Question... might be pathetic

[Among the Sleep]

Now we're getting somewhere.

How about.. just smile.. and nod with confidence

nah we're not getting anywhere...me being too judgmental of girl's looks has never been the issue. but whatever.

 

[perfanoff]

And downplaying yourself hasn't been, either?

 

[Among the Sleep]

And downplaying yourself hasn't been, either?

Yeah that's probably about 97 and a half percent of it. **** :club:

 

[defenestrate]

Really? Are you sure it isn't an issue for you? I've seen people struggle in life because they're judgmental. Being judgmental of yourself or others is always a very painful thing. I know how it can be problem and how therapy can help you work through it. I also believe there's nothing wrong with finding another person unattractive. Come on man. This isn't a beauty pageant. I hope anyone will feel attracted to their spouse, it's actually important in a relationship.

Why do you use drugs?
Do you think it has something to do with your behaviors?
Do you think that maybe, even though you don't broadcast drug use, it causes you to behave in certain ways that make people around you feel uncomfortable?
Do you find yourself unable to accept, agree with, or acknowledge compliments?
Are you concerned with your appearances and how you are perceived by others?


I cannot help you out Among the Sleep. I can offer a brief suggestion at most. I've seen other issues mentioned that you don't seem to even consider. You seem preoccupied with appearances when there are far more important things being discussed here. Honestly, I believe there are more important things in life than relationships. If I ever find myself in a very bad place, I'll focus on making my life better because I deserve to be safe and okay. I hope you at least take a brief moment of your time to stop and think about enlisting the aid of a therapist. There are highly trained and educated people who only care about helping people like you.

 

[Among the Sleep]

Really? Are you sure it isn't an issue for you? I've seen people struggle in life because they're judgmental. Being judgmental of yourself or others is always a very painful thing. I know how it can be problem and how therapy can help you work through it. I also believe there's nothing wrong with finding another person unattractive. Come on man. This isn't a beauty pageant. I hope anyone will feel attracted to their spouse, it's actually important in a relationship.

Why do you use drugs?
Do you think it has something to do with your behaviors?
Do you think that maybe, even though you don't broadcast drug use, it causes you to behave in certain ways that make people around you feel uncomfortable?
Do you find yourself unable to accept, agree with, or acknowledge compliments?
Are you concerned with your appearances and how you are perceived by others?


I cannot help you out Among the Sleep. I can offer a brief suggestion at most. I've seen other issues mentioned that you don't seem to even consider. You seem preoccupied with appearances when there are far more important things being discussed here. Honestly, I believe there are more important things in life than relationships. If I ever find myself in a very bad place, I'll focus on making my life better because I deserve to be safe and okay. I hope you at least take a brief moment of your time to stop and think about enlisting the aid of a therapist. There are highly trained and educated people who only care about helping people like you.

As far as other people's looks? No, I feel totally comfortable saying I'm not judgmental. I mean yeah, I wanna be physically attracted to someone if I'm dating them, but the hang ups I have about myself are things I'd never care about in another person. As far as being judgmental of myself, yes, brutally. It's beyond insecurity. Which is why I post **** like this I guess.

Why do I use drugs? I dunno, to fill the hole that God left when he left us alone. Lol. But I feel like that's being blown out of proportion a little too...drugs are bad (mmkay?...had to slip that in) I realize that, but I don't use them every day or anything close to that. I guess nothing else is that much fun for me.

I know they don't help my self esteem and **** like that. But I don't know if they hurt that much. I've had long stretches of sobriety in my teens/adulthood and I feel like I'm really the same person. And I mean, I don't make people uncomfortable. A.L.L is where I come to air out all my thoughts that I don't wanna say out loud, so it may seem like I'm a negative creep, but I have lots of friends, including female friends. I'm not socially challenged at all. I can make friends, talk to girls, all that just fine. I'm just kinda scratching my head as to why the girl thing just never works out for me, at all. Again, I guess that was the purpose of this post. Cause I know people like my personality, so something's holding me back obviously. ****, maybe it's my looks. And if that's got me beat, then it's pretty much hopeless isn't it? Maybe I'm just searching for a safe place to crash, maybe it's just easier turning my frustration inward than opening myself up completely and risking being hurt by someone else. There's a strange comfort in continued misery.

I can't acknowledge compliments, no. I'm incapable of really internalizing them. I guess you don't accept love if you don't feel like you deserve it. I've thought about therapy...

EDIT: just to clarify...when I say I know it's not my personality, I mean that like...I'm basically a nice guy, I definitely make people laugh, I'm down to Earth, reasonably intelligent, and generally well liked. I mean, I guess my complete lack of confidence must hold me back. So that's obviously part of my personality, so I guess, yeah, it is my personality holding me back. I guess I focus on looks because they're so absolute and unchangeable. So again, if my looks have me beat, what chances do I have? I don't care if a girl has a few extra pounds on her, or some stretch marks or some ****. But when I look in the mirror and see my own imperfections, the fact (or idea, anyway) that I'm a complete zero is just reinforced all over again, and I know intellectually that looks aren't everything but it's a hurdle I can't jump. Part of me feels like that department of my life is hopeless...I've tried to give up on the idea of it, but you can't really. I've tried to be more confident and proactive but I can't fake it or find the nerve. I've tried to put it in it's proper perspective but I can't keep it there. I invent reasons why I'm not good enough for anyone, so it keeps me from even trying and then I play the victim. Everyone has that little voice of self doubt, mine has a megaphone and I listen to it a lot .

 

[defenestrate]

Everyone has that little voice of self doubt, mine has a megaphone and I listen to it a lot .

This last sentence is really powerful. It sounds like a painful cycle. I'm just concerned for you because how you feel about yourself is important. Everyone does deserve to feel a sense of inner-peace and feel content with themselves. You deserve to feel valuable, and to value yourself. I know relationships are important to you, and how terrible loneliness is, but I absolutely do believe you are more than capable of reaching a point in life where you feel good about yourself. Completely regardless of how the dating scene turns out for you. It almost sounds like you feel stuck before you can even try, but I don't believe that's true. I just would like for you to consider that there are many different ways you can improve your life and hopefully be much happier for it. Therapy could offer more to you than anything I could possibly write. I really think there is a lot of room for improvement here.

Otherwise I see that you are putting yourself out there, trying to cope with life's stressors, you interact with people well, you make other people laugh, well liked by others, and your an all around nice guy. Those are all pretty awesome traits and not everyone has them. It might be hard to acknowledge those compliments, but you've already typed it yourself. Definitely, you can definitely go through with this and move on with your life. I know one day you can figure out how to turn that damn megaphone off once and for all.