Over 30 and zero relationship experience?

[Amthorn]

Not close to 30 but I'm 21 (22 in a few days). Never done anything not even have kiss anyone. I hope I get something before I hit 30 though. :rolleyes2:

Gosh, you have plenty of time! Better than having a string of failed relationships!!

 

[ardour]

Gosh, you have plenty of time! Better than having a string of failed relationships!!

That's what I like to tell myself but... failures they may be and possibly awful experiences, but at least you know someone has found you attractive at one point.

No doubt there are many lessons learnt to be applied next time around.

Then there's social proof in the form of past relationships, particularly important for a man; it squarely places him in the 'normal human being' category rather than the potential stalker/rapist camp.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Gosh, you have plenty of time! Better than having a string of failed relationships!!

That's what I like to tell myself but... failures they may be and possibly awful experiences, but at least you know someone has found you attractive at one point.

No doubt there are many lessons learnt to be applied next time around.

Then there's social proof in the form of past relationships, particularly important for a man; it squarely places him in the 'normal human being' category rather than the potential stalker/rapist camp.

Exactly !

I wish I could look back on one good experience. One woman who liked me even for a short time. I can't. Nothing has changed 16 to 46. Just ****. Whatever I say, or do, nothing is good enough.

 

[Amthorn]

Gosh, you have plenty of time! Better than having a string of failed relationships!!

That's what I like to tell myself but... failures they may be and possibly awful experiences, but at least you know someone has found you attractive at one point.

No doubt there are many lessons learnt to be applied next time around.

Then there's social proof in the form of past relationships, particularly important for a man; it squarely places him in the 'normal human being' category rather than the potential stalker/rapist camp.

Normal?? Who are you calling normal?? No need for insults! Lol

---

Gosh, you have plenty of time! Better than having a string of failed relationships!!

That's what I like to tell myself but... failures they may be and possibly awful experiences, but at least you know someone has found you attractive at one point.

No doubt there are many lessons learnt to be applied next time around.

Then there's social proof in the form of past relationships, particularly important for a man; it squarely places him in the 'normal human being' category rather than the potential stalker/rapist camp.

So what is it that pushes them away? Do you have a disability?

Exactly !

I wish I could look back on one good experience. One woman who liked me even for a short time. I can't. Nothing has changed 16 to 46. Just ****. Whatever I say, or do, nothing is good enough.

 

[lei]

I'm a little over 30 (female) and no real relationship experience. It's something I don't dare mention to anyone and I've even made up a fake background about "my ex boyfriend" when co-workers ask. I'm just shy and uninteresting to everybody.

I've only been asked out a couple times by strangers when I was younger. Planning on being alone forever at this point D:

 

[Greenish]

I'm in my early forties with no serious relationship experience. A couple of years ago a counsellor suggested that I try internet dating to meet people. Nothing lasted more than a month or so and I always had the impression that I was being strung along until they found something better.

I'm so used to being alone that I cannot imagine spending my life or sharing my house with anyone.

 

[exasperated]

I'll be 36 next month and I've never had a serious relationship. I sort of dated someone in college. Since then I've gone out on some dates, but that's it. I've been ok with it most of my life, but lately it's driving me insane. I've been on an online dating site for a while and just got rejected by someone I was very interested in. It's heartbreaking because at this point it's not realistic I've ever have a real relationship. What's harder is that I don't have any family or friends. The one family member I do have is horrible to me. I've gone through and feel like I'm going to go through my entire life never feeling like anyone liked or cared about me let alone loved me. It's truly driving me to madness.

 

[ardour]

It's something I don't dare mention to anyone and I've even made up a fake background about "my ex boyfriend" when co-workers ask.

I've considered that, invent a fake resume... assuming people would believe it.

 

[exasperated]

Has anyone read http://www.amazon.com/Never-Have-Ever-Life-Without/dp/1455544671

Cute book, but she is still in her 20's

 

[constant stranger]

Haven't read it. I might do. Seems kind of fem for me but I read 'The Bell Jar' and 'Wuthering Heights' and those are big time fem, IMO, so maybe.......

 

[exasperated]

Yeah it probably is more of a book that girls would relate to!

 

[Forgottendanfan]

Anyone 30 + and never had a boyfriend/girlfriend, not even at the early stages?  

I can think of a couple of members.

I asked someone to the Ball at secondary school (seventeen years ago).  I haven't  asked any women out since, although it would have been fairly clear to a few that I was infatuated with them (and clear how they felt about that).

I wonder if any data exists that might indicate what portion of society will never know any kind of romantic connection.

This is me. I'm 32 and besides a couple of very short lived online relationships, I've never had a girlfriend. To my knowledge, nobody I've met in person has ever been interested in me in that way.

 

[Xpendable]

32 here and zero romantic interactions. I wonder if something changed for OP

 

[WanderingInTheWoods]

I've been single for about 2 years now. After my last boyfriend, I've been single and focusing on myself.
I'm sure I will meet someone one day where I have a connection with, but I am not rushing into anything.

Sure there's a lot of people who have no experience with love or relationships.

 

[TogetherAlone]

Other then a few brief online relationships and one week were I thought something was happening but then she told me she was engaged haven't really had any experience in relationships myself.

 

[FFurry]

No real relationships. Online chats long ago, a few dates, but either they weren't interested in me or I wasn't interested in them. The ones I hoped would work were unrequited love on my part, or at least unrequited infatuation.

BTW, good thread to resurrect. I was very curious as to what fraction of people never experience a romantic relationship during their lives, despite wanting to.

 

[Swamp Yankee]

I am well past the half-century mark and I wish I had some good news or some sage advice.

If one more person tells me 'just be yourself' and I am going to get a chair and a rope.

Actually, that is not entirely true. Once I got into my 40s people started to leave me alone and stop bombarding me with well-meaning advice however worthless; that is a cold comfort but a comfort none the less. As best as I can figure the quality a person has which makes them attractive to others defies simple explanation or analysis. People who have it, don't even know they have it and can not understand how we can not seem to make those connections. We who do not have it, don't know what it is so we have no idea what we are missing or what to look for; and we can not understand them.

There was a point where I had to accept that all of my old theories are total crap, that I am actually dumber now then when I was younger and that it simply does not matter what I do.

For the younger folks who still have enough years for it to matter, maybe it would help to go full R-Strategist and and make it a numbers game by swiping right on anything that moves in hope that by sheer force of % finding something compatible. Just a thought.

It is not the despair that was driving me crazy in my younger years, it was that thrice-damned hope. Once I got rid of that I started to be able to cope. Is this any help? I hope so.

One more thing, isn't it strange that lonely people tend to avoid each other? You would think it would be the other way around.

Maybe some day some brain-person will figure all of this crap out and maybe it will be in my lifetime.

Peace.

 

[priscella]

I like those first meetings when you might meet a nice man in the store or something and maybe a conversation will ensue and you think to yourself now this is a interesting man and continue talking and sure enough when he gets tired of you or is not longer interested for one reason or another he will say:  My wife told me to do this or buy this so I better get on with it"....Nice way of ending----lol lol  Don't be too hard on yourself--this is life in motion or not??? Enjoyed the post----Thanks priscella..

 

[Finished]

Ha! ha! The older generation works completely different. My dad, before he died, used to get hit on all the time everywhere he went. Looks don't matter much to them. It's like active older men are scarce. So, maybe in another 20, 30, or 40 years all you guys will get your chance as all the other men die off. Ha! ha!

 

[priscella]

Now finished "How do you know that I was being friendly to this man and maybe he started off being friendly to me"...I am not that bad looking---health problems but I can hold my own.. How do they say that----"You are not being very yoke here"--I think that's right but it looks wrong--oh well---I'm old..
Now Swamp Yankee you are not the only one with those thoughts---One cannot win for losing----It's all in our attitudes and also if one has a support system that they respect I think that this makes a difference. I notice that when I was younger people used to talk with me at the bus stop but as I got older with more wrinkles people kind of ignored me...Its just a fact of life that we are from a different culture but these young ones are enjoying life just the same like we did when we were young being carefree and having a dose of immortality with it. Why I used to swim way out in the bay -----you think I would do that now--hell no....I used to drive my car all around--mountains, highway, across country, etc being really a gas ***---but not now----Time wears one out....But there is still lots of hope left. If you find time look up a picture to view on the net that I just love and I do have a print of it but the title is : The Bird Lesson and underneath all of that is in those days---hope....Its a young girl holding a crow up to a window...painted in 1867 by William Adolphe Bouguereau 11/30/1825-----8/19/1905 The french name is L Oiseau Cheri-----I think.....not french here...lol lol. But start looking at his pictures and you will denote the difference of attitudes that people had back then... I think you will like to do this research on the net--just thinking that you might and enjoy....Thanks for all the posting people....priscella..