so gross I can't stand it...

[ardour]

content will disgust.. warning given.

I feel like one of the lowest beings alive at the moment... I don't know how to mentally process and accept what I look like and the insecurity that goes along with it... there's almost nobody who looks anything like me.

How is someone supposed to deal with the fact that, as a male, they resemble a father who molested toddlers? A man who lived in third world countries so he could abuse small children and get away with it. I look just like him. It's as sick as it gets. He's hideous as well, his father was an incestuous sicko. I think he took his self-hatred out on defenceless lives, not that that's any excuse, but sometimes I almost pity him. I'm retarded due the abuse and my head veers inwards so that my features have no proportion, exaggerating the ugliness. IQ, guessing 80 maybe, I have trouble keeping a basic office job.

Balding since childhood, which wouldn't matter if I actually had a normal head. 1/2 hour shaving every morning and I still look unshaven. It's hurts like hell, like shaving a wire brush... I can never look clean.
I smile but I look like a retarded clown, I don't smile I look like a like a bitter angry psycho. Nothing works.

I just look like a dirty, creepy, horrible piece of ****, someone who probably would have been killed in a less forgiving society. People sense it. I'd give *anything* to look like people here on these forums. You are all so normal. I thought things might be changing in the last couple of years but not recently. There just isn't much of an opportunity to speak in my daily life either. Suicide is not a option because I have some family left who do care about me and I actually want to live, just not in this shell.

Yeah I probably need a psychiatrist.

 

[bodafuko]

I look like a man that threw a thirteen year old boy out a window, broke out all of his wife's front teeth, broke my nose for failing to mow the grass between two shrubs, and lied to and cheated dozens of people out of their savings, and who provided me with a string of illegitimate brothers and sisters across the country that I will never meet. I don't let it affect my self-worth. You can get beyond those thoughts. But you can't just "will it" to happen, you've got to read and educate yourself and then employ proven tactics to reverse your negative thinking.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Not all of us look "normal"

 

[ardour]

apologies Sophia, normal no, but not ugly.

 

[Tiina63]

Hello rdor, I don't think that it matters if you physically resemble a father who molested toddlers. You are not like him in any way which does matter. You are clearly a decent person and should not be putting yourself through all this pain just because of a physical resemblence. I am not putting down your pain here, but trying to get you to look at things from a different perspective.
Also, you come across as intelligent and not as having learning difficulties. Your post is clear and well written and doesn't have the typos which some of my posts do at times:-( The reasons you couldn't keep an office job are most likely
to do with your lack of self confidence rather than with any intellectual deficiences.

 

[perfanoff]

You are nothing like the kind of person you write about; your posts here have shown it.

I'm not going to get a condescending attitude; some people are beautiful, some are normal, and some are plainly physically unattractive. That's life.

BUT we're all blessed with life and make the most out of the hand we're given. It's pointless dwelling on something that is a given fact.

How come you have to shave that long? Is your facial hair really thick and rough or something? Maybe you can try with a unpowered blades, if you make sure to hydrate, stuff like the Gilette 3 do wonders.

What's probably happening is, you're letting your physical appearance get to your head. Even making it a much bigger deal than strangers make out of it. You desperately need to accept being yourself, I feel.

 

[SophiaGrace]

apologies Sophia, normal no, but not ugly.

I think most people would agree upon first glance or even the 2nd 3rd 4th and 5th that I am ugly.

You don't have a monopoly on ugly. Sorry.

 

[duff]

I am ugly. I could list all the things wrong with me but I can't be arsed.

I am balding but I wear a wooly hat in winter and caps in summer. I also wear sunglasses in summer. People rarely see what I look like and I'm happy with that. I wear nice clothes and I try to keep myself fit (loads of cycling and walking)

I avoid looking at myself in the mirror (unless I am shaving) and also I don't look at my reflection in windows etc.

So my 'looks' don't bother me that much.

Like a few people have said, plenty of ugly people about. Your not on your own !

 

[ardour]

How come you have to shave that long? Is your facial hair really thick and rough or something? Maybe you can try with a unpowered blades, if you make sure to hydrate, stuff like the Gilette 3 do wonders.

I use a blade, change it every 3 days, and balm, but it's just so unusually dense. Either there's a dark shadow or a lot of red irritation.

What's probably happening is, you're letting your physical appearance get to your head. Even making it a much bigger deal than strangers make out of it. You desperately need to accept being yourself, I feel.

To give you a clear idea of how it feels I would have to go into details about this man that don't bear mentioning here. There must be some character traits I've inherited from him, which scares the hell out of me.

Yes I'm not him, but given the resemblance making a mental break where I really believe that is the problem.

 

[Limlim]

There are so many dirty things I would do to Soph given opportunity and permission. Probably you too Rdor if you had breasts . Have you thought about shaving your head? Better to be bald than balding usually. A lot of guys I know who were afraid to do it because they thought they had weird shaped heads went ahead and did it anyway and it turned out great for them.

 

[whatthehellman]

This is my first post, and I'm just going to speak plainly because I don't like to beat around the bush and tip toe around peoples' feelings, which is probably because I don't like it when people do it to me. I want honest opinions, and I give honest opinions.

That said, according to your description, you are ugly. I believe you, and I'm sure if I looked at you I'd arrive at that same conclusion upon a single glance. I've recently come to the realization that I am, also, ugly. I've suspected it for a long time (based on how few women have ever shown interest in me in my life -- I'm a 24 year old virgin), but it's just recently that I've realized to a higher degree than ever before that my lack of physical beauty has really reduced the quality of my life. All the girls I've ever loved or lusted for have rejected me. It's been painful, to put it mildly.

I don't know of any way to change it. I hate the fact that I may never get to enjoy the look on a woman's face when she desires me on a purely physical level. I want that so much. It will probably always sit in the back of my mind, and I'll probably always think about how I can possibly change it. Right now I'm thinking that if I get really muscular I can spark some physical attraction in women. Other than that, I wonder if I make enough money if I can pay for some crazy new technology to improve my appearance. I get the feeling that this all sounds familiar to you.

But the worst thing about this realization is that it's debilitating. It depresses me and makes me function worse in other areas of my life. Makes getting through my schoolwork particularly difficult. But I know that I can be happy in spite of this and that's only because I have been in my past (some people don't have the fortune of a happy childhood, and I think people like that don't understand that happiness can come and go, that it's not static). I know I can create a life worth living for myself. There are some joys out there other than amazing sex and being loved and desired that are worth surviving for and striving for. So I guess after going through the miserable period of sulking and being depressed and refocusing on those other things, I find I'm able to mentally continue.

I don't know if any of this helps you. I wanted to give you something more concrete but as I typed through it, I started to realize that: 1. I needed to communicate and get a bit of release for myself, 2. that I'm not really sure how this is going to turn out for me, and 3. I have no solid, easy-to-follow advice for somebody going through something similar.

Sorry man

 

[LonelyInAtl]

Being ugly isn't debilitating. It definitely affects your love life but you can still life a fun life.

I'm ugly AND fat so it's a double whammy for me. That doesn't stop me from doing things like photography, hiking, pub crawls with groups, and a lot of other stuff to get out of the house. Once you accept that you will, for all intents and purposes, always be rejected by women you are interested in you can get on with your life and have some (single) fin.

 

[whatthehellman]

It has been debilitating for me, rather severely, but I agree that it doesn't have to be. I'm coming out of it pretty quick but I suspect that's because I have a lot of practice being severely depressed.

edit: I should clarify. It's inherently debilitating when it comes to love life, but the realization of it has been debilitating in all areas of my life. The second kind of debilitating is the one I think we both agree need not be the case.

 

[ardour]

If it's taken you this long to come to that realization then it can't really be that bad.

I knew what and who I looked like by the time I was 11. At this stage I no longer care that much about being single for the rest of life (I'm 33)

IMO looking average or just plain unattractive still allows for the possibility of a relationship based on the strength of your personality.