Paradox

[Baka]

Hi all.

I'm in my mid 20s and I've had self-esteem issues since primary school. There always seems to be one main issue, whether it be my weight (which I sorted out 4 years ago thank goodness ) or some other problems that I would rather not get into right now. Most of them are worthy problems and would probably affect the wellbeing of most people, but notwithstanding said problems I often feel overconfident and vain.

I was wondering, does this happen to you as well? I'm not talking about being proud of something you did or being in a confident mood. I'm talking about being vain out of the blue, e.g. not being able to ignore your reflections in mirrors or windows and feeling superior to everyone else. This really baffles me. How can I have seriously low self-esteem and then switch to that, and more importantly, why doesn't it last?! Jokes aside, it's not really a constructive mood to be in. It's not like I turn into a social butterfly when I feel like this, the opposite really. I tend to not care about talking to people, as if I couldn't give a damn.

 

[Skid Row 89]

Hi all.

I'm in my mid 20s and I've had self-esteem issues since primary school. There always seems to be one main issue, whether it be my weight (which I sorted out 4 years ago thank goodness ) or some other problems that I would rather not get into right now. Most of them are worthy problems and would probably affect the wellbeing of most people, but notwithstanding said problems I often feel overconfident and vain.

I was wondering, does this happen to you as well? I'm not talking about being proud of something you did or being in a confident mood. I'm talking about being vain out of the blue, e.g. not being able to ignore your reflections in mirrors or windows and feeling superior to everyone else. This really baffles me. How can I have seriously low self-esteem and then switch to that, and more importantly, why doesn't it last?! Jokes aside, it's not really a constructive mood to be in. It's not like I turn into a social butterfly when I feel like this, the opposite really. I tend to not care about talking to people, as if I couldn't give a damn.

It's probably a sporadic attempt to boost your self esteem. Sometimes after having felt particularly low I'll attempt to make myself feel better by looking in the mirror and convincing myself I look good. It only works in the short term though.

 

[Regumika]

congrats on beating your weight issue, but im not sure what you are trying to emphasize..

-the fact that you get the morale boost
-the fact that the morale boost goes overboard

having a morale boost is great. i dont see a problem with it.
your boost going overboard to the point that you dont care.. personally i think youre saving yourself so much more headache by doing that.

 

[Baka]

congrats on beating your weight issue, but im not sure what you are trying to emphasize..

-the fact that you get the morale boost
-the fact that the morale boost goes overboard

having a morale boost is great. i dont see a problem with it.
your boost going overboard to the point that you dont care.. personally i think youre saving yourself so much more headache by doing that.

I've often read that one of the signs of low self-esteem is that the person in question is self-absorbed and self-obsessed. This seems like a complete paradox to me. I don't get how you can have low self-esteem and sometimes hate yourself, or certain aspects of yourself, but still sway towards vanity and constantly looking at yourself in the mirror etc. Surely, if you have low self-esteem and dislike how you look, you should not want to look at yourself? I was just wondering if other people experience this as well. I try hard not to be concerned with my appearance, especially when I'm in public, but it's freakin hard!

Thanks for the reply btw.

---

Hi all.

I'm in my mid 20s and I've had self-esteem issues since primary school. There always seems to be one main issue, whether it be my weight (which I sorted out 4 years ago thank goodness ) or some other problems that I would rather not get into right now. Most of them are worthy problems and would probably affect the wellbeing of most people, but notwithstanding said problems I often feel overconfident and vain.

I was wondering, does this happen to you as well? I'm not talking about being proud of something you did or being in a confident mood. I'm talking about being vain out of the blue, e.g. not being able to ignore your reflections in mirrors or windows and feeling superior to everyone else. This really baffles me. How can I have seriously low self-esteem and then switch to that, and more importantly, why doesn't it last?! Jokes aside, it's not really a constructive mood to be in. It's not like I turn into a social butterfly when I feel like this, the opposite really. I tend to not care about talking to people, as if I couldn't give a damn.

It's probably a sporadic attempt to boost your self esteem. Sometimes after having felt particularly low I'll attempt to make myself feel better by looking in the mirror and convincing myself I look good. It only works in the short term though.

Yeah, short term is the problem.

In the past I've tried to think positively about myself, but even when I do that I'm still thinking about my appearance and what other people might be thinking of me. That's the problem. I'm only happy when I'm super preoccupied and socially engaged with someone I'm comfortable with, because then I forget about myself.

 

[flaneur]

Yeah, short term is the problem.

That kind of instant validation is very fleeting, yes, but there are effective ways to boost your self-esteem in the long term -- volunteering, creating, etc. -- that increase your sense of self-worth so that you either won't really worry about your appearance or will have improved your self-image altogether.

 

[bulmabriefs144]

I've read health books. They say that overconfidence is called "conceit" and is a sign of low self-esteem.

A confident person knows what they can do, and knows what they have trouble with. They keep quiet about both, because bragging is sorta stupid.

A conceited person is the very type our narcissistic US culture looks favorably on to make baseless self-selling on job interviews. When things get bad, however, a conceited person falls apart, because the source of their "confidence" is unstable.

 

[Naleena]

Bump