She wants to bring a friend along??

[Seeker]

Hi, I am sure that this question has been asked before, but this is the first time that this has happened to me, so I would like to hear your opinions on the matter.

In a couple of hours I'm having my first date with a girl I met the other day. Just a few minutes ago she texts me to ask me if it's ok to bring her best friend (girl) with her. Does this mean that she isn't romantically interested in me and just sees this as a casual night out? I'm sure I made pretty clear to her that it's a date we are going on.

Any insights?

 

[Edward W]

Depends on how you met and how well she knows you, could be safety thing.
Or she's nervous and wants some support.

Just make it a great night for everyone and I'm sure she'd want to see more of you, just the two of you!

Edit: Just re-read 'a few days ago' bit, so yeah, probably just so she feels safe getting to know you.

 

[Seeker]

Depends on how you met and how well she knows you, could be safety thing.
Or she's nervous and wants some support.

Just make it a great night for everyone and I'm sure she'd want to see more of you, just the two of you!

Edit: Just re-read 'a few days ago' bit, so yeah, probably just so she feels safe getting to know you.

My thoughts exactly, but isn't getting to know each other the purpose of ONE ON ONE dating in the first place? I mean i would understand if she felt scared in an isolated place, but we are meeting on a pretty popular coffee shop

 

[ForGrantedWife]

That's how my marriage started actually. My husband asked me out but I didn't know him at all and was a little scared to go alone the first time until I saw how he behaved towards me. We went to an arena concert with one of my friends and then afterward I told her it was ok to go home. He had been a gentleman, flirty but very much a gentleman. We went for a walk and talked for a couple hours afterward. So I wouldn't worry about it, it could just be she's not sure yet you're an ok guy. As soon as she sees you're safe you should be good with her.

 

[Seeker]

That's how my marriage started actually. My husband asked me out but I didn't know him at all and was a little scared to go alone the first time until I saw how he behaved towards me. We went to an arena concert with one of my friends and then afterward I told her it was ok to go home. He had been a gentleman, flirty but very much a gentleman. We went for a walk and talked for a couple hours afterward. So I wouldn't worry about it, it could just be she's not sure yet you're an ok guy. As soon as she sees you're safe you should be good with her.

Thank you for answering, ForGrantedWife, I have been reading your comments for quite some time, and I have to say I'm kind of a fan of yours, your solutions to people's problems are always rational

Thank you for your advice too, I'll just go along with the date and whatever happens happens i suppose, my only concern is that I will have to be careful to both include her friend in the conversation and keep my main focus on her.

 

[ForGrantedWife]

Me rational? Oh I am SO repeating that to my husband lol!
I can see the over-exaggerated eye-rolling commence already in my head

Good luck on your date. Take a single unwrapped (no plastic around it) red rose, leave it in your car under the seat until you drop her off with a damp napkin wrapped around the stem bottom to keep it from wilting. Take that off and then give it to her without any cheesy speeches, just look in her eyes for a minute, smile and then tell her goodnight. Don't try to kiss her goodbye on a first date unless you can tell she's making a move in that direction. When she goes inside she'll put it in water and then smile every time she looks at it or smells it (and she'll also think of who gave it to her). This is the kind of stuff hubbs did to reel me in at the beginning of our relationship. (wish he'd remember some of that nowadays lol)

 

[Sci-Fi]

Depends on how you met and how well she knows you, could be safety thing.
Or she's nervous and wants some support.

Just make it a great night for everyone and I'm sure she'd want to see more of you, just the two of you!

Edit: Just re-read 'a few days ago' bit, so yeah, probably just so she feels safe getting to know you.

I have to agree with this, probably just a safety thing, and if the date doesn't go well (which I'm sure it will) she has an out with her friend along. And if it goes really well *wink wink nudge nudge* she'll either have her friend leave or...have her stay.

 

[Rosebolt]

Tell us how it went when you're back.

 

[Tiina63]

I think it is a safety thing as well. I hope it all works out for you.

 

[Seeker]

Tell us how it went when you're back.

Your wish is my command

Well, I just came back, but I'm a little confused to be honest. Well, generally it went good, I mean she opened up pretty fast, we were comfortable, the conversation never died, and she even kept most of the focus on the two of us, only occasionally talking to her friend, who was mostly listening.

The problem is, I felt her friend's presence to the extent that i couldn't bring myself to flirt or even tease her, I just felt awkward about that. In the end i kissed her goodnight (on the cheek ), told her I had a great time, to which she replied an obscure "yeah, me too" and left with her friend.

So yeah, I do think that bringing her friend along only served to shield me instead of her, and now I don't even know if I want to see her again, I mean I couldn't get any actual signs that she liked me because her friend was there.

Thinking if I should confront her about that or just not talk to her again.

 

[Rosebolt]

^ Ask her out again some time. If she decides to take a friend with her again, just ask why. If she's evasive, you could either demand a straight answer or just leave it be. Considering you say you might not want to see her again, it seems like you don't have much to lose anyway.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Actually, that could have been why she brought her friend, to get to know you without the pressure of romantic expectations. Yeah, ask her out on another date and see what happens.

 

[ardour]

Tell us how it went when you're back.

Your wish is my command

Well, I just came back, but I'm a little confused to be honest. Well, generally it went good, I mean she opened up pretty fast, we were comfortable, the conversation never died, and she even kept most of the focus on the two of us, only occasionally talking to her friend, who was mostly listening.

The problem is, I felt her friend's presence to the extent that i couldn't bring myself to flirt or even tease her, I just felt awkward about that. In the end i kissed her goodnight (on the cheek ), told her I had a great time, to which she replied an obscure "yeah, me too" and left with her friend.

So yeah, I do think that bringing her friend along only served to shield me instead of her, and now I don't even know if I want to see her again, I mean I couldn't get any actual signs that she liked me because her friend was there.

Thinking if I should confront her about that or just not talk to her again.

You could ask again, but what she did the first time around was inconsiderate. It was bound to be awkward with her friend around, it must have felt like she was there as a judge and from the moment you parted they would be talking about you.

 

[Seeker]

Well, that settles it. I told her directly that I didn't appreciate her bringing her friend along, and she answered that she did it because she didn't feel ready for a relationship but still wanted to meet me, so she brought her friend along to show me that nothing romantic would happen? I mean what the heck??? Couldn't she just tell me that before the date? All in all, I told her that she didn't treat me right and that it is better to not go out again, to which she replied "i understand".

No love lost from all this, but it still amazes me to see that after 7 years of active dating women can still perplex me (no offence to women on this site)

 

[nerdygirl]

No love lost from all this, but it still amazes me to see that after 7 years of active dating women can still perplex me (no offence to women on this site)

After 35 years of actively BEING a woman, women can still perplex me.

 

[ForGrantedWife]

That's a bit of an overreaction man. You may have lost out because you couldn't be patient. One thing you need with women is patience. If my husband had reacted this way he wouldn't have a wife and two kids he's crazy about, that he got only because he let me have my way initially. I was nervous and not ready too, but he won me over. Sometimes you have to be the one to give a little, and if you can't you stay alone.

 

[Seeker]

That's a bit of an overreaction man. You may have lost out because you couldn't be patient. One thing you need with women is patience. If my husband had reacted this way he wouldn't have a wife and two kids he's crazy about, that he got only because he let me have my way initially. I was nervous and not ready too, but he won me over. Sometimes you have to be the one to give a little, and if you can't you stay alone.

I see what you are saying and I assure you that I can be patient, but when the woman shows no interest whatsoever, even after I told her the problem, she doesn't really make you want to try.

Did you show your husband that you were interested, even a little bit? If no, then props to the man for completely winning you from scratch, I could actually learn from him

 

[ForGrantedWife]

No I wasn't interested whatsoever. Even after I was interested I wasn't sure if I was enough. We went through a horrible period where I put the poor boy through heck and back because I was young and unready for the seriousness of what he would mean in the grand scheme of my life. I knew with him it would be "settle down" time. At 18 I was no where near settled. He wanted marriage and kids, now not later. I was envisioning joining the peace corps and running off on an adventure. He won. And trust me I didn't make it easy for him either. Poor guy had to go crying to my Mother for help in keeping a hold of me. That's what I mean about patience. Some women are worth the time it takes to win them and you have to be patient and be willing to go through some stuff for awhile. Think of yourself and your own bad qualities. Some men don't seem to realize how much a woman will have to put up with over them It's a two-way street, hon, as the saying goes.

 

[Seeker]

Well, I have chased a woman for 8 months in the past before she accepted me and it was worth it, because we went 2 years together. It may be bad timing, too, because back then I was really ready for a relationship, I was young and my full attention was on finding love. Now I'm just starting a new job which I love and have wanted for a long time, so maybe I don't have the necessary energy to commit to a completely serious relationship. So, in a way, I may just be doing her a favor, if she was looking for future husband material or something

 

[ForGrantedWife]

Alrighty then, I guess when you know it's over it's over. So be it If you're not in it to win it then you simply aren't ready in which case you did do her a favor. I'm sure she wasn't only looking for a mattress rodeo (as someone here so charmingly put it Most women aren't.