going downhill.

 

[EveWasFramed]

And the plot thickens...
After an hour of going back and forth, and no plausible explanation available to him, he finally admits to taking the pills (60 of them). He said they were old and he didn't think she'd miss them, so he tried to sell them, but couldn't find a buyer. Claims he flushed them when he couldn't find a buyer and tossed the bottles over the fence. I believe that he put them in a plastic bag, tossed the bottles and sold them. Not sure what the milligrams are, but Google says they sell for $3 - $10, depending on the milligrams.
I'm wondering what he did with the money because he always has his hand out to his parents. He's gone through about $400 since Christmas, not counting anything he made illegally.
They've grounded him. Lol. Grounded him.
He needs a drug test, therapy AND to be grounded. The school for troubled kids should be an option. Too bad nothing else will be done.

 

[Paraiyar]

I hate to say it but I really don't think that you or your daughter should stay in this environment. You really don't know just how bad it could get.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I hate to say it but I really don't think that you or your daughter should stay in this environment. You really don't know just how bad it could get.

I was thinking the exact same thing. With everything you've told us in this thread Eve, it just doesn't seem safe to stay there. This kid is doing something with those drugs and saying he couldn't find a buyer is a load of crap. He either used them or sold them and knows if he admits to selling them questions of to whom would be asked. Then he'd either have to rat them out and have the school alerted to a possible drug problem, he'd be expelled from school and would get others into a lot of trouble.