Single, lonely and in pain :(

[QuietGuy]

I'm searching for exactly what you described: a gentle, stable, loving man who will appreciate the qualities I have to offer a partner, just as I would appreciate those qualities in him.

I want to be with someone who respects me not only as a woman but as a person, as their partner, as I would respect them as a man and as my partner. I want to feel for and care for someone deeply and with love, as they would feel for and care for me. I want a relationship where we take care of each other and know that when life gets difficult that the other will always be there to help support them.

It's so reassuring for us nice guys to know that there are nice girls like you out there in the world who are looking for this kind of relationship

Badjedidude - I think it can be a mixture of both, but I think they're at opposite ends of the spectrum, so the more of a "good boy" you are, the less of a "bad boy" you can be, and vice versa. Like mixing black and white to make grey - increasing the white must decrease the black by the same amount.

My concept of a "good boy" (or "nice guy") is someone who wants to settle down in a steady long-term relationship, whereas my concept of a "bad boy" is someone who enjoys the regular thrill of the pursuit and the sexual conquest ("notches on one's bedpost", like giftofflavor's "2:30am" guy). Tell me if my concepts are flawed, but it seems to me that they're rather incompatible with each other - rather mutually exclusive. Of course, someone could start out as a "bad boy" and then slowly transition to "nice guy", in which case they'd be a mixture of both during the transition.

 

[Badjedidude]

Badjedidude - I think it can be a mixture of both, but I think they're at opposite ends of the spectrum, so the more of a "good boy" you are, the less of a "bad boy" you can be, and vice versa. Like mixing black and white to make grey - increasing the white must decrease the black by the same amount.

I disagree.

Think a person can be both bad and good at the same time. The human psychology/mind is so complex that it's really impossible to can someone into such narrow views, unless they are that way all the time and without end. And I've never met a bad boy that didn't have a soft side somewhere. Same with nice guys--they have their demons, too.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Same with nice guys--they have their demons, too.

Then they need to smack them with rolled-up newspapers and teach them to fetch and do laundry and dishes! Now THAT would score with the girls EVERY time!

Girl: "OMG what is that THING on your shoulder??"
Guy: "Oh, that's my own personal demon! He's trained to do laundry, dishes, sweep, mop, fetch things and give back rubs!"
Girl: "Will you marry me? *bats eyelashes*..."

OK I'll stop with the sarcasm. But....what if... lol

 

[mintymint]

Same with nice guys--they have their demons, too.

Then they need to smack them with rolled-up newspapers and teach them to fetch and do laundry and dishes! Now THAT would score with the girls EVERY time!

Girl: "OMG what is that THING on your shoulder??"
Guy: "Oh, that's my own personal demon! He's trained to do laundry, dishes, sweep, mop, fetch things and give back rubs!"
Girl: "Will you marry me? *bats eyelashes*..."

OK I'll stop with the sarcasm. But....what if... lol

[youtube]1wVOtW558RI[/youtube]

 

[Badjedidude]

LOL omg I love Kids in the Hall. XD haha

Score 10 points for minty-fresh.

 

[Snickers]

I don't understand how a british guy could stay single!!

They have the most sexiest accent ever!!

 

[Badjedidude]

^^^Depends on what part of Britain we're talking about. The Northeast or Midlands, for example, are not my cuppa tea. XD

 

[QuietGuy]

I don't understand how a british guy could stay single!!

They have the most sexiest accent ever!!

I was brought up near London, so my accent is quite posh, quite like "the Queen's English". That doesn't interest British girls at all, but girls in the US seem to like it

 

[EveWasFramed]

I don't understand how a british guy could stay single!!

They have the most sexiest accent ever!!

I was brought up near London, so my accent is quite posh, quite like "the Queen's English". That doesn't interest British girls at all, but girls in the US seem to like it

I was in London in May. The accent is a turn on, to be sure.

Scotland was the same...different accent of course, but sexy too.

 

[andrew732]

Is it also true for American accents from the UK's perspective? I imagine a "typical" US accent would be considered sexy but an "extreme" American accent (like Cletus from the Simpsons) would probably seem comical and/or grating. :shy:

 

[QuietGuy]

There are many different American accents, and I'm not very good at identifying and distinguishing between them. Some of them are a little irritating to me, but others I find very sexy indeed!

Someone should set up a "blind date" website where you choose your date by the sexiness of their accent

 

[Badjedidude]

Best American accent comes from the middle of the nation. Specifically, Kansas. (hehe)

 

[EveWasFramed]

There are many different American accents...Some of them are a little irritating to me, but others I find very sexy indeed!

The ones that you find irritating...those wouldn't be Southern accents, would they? :club:

lol, no one in the UK seemed to mind mine. :shy:

 

[chrism]

hey there,

I think almost everyone here is looking for that particular friend and when I say 'friend', I think you, just as everyone whose looking for this friend, know what I am talking about. We all want that partner that fits our every rough edges and ripples like a puzzle. You seem like a good guy. Even without your accent a decent girl will surely consider you a good catch. I think what you have to do is to give yourself and other people the chance. when you said this:

but in my opinion there's no point in asking a girl out if you don't feel that special spark.

You are right, it would be a total waste of both your time and money. But you don't always have to ask a girl out to get to know her. I mean on a date. You can hang around with girls you find nice, even if they don't feel right. I don't think the 'spark' is always an instant thing. Sometimes we just have to let it develop.

Sometimes the loneliness gets so intense that it's actually painful, a horrible sickening pain in my chest and stomach. Today for some reason was particularly bad. I was sitting in the park having lunch, and there were several young couples sitting in the sun, holding hands, being all affectionate with each other. I'm very glad for them that they've found someone special, but watching them was like having a knife twisted in my stomach, a cruel reminder of how lonely I feel. I was in such pain that I couldn't eat my lunch, and I had to get up and leave the park, otherwise I probably would've started crying there sitting on the bench.

And this is why I don't like going to malls or any places where you see happy couples. Not that I want them to be unhappy. but yes, they make me bitter. lol

But anyway, I'm not very confident about sharing my thoughts on this as I don't have much experience myself. But oh well, I think some things will come when you are not looking for it. When we get frustrated and anxious to find something that we rely our own happiness on it, we increase our chances of hurting ourselves and hurting others in the process. Instead of looking at what makes our current situation miserable, we have to look at what makes it good. This is what we are dealt with now so we just have to face it, might as well have fun with it while we can.

There was this boy once who told me that he wasn't looking for love. He said 'I'm just enjoying myself and maybe hoping that I'll bump on the right one along the way'. Maybe you'll find it irresponsible because yes, we have to work hard for what we want but some things don't always work that way.

And about your theory with the good boy/ bad boy thing, some girls don't always get off at the back of the bad boy's motorcycle because they are not looking for a long term relationship, some just want to know their limitations, their selves better. A nice guy is always nice but there is no such thing as a nice guy. Everyone has a good and bar part. If you are not willing to show your bad part to someone, maybe you don't expect her to stay long as well.

Anyway, just sharing my thoughts. Hope you find what you are looking for

 

[blueindia2681]

how about a southern accent on an american girl of mexican background??? hehe

 

[freedom]

hey buddy. man, i can really understand what you're going through because we have the same story. i've been looking for the right one too, and the search seems endless. i did met a really great girl last year, and i really thought she was the one for me, but because of reasons i can't disclose, we had to go our seperate ways. all i can say is keep your head held high. stay optimistic and never surrender. sometimes you need to stand still to find the right one. instead of searching for her, why not let her find you? the great girl i mentioned found me one day out of the blue when i had given up my search for her. good luck!

 

[Dream]

Hi QuietGuy

Thank you for this post...it really translates my own feelings and loneliness... I'm 33 myself ... I hope you find your soulmate.

Hi everyone,

Firstly, many thanks to those who run this website, for providing this space for people to get together and share their experiences and advice.

I'm a 27 year old single British guy. I've been single for 6 years now, and I'm feeling very very lonely without having a special girl to share my life with.

Maybe I'm slightly unusual, in that I don't really feel the need to have lots of friends. I have a few good friends, who I enjoy seeing from time to time, but I seem to have a much stronger desire for a girlfriend.

I find it quite easy to be friends with girls, and have normal everyday conversations with them. I'm physically attracted to many girls, but I very very rarely meet a girl with whom I feel that magic spark of chemistry. I don't know why this is the case, but in my opinion there's no point in asking a girl out if you don't feel that special spark.

To put it simply, I'm looking for a girl to be my romantic companion, someone to share my life with intimately, someone who understands me, someone to care for, to protect and to love. And vice versa: I'm looking for a girl who wants a romantic companion, who wants to share her life with someone intimately, who's looking for someone who understands her, someone she can care for, protect and love.

To be honest, I'm not particularly bothered about sex. I wouldn't mind at all if I had a girlfriend who wasn't especially interested in sex. Obviously physical intimacy is nice, but what matters to me most is the faithful companionship, the simple affection, the sweet romance, the mutual trust, the deep friendship.

Sometimes the loneliness gets so intense that it's actually painful, a horrible sickening pain in my chest and stomach. Today for some reason was particularly bad. I was sitting in the park having lunch, and there were several young couples sitting in the sun, holding hands, being all affectionate with each other. I'm very glad for them that they've found someone special, but watching them was like having a knife twisted in my stomach, a cruel reminder of how lonely I feel. I was in such pain that I couldn't eat my lunch, and I had to get up and leave the park, otherwise I probably would've started crying there sitting on the bench.

Sometimes I just feel like giving up on the whole search for a girlfriend, like these lyrics by The Carpenters:

So I've made my mind up, I must live my life alone
And though it's not the easy way, I guess I've always known

All the years of useless search have finally reached an end
Loneliness and empty days will be my only friend
From this day love is forgotten
I'll go on as best I can

This line by Robbie Williams is so relevant to the way I feel:

I got so much love, running through my veins, going to waste

And of course these lyrics by Green Day:

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then, I walk alone

But I'll try to finish on an optimistic note, with my favourite quote from Cast Away starring Tom Hanks, possibly my all-time favourite film:

I know what I have to do now. I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?

I'm very glad that I've found this site, and I have a feeling that I'll be visiting quite regularly. I'm sorry that this first post has been a bit of a vent! I'll try to make my future posts less "ventful", and I also hope to be able to give support to others on this site who are suffering.

 

[sunbeam]

Hi QuiteGuy,

Yesterday I posted a very very long post here but today I can’t see it, well I’ve never been good at computers, so actualy it doesn’t surprise me Anyway I am trying to summarize everything again in few words.
Fistly, I’ve read your post even more than once and it is indeed similar to mine, actually we sound the same. I can’t belive you can’t find perfect match, it s like futurecatlady says , people like you are rare, they are so special, you sound sweet and true, I think it’s metter of time for you to find you perfect gf., the girl who’ll have chance share life you will be very very lucky. I
Speaking about bad boys
Here is my opinion „Girls like bad boys” is only a myth a stereotype that is not based on true fact. Portrait of perfect men I am going to sketch below is mix a of bad boys and nice guys traits.
The perfect partner for woman is a men who’s responsible, resourceful, self-confident but emotional, gentle and gallant a little mysterious, there is nothing more fascinating for women than discovering this such hudge mistery Self confidence is a very important ascpect too. Woman with self confident guy by her side knows she doesn't have worry and care about everything, it makes her feel safe, girls just don’t like guys who hide behind them.
So it's not like that girls love only bad boys, girls want stability, balance and state of order, but a little spontaneity too not only on holliday once a year

Thanks a lot for barrels by the way, this is exacly what we both actually need now.

 

[QuietGuy]

Thanks again for your replies guys!

But you don't always have to ask a girl out to get to know her. I mean on a date. You can hang around with girls you find nice, even if they don't feel right.

You're absolutely right! I have quite a few female friends, and there are also some nice girls at work who I enjoy chatting to, just as friends. When I was at university, there was one girl who I was good friends with, and we used to do things together like going to the cinema. But we weren't dating, just being mates. I think that's the best way for a relationship to start, because you have a good friendship to base it on.

I don't think the 'spark' is always an instant thing. Sometimes we just have to let it develop.

Yes indeed! In fact, it's probably better if it develops over time. But I wish it would hurry up - I'd like a spark to develop with someone before I'm 90 years old.

Instead of looking at what makes our current situation miserable, we have to look at what makes it good. This is what we are dealt with now so we just have to face it, might as well have fun with it while we can.

Good advice. There are a lot of things in life apart from relationships that can bring us happiness, and we mustn't get so wound up about our lack of a companion that we miss all the other opportunities for happiness that life and chance bring our way.

There was this boy once who told me that he wasn't looking for love. He said 'I'm just enjoying myself and maybe hoping that I'll bump on the right one along the way'.

What a wonderful attitude to have! If only it was easy for us all to have that kind of attitude.

I can't belive you can't find perfect match, it s like futurecatlady says , people like you are rare, they are so special, you sound sweet and true, I think it's metter of time for you to find you perfect gf., the girl who'll have chance share life you will be very very lucky.

Thanks sunbeam

Self confidence is a very important ascpect too. Woman with self confident guy by her side knows she doesn't have worry and care about everything, it makes her feel safe, girls just don't like guys who hide behind them.

You're right, and fortunately self-confidence is not a problem for me. I recently went to a wedding, and at the reception dinner, I had four girls sitting next to me, two on each side! I found it really easy to make conversation with them all for over an hour. But it was just polite conversation, nothing more. I didn't really feel any chemistry with any of them, and none of them seemed particularly interested in me. Ah well

Though the road ahead is hard and long
And the journey seems without ending
Oh that which thou art
Let thy gaze be not deflected
Fix thy attention on the goal
Onward, and ever on

(The Shamen - Destination Eschaton)

 

[sunbeam]

Self confidence is a very important ascpect too. Woman with self confident guy by her side knows she doesn't have worry and care about everything, it makes her feel safe, girls just don't like guys who hide behind them.

You're right, and fortunately self-confidence is not a problem for me. I recently went to a wedding, and at the reception dinner, I had four girls sitting next to me, two on each side! I found it really easy to make conversation with them all for over an hour. But it was just polite conversation, nothing more. I didn't really feel any chemistry with any of them, and none of them seemed particularly interested in me. Ah well

Though the road ahead is hard and long
And the journey seems without ending
Oh that which thou art
Let thy gaze be not deflected
Fix thy attention on the goal
Onward, and ever on

(The Shamen - Destination Eschaton)
[/quote]

Well, maybe you just made them shy, and they were a bit overawed and you didn't even know about that. How they can show the intrest in you, if you didn't show the intrest in them I think we are the same anyway. I can't show any intrest at all, just nice smile, polite conversation. I could’t, I can’t and I probably I won’t be able. Even if now some guy a la Chrise Prine sit in front of me, gave dozen of roses, showered complements and named the stars my name, I don’t think my heart would start beating faster. What’s worse I would feel embarrassed and angry for myslef, angry for him that he put me in awkward situation.
Sometimes I think I am horrible person, with no heart, and I’ll be roasting in hell.