Sex Warning

[Drew88]

People, virgins if there is one warning i have to stay is stay away from sex till marriage. If you don't it will destroy you and more so the more partners you have. It will come easier, but it will also become more disconnected. Remember how awkward it was yours or a partners or your 1st or close to 1st time? I now believe that you are suppose to grow with a partner, and if you can not do that sexually then it will be hard to keep that relationship. what fun if u tried everything or are good if you are not growing with one person. Its fun to be curious with somebody, but what if there is no curiosity? Also you will be less hurt after the break up if there was no sex compared to if there was. I speak from experience.

 

[Badjedidude]

People, virgins if there is one warning i have to stay is stay away from sex till marriage. If you don't it will destroy you and more so the more partners you have.

Your experience is your experience. Don't run in here yammering about it like it immediately and arbitrarily applies to everyone.

Because it doesn't.

It will come easier, but it will also become more disconnected.

No it won't.

This may have happened for you for a variety of reasons... none of which I want to go into.

Sex, like much else in life, has to do with attitude. There's absolutely no reason that anyone can't have multiple partners and approach each new partner with wide-eyed wonder and excitement. They are, after all.... each a different person, with different wants, desires, fetishes, interests...

Remember how awkward it was yours or a partners or your 1st or close to 1st time?

Yes. Pretty sure that's an experience most humans have in common.

Not sure how it applies or has any relevance to this conversation.

Are you implying that having sex before marriage automatically makes one immune and desensitized to it? Like we all become unfeeling robots if we lose our virginity before marriage?

Are you saying that sexual awkwardness/shyness is some golden standard which we were meant to follow?

I now believe that you are suppose to grow with a partner, and if you can not do that sexually then it will be hard to keep that relationship.

Mostly personal opinion, but quite possibly the wisest thing you've said in this thread so far.

what fun if u tried everything or are good if you are not growing with one person.

I seriously doubt that anyone has tried everything sexually.

Sure, it's great to grow with someone. But what's wrong with growing with your third partner? Or fourth? Or eleventh?

Learning and becoming confident sexually (before marriage) in no way means that you're suddenly incapable of growing close to someone and enjoying sex or sexual discovery together with them.

Its fun to be curious with somebody, but what if there is no curiosity?

Then you're probably with a boring person. Or you're boring yourself.

Simple remedy: Find someone about whom you are curious. And who's curious about you.

It's not like you're doomed to kill sexual curiosity by having multiple partners.

AND OH HERE'S THE GREAT THING

If you do, by any chance, end up feeling disconnected and bored by sex... there are new partners, there are therapies, there are sex coaches, there's the ******* kamasutra... there are so many ways to re-engage and revamp one's sex life. If someone needs or uses one of these, it doesn't mean that they're broken, either.

Or that they've done anything wrong by having sex before marriage.

Also you will be less hurt after the break up if there was no sex compared to if there was. I speak from experience.

Yes, breaking up is hard.

Welcome to the planet.

Now, let me just inform you that I'm not writing all of this to be cruel.

I just wanted to let you know that I think most of what you've said is absolute honeysuckle.

HAVE SEX, KIDS. IT'S FUN AND IT'S WORTH IT.

And it doesn't matter whether it's before or after marriage.

At all.

 

[Doubt The Rabbit]

BJD wins an internet, as well as key to the universe. Congratulations, buddy. Sex is fantastic.

 

[Drew88]

Somebody is over sensed, u man take things way to seriously

 

[Badjedidude]

Somebody is over sensed, u man take things way to seriously

Oh, so... you don't want to talk about it? Maybe discuss the issue?

Ah.

Also:

Feel free to enlighten me as to how your post was not to be taken seriously.

 

[Seeker]

Drew, coming here and preaching "sex before marriage" fails miserably, for all the reasons Badjedidude analyzed above, plus another 3 that I will add myself:

1. Sex is fun (when protection is taken), it's relieves stress and feels f**ing good. So why should I have wanted to pass it up?

2. When you become experienced in sex you actually have practiced enough to give the best possible pleasure to that special someone when you finally find her. The last girl I was in a serious relationship with was a virgin before me, and things became much easier when one of us knew what he was doing, she actually thanked me for it.

3. I don't even want to get married, and I'm sure many other people don't, so by your logic I should have never had sex. Uhhh no.

 

[Drew88]

U want me to address it I will. Just not on my cell. I will say this though just because u peach what you peach preach does not make it more Truthful then what I posted. So what you say is the rule I far from doubt that. In fact I have talked to others and they echo my my statement. Family, friends, past lovers so they must be bad as I am right?

 

[Badjedidude]

I will say this though just because u peach what you peach preach does not make it more Truthful then what I posted. So what you say is the rule I far from doubt that.

I never once said that my experience was an absolute rule.

I wasn't the one who posted a general message to everyone giving them a decidedly doom-ridden warning concerning premarital sex.

In fact I have talked to others and they echo my my statement. Family, friends, past lovers so they must be bad as I am right?

I wouldn't say "bad," no. Nor did I say that about you.

I would, however, say that whatever you and your friends/family/others' experiences are... your advice is mistaken and misguided.

You post your opinion, I post mine.

It's that simple.

 

[Midnight Sky]

I wouldn't know. And I'm the only virgin here probably.

But I don't believe in saving myself for marriage, or denying the one I'm with sex for such a reason.

There's just some things you don't do in relationships, if you want them to last. Come on, this isn't rocket science >.<

 

[Nocebo]

Oh my! This thread is interesting!

I'm going to run away and stay out of it

 

[Walley]

I think much the opposite.
my parents were children of the 1950's when you were supposed to get married after your first date went well.
and after they had 3 kids back-to-back, they came to realize that they never got to experience life and jumped right into everything without knowing each other as much as they should have. and then they got divorced..
they encouraged me to make sure I found the right person and had no trouble with me and my future wife moving in together.
I met my wife when I was 19yrs old. we then went out together, had our ups and downs, and lived together and eventually married 10yrs later. 10months after getting married my son was born, and my daughter a year and a half later.
what is wrong with that?
would we be happier if we were both virgins up until our honeymoon?
everyone is different and has different life experience's. but imho it is far better to live and grow and not burden yourself with antique social rules. unless you are Amish of course..

 

[9006]

So are you basing this on your own experience? Or just opinion?

Whatever the case I wouldn't let it worry you too much because unfortunately for you the world is changing, and sex before marriage is no longer a big deal in most places. Weather you do it or not both have their pros and cons, you cannot possibly be sure about any of this based on your experience and/or opinions.

 

[ardour]

The idea of sex with someone you're not really involved with is problematic for some of us, so I sort of agree with OP as far as I can understand him/her.

I've heard (secular) psychiatrists refer to casual sex as "inappropriate", because the brain is hardwired to associate physical intimacy with pair bonding. Breaking the two apart... well .. actually I'm not sure if I can be bothered reasoning it out...

 

[9006]

because the brain is hardwired to associate physical intimacy with pair bonding.

Actually this depends on the gender, most males and females have different experiences involving physical intimacy - especially throughout history.

 

[Drew88]

because the brain is hardwired to associate physical intimacy with pair bonding.

Actually this depends on the gender, most males and females have different experiences involving physical intimacy - especially throughout history.

I would like to pled that i am an exception then

 

[9006]

I would like to pled that i am an exception then

No exception, more like minority.

That's not a criticism, by the way.

 

[Drew88]

I would like to pled that i am an exception then

No exception, more like minority.

That's not a criticism, by the way.

hey proud to be there....well, when this depression passes.

 

[Batman55]

The idea of sex with someone you're not really involved with is problematic for some of us, so I sort of agree with OP as far as I can understand him/her.

But dude, this is the 21st century now.. eh?

 

[ardour]

fine if that's your choice.

But I don't think it's healthy.

Don't tell it's going to be 'special' with your spouse after having 50+ previous partners.

 

[murmi97]

Casual sex is basically objectification

I might be pretty naive about this(being no where near any of it yet), but it won't be objectification when I do it. Objectification being the only confusing thing in thing I'm not really curious about.