In my lonely little world, there are a few positives. I have learned that I can survive without a man in my life. I have learned that there are many things that I used to ask for help right away with, without trying to do them myself first, is not necessary all the time. Simple things, I am talking about, like hanging a picture, for example. Most of all, I have learned that the only person I really have control over and can truly count on in this world is myself and God (if you believe in God or another Supreme Being), and that no matter what, I don't need to prove anything to anyone. This time alone has actually boosted my self esteem and made me like myself. It is said over and over again by therapists, clergy people, and many other people that if you don't love yourself, you can't love someone else. I never thought that "saying" was factual, until I have spent these many years alone (without a boyfriend/husband), and realize that now if I do get into a relationship with a man, I don't NEED him to make me happy or to survive, doing every little thing for me or being with him all the time like I wanted to in the past. If it is meant to be, and I do end up in a relationship, I won't lose myself again. I have learned to be independent and won't put him on a pedestal like I did in the past. I don't have to give up all the things I like to do and make his interests, hobbies, things to do and places to go my entire way of living. I can still be me, and we can share each other's interests, etc., but the things we really don't like and the places we really don't want to go, can be done separately, and I don't have to be with him all the time thinking if I don't see him for a night or more, I won't survive without him. And, the most important thing I have learned is that the only person I can change is me, so I won't even think of getting into a relationship with just anyone. I would rather be alone than to settle for someone who does drugs or other things that I don't like about a person, and try to make him stop. So, I go on, feeling lonely, but learning more about ME and what I like to do, and trying to find new things I like to pass the time. Loneliness is a horrible feeling, but it won't kill me!
