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I believe in Jesus, and I asked him into my heart at the age of 6. Thus Christianity has been a big part of my life. The Bible has been guide for me. As a result I value humility highly. I also don't like selfishness.

I have trouble with knowing if I'm truly humble or not. But I strive to be humble. I also try to be less selfish, so that I care about others.

What I want is a good connection with some other human beings. I even want a woman in my life. A Christian Woman of course. I know Christianity is becoming less and less popular today. But I have been to many different Christian Social Networking sites, and Christian Forums, for years and years. I never meet anyone that great. I never meet anyone that I click with. Even when I don't advertise my Christianity to people, and hang out where people are mostly unbelievers. I still don't find women that I click with. The problem is, a lot of people just seem to be so selfish. They don't want to get involved with anyone's life. They just seem to want to go online show off, and then go silent. I don't understand this. Don't they want to make connection too? And for the people they do connect with, how can they tell that, that person is a good guy or not unless they give him a chance?

If I didn't need the internet for other important things. I think I'm ready to unsubscribe from the Internet and go back to living the way I did before I had it. You see way back when joined the internet, my real life social life had died out. The job I had to take, made me even more isolated. And my learning disability made it hard for me to drive and get out more. I live in the country with my parents. Public transportation is not only frowned on by my parents, but there isn't much of it anyways.

Doing nice things for women. I've done many nice and thoughtful things for women at work. And I've done nice thoughtful things for women online. At best I would get a little thank you. At worse, I would get a complaint. I was emailing a woman some computer wallpapers because she seemed to like them. The problem was, her inbox, gets full quickly. So now she only wants me to email them once a week. I tried to suggest that she just open up a free gmail account, and let me send them to that account. I said, then whenever you are in the mood for them, you can just log into it, and download what you like. I even pointed out that they give you 15 gigabytes of free storage. Even if I emailed all 3,000 of my wallpapers to that, they would only take up 4 gigabytes of that storage. Seems like a good plan to me. But I doubt she will do that. (((shruggs))) I'm just using this as an example of how I try to come to a good compromise with someone, but rather than pick an option that would totally fix the problem. They would rather me do it their way. Maybe I will do it their way, or maybe I will just quit doing it. You see, I'm busy too. And thus, when I do something nice for someone, I need the freedom to be able to do it when time permits me to do it.

That is one of the reasons why I don't use instagram or facebook. They have rules that keep me from being able to get as much work done on the site as I can. You are limited on how many comments you can make before the site thinks you are a spammer. I don't got time for that nonsense. Plus people basically just treat those sites like the pastor once said. Facebook is Bragbook. Or as my, once, online friend said, Facebook is Fakebook. I know that some people are able to make places like I describe work, but it is because they are able to fit in with the way those sites do things. And they don't care about the data collection or how it is sold to whom, as long as they give them a platform to release the information they want to release. Personally I don't like to post pictures of myself anymore. I seldom do videos too. I really long for just having connection with people. Someone to talk and share with... Without going to all the extremes to get attention from others.

When it comes to my faith. It is very important to me. But you don't need it to be important if you want to talk to me about computers. You don't need it to be important if you want to talk about hobbies. And there are some other topics that my faith isn't important too. But if you want to marry me, of course it's important. I just feel that I have been very flexible and considerate of others... Lately I feel empty. Like something is missing.
 
I don't have a Christian leader. The Bible doesn't give me advice for this.
You don’t have a Christian leader? Can’t you reach out to one? Isn’t your ultimate leader a prayer away?

I don’t mean to be facetious, but something I’ve heard many times in my life: when you’re at a loss, quiet your mind and ask the universe (in your case God) your question and listen carefully for the answer.
 
On the face of it: you are a janitor; so that's not necessarily viewed as impressive as far as careers go (that's not meant to be offensive; just trying to cover the basics.). Being nice is nice, but it often is just one aspect of the dynamic system of interpersonal relationships. Some people can take or leave niceness, provided other things are in place. It's possible your experiences in life are not as diverse as others: that leads to less commonalities to bridge connections with. Your location, is a limit on who you may encounter and meet. Your circumstances effect this. For example living in a large city gives one opportunity to meet more people, but, in the city, social encounters are often brief and more trivial than in a small city or town. And conversely in a small city or town, there may be more opportunity to really get to know some one, but the chances of the right some one coming along is diminished.

Physical fitness and competence can be attractive. Humor can be attractive. Social status and wealth are often attractive. Good deeds can be attractive, but also repulsive; that's always a mixed bag. Set some one in front of their perfect mate, and next to that $100,000 dollars, and a choice between the two, and many of us, wouldn't be wise enough to see the true fortune in the person, rather than what the money could do for them.

As far as the philosophical/spiritual aspect is concerned: I think those who are truly humble aren't really concerned as to whether they are truly humble or not. There are entirely, utterly selfish people, that people love, dearly. There are utterly selfless people that are despised for their good nature.

As for me: the Jesus I know, hung out with tax collectors, prostitutes, lepers, and other deplorables, and always had his apostles guessing and trying to keep the pace with him; and in his hour of need, contemplating that he would soon be arrested and put to death, they were selfish, and slept, rather than pray for and with him. One would betray him. Another would deny his faith in Him three times. To me, this just speaks to the fact that, as humans, we have our failings, and they are quite inherent and intractable at times.

As for me, I find genuine selfishness is something I am not good at. And it's probably equally likely genuine selflessness is just as difficult for me.

Yeshua said to his disciples, "cast your net on the other side." I think the general sentiment there is, if something isn't working, try changing things up. If kindness isn't appreciated on the left, try it on the right side. Or, perhaps where selflessness isn't working out, give selfishness a try. And where selfishness isn't working out, give selflessness a try. I'm not saying one should be outright malicious; though for the times we try to do good, sometimes we can get in our own way trying to go about doing good, that is ultimately ineffective for all concerned.

It's quite common to be lonely, and quite common to not be able to alleviate or remedy the situation. 😕

On the bright side, perhaps a kind nature, is like an umbrella: not always needed, but when it begins to pour, it can come in handy. :)
 
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On the face of it: you are a janitor; so that's not necessarily viewed as impressive as far as careers go (that's not meant to be offensive; just trying to cover the basics.). Being nice is nice, but it often is just one aspect of the dynamic system of interpersonal relationships. Some people can take or leave niceness, provided other things are in place. It's possible your experiences in life are not as diverse as others: that leads to less commonalities to bridge connections with. Your location, is a limit on who you may encounter and meet. Your circumstances effect this. For example living in a large city gives one opportunity to meet more people, but, in the city, social encounters are often brief and more trivial than in a small city or town. And conversely in a small city or town, there may be more opportunity to really get to know some one, but the chances of the right some one coming along is diminished.

Physical fitness and competence can be attractive. Humor can be attractive. Social status and wealth are often attractive. Good deeds can be attractive, but also repulsive; that's always a mixed bag. Set some one in front of their perfect mate, and next to that $100,000 dollars, and a choice between the two, and many of us, wouldn't be wise enough to see the true fortune in the person, rather than what the money could do for them.

As far as the philosophical/spiritual aspect is concerned: I think those who are truly humble aren't really concerned as to whether they are truly humble or not. There are entirely, utterly selfish people, that people love, dearly. There are utterly selfless people that are despised for their good nature.

As for me: the Jesus I know, hung out with tax collectors, prostitutes, lepers, and other deplorables, and always had his apostles guessing and trying to keep the pace with him; and in his hour of need, contemplating that he would soon be arrested and put to death, they were selfish, and slept, rather than pray for and with him. One would betray him. Another would deny his faith in Him three times. To me, this just speaks to the fact that, as humans, we have our failings, and they are quite inherent and intractable at times.

As for me, I find genuine selfishness is something I am not good at. And it's probably equally likely genuine selflessness is just as difficult for me.

Yeshua said to his disciples, "cast your net on the other side." I think the general sentiment there is, if something isn't working, try changing things up. If kindness isn't appreciated on the left, try it on the right side. Or, perhaps where selflessness isn't working out, give selfishness a try. And where selfishness isn't working out, give selflessness a try. I'm not saying one should be outright malicious; though for the times we try to do good, sometimes we can get in our own way trying to go about doing good, that is ultimately ineffective for all concerned.

It's quite common to be lonely, and quite common to not be able to alleviate or remedy the situation. 😕

On the bright side, perhaps a kind nature, is like an umbrella: not always needed, but when it begins to pour, it can come in handy. :)

Thank you for taking the time to write me a complicated, and yet unhelpful thing. The first part made me feel awful. The second part about Jesus I agree with. And the last part tells me there is nothing I can do to fix anything. But I appreciate all the time you took to write this.
 
You don’t have a Christian leader? Can’t you reach out to one? Isn’t your ultimate leader a prayer away?

I don’t mean to be facetious, but something I’ve heard many times in my life: when you’re at a loss, quiet your mind and ask the universe (in your case God) your question and listen carefully for the answer.

This I have been thinking about a lot, and it has been bothering me deeply. To the point of obsession. You don't sound like you are a Christian so you might not understand what I'm trying to say. In the Christian faith there are different ways people understand God and how God speaks to us. For some Christians about the only way God speaks to them is through the scriptures. To other Christians, believe they can talk to God and He talks back to them. There are some Christians who are in between these two views. I'm one of those that are in between the two views. However I can not say with confidence that I have ever heard God speak to me. Listening the Bible I get some life guidance, and I do pray, and ask for things. I also thank Him for the good things in my life as well. I wish I did better at this part. I also try to pray for others. Over all none of this stuff is magic. Sometimes prayers seem to get answered, and sometimes not. I'm being stretched with this because I know of people who believe they can hear the voice of God. The people I know of that do this, have all let me down.
 
Sounds to me that you’re no better or worse off than us non-Christians.

It has been said, that only difference between a non-Christian and a Christian is that the Christian is forgiven by God and thus goes to heaven, and the non-Christian is not forgiven therefor He goes to hell. As far as this life is concerned. Living the Christian life verses the non-Christian life there are pros and cons to both. Some non-Christians choose to live a Christian life, but still goes to hell. If a Christian tries to live a sinful life, He will be miserable, but a non-Christian will be ok with it, and yet even He will suffer from sinful choices.
 
A non Christian who leads a non sinful life has nothing to be forgiven for, also some non Christians feel like they’re already living in hell.

You make a good point because I am imperfect in my writing, and often leave things out. I do this by mistake. You see nobody is perfect. What you don't seem to understand, everyone has the sinful nature inside of them. It is impossible to live a sinless life. Even for a Christian. When Adam and Eve sinned, that sin nature gets passed down to each and everyone of us. Death is also apart it. That is why everything in this world dies. But through Jesus there is forgiveness, and a purpose for your life, even if you can't see it.

Do you, or know anyone that can keep the 10 commandments? Most people can't even name them!

Exodus 20:3-17

3 You shall have no other gods before me.

4 “You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. 5 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, 6 but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.

7 “You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God, for the Lord will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.

8 “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. 9 Six days you shall labor and do all your work, 10 but the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns. 11 For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.

12 “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.

13 “You shall not murder.

14 “You shall not commit adultery.

15 “You shall not steal.

16 “You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.

17 “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”

It is true that my life isn't good. It is very lonely. Yet if I didn't have Jesus in my life, I would be dead. Cause I would of given up on everything. You see living with my issues makes life hard, and without God in it, there would be no point for me to keep pushing on. Imagine this, if God wasn't in my life, you wouldn't be talking to me now. I would probably done myself in, in the 6th grade. Because back then I was getting mistreated and school was extremely hard for me. I had no real friends, and the people around me, seemed to hate me so bad, that they tripped me in the hallways, threw things at me, hit me in the head, threw me in the girls restroom, licked their fingers and stuck it in my ears, and destroyed my things. Yet the teachers did nothing. Where was my Christian friends? (I didn't have any) No where to be found. Those people were living a much different life at a different school. Or they just happened to be smarter, so they weren't in the classes that the school made me take. Why did God allow me to go through this? I got no idea. The Christian life is not an easy one, but it is one that has a purpose that transcends this life.
 
I’m not going to debate this topic with you, because not only is it against the forum rules, but it serves no purpose. I have always been a believer in “people can follow whatever belief they want if it helps them and does no harm”. Please don’t assume what I do or don’t understand. Your Christian belief is guiding your assumptions, so I’ll forgive you that, but don’t assume you’re of some higher intelligence because of that belief.

I guess what I’m trying to say regarding your OP is that it seems to me that you’re feeling like you’re “owed” something because of your Christian life. That being as good as you believe you are, that somehow you’ve missed out on something, and you can’t fathom what it is, this emptiness. It’s like my thoughts about my own karma credit. But the reality is, it’s all random. Life is random. Everything that happens is random. We might be able to control or affect little things here and there, but not the big scheme.

If Faith works for you, more power to you. I do good things because I feel it’s the right thing to do and not because I want anything in return. I’m just surprised that more good things don’t happen for me, but then again, maybe I’m just fortunate that I’m not being enslaved somewhere or abused or suffering horrific pain or living on the street or the other million terrible things in the world I could be experiencing.

Life is random. The ONLY thing we can control is our perception of how we see ourselves. My failing is that I often forget this and succumb to a misery that I have no business believing.

Thanks for your post because it helps me re-align my poor thinking, for a time at least.
 
I’m not going to debate this topic with you, because not only is it against the forum rules, but it serves no purpose. I have always been a believer in “people can follow whatever belief they want if it helps them and does no harm”. Please don’t assume what I do or don’t understand. Your Christian belief is guiding your assumptions, so I’ll forgive you that, but don’t assume you’re of some higher intelligence because of that belief.

I guess what I’m trying to say regarding your OP is that it seems to me that you’re feeling like you’re “owed” something because of your Christian life. That being as good as you believe you are, that somehow you’ve missed out on something, and you can’t fathom what it is, this emptiness. It’s like my thoughts about my own karma credit. But the reality is, it’s all random. Life is random. Everything that happens is random. We might be able to control or affect little things here and there, but not the big scheme.

If Faith works for you, more power to you. I do good things because I feel it’s the right thing to do and not because I want anything in return. I’m just surprised that more good things don’t happen for me, but then again, maybe I’m just fortunate that I’m not being enslaved somewhere or abused or suffering horrific pain or living on the street or the other million terrible things in the world I could be experiencing.

Life is random. The ONLY thing we can control is our perception of how we see ourselves. My failing is that I often forget this and succumb to a misery that I have no business believing.

Thanks for your post because it helps me re-align my poor thinking, for a time at least.

We all got our issues to work through, and life isn't fair to anyone. I don't think I'm smarter than anyone. But I know what I believe and how it works. After all I've been believer since 1986. I tried to break free of it, and found that I could not. Jesus has a hold of my heart. I hope that one day you will come to know Jesus. Because Jesus does love you. He's perfect, I am not.
 

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