Self Pity Vs. Self Discipline

[Lady Gaga Snerd]

That's great! And, some of us are just naturally more prone to depression. Learning to live with it and manage it is key. When i was younger, i thought that something was wrong with me because i couldn't make those feelings go away. I thought that in order to be happy, i had to somehow completely eliminate those feelings. But, the break through came when i realized that i will always have to deal with those feelings and just because i do doesn't mean something is wrong with me. Nor does it mean i have to give in to them. Just like you manage any other problem. If you are diabetic, you don't just lay in bed and give up and eat whatever you please and not take insulin. You have to learn to MANAGE it. And, to manage it, you have to first take care of yourself. You have to give yourself permission to take care of yourself.
You have to look in the mirror and decide that YOU like and enjoy what YOU like and enjoy. You can be who you are. You don't have to apologize for the things that appeal to you. You don't have to try to fit someone else's mold. Embrace yourself. And, realize that only YOU can help you and only YOU . Nobody can help someone who won't make the efforts on themselves. As you begin to care for yourself, then that gives you the energy and drive to begin caring for other people as well. Succumbing to self pity hurts no one but YOU. Feel that emotion for some moments but then put it away. Don't let it dominate your life.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

Interesting thread. I think I myself tend to self pity myself a lot. Sometimes I catch myself doing it and I try to catch myself from doing it, but I've been suffering with low self esteem for years now. On the side note I suffer from anixety, PTSD and bi polar disorder and I tend to beat myself up about it thinking that it's somehow my fault. Same things goes for when people stop talking to me, I beat myself up about it and think I did something wrong. As for Self Discipline, I think I'm a victim on this as well. It's like a viscous cycle for me, I'm not sure how others deal with it though I'm just speaking out how I suffer with it.

For the longest time I had this one thought in my head that I was fat, I dated someone who constantly get on my weight and overtime I started noticing that I would hold myself back from eating. I started to torture myself by not eating. Overtime I noticed I wasn't eating and started to eat more healthy foods instead of junk food. I've fallen into the same trap over and over through out the years and it's hard to try to stop yourself. Deep down I believe everyone who truly believes in themselves can manage to stop these bad habits. We just have to take care of ourselves and do good things for ourselves. =)

 

[Lady Gaga Snerd]

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This is not my advice, this is from experts:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3312901/

Take it for what it is worth.

 

[Lady Gaga Snerd]

Disclaimer, disclaimer. My brand of advice isn't for everyone!

But a couple of points.

1. Forgive yourself - None of us our perfect. We tend to magnify our own flaws and it makes i harder for us to move on. Nobody is perfect. We aren't and neither is anyone else.

2. You have the right to be who YOU are - Your voice is important too. You count. You have as much right to exist and be who you are as does anyone else. Embrace who you are. And, YES, you WILL absolutely have naysayers. But, better to be disliked for who you really ARE than loved for who you are not. There are always DETRACTORS in life. And, the more you stand up and embrace yourself, they are going to be there. Don't let that stop you.

3. You don't have to please other people - You can claim to like and enjoy what you like and enjoy. You don't have to please others.

 

[I_suffer]

This self-discipline thing doesn't work for everyone. Like me. I have plenty of self-discipline. I go to the gym every day. I force myself to go even when it requires a huge force of will. I enforce dietary rules on myself to stay a healthy weight no matter how tempting it is to be a pig and get fat. I quit smoking 23 years ago after having been pack-a-day for years. That takes LOTS of self-discipline. I taught myself how to play the guitar and have structured practice every day. I actually keep a written log of my practice time. For years I played in working bands and that required forcing myself, repeatedly, to get on stage despite bad stage fright. Years ago I taught myself computer programming and subsequently had a 15-year career during which I worked long hours, much of it extra work done at home. I've got tons of self-discipline and I force myself to do (or not do) things. Does it help my depression? Definitely not. My depression has only continued to worsen. Performing these feats of discipline is pretty much an empty exercise for me.

How I feel inside is not just a mere result of what I do or don't do. It runs much deeper than that and it's not as simple as just doing the actions that make you feel better. When I do things, when I take action, when I use self-discipline ... it feels superficial, like I'm just going through the motions of life. The crushing depression does not let up during or after my self-discipline-enforced activities. I know that, like you, many people think the answer to depression is to take certain actions. It sounds reasonable. And for many people it is actually true. But not for everyone. I can no more change the way I feel by my behavior than I can change any other aspect of my basic, fundamental make-up like how tall I am or the color of my skin. I did try. I tried for decades. There comes a point you're forced to acknowledge that it doesn't work. Really, nothing works for me.

I am anticipating that your response will be that the behavior I need to change is my thinking. Think positive thoughts instead of negative ones. Hey, smile! Don't worry, be happy. You're mistaken to be depressed. That's called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It's the current fad therapy-du-jour, with the advantage that it's beloved by insurance companies because it's simple and short, i.e., cheap. I was in an intensive CBT program in which they spend hours trying to convince you how unreasonable your depression is. And I did everything they told me to, or at least really tried. They were annoyed with me when I failed to get better. Everyone else in the group reported improvement. I think many of them were just responding to the intense pressure from the group to say the therapy is making you better. I refused to lie and say I was feeling better when I wasn't just because that was the expectation. It was, essentially, heresy and blasphemy to say "this doesn't work". (I didn't actually say that. I just failed to report improvement.) Their reaction was that I was simply refusing to cooperate. Of course they didn't actually say that, but I detected their irritation and scorn. They must have felt that my failure to get better was demoralizing to the group and making their jobs harder. That's generally the reaction I get from mental health professionals -- I am simply refusing to get better. They never consider that maybe their therapies and drugs just don't work. Yeah right, I WANT to suffer. How asinine. When the treatment fails, blame the patient.

 

[ladyforsaken]

How I feel inside is not just a mere result of what I do or don't do. It runs much deeper than that and it's not as simple as just doing the actions that make you feel better. When I do things, when I take action, when I use self-discipline ... it feels superficial, like I'm just going through the motions of life. The crushing depression does not let up during or after my self-discipline-enforced activities. I know that, like you, many people think the answer to depression is to take certain actions. It sounds reasonable. And for many people it is actually true. But not for everyone. I can no more change the way I feel by my behavior than I can change any other aspect of my basic, fundamental make-up like how tall I am or the color of my skin. I did try. I tried for decades. There comes a point you're forced to acknowledge that it doesn't work. Really, nothing works for me.

You know.. I think I know the feeling. :\

I'm sorry you are going through something like this though. *hugs*

 

[Lady Gaga Snerd]

First of all. I didn't claim "everyone do this". I am offer what worked for ME. And, if nothing works, then what now is the answer OTHER than to keep looking for help and trying?

 

[I_suffer]

First of all. I didn't claim "everyone do this". I am offer what worked for ME. And, if nothing works, then what now is the answer OTHER than to keep looking for help and trying?

Yes, I appreciate that you were sharing what works for you. Glad it works for you. You are one of the lucky ones.

Your above question answers itself. Essentially you are asking "If nothing works, then what works?"

 

[Lady Gaga Snerd]

That's my question. Now what do you do? Do you keep trying or give up?

 

[Lady Gaga Snerd]

I am trying to offer practical, helpful advice from someone who has been through hard times. So, please tell me what is you want me to say instead? And, please tell me what someone is supposed to then do if "nothing works"? in real, practical terms.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I am trying to offer practical, helpful advice from someone who has been through hard times. So, please tell me what is you want me to say instead? And, please tell me what someone is supposed to then do if "nothing works"? in real, practical terms.

I think that if they knew the answer to that question, they wouldn't have asked it in the first place.

 

[Lady Gaga Snerd]

Yes. So what is there to do then? Say sorry it is hopeless. Or sorry it looks hopeless but there is hope. Pick one and tell me which advice some here seemingly want me to give.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Yes. So what is there to do then? Say sorry it is hopeless. Or sorry it looks hopeless but there is hope. Pick one and tell me which advice some here seemingly want me to give.

No one is asking you to say anything more - I think the OP has explained that.
You know...sometimes people just want to vent, even if they don't feel there is a solution to their problem. Beating them over the head, with the same question, over and over again, isn't helpful either.
Sometimes it's best just to leave the conversation/situation if the person doesn't seem to want to hear what you have to say.

 

[Lady Gaga Snerd]

Um I am the OP in the thread. And encouraging people to help themselves is true help.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Um I am the OP in the thread. And encouraging people to help themselves is true help.

I meant the previous poster, obviously.
Also, your manner of help isn't helpfull to everyone, as has been previously discussed. Why can't you see that *some* people aren't going to see your advice as helpful when you're beating them over the head with it?
We GET it - It worked for YOU.
Now maybe you can get that it doesn't work for everyone?
Asking that poster, " Now what?" And then asking them what they want you to say?
They didn't agree with, or like what you said. It's OK that they don't consider your advice to be very helpful. I'm sure that some so and you can be happy that you have helped.

 

[Lady Gaga Snerd]

I started the thread. And I like to deal in what is real . When I went to a counselor to help work through my depression he said to me " Yes you are depressed. Now what? He said it was an explanation not an excuse." At first I was annoyed by his comments. Then I really thought about what he said and grabbed hold of it and changed my life. Now if you don't like my advice. Fine and dandy. It isn't for everyone. But neither does anyone have the right to try to invalidate what helped me and what just might help someone else .
I offer up the possibility of hope

 

[EveWasFramed]

Yes, I've read your therapist's "now what" comment several times.
AGAIN, what worked for you, will NOT work for everyone. In fact, it can even be damaging. No one is attempting to invalidate what worked for you.
Reserve your efforts for the folks who seem to respond to what you have to offer.

 

[Lady Gaga Snerd]

Look. I have One thread ok? There are 1000 others giving your brand of advice. But sorry I didn't realize alternative points of view were not welcome on this board. Sheesh.

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So basically you want me to shut up and sit down? Well my bad.

 

[EveWasFramed]

My brand of advice? Well now...I don't seem to recall offering a "brand of advice."
I simply suggest that yours is t helpful for everyone. Why are you so defensive?
Also, STOP using the damn Report function as your own personal play toy.
Reporting posts is reserved for reporting name calling, ****, offensive/racist language and the like.
It's not to be used to report people who disagree with what you have to say.
I think reporting someone because you think that they "belittle" your advice is going overboard.
And that one wasn't even me - it was someone else.
And reporting me, to MYSELF, because you think I'm trying to say your advice isn't valid?
NOWHERE have I stated such.
If you're going to report me, at least have a legimate reason for using the feature.
Thanks.

 

[Lady Gaga Snerd]

Please leave me alone. I am just trying to talk to people that wish to talk to me.