Saying NO to loneliness! My Journal

[bender22]

I meant to say neat stuffs. Not near stuffs, that's auto correct. Sigh lol

Hey thanks for commenting Sorry to hear you're leaving the forum.

Well I'm back home now. I had a great time in America. Experiences like that really change your reality. It made me realise I want to move to a bigger city. I'd also love to see other parts of the world.

In Los Angeles I didn't go out at night. When I was at LAX on my way home there were two girls waiting for the same flight as me. I made eye contact with one of them, then sat down not far from them. I kept looking back over at her and we kept making eye contact and I would smile. When we were lining up to get on the plane I got a chance to speak to her quickly. She was from the same country as me but a different state.

I got to my seat on the plane and she walked past, we made eye contact again and smiled at each other. Gosh I love moments like this. There's something about looking a girl in the eyes and feeling chemistry without even saying a word. From my experience, I'd say there is almost no better way to build attraction quickly too.

It turned out she and her friend were sitting in the row behind me. But it was hard to talk to her on the flight. We talked again after the flight, she sounded like my type. She was catching her next flight from a different part of the airport to me. I nearly asked for her facebook but didn't. She lives a long way from me. But I wish I had.

As she walked away towards her gate in the airport, she turned around and looked at me and we smiled at each other one more time. I'm an ***** for not going after her and at least getting her facebook :/ . We probably wouldn't have seen each other again anyway but it would've been nice just to get to know her a bit more on facebook.

 

[Batman55]

As she walked away towards her gate in the airport, she turned around and looked at me and we smiled at each other one more time. I'm an ***** for not going after her and at least getting her facebook :/ . We probably wouldn't have seen each other again anyway but it would've been nice just to get to know her a bit more on facebook.

Man, I'm almost disappointed with you, here! You had so many opportunities for further correspondence...!

 

[bender22]

Man, I'm almost disappointed with you, here! You had so many opportunities for further correspondence...!

I was disappointed with myself Would've been nice just to stay in contact with her.

Thursday night

Went out with one of the other guys Thursday night because of the long weekend. Took me a while to get into it. Far to much time standing around not doing anything. There was a group of three, one of them accidentally bumped into my friend so we tried talking to them but this was on the dancefloor where it was so loud. Couldn't hear anything they were saying.

There was a girl on the dancefloor I made eye contact with. She was dancing with her friends and kept turning around and looking over at me. I didn't want to approach her on the dfloor because it was so loud. But later I was standing near the bar and she was walking past me. I stopped her and said hey who are you. She stopped but was following her friends to the restrooms so I let her go but said come back here and talk to me later. I did bumped into her later and talked to her for a while. Even near the bar it was pretty loud and I didn't feel like screaming in her ear.

Talked to a half American girl at the bar when I was getting a water. I talked to her about my trip over to America. Liked this one, she seemed cool but took off with her friends after she got her drink.

We decided to switch venues. On the way over to the other place, some girls talked to us. They were way too young though, like 16 haha. Talked to them anyway for the fun of it. The one I was talking to was kinda hippy and I teased her about that.

Didn't do too much at the other place. Maybe three approaches. One looked pretty drunk, still was fun. Didn't stick very long before she got distracted by something else. Another one I saw standing by herself playing with her phone. I thought to myself this girl looks nasty and is most likely going to reject me. I approached anyway and of course she just walked away. It happens.

Friday night

Had a date with one of the girls I met before going away. Picked her up from her place and took her to this cool desserts place I like. She was easy to talk to. I like a girl who can actually hold a conversation like this. I kept focusing on eye contact, I think that's huge. We sat next to each other in a little booth and I'd just keep my eyes on her. Her eye contact wasn't as good as mine. She told me she'd felt really nervous earlier but when she got in the car with me all her nerves disappeared. It was her first date since breaking up with a guy in January who she'd had a long relationship with.

She also told me that she'd showed photos of me to some of her friends who said I looked like her ex but better looking. She told me that she'd been on tinder for a while since breaking up and a whole bunch of guys on there had asked her on dates. But she told me she'd much rather meet someone in person, like at a bar how we met. Interesting. We talked about all kinds of things like relationships, work, travel. I felt like I was very authentic which was good.

Before we got in the car to take her back, I said 'we should kiss now because it's less awkward than in the car' And we did. Took her back to her place then kissed her again before she got out and said goodnight.

Probably a few things I could've done differently. 1 - I could've seeded more. By 'seeded' I mean suggesting future things to do together. Like I was talking about a nice little bar I like, I could've said 'I'll have to take you there some time.' Or she was telling me about her favorite movie, which I'd never seen. I could've said 'we should watch it together one night.' I didn't do any of that.

2 - I could've been a little more outrageous at times when we were talking. Most of our conversation was very normal, which is good and I think it's better than trying to do lots of flashy ****. But it might have been good too throw in a few little more outrageous remarks to make it more interesting and so she could see I wasn't filtering myself just so she'd like me. I did talk a lot about my opinions on stuff which was probably good.

I feel really comfortable on dates these days. It's a lot easier for me than going out and trying to pick up or whatever. I think that's partly because I assume that if the girl is there with me she must like me so I don't need to try to impress her too much. Which allows me to relax and be myself more. Plus I'm a lot more comfortable in a quiet little place like that than a loud bar/nightclub.

It's so cool how my life has changed since starting this journal. How I have all these different adventures with different girls. I know there's plenty of guys doing better than I am, but I try not to compare myself to them. I compare myself to what I used to be. Compared to what I used to be, I am so awesome now. I love that I can go out and make these things happen from nothing. That I can walk up to a girl I've never met before and get her phone number, or kiss her right there, or kiss her then have her naked in my hotel room 2 hours later, or go out with her another night and get to know her. It's crazy that I've been able to do all that stuff when it was all so far outside my reality just a few years ago.

There's still much more I want to learn and achieve. But I'm sure I can get there if I stick at it. This stuff can be so awesome. It's not easy and there's ebbs and flows but it's awesome.

I hope everyone else reading this is making positive changes in their life as well. If you're not, then figure out how you can make your life better and do it!

 

[bender22]

Saturday night

Felt like I was ‘on’ last night.

Talk to two Asian girls for like half an hour with the other guys. I wasn’t attracted to either of them in the slightest but the other guys just kept the interaction going and going. I should’ve just bailed and found some other girls to talk to. At least I didn’t let it break my state.

After that our group got split up and Kevin and I went for a walk around the street. When we were walking past one of the lines outside one of the clubs, I saw a girl in line looking at me. I held eye contact with her, just walked past then stopped and turned around and went back to her. She said she’d met me somewhere in town before. Probably. Talked to her for a minute or two before she got into the club.

Ten minutes later Kevin and I were walking over the other side of the street and saw my girl from the line and her friend. We were just outside a strip club and the girls wanted to go in (why do girls want to go to strip clubs haha?). Apparently the four of us could get in for $15 and they wanted us to pay because they had no money.

At first I was like nah I don’t want to. But then I saw an opportunity and said I’ll pay entry if my girl made out with me and the other girl made out with Kevin. The other girl said she had a boyfriend and couldn’t make out with Kevin. ********. But my girl was down. So I made out with her then went into the strip club.

We spent about an hour in the strip club. Saw some ****ies. Good motivation I guess.Talked to my girl a bit. She was a little ADD.

We left the strip club and met up with some other guys then went to a bar. I approached a group of girls as soon as we got in. Opened up well with one of the girls, had such an awesome playful vibe going with her immediately. I tried to talk to the other girls and they were cool too but there were five or six of them and just one of me. I needed a wingman or two. I came in there with four or five other guys and they just left me hanging there. Eventually I bailed because it was too hard to deal with all those girls by myself.

Kevin and one of the other guys were at a table, talking to a group of girls. I pulled up a chair and sat between Kevin and one of the girls. Got talking to the girl next to me and she was cool. Really cool. She was cute and had a clever sense of humour. I liked it a lot.

Kevin bailed but one of the other guys was still hitting on my girl’s friend. This guy is a pickup nerd. He does all this weird palm reading ******** and other techniques from the pickup community. That stuff makes me cringe. Then his girl looked at mine and asked her to go to the bathroom with her. I thought my girl probably would’ve come back until I found out that the other girl had given my buddy a fake number. She must have been creeped out by all the stupid palm reading stuff. I didn’t see them again Maybe I should’ve just waited for my girl to come out of the bathroom and talked to her again without my buddy. Because she did seem like an awesome girl.

I think in future when I do find girls like that I almost need to change up my strategy a little. It’s very rare to find girls like that who I think could be girlfriend material. When I do come across them, I think I need to slow down and try to get to know her better. Find out if she really is girlfriend material. What does she do for work, what does she do for fun, what does she want to do in the future. Nothing too deep but just a few questions to screen for what I’m looking for in a girl. If she still sounds awesome then I should tell her what I like about her and make sure and make sure I get her number!

The other guys were talking to a group of girls and looked like they were doing alright so I didn’t intrude. I couldn’t see much else in the bar so I went outside and sat at one of the tables out the front. Two girls came along and sat at a table near me. I sat by and waited for a few minutes then one went inside and the other stayed outside smoking a cig.

I went over and sat at her table. ‘Hi I’m bender, I’m talking to you while I wait for my friends to come out.’ She was a blonde with a super sexy body. Really good curves in all the right places and she had a perfect dress to showcase it. Talked to her about my travels and stuff. She asked what I do and I told her sales and marketing. I explained it to her and she was like ‘oh I could do that!’ So I said okay try to sell me something. She tried to sell me on the shirt some homeless guy near us was wearing haha. Definitely made the interaction more fun and playful.

Two other girls walked past and asked if we had a lighter. They stopped and talked to us for about five minutes. One of them was extremely good looking. She told us she was going to some bar down the road and said we should come. I wanted to keep talking to my curvy blonde so I said we might go there later.

After they left I kept talking to curvy blonde. Then the other guys came outside and came over to talk to me and my girl. Unfortunately that totally killed the interaction. She didn’t stay long after they arrived. Stupid wingmen. Haha I guess I should’ve found a way to handle it. I could’ve gone inside with her or dragged her away from the other guys to talk with her.

We went to another little bar nearby. I said to one of the other guys ‘how about those three?’ So we approached. One of them was a birthday girl. Pretty tall, like 6’1 in heels. At first I thought they were going to be unkind but then I got talking to birthday girl and she opened up a lot. The other two girls went over to get a drink at the bar and birthday girl stayed talking to me.

We talked for probably 45 minutes. I got her number but I feel like I should’ve gone for more. Should have asked her if she’d had a birthday kiss. Should have seeded a future date. I found out she was getting a taxi home with one of her friends but I should’ve found out who she lives with and where exactly she lived. It was getting later so this could’ve turned into a take me home interaction if I’d played it right. Oh well, will follow it up later.

Pretty good night I thought. Created a lot of good opportunities during the night. There were at least four interactions I’d consider pretty solid where I could’ve at least got numbers. Those are all opportunities. If I’m putting myself in situations like that regularly, I’m going to improve a lot. It’s the nights where I’m not putting myself in any of those situations and creating opportunities to make things happen, that really get to me.

This stuff can be so much fun.

 

[Batman55]

It's so cool how my life has changed since starting this journal. How I have all these different adventures with different girls. I know there's plenty of guys doing better than I am, but I try not to compare myself to them. I compare myself to what I used to be. Compared to what I used to be, I am so awesome now. I love that I can go out and make these things happen from nothing. That I can walk up to a girl I've never met before and get her phone number, or kiss her right there, or kiss her then have her naked in my hotel room 2 hours later, or go out with her another night and get to know her. It's crazy that I've been able to do all that stuff when it was all so far outside my reality just a few years ago.

I don't mean to inject some pessimism here, but I wonder if you had continued on the introverted/overly shy/risk-averse path into your 30s.. if you would be able to make any of the improvements you've made now, in your early 20s.

It's a concern for some of us who have reached their 30s and have barely even begun their quest to destroy excessive shyness and move on. It's like.. if you're "just starting out" more than a decade past the acceptable time... how do you hide the inexperience?

Just wondering if you have any thoughts on this.

 

[bender22]

It probably would've been harder to make the improvements I've made if I'd left it another 10 years. I imagine it would have taken more time and commitment starting at a later age.

But perhaps I would've had more hunger to change if I'd continued my old ways into my 30s. Even at 21 I wanted so much to turn things around. After another 10 years of loneliness and shyness, I would've been desperate. I don't know whether that extra hunger would have compensated for any disadvantages of starting late. I do know hunger is so important for change to occur.

The guy in my reports, who I refer to as Kevin is actually a 31 year old Asian. I don't think he's ever had a girlfriend in his life. He's only started going out actively trying to meet women in the last six months. It's definitely not easy for a 31 year old Asian to meet women at bars and nightclubs in a place like this. But the guy has a great attitude and has been able to score some phone numbers and dates. I think that's impressive considering what he has against him.

 

[Batman55]

It probably would've been harder to make the improvements I've made if I'd left it another 10 years. I imagine it would have taken more time and commitment starting at a later age.

But perhaps I would've had more hunger to change if I'd continued my old ways into my 30s. Even at 21 I wanted so much to turn things around. After another 10 years of loneliness and shyness, I would've been desperate. I don't know whether that extra hunger would have compensated for any disadvantages of starting late. I do know hunger is so important for change to occur.

The guy in my reports, who I refer to as Kevin is actually a 31 year old Asian. I don't think he's ever had a girlfriend in his life. He's only started going out actively trying to meet women in the last six months. It's definitely not easy for a 31 year old Asian to meet women at bars and nightclubs in a place like this. But the guy has a great attitude and has been able to score some phone numbers and dates. I think that's impressive considering what he has against him.

I'd say that's a pretty good answer. It's often inspiring to hear about others who also got off to a late start (as you say here, your friend Kevin), but have begun to make some improvement. It makes me think I might be able to make some strides, as well. Hopefully

 

[bender22]

Saturday night

Wasn’t really on like I was last week but I still took action so that’s good.

I think I did at least 8-10 approaches during the night. Nothing was really sticking like last week. I bumped into about 4 different girls I’d met out before, who all remembered me. Hopefully they remembered me for good reasons haha.

One of the ones who remembered me was two girls I met on new years eve 2013/14. There were these two girls who I spent most of that night hanging out with (it’s near the start of my journal) but I hadn’t seen them again since. One of them even remembered my name after all that time.

One of my more memorable approaches was a girl dancing in front of me. We made eye contact and I pointed at her and signalled her to come over. I introduced her to one of my friends and said we were in love now. She was into it and I probably could’ve kissed her but she was a little too drunk so I let her go.

Talked to a few girls who were a little rude. Might have got to me a little but I didn’t dwell on it too much. Happens to everyone.

Went out on to the street for a while and saw a huge brawl break out. About five or six police cars were on it within 30 seconds. Kinda crazy, never seen anything like that before. Made a good conversation starter afterwards.

At the end of the night I was walking back to my car with one of the other guys and we talked to two girls on the street. My buddy has an apartment in the city very close to where we were. We tried to convince them to come back to his apartment for an ‘after party.’ One of the girls was really keen but her friend said she was too tired and we couldn’t convince her.

Might try another solo night next week and some different venues.

 

[bender22]

Friday night

Went out on Friday night with one of the other guys. Everything was extremely quiet so it wasn’t great but we still managed to have a few decent interactions. We approached two girls sitting in a booth at the first bar we went to. They turned out to be really cool girls. Very friendly, classier than most girls we meet out, intelligent and both good looking. We talked to them for at least half an hour. I added one of them on facebook at the end. When it’s a two on two interaction like this, I don’t really like asking for numbers and will usually go for the facebook instead. We should have asked them to get a drink or to come to another bar with us. There was nothing else happening around town so the night probably would’ve been better spent hanging out with these girls rather than searching for others.

We went to another place that was busier but so loud inside. I saw two girls dancing near us and one of them was giving me eye contact. I hesitated for a while instead of approaching immediately. Eventually I approached her and my buddy approached her friend. She was pretty receptive but it was so hard to talk to her because it was loud. We just danced around them for a while then they went off to the bathroom.

I couldn’t see it going any further inside so we left to go to another place. We were walking to another place then turned around and saw the girls from inside not far behind us. We walked and talked with them for a while and they were going to a bar just up the road so we went with them. It turned out there was an entry fee and my buddy and I didn’t want to pay so we bailed. Probably should have stopped them to talk to them properly before they went inside.

There was another group of two girls we approached out on the street. At first they acted kinda stand-offish and we testing us. But we turned it around pretty well. I think because we weren’t reactive to them and we weren’t supplicating to them it worked. It actually turned out to be a pretty fun interaction.

We left pretty early because there was nothing going on.

Saturday night

Started out Saturday night really solid. Got into town and met up with Kevin and my buddy from Friday night. I stopped the first group of girls that walked past us and talked to them quickly. Good start.

I was trying to pump up my state on the way to our first bar by just staying stuff to anyone. It seemed to work. When we got inside the first bar I saw a big group of girls and approached almost immediately. Opened up really well. Talked to several girls in the group. It was one of the girls’ birthday so I wished her a happy birthday. Then one of the other guys came over and said they were going to another place. I said I’d come with them but I probably should’ve stayed with the girls. Oh well. Also I was just thinking that at the time I recognised this was a big group who were all having fun and for that reason I could go in stronger than I would if it were like two girls standing together talking or similar. And I did go in stronger than I normally would but I could've gone in even stronger. One of the girls said I should buy a drink for the birthday girl and I said nah but I could've said something like 'if you kiss me now, I'll buy you both a drink' Should probably look out for big groups like that in the future too. Especially if it's a birthday, they will usually always be keen to have fun and if there's 8-10 girls in the group, chances are at least one of them will like you.

Next place we talked to two girls. One of them was my age and the other one was her sister who was 29. I focused mostly on the girl my age. It went pretty well but I wasn’t too attracted to either of them. They invited me to get shots with them. We danced together a little then me and my boys decided to leave to go somewhere else. Probably should’ve got her number for the experience.
Ended splitting up from the other guys and I got stuck with this new guy who was probably more of a hindrance than an assistance. Up until this point I was in a really good state but it definitely dropped at this point in the night. Still had a pretty good interaction with two girls outside one of the clubs. I was talking to them for about 20 minutes. It was good but I didn’t feel like there was much chemistry. Could’ve gone inside the club and kept talking to them but didn’t want to pay entry fee again.

When we were walking back to the other side of town there was a cute girl in a nice blue dress behind us at the traffic lights. I turned around and said I liked her blue dress and quickly chatted until the lights changed then she went off in another direction. Really should have said hey stop and talk for two minutes before we cross. Missed an opportunity there.

Did some other approaches during the night but nothing too exciting. Looking back on this night, even though there weren’t any great results, I still had some solid interactions and I took action.

If I go out next week, I’m committing to a solo night. I was nearly going to do a solo night tonight but I felt like I wanted the comfort of the other guys to talk to. I don’t think these guys are helping me at all, even though it is nice to have some guys to chat to between approaches. I think I put too much pressure on myself to approach when I’m with them, maybe because I want to impress them or something. So next weekend I have to do a solo night.

I feel like it’s going to be a long winter here. The weather is getting colder and less people are going out. Perhaps it’s time to look for a girlfriend. The last two girls I had dates with, I’m still in contact with. But I don’t feel like either of them are really girlfriend material. Maybe I’ll give online dating another try. We’ll see.

 

[bender22]

It's Friday night and I'm at home because the weather is shocking outside and there's probably nobody out. I'm really just writing this post to psych myself up for tomorrow night. I want tomorrow night to be my best night ever. It may not be the best night results wise but I'll be happy if I go home feeling like I did everything I could to make it an amazing night.

I was trying to think what my best night was so far since I started this journal was. I'd probably go with the night I posted on January 11 this year. That was a crazy good night. I've had some other pretty good nights but that night I took action, got into a really good state and had good results as well. But I know I can do better than that. It's time for me to step up!

Tomorrow night....

I will start out alone. That other night I started out alone and turned. I need to totally rely on myself to build my own state at the start of the night. When you're out alone it's all you. I might meet up with the other guys later in the night but not until at least 12 - 12:30

I will approach a lot. At the start of the night I will need to approach anyone, guys or girls to get myself in a social state.

I will make my interactions less platonic. I need to show my intent more. The girl should know why I'm there. I should be escalating the interaction physically and verbally if it's going well.

I will stay positive. Interpret everything as a good thing and exaggerate the positives of the night to ensure I stay in a good state.

Play to win!

I promise my next entry is going to be a good one

 

[BeyondShy]

I like reading bender's journal too, well most journals make for a good read.

You should make one too, differentlonelygirl! Perhaps you need to get out of your comfort zone and start approaching more folks. As you can see with this journal, progress can be made

I can't imagine me doing something like this and having the success this guy has been having. I read the entire thing and I came away thinking of how much a loser I really am.

Ok, back to his journal.

 

[bender22]

Saturday night

Perhaps not my best night ever but still pretty damn awesome. Ended up going solo the entire night and it was still a very, very good night.

Went to this huge club that is my go to venue if I’m out by myself. Told myself I needed to do my first approach within ten minutes of entering the club. A little under ten minutes in I approached a girl standing by herself to ask her what time it got busy there. Just wanted to start small. She seemed kinda boring and more interested in her phone so I didn’t hang around for long.

Second approach was a cute blonde Asian girl. She was by herself when I approached her then her friend came over. I talked to the friend as well, they both seemed to like me but the friend was probably more active in showing her interest in me. I was with them for about 20 minutes then said I’d find them later. Definitely could’ve asked the friend for her number but I didn’t really find her that attractive.

Saw this tall girl with a super sexy body looking at me and I walked over to her. We must have met before, she seemed to know me. She gave me a hug and was like haven’t seen you for so long. No idea who it was. It’s cool these girls remember me though. But she was with her boyfriend.

There was a pretty cute blonde girl standing by herself who I approached. She was looking for her friend and said come with me to find him. We walked around for a bit and talked until she spotted her friend. Then she saw him and said ‘I’m just going to talk to my friend, I promise I’ll come back and talk to you.’ I didn’t wait for her. I should’ve said wait 2 minutes and kept talking to her or asked her for her number so we could talk later.

Went back to my car to chill for 20 minutes. Done this other nights out alone and it seems to help.

Probably lost a little momentum when I went back to the car. When I got back to the club it took me a while to do a proper approach again. But then I saw a girl who was so hot. Amazing body, pretty face and probably the best ****s I saw all night lol. I thought approaching a girl as attractive as her would be a good way to get my momentum back.

I went over and said hello and she was cool. Definitely not my smoothest approach, I was kinda nervous and had trouble thinking of what to say. But she was still nice. She was waiting for the rest of her friends to come out of the bathroom and when they came out she said they were going upstairs. This could’ve been an invitation to go up there and find her later but I never did. She was no doubt the best looking girl I’ve approached for a while and that made me feel good. Need to start approaching more of these super attractive girls.

I was standing around looking at my phone and two girls sat down at these stools behind me. So I turned around and introduced myself. Opened pretty well. One of them really liked me but I found the other one more attractive, who may have liked me too but not sure. Talked to them for 10 - 15 minutes. When they got up to go and find some of their other friends, the girl who liked me more said ‘well it was nice meeting you, maybe I’ll see you later on?’ Pretty much hinting ‘come find me later or get my number.’ She was cool but not really the type I’d want to go on a date with so I didn’t bother asking for her number.

I went to another club. When I was walking around I saw two girls, one of them was putting a phone between the other girls’****s for storage. I made eye contact with one of them and went over and said oh this looks interesting. We started talking about ****s and how good they are. One of them was like ‘I got really lucky with my ****s.’ I think she was inviting me to have a good look at them. So I did. I said ‘yeahhh you did haha.’

They said let’s go dance. I danced with them for a while then said let’s grab a drink. I wasn’t sure which one to go for but the one with the ****s was getting pretty flirty with me so I made out with her. I kept dancing and making out with her. She was definitely into it. She grabbed my hands and put them on her ****s.

I tried to decipher how possible it would be to go home with her. Turned out she lived over an hour outside the city (in the opposite direction to me). She did have her own place. But I wasn’t keen on driving an hour up there. Decided it wasn’t really worth pursuing so I just grabbed her number and went looking for other girls.

I saw the girl I went on a date with a few weeks ago and said hello to her.

Saw two girls I approached at the same place a few weeks ago and spent about 15 minutes with them. I was really switched on at this point, my verbals were on point. Probably could’ve escalated more with one of them. Ended up losing them but I’ll probably see them out again.

There’s another girl I’ve talked about before who I bump into almost every time I go to this place. I’ll call her KFC girl because I first met her out the front of KFC. I saw her earlier in the night when I was with the girl I made out with and she tried talking to me but I kinda just pushed her out of the way lol.

Then I saw her again when I was by myself. Talked to her and it was really on. I’ve never been sure if I like this girl or not. She’s kinda cute and friendly but I’m not super into her. Her friend had left so it was just me and her hanging out for a while. I asked how she was getting home and she said probably would get a lift from her brother.

She lives in the same direction as me and I did mention I could give her a lift if she wanted one but I didn’t really push it. I didn’t ask but I just assumed she’d live with her parents. If she didn’t live with her parents and was definitely down, I probably would’ve gone for it but otherwise I couldn’t be screwed. I kept hanging out with her until her brother came to pick her up.

Instead of spending so much time with a girl I was only half interested in, I probably should’ve found other girls while I had some serious momentum going. I was in a really good state and I was getting a lot of looks from girls. Girls seem to be able to sense when you’re feeling good and having a good night. Kinda wasted that momentum a little.

After KFC girl left I walked backed to my car and talked to some girls on the way. One was a bartender who had just finished work. Walked and talked with her for a few minutes. Then I caught up with a group of four girls at the traffic light who were all hotties. Four of them who were all almost as attractive as the super good looking one I approached before. One of them slipped over and I gave her my hand to pull her up and introduced myself, then to her friends. I feel like these girls would probably just blow me off if I wasn’t in a good state. But instead they responded pretty well. Unfortunately they were all going in a different direction to me.

Awesome night. I think it’s always a sign of a good night when I have lots to write about. This was a pretty long report and I had to condense it a lot. There were probably a few interactions I forgot about. I haven’t had that many solid interactions in a single night many times before.

Even more impressed with myself for doing this when I’m out by myself. I remember just before I started this journal I had a few some nights out by myself and struggled to even do one approach. That reminds me how far I’ve come. I still have clear memories of nights where I went out alone because I wanted to practice talking to girls but didn’t have other guys to go out with. I’d walk around for so long, far too afraid to do a single approach. A few times got the courage to do maybe one or two and those were very short interactions. At the end of those nights I went home feeling horrible and so disappointed with myself.

If I’d pushed it a bit further on some of those interactions and used my momentum at the end of the night better, it probably could’ve been my best night ever. The crazy thing is even on these good nights, I feel like I’m only going at 60-65%. When I start approaching more consistently and escalating my interactions more and get up to 70-90% I’m going to have some crazy nights. I’m definitely getting closer to that.

Cheers

 

[Batman55]

I can't imagine me doing something like this and having the success this guy has been having. I read the entire thing and I came away thinking of how much a loser I really am.

Ok, back to his journal.

Believe it or not he began as an introvert and used to be afraid to approach women. If he can do it, you can too. You just have to accept that some women will react negatively, reject you, and such. But the only way you can do that, is to get some confidence. You can still be shy and have confidence, strange as that sounds.

 

[BeyondShy]

Believe it or not he began as an introvert and used to be afraid to approach women. If he can do it, you can too. You just have to accept that some women will react negatively, reject you, and such. But the only way you can do that, is to get some confidence. You can still be shy and have confidence, strange as that sounds.

Yeah it is hard to believe after reading all this stuff.

And what you said about being shy and having confidence is something I do not understand. I just can't associate those two words together.

 

[bender22]

Batman is right, I've always been introverted and I still do consider myself an introvert. Obviously I'm more confident now and express myself better than I did in the past but in some social situations I can still be very shy.

I really do believe anyone can have the same success I've had unless they have any serious issues holding them back. If you put the time in and are prepared to push your comfort zone, you can make some pretty remarkable changes.

 

[Batman55]

Batman is right, I've always been introverted and I still do consider myself an introvert. Obviously I'm more confident now and express myself better than I did in the past but in some social situations I can still be very shy.

I really do believe anyone can have the same success I've had unless they have any serious issues holding them back. If you put the time in and are prepared to push your comfort zone, you can make some pretty remarkable changes.

*applauds* Most would do well to listen to this.

 

[BeyondShy]

*applauds* Most would do well to listen to this.

Listening to it is one thing. So is understanding what he means. Actually doing it is another thing.

 

[bender22]

Friday night

So usually when I have a really good night out, my next night out is pretty lame. One theory I’ve had to explain this is that I start thinking I’m better than I actually am and I start expecting good things to happen without me putting in the effort. Well last night I was able to back up my good night last Saturday with another pretty good night.
I was only out for about 2.5 hours but did well in that short space of time. Plan was to meet one of the other guys in town but I couldn’t contact him so I ended up going solo again. Went to this bar/club where a whole bunch of pub crawls were going.

As soon as I walked in, girls seemed to notice me, a lot of of girls were giving me eyes. That made me feel good. First interaction I saw two girls together, one of whom was making eye contact with me. Went straight up to her and introduced myself. It went pretty well for a first interaction. It was kinda hard to talk because it was so loud. She went off to the bathroom with her friend but I talked to her a few more times during the time. If I’d had another chance to talk to her I would’ve asked for her number but I couldn’t find her.

Second interaction, I was at the bar getting a water and there was a girl next to me who looked at me. I responded immediately and introduced myself. Pretty early on in the interaction I could tell it was on. We talked for a bit then she said she was getting a skittle bomb and asked if I wanted one. She bought us skittle bombs then she said let’s go meet my friends.

I told her to tell her friends that we had been best friends since kindergarten. She did but one of her friends looked at me and said I saw you introducing yourself to her over there haha. Talked to her and her friends for a bit then she asked for my number. We exchanged numbers. She was obviously into me and I knew I could get more physical with her but didn’t want to do it right in front of her friends so I said come over to the dancefloor with me.

Grabbed her hand and took her to the dancefloor. We danced, got more physical then kissed. Kept dancing and making out with her for a while. It was still pretty early in the night and I had her number so I let her go so I could find some other girls.

There were two blondes together who were clearly far hotter than any other girls in the club. They were sitting on a lounge together, where it was loud and would’ve been hard to approach (but could’ve been done). I really wanted to approach them but thought I’d wait for a better opportunity. I walked past them on the lounge, trying to draw eye contact and I did get some eye contact with one of them quickly. Should have gone in and approached then but I didn’t and after that I didn’t see them again.

I need to start talking to more stunners like them. The competition appears to be pretty low, I rarely see guys in my city approach girls that good looking. They would probably be impressed if I had the balls to just talk to them. And instead of waiting for the perfect opportunity, I should just go as soon as I have a chance.

I was going to another club and on the way I bumped into Kevin and one of the other guys. We decided to go back to the club I’d come from. Saw the girl from before out the front and took her back inside and we danced and made out again for a while.

Did several other approaches before I left. Maybe 6-7 in total. Pretty much every girl responded fairly well at first but I got kinda lazy and started stalling out/running out of things to say. The other guys had already left so I went home before 12:30. Pretty good for a quick night where I was solo for the majority of the night.

One quick thought/observation. Yesterday morning I was in the city and saw one of those people who stand on the street asking people to stop so they can talk to them about whatever charity and ask them to donate. I sat on a bench nearby and observed for about 10 minutes. In those 10 minutes, just one guy stopped to talk to her. Everyone else walked straight past her and wouldn’t even look at her.

Every night I go out there will be girls who look at me and I don’t approach them. This made me realise how crazy it is not to approach those girls. If they didn’t want to be approached they wouldn’t look at me, just like all the pedestrians avoided even glancing in the direction of the charity collector. Last night I made more of a conscious effort to talk to the girls who made eye contact with me but there were still some wasted opportunities. Need to remember this!

 

[Batman55]

Every night I go out there will be girls who look at me and I don’t approach them. This made me realise how crazy it is not to approach those girls. If they didn’t want to be approached they wouldn’t look at me, just like all the pedestrians avoided even glancing in the direction of the charity collector. Last night I made more of a conscious effort to talk to the girls who made eye contact with me but there were still some wasted opportunities. Need to remember this![/font][/size]

Seems like you had a good night out!

I get eye contact and a smile from girls every so often, like when I'm out in the park, taking a walk, etc. I never can get myself to say anything back.. but then I wonder is it even the right place to do that? With bars and clubs, obviously women will expect to get attention.. I'm not sure if it's okay in other situations though..? What's your thoughts on "day game" or whatever, haha...

 

[bender22]

Saturday night

Holy cow, cannot believe the weekend I’ve had. Friday night was good but Saturday night was probably the best night I’ve had. So stoked about the progress I’ve made recently.

The night actually started off kinda slow. Met up with a couple of the other guys at a bar which was really quiet. Mostly just talked to the guys, didn’t do any approaches. Went to another bar and talked to a couple of girls who my buddy approached. Didn’t really do anything else.

Then we went to one of my favourite clubs/bars at about 11pm. It usually doesn’t get busy until at least midnight but it was already looking pretty good. Still took a while to do any approaches. Finally I was standing by the bar with my buddy and I see a girl walking towards the bar and see her look at me. I responded fast and introduced myself. She said ‘do you dance?’ I said yeah and took her over to the dancefloor.

We danced and she got up real close to me. Probably could’ve kissed her but I had a few doubts running through my mind. I could see KFC girl from last week nearby looking over at us. Eventually I think she got bored and went to find her friend. I bumped into her a few more times during the night but nothing happened.

I saw a girl I’d talked to about three weeks ago. At first I wasn’t sure who it was but I remembered quickly. She looked hotter than last time. We chatted and she bought me a drink. She’s a cool girl but not really girly enough for me. I like girly girls. She’s kinda like another one of the boys. Still danced with her and her friend for a while and talked to her a few times during the night.

I remember saying to my buddy I was feeling way better after talking to that girl. And I was, I felt like I could approach anyone. Headed back to the other dancefloor and saw a cute girl dancing by herself. Made eye contact with her and approached immediately. Introduced myself then she turned around with her bum onto my front and grinded up on me. I grabbed her hand, span her around to face me and made out with her.

For the next half hour or so, I kept leading her around the dancefloor and making out with her. She was staring into my eyes like she wanted me so much. I stared straight back into her eyes. This girl really turned me on. She was pretty drunk though, after a while I decided I would get her number, take her back to her friend then find her later, hoping she would sober up a little.

After I left her. I went looking for my wingmen but couldn’t find them. Seems like I don’t need wingmen anyway. I talked to a very attractive girl but turned out she had a boyfriend. She was still really nice and I was happy with myself for doing what was a pretty strong approach on such an attractive girl.

I was walking around the club and it felt like almost every girl was looking at me. It’s amazing how females seem to have this ability to sense when you’re in the zone. Other nights when I’m feeling ******, I barely get any looks from girls. Definitely missed a lot of opportunities to approach. Like I said in my last entry, if these girls didn’t want me to approach them, they probably wouldn’t look at me. That was probably one of the only negatives of the night, that I didn’t take full advantage of the momentum I had going.

Felt like I was starting to get a little burnt out/overwhelmed so I decided to go for a walk outside. I went back to the bar we’d been to before but there wasn’t much going on there. Went back outside and just sat down and relaxed for about 10 minutes. After that I felt refreshed and went back to the club.

I saw the girl I made out with earlier, still in the same spot. Danced with her and made out again for a while. Then I left her again because she still hadn’t sobered up much.

Went over to the bar to grab a water and there was a pretty hot girl next to me. Didn’t talk to her immediately, then I waited for a few minutes and approached her after we both got our drinks. She didn’t respond badly but didn’t seem very keen to talk. Probably would’ve done better if I’d talked to her immediately when we lined up at the bar.

I went back to the dancefloor and some guy tapped me on the shoulder and pointed to a girl near him. Can’t remember what he said...she was checking me out or something. Whatever he said, it was enough for me to go in strong and introduce myself. This approach was full of confidence and momentum. Could tell she liked me pretty quickly.

We danced for a bit and I got up real close to her, looked her in the eyes and kissed her. We stayed together dancing and making out for a good 20 minutes. This girl was more sober than the other one which was good. I think I probably should’ve made more of an effort to get to know her to make the interaction more solid. Something to remember next time. She said she better go find her friends and I said yeah I should find mine too, but give me your number so I can find you later. She gave me her number then a kiss goodbye before she went back to her friends. Unfortunately I got caught up talking to other people and didn’t text her until pretty late and she’d already left :/

After I left her I saw KFC girl and her friend at a table nearby. I sat next to her and chatted for a while. She’s actually a pretty nice girl, I always like having a chat to her when I see her. I’m not sure if I’d want to date her, but I feel like something will happen between us one day.

KFC girl and her friend got up to go dance and I stayed at the table. Few minutes later a girl sat down at the table across from me so I talked to her. She was with two other girls who sat down shortly after. She was kinda cute, but one of her friends was too overweight and the other one was a bit rough for me. Still talked to them all for 15-20 minutes. They were all from interstate.

I was so in the zone at this point. I was kinda surprising myself with how good my verbals were and it was like I was radiating this awesome masculine energy. The rougher one was sitting next to me and was flirting with me pretty hard. They decided to go dance but she hung round a few minutes longer and was hinting that I should take her number. I didn’t ask for it, I just said ‘well I might see you later on.’ Although I wasn’t terribly attracted to any one these girls, I loved this interaction because I expressed myself so well.

After they took off, the people at the table behind me called out to me. It was one girl and two guys. I assume they overheard my charismatic charm and wanted to meet me lol. I was still in the zone and just enjoying expressing myself. Had some fun chatting to them. The girl was with one of the guys and wasn’t too attractive anyway so that was a no go. But then this girl who apparently had met them about an hour ago came over and joined us. She was more attractive and single so I talked to her for a while.

Again I was surprising myself with how good my verbals were. It was like gold just kept flowing out of my mouth. I was talking to her for at least 20 minutes then got her number and said goodbye to everyone. Probably should’ve asked her where she lives, how she was getting home etc..this had potential to be a take me home interaction.

Went back to another dancefloor and I was standing around texting my buddy and a girl got up pretty close to me so I said hello to her. Super solid again. I know if I’d hung round a bit longer and danced with her, I could’ve made out with her too but I decided she wasn’t good looking enough and I wanted to go home anyway.

Said goodbye to KFC girl on my way out then went home. Walked back to my car feeling so excited about what an awesome night I’d had. Damn it felt good.

This is definitely the best ‘streak’ I’ve ever had. That’s three nights in a row I’ve made out with girls. It’s cool that each one got more attractive too. The two girls I made out with this night were both pretty cute. I think since just before I went to America, I’ve been in pretty good form. When I’ve had some good nights in the past I sort of felt like there was a lot of luck involved. But now it’s starting to feel a lot more like I’m having good nights because I’m creating my own luck and because I’m starting to get pretty good at this.

So thankful I started this journey and stuck at it even when I wasn’t getting spectacular results. Nights like that make all the effort with it. Still have much more room for improvement and I know I still need to keep pushing myself every time I go out. Can’t wait to see what I’m capable of with even more practice.

Cheers

@Batman, yeah I do find it easier to approach in bars and nightclubs because as you say, it’s expected. Last year I was doing a lot more day game but haven’t done so much this year.

When I have approached during the day, I found most girls were happy to stop and have a chat if they weren’t in a rush to go somewhere. Probably even more so than at night. Some get a little shocked to be approached during the day and don’t know how to handle it but more often than not they will be pretty friendly.

I’ve sparked up conversations with girls in parks, bus stops, shopping malls, university campuses, book shops, pedestrian crossings, airports... almost anywhere haha.