She wants to bring a friend along??

[Sansui]

Hi, I am sure that this question has been asked before, but this is the first time that this has happened to me, so I would like to hear your opinions on the matter.

In a couple of hours I'm having my first date with a girl I met the other day. Just a few minutes ago she texts me to ask me if it's ok to bring her best friend (girl) with her. Does this mean that she isn't romantically interested in me and just sees this as a casual night out? I'm sure I made pretty clear to her that it's a date we are going on.

Any insights?

I once did the same with a guy I had just met. For security reasons and to ease off the pressure of a 'date' I asked if I could bring my 2x sisters with..he was fine with it. This showed me he had nothin to hide, was confident in self and was serious abt getting t know me as a person. Needless t say, we had more 1:1 dates since then!

All the best with yo date

 

[nerdygirl]

The only possible scenario that justifies flirting with a girl while her friend is present is if she happens to be at some place with her friend, and you approach her for the first time. A friend is also acceptable from the 2nd date onward, when you two have already learned some things about each other and are more comfortable together. But bringing a friend on the first date, when it is apparent that you like the girl and want to get to learn more about her, since you asked her out on a DATE in the first place is a no-no in my book.

You even justify my opinion in your answer, Nerdygirl, because you say if the two of you become a COUPLE. The problem I had with her was that she did it on the first date.

I didn't justify your opinion. I asked you a question which you didn't answer. I asked you what you'd do if you were a couple because when you made that first date, you were giving her the first impression of how you'd treat her if you were in a relationship.

Why do you need "justification" to flirt with a girl in front of somebody else- especially her friend? If a guy couldn't flirt with me in front of my friend, I'd wonder if he was interested in her. In addition, if he couldn't flirt with me in the presence of other people, but could when we were alone, red flags would be shooting up all over the place in my mind. I'd be thinking things like: Is he ashamed that he's attracted to me? Is he just trying to use me? If we were to become a couple, would he treat me as if I was insignificant compared to everybody else who was there? If he's like this in front of MY friend, what would he be like in front of HIS friends? (etc.)

 

[Seeker]

The only possible scenario that justifies flirting with a girl while her friend is present is if she happens to be at some place with her friend, and you approach her for the first time. A friend is also acceptable from the 2nd date onward, when you two have already learned some things about each other and are more comfortable together. But bringing a friend on the first date, when it is apparent that you like the girl and want to get to learn more about her, since you asked her out on a DATE in the first place is a no-no in my book.

You even justify my opinion in your answer, Nerdygirl, because you say if the two of you become a COUPLE. The problem I had with her was that she did it on the first date.

I didn't justify your opinion. I asked you a question which you didn't answer. I asked you what you'd do if you were a couple because when you made that first date, you were giving her the first impression of how you'd treat her if you were in a relationship.

Why do you need "justification" to flirt with a girl in front of somebody else- especially her friend? If a guy couldn't flirt with me in front of my friend, I'd wonder if he was interested in her. In addition, if he couldn't flirt with me in the presence of other people, but could when we were alone, red flags would be shooting up all over the place in my mind. I'd be thinking things like: Is he ashamed that he's attracted to me? Is he just trying to use me? If we were to become a couple, would he treat me as if I was insignificant compared to everybody else who was there? If he's like this in front of MY friend, what would he be like in front of HIS friends? (etc.)

I'm a bit shy in one-on-one situations as it is, so making in a 2-on-1 didn't actually help me ease up with her, I'm not saying double dating is bad, but I feel more comfortable in private talk, especially with a person I've just met and trying to learn more about.

 

[ardour]

Why do you need "justification" to flirt with a girl in front of somebody else- especially her friend? If a guy couldn't flirt with me in front of my friend, I'd wonder if he was interested in her. In addition, if he couldn't flirt with me in the presence of other people, but could when we were alone, red flags would be shooting up all over the place in my mind. I'd be thinking things like: Is he ashamed that he's attracted to me? Is he just trying to use me? If we were to become a couple, would he treat me as if I was insignificant compared to everybody else who was there? If he's like this in front of MY friend, what would he be like in front of HIS friends? (etc.)

Because it's uncomfortable for the OP, especially in the presence of someone he doesn't know. Some people are shy or regard that kind of behaviour as more of an alone time thing, what's wrong with that?

You think he's "using you", whatever that is supposed to mean, or "ashamed of you" if he doesn't flirt in front of others, while another woman would think he's "too aggressive" for doing that. The sheer number of bizarre ways to write off a guy amazes me.

 

[Seeker]

Why do you need "justification" to flirt with a girl in front of somebody else- especially her friend? If a guy couldn't flirt with me in front of my friend, I'd wonder if he was interested in her. In addition, if he couldn't flirt with me in the presence of other people, but could when we were alone, red flags would be shooting up all over the place in my mind. I'd be thinking things like: Is he ashamed that he's attracted to me? Is he just trying to use me? If we were to become a couple, would he treat me as if I was insignificant compared to everybody else who was there? If he's like this in front of MY friend, what would he be like in front of HIS friends? (etc.)

Because it's uncomfortable for the OP, especially in the presence of someone he doesn't know. Some people are shy or regard that kind of behaviour as more of an alone time thing, what's wrong with that?

You think he's "using you", whatever that is supposed to mean, or "ashamed of you" if he doesn't flirt in front of others, while another woman would think he's "too aggressive" for doing that. The sheer number of bizarre ways to write off a guy amazes me.

Thanks rdor, you explained how I feel about the subject better than I attempted to do right above. What I'm trying to explain to nerdy is that each person is different, what she considers normal isn't as easy for everyone. Besides, don't forget that as men we are the ones that usually get to make the approach and initiate conversation, so it can be harder for us than it is for most women. (before I get flamed, I didn't say all women )

 

[nerdygirl]

Thanks rdor, you explained how I feel about the subject better than I attempted to do right above. What I'm trying to explain to nerdy is that each person is different, what she considers normal isn't as easy for everyone. Besides, don't forget that as men we are the ones that usually get to make the approach and initiate conversation, so it can be harder for us than it is for most women. (before I get flamed, I didn't say all women )

Oh, rdor... Always taking something simple and turning it into men vs women. You silly rascal, you.

Anyway...
As I said in another post, I understand that it felt weird to have another person along. I really do. I find it really strange that you knew you couldn't flirt with her friend there, but you didn't text back, "I was really hoping it would just be the two of us, so we could give each other undivided attention. Maybe we should go out some other time when you don't have plans with your friend."

I also want you to realize that not being flirty in front of people is kind of an issue. I wasn't throwing accusations at you- I was presenting things I've heard oodles of times over the years- from both genders. Look at the following link, for example.

http://answerology.seventeen.com/in...we-know-but-is-so-sweet-when-its-just-us.html

You'll find the same sort of complaint (treating somebody differently when alone vs in the company of friends/ family) under things like, "is my girlfriend ashamed of me", "is my boyfriend cheating", etc. It just throws up red flags for a lot of people.

Yes, I know this was a date, and not a relationship. However, most people I know expect you to be more attentive while you're dating. It's kind of, "If this is what you're like while we're just dating, I really don't want to see what it's like when we're in a relationship!" So anyhoo- don't feel that you have to defend yourself here... just wanted to make you stop and think, and to give you a different perspective on this.

 

[Seeker]

Again, I get what you're saying, nerdygirl, and I do flirt in front of other people, as long as I know the people or I am in an already established relationship. You are right on one thing, though, I could indeed have called her and ask for a one-one date in the first place, I really don't know why I didn't so yeah I suppose i Kinda brought this upon myself.

Update on the whole thing: She texted me today and said she was sorry to bring her friend along, because she finally realized that it made me uncomfortable. I asked her if she would have liked it if i did it to her and she said no. Now she wants to make it up to me and asks for another one-on-one date. NOW I will flirt