Hi Zem,
My father died I guess about 4 years ago now. I don't want to sound cold here, but I didn't lose much sleep over it. He really meant nothing to me, although I did feel bad for my mum. Although they hadn't lived together and she only saw him when he visited (he lived a distance away with his 'other' family), which was less and less frequent over time mostly due to illness, she still loved him a lot and she was pretty cut up over it. But I know she was really lonely before this for a number of years, sometimes I'd catch her crying in the kitchen randomly in some weaker moment.
Maybe 18 months ago or so, she told me she had started to see this guy. She had actually known him quite a long time although just vague friends before that. Then some time last year she called me again to tell me that he had moved into the family home. I felt a bit wierd about that, even though I didn't live there anymore, but I'd still grown up there. It felt a bit like he was invading what was mine in an odd kind of way. Then towards the end of last year she told me that they were buying a house together, and sure enough she sold the house I grew up in and moved.
It's wierd that you posted this today. On saturday she called me up and told me that they were getting married, and soon too, next month in fact. I suppose I shouldn't really be suprised by that, after all they were already living together.
If I'm honest I don't really like the guy she is gonna marry. The couple of times I've met him, I find he irritates me quite a lot and I think he tries to speak for my mum too much. But at the same time, I know my mum has been lonely most of her life. Yeah she has had my brother and myself, but that's not always been easy as we basically can't stand each other, even now at 27 yrs old. I always tried to be supportive of my mum when I was growing up cos I knew she needed someone to be there for her and that had to be me. But now I guess that I am happy for her cos I know she is finally happy in her life.
I think in retrospect it was a good thing for her that my father had died- she finally let the hope go that they might be together and actually got on with her life. So anyway the wedding is next month. Kinda odd that it's so soon but I guess she is tired of wasting time now.
I think you have to just look at the bigger picture sometimes and appreciate that things won't always turn out the way you want them but you have to make the best of the way things actually are. My mum is happy and that is great, so yeah I don't like the guy but hey it's her life, if she is happy then so am I for her. I think it's amazing that after getting to almost 60 she finally found happiness. Hope for us all I guess?
