Single, lonely and in pain :(

[incognito]

Loneliness hurts - relationships too

 

[cool_breeze]

Hi everyone,

Firstly, many thanks to those who run this website, for providing this space for people to get together and share their experiences and advice.

I'm a 27 year old single British guy. I've been single for 6 years now, and I'm feeling very very lonely without having a special girl to share my life with.

Maybe I'm slightly unusual, in that I don't really feel the need to have lots of friends. I have a few good friends, who I enjoy seeing from time to time, but I seem to have a much stronger desire for a girlfriend.

I find it quite easy to be friends with girls, and have normal everyday conversations with them. I'm physically attracted to many girls, but I very very rarely meet a girl with whom I feel that magic spark of chemistry. I don't know why this is the case, but in my opinion there's no point in asking a girl out if you don't feel that special spark.

To put it simply, I'm looking for a girl to be my romantic companion, someone to share my life with intimately, someone who understands me, someone to care for, to protect and to love. And vice versa: I'm looking for a girl who wants a romantic companion, who wants to share her life with someone intimately, who's looking for someone who understands her, someone she can care for, protect and love.

To be honest, I'm not particularly bothered about sex. I wouldn't mind at all if I had a girlfriend who wasn't especially interested in sex. Obviously physical intimacy is nice, but what matters to me most is the faithful companionship, the simple affection, the sweet romance, the mutual trust, the deep friendship.

Sometimes the loneliness gets so intense that it's actually painful, a horrible sickening pain in my chest and stomach. Today for some reason was particularly bad. I was sitting in the park having lunch, and there were several young couples sitting in the sun, holding hands, being all affectionate with each other. I'm very glad for them that they've found someone special, but watching them was like having a knife twisted in my stomach, a cruel reminder of how lonely I feel. I was in such pain that I couldn't eat my lunch, and I had to get up and leave the park, otherwise I probably would've started crying there sitting on the bench.

Sometimes I just feel like giving up on the whole search for a girlfriend, like these lyrics by The Carpenters:

So I've made my mind up, I must live my life alone
And though it's not the easy way, I guess I've always known

All the years of useless search have finally reached an end
Loneliness and empty days will be my only friend
From this day love is forgotten
I'll go on as best I can

This line by Robbie Williams is so relevant to the way I feel:

I got so much love, running through my veins, going to waste

And of course these lyrics by Green Day:

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
Till then, I walk alone

But I'll try to finish on an optimistic note, with my favourite quote from Cast Away starring Tom Hanks, possibly my all-time favourite film:

I know what I have to do now. I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?

I'm very glad that I've found this site, and I have a feeling that I'll be visiting quite regularly. I'm sorry that this first post has been a bit of a vent! I'll try to make my future posts less "ventful", and I also hope to be able to give support to others on this site who are suffering.

Sounds a lot like me man. I have some female friends, have some good attributes, and rarely seem to get really excited about a certain girl. Similar age too. I would say I'm highly sexual though, which should be an aspect of a great relationship.

Good guy vs. bad guy stuff: Well, "bad guys" trigger emotions, and girls like that. As has already been mentioned on here it's the quick fix. Sometimes if you're a good guy you don't have to become a bad guy but you may want to rock the boat more and create a more emotional response with the girls. (With spontaneity, humor, etc keeping it fun). From what I understand you have to make some emotional peaks.

The way it seems these days people want a bad guy/short term thing or a long term deal but the long term deal often doesn't have a spark it's sometimes based more on just being comfortable with the other people which is boring (to me). So aren't there any really exciting relationships out there with some magic? I'm sure some but it seems not many these days.

So I very much relate to what you are talking about. I really want something that just doesn't seem to be there the vast majority of the time. Actual physical pain sometimes, yep.

And I don't like this advice of be happy with yourself first that goes around (and has been talked about in other threads on here). You should try to do that too I guess but that's no substitute for what we're talking about here. I would be open to relocating. Some girls in other regions or countries may be more in line with what you and I are talking about. That may be extreme but it kind of makes sense too. Sometimes it seems I can't go on without this sort of deep companion.

Maybe we're a dying breed or just not lucky. In a different thread I wrote that it's like someone forgot me when passing out the happiness. I guess the final idea I have is maybe if you're in a magical situation something magical will happen.

 

[kinzeUK]

Welcome, QuietGuy! I'm new 'round these parts as well. I think your self-description is eerily similar to the "perfect guy" description of a LOT of girls: sexy British accent, doesn't want to just roll in the hay all day, sexy accent, wants a companion more than arm candy, sexy accent, interested in a deep, meaningful bond, and... sexy accent.

Seriously, though, you sound like a wonderful person. People like you are so rare, and the girl who will one day have the privilege of loving and protecting you for life is truly fortunate.

Welcome to the forum and I wish you the best of luck in your life!

Any chance I could pretend you just said all this to me as well?




P.S. Welcome btw@the poster

 

[Rockhoo]

I feel for you man!

My advice for you is to start dating girls even if they don't provide that "spark" in the beginning. This can help you discover what you want in a girl. Also, even if all you have is a friendship, that's fine Everyone wants that 'Love at first sight' scenario, but it doesn't always happen like that. There are a large number of happily married couples who started off as just friends. Even if you don't have that "spark" give some of those girls a chance

 

[ShadowMan2898]

Good day, Quiet Guy! Hope you find that special one soon!