Questions for the Men

[Cherubino]

well the devil is in the details ... also it's the tone that makes the music ... but as trickery I would start giving him random gifts and then if he doesn't start to reciprocate I think it may be a serious problem there

 

[MrLonely86]

Hmm but would you care if your gf asked you for more gifting?

Let's put it this way, I gift just on special occasions and I don't care about her gifts to me. I also don't like - I'm a girl , give me free stuff - attitude.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

well the devil is in the details ... also it's the tone that makes the music ... but as trickery I would start giving him random gifts and then if he doesn't start to reciprocate I think it may be a serious problem there

interesting, she gifts her fella things all the time however shes a house wife, he pays every bill so he may think thats a fair trade.

Let's put it this way, I gift just on special occasions and I don't care about her gifts to me. I also don't like - I'm a girl , give me free stuff - attitude.

Lol this made me laugh getting a random gift for your partner should be seen as an act of loveeeee wheres your romantic sidee?

 

[Cherubino]

interesting, she gifts her fella things all the time however shes a house wife, he pays every bill so he may think thats a fair trade.

meh just a detail but the relationships in comparison have little in common

 

[Unsigned]

Is it wrong if she asks for some gifts sometimes to make her feel special, how would you as a man take that? Would you feel insulted ? Would you understand?

I HATE gifts.
Getting or giving.
The best gift is to be good to someone every day.
That is all I want from a girl and that is all she should want from me. I provide, she nurtures. Shiny objects are for rodents.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

cant work for everyone for example

I HATE gifts.
Getting or giving.
The best gift is to be good to someone every day.
That is all I want from a girl and that is all she should want from me. I provide, she nurtures. Shiny objects are for rodents.

Do you think its due to your childhood? I know someone who said gifts trigger childhood trauma for them.

So what do I think… well I think partners are individuals that come together so theres elements you will agree and disagree on, so like say you like to game, and she says well gaming is for kids, I would think its not nice to crap on something that makes her man happy, same with gifts for her if thats what cheers her up and makes her feel special I would find it hard to understand why her partner wouldn't be cool with it, if that makes sense.

 

[Unsigned]

Do you think its due to your childhood? I know someone who said gifts trigger childhood trauma for them.

Maybe. I always hated Christmas. Even as a kid. So phony.

I would think its not nice to crap on something that makes her man happy, same with gifts for her if thats what cheers her up and makes her feel special I would find it hard to understand why her partner wouldn't be cool with it, if that makes sense.

It does make sense.
I suppose it hits a nerve for me because I have been good to girls, and they prefer some jack-wad who treats them bad but gives them a present sometimes -- to make up for the black eye. I dunno...I prefer practicalities. To me, romance is crapola. But maybe that's one of the reasons I have always been alone.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Maybe. I always hated Christmas. Even as a kid. So phony.


It does make sense.
I suppose it hits a nerve for me because I have been good to girls, and they prefer some jack-wad who treats them bad but gives them a present sometimes -- to make up for the black eye. I dunno...I prefer practicalities. To me, romance is crapola. But maybe that's one of the reasons I have always been alone.

Omg I know what you mean, so strange they mentioned Christmas too… gonna deep dive on that.

Noo I understand where you are coming from, sometimes love and experiences makes us put negative connotations to innocent and loving things. My ex used to promise me a family to keep me in line and make up for the constant abuse, so now when my current partner makes jokes about baby names I get afraid instead of excited.

I dont think its fair to say doing something thats rather human is the reason you are alone, im sure its probably just because you are highly selective/ picky lol I believe in being picky so im sure you’ll find your match one day

 

[Unsigned]

im sure its probably just because you are highly selective/ picky lol I believe in being picky so im sure you’ll find your match one day

I wish I could be as sure as you...

 

[ardour]

A gift in response to a request doesn't hold any symbolic romantic value, and I couldn't help wonder why I was in the picture if she were requesting things. Even if it were my idea, it could imply attempting to buy someone's love so I'd be wary of doing it outside of birthdays or anniversary.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

A gift in response to a request doesn't hold any symbolic romantic value, and I couldn't help wonder why I was in the picture if she were requesting things. Even if it were my idea, it could imply attempting to buy someone's love so I'd be wary of doing it outside of birthdays or anniversary.

But everyone has a different love language and its not all about money spending, gifts can be free, someone once gifted me something of mine that was broken that they fixed I was like well… how creative and romanticcc I think you older guys that like younger women have other connotations that make you see it in only a negative way. Dont wanna be seen as the sugar daddy type of thing but theres more than one way to cater to someones love language.

 

[ardour]

I think you older guys that like younger women...

Irrelevant to your point, but I got a sad reading that.

 

[AceFace]

She shouldn't have to ask, she should be showered with them, given with love

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Irrelevant to your point, but I got a sad reading that.

Dont worrie my little kiwi, you’ll live

 

[CenotaphGirl]

She shouldn't have to ask, she should be showered with them, given with love

Finally someone who understands romance

 

[MrLonely86]

I HATE gifts.
Getting or giving.

+1 on this one, same.

 

[user 139760]

I like to give. Don't necessarily NOT enjoy receiving, but when I want something, I go get it.
A sentimental, cheap bauble with more heart than cost will go a long way with me. As for a potential gf asking me for a gift? Instant turn off.

 

[Kar]

I have a question, my bestie is in an amazing relationship I always post about it. She was on the phone with me while I was getting ready to open some gifts Rob got me and she burst out crying because her fella never gets her gifts…

Is it wrong if she asks for some gifts sometimes to make her feel special, how would you as a man take that? Would you feel insulted ? Would you understand?

I don't think it's wrong, some men just are practical minded, and the concept of gifts can be strange. I sometimes get gifts from family that I throw away right then. I just don't get the idea. For example, my mom bought me some type of rock. What do I need a rock for? I don't want a rock, don't need a rock. If I needed a rock, I'd go outside and get a rock. But my sister was shocked I would throw a gift away regardless. I also think when giving gifts that it should be something practical and useful. Not just a gesture. I think that is the issue your friend and her man might have and think there isn't anything odd about it from her need for gifts and his not even thinking about giving a random gift. To me this is just an example of differences that can be pointed out. Like someone loving pizza and the other hating pizza. Neither is right or wrong but if the couple always gets pizza, the one who loves it won't think anything of it because they love pizza and it drives the other one completely crazy that they keep going for something they hate. Eventually the one who isn't getting their need met should point this out rather than assume the other person will intuit it.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I don't think it's wrong, some men just are practical minded, and the concept of gifts can be strange. I sometimes get gifts from family that I throw away right then. I just don't get the idea. For example, my mom bought me some type of rock. What do I need a rock for? I don't want a rock, don't need a rock. If I needed a rock, I'd go outside and get a rock. But my sister was shocked I would throw a gift away regardless. I also think when giving gifts that it should be something practical and useful. Not just a gesture. I think that is the issue your friend and her man might have and think there isn't anything odd about it from her need for gifts and his not even thinking about giving a random gift. To me this is just an example of differences that can be pointed out. Like someone loving pizza and the other hating pizza. Neither is right or wrong but if the couple always gets pizza, the one who loves it won't think anything of it because they love pizza and it drives the other one completely crazy that they keep going for something they hate. Eventually the one who isn't getting their need met should point this out rather than assume the other person will intuit it.

I like this! Was 100% my advice that he wont just work it out. I often tell guys cooking and gifting are my main love languages so its not about needing it all the time, its better to balance each others needs but in my opinion its important to respect them, dont pee all over your partners wants because they are different to your own… after all you arent dating yourself

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

I have a question, my bestie is in an amazing relationship I always post about it. She was on the phone with me while I was getting ready to open some gifts Rob got me and she burst out crying because her fella never gets her gifts…

Is it wrong if she asks for some gifts sometimes to make her feel special, how would you as a man take that? Would you feel insulted ? Would you understand?

Is it wrong if she asks for some gifts sometimes to make her feel special?
No, it isn't wrong.
Would you feel insulted?
No, not insulted. Concerned, but not insulted.
Would you understand?
Probably more than what she's comfortable with me understanding.