ardour
Well known loser
For the record it wasn't about unwanted attention.
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LeaningIntoTheMuse
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I really don't understand the exchange here?
The OP is talking about not appreciating that a woman led him on, and then it goes into an argument over creeps raping and murdering women (which I agree does happen, but what does that have to do with the OP?)
If that is why she left, it's a pretty silly reason. Her statements were also pretty outrageous.
The OP is talking about not appreciating that a woman led him on, and then it goes into an argument over creeps raping and murdering women (which I agree does happen, but what does that have to do with the OP?)
If that is why she left, it's a pretty silly reason. Her statements were also pretty outrageous.
ardour
Well known loser
There's something odd about characterizing all men as predators while still demanding they pursue as a natural role. A form of manipulation.
You'd think her and others with similar experiences would support women initiating, since it allows them much greater choice over the how and who of the interaction. But no, it does not appeal to the ego.
You'd think her and others with similar experiences would support women initiating, since it allows them much greater choice over the how and who of the interaction. But no, it does not appeal to the ego.
LeaningIntoTheMuse
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For the record, not all men who are attracted to attractive women are predators. Some of us can keep it in our pants...and a lot of us are respectable and gentlemanly.
I just found that very odd. It's like saying the geek is good at math, or the jock can't be well read. It's a high school mentality, and I found it odd in someone who claims they are married with full grown children.
I just found that very odd. It's like saying the geek is good at math, or the jock can't be well read. It's a high school mentality, and I found it odd in someone who claims they are married with full grown children.
S
Seeker
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LeaningIntoTheMuse said:
OP here, yeah, in a previous reply I did say that this thread went a bit off topic, I mean my original problem was if it is that bad to dismiss a woman who doesn't give you any signs of interest to work with, I mean are men supposed to establish and direct the whole thing by themselves? It's like punching a concrete wall actually, you want to break it with your bare hands but it's almost impossible to do so without the use of other tools, these being signs of interest (bad metaphor but I hope you get my point
)
nerdygirl
Well-known member
Do y'all discuss road kill, too?
It does stink that she ultimately wasn't interested in a relationship. I'm not so sure she was leading you on. She probably did have some interest in the first place, or she wouldn't have agreed to a date at all. Perhaps there were things about you she wanted a friend's opinion on. When you confronted her about it, she might have felt embarrassed or worried that it would hurt your feelings to tell you why she didn't want to be romantically involved with you. So she just said she didn't feel ready for a relationship.
It does stink that she ultimately wasn't interested in a relationship. I'm not so sure she was leading you on. She probably did have some interest in the first place, or she wouldn't have agreed to a date at all. Perhaps there were things about you she wanted a friend's opinion on. When you confronted her about it, she might have felt embarrassed or worried that it would hurt your feelings to tell you why she didn't want to be romantically involved with you. So she just said she didn't feel ready for a relationship.
S
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nerdygirl said:
I see your point and there is a high probability that you are right, nerdygirl, but we are all adults here, I can take a rejection, what I can't take is double meanings and hidden signals, if she really knew what (and if) she wanted from me I would appreciate a direct response more than "read between the lines" tactics. I admit that I may be wrong, but in the end it's all about how each individual faces things, and this is how I do it so yeah.
nerdygirl
Well-known member
We are all adults, but not all adults handle rejection well. I know from personal experience that even if you're polite about it, some people will get really upset when you're direct. That's why I stopped sending rejection letters to guys on dating sites- a lot of them become rather hostile. Please don't misunderstand, I'm not saying, "All guys are like that." The thing is, enough are like that to make it easier for some people to be evasive.
S
Seeker
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nerdygirl said:
So true
ardour
Well known loser
nerdygirl said:
You don't think that would make him uncomfortable though - having a third party sitting there assessing him?
murmi97
Well-known member
nerdygirl said:
Can you not block people on those sites? I'd like to think that it'd be a good idea to block someone being hostile, cause they might just suspend people who are blocked oft enough and then no one else will have put up with them either.
nerdygirl
Well-known member
rdor said:
Sure, I think it would. I'm not the one who did it! heh heh... Just stating her probable rationale.
murmi97 said:
Yes, you can block people. The thing is, by the time you block somebody who is being hostile, you're already the target of them being hostile. Some of them even create new accounts just to come in and be a jerk.
murmi97
Well-known member
nerdygirl said:
Right yeah, I'm sorry you (and others) have to go through that.
S
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rdor said:
Yes it did make me uncomfortable and for a good reason too, I mean, how are you supposed to flirt and learn more about the woman if you can't express yourself freely with a third attendant (whom you don't know) lurking over you?
ardour
Well known loser
Seeker said:rdor said:
Yes it did make me uncomfortable and for a good reason too, I mean, how are you supposed to flirt and learn more about the woman if you can't express yourself freely with a third attendant (whom you don't know) lurking over you?
... her eyes fixed on you the entire time while you fumble over your words and try to focus on your date instead. What a fun night out.
S
Seeker
Guest
rdor said:Seeker said:rdor said:
Yes it did make me uncomfortable and for a good reason too, I mean, how are you supposed to flirt and learn more about the woman if you can't express yourself freely with a third attendant (whom you don't know) lurking over you?
... her eyes fixed on you the entire time while you fumble over your words and try to focus on your date instead. What a fun night out.
At one point I simply gave up on the whole flirt thing and tried to simply enjoy the company I had, didn't work all the time but oh well.
Lippy_Kid
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I think it was a bit rude to agree to a date and then ask to bring a friend along personally. It's not something I would do on a first date and if someone did that to me it wouldn't be the best way to make a good impression on me. It's two way, she has to impress you as well and by this gesture she obviously didn't and you quite rightly couldn't relax. I actually would like to think I would have cancelled the date. If I'd asked a girl to the cinema and then invited a friend along, I mean you just don't do that do you?
S
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Lippy_Kid said:
Yeah, I'm sure she wouldn't like it if it was me who brought a friend along instead of her, I actually thought of cancelling the entire date, but I've been on a self-appointed mission to be more open-minded when interacting with people as of late, so I went through with it. Needless to say, though, when the bill came I let them pay their own coffees, I hope they took the hint.
nerdygirl
Well-known member
I'm not sure I understand why you can't flirt with a girl while her friend is there. Is it a secret? If the two of you became a couple, and she wanted her friend to hang out with the two of you, would that be an issue? Would you suddenly treat the girl like she's just a friend because her friend is there? I can, and have, talk to two guys and flirt with one and not the other. AND it wasn't awkward.
While I wouldn't take a friend on a hypothetical date, I also wouldn't get all worked up if a guy brought his friend along. Well, I would be bothered if I hadn't been told ahead of time. If I was sincerely interested in the guy, I'd bring a friend of MINE along. That would turn it into something of a double date.
While I wouldn't take a friend on a hypothetical date, I also wouldn't get all worked up if a guy brought his friend along. Well, I would be bothered if I hadn't been told ahead of time. If I was sincerely interested in the guy, I'd bring a friend of MINE along. That would turn it into something of a double date.
S
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nerdygirl said:
The only possible scenario that justifies flirting with a girl while her friend is present is if she happens to be at some place with her friend, and you approach her for the first time. A friend is also acceptable from the 2nd date onward, when you two have already learned some things about each other and are more comfortable together. But bringing a friend on the first date, when it is apparent that you like the girl and want to get to learn more about her, since you asked her out on a DATE in the first place is a no-no in my book.
You even justify my opinion in your answer, Nerdygirl, because you say if the two of you become a COUPLE. The problem I had with her was that she did it on the first date.
