Sup

[DJ ML]

Hey all,

As I'm sure you noticed, I'm a bit new here. So, I figured I'd introduce myself witha new thread. This forum seem's real nice, looks like a lot of real cool, considerate people on here. I think I'll like it a bit on here

Anyhow, my name's MIke, I'm 17, tall, skinny, decently attractive, long-distance runner, senior, DJ/ Producer (3 years), and just a pretty average kid (some ways more than others). I live ina very small, Virginian town, too. I'm an INFJ, also. So I suppose that explains a lot about who I am, too.

The reason I came to this site, is because, quite honestly, I am very lonely and want to change. Here's my story and my problem:

Ever since my freshman year, I've been badly depressed and have been battling depression ever since. However, this year I finally started taking antidepressants and counseling, and all those things seem to be sorted out, thank god. The main reasons for my depression at all, were the fact that I grew up with an alcoholic, narcisstic, manipulative father who made us lose our things/ homes MANY, MANY times and much, much more...And a mother with anxiety issues, severe pessimism, and just blatant over-sensitivity and insecurity. It wasn't until I matured and realized that it was my CHOICE to be different from whom my parents are. So, ever since, though my parents take it as me rebelling or throwing attitude, I've begun forming my own ideals, opinions, and life. However, I can't lie, though I strive to be better than them, I still inherited and developed many problems because of my upbringing. Such as my tendency to over-think everything, my insecurity, and unconfidence...

Now...Socially-speaking, my friends and acquaintances know me as the sensitive, yet deeply caring type of person. I'm a great listener, supposedly. And apparently I'm "psychic" and can tell generally what people are thinking or why they do certain things. People come to me for advice a lot. I'm also known as the guy who never "hits and quits" it, I'm just too nice. I'm very aware to people's emotions, and I get to know people on a very emotional, personal basis because of it. I didn't realize it til' this year, but it actually intimidates a lot of people how personal and in-touch I get with people???? I'm pretty funny, too. But I do say some pretty irrelevant things from time to time. I used to get bummed when people would be like "wtf?" but Ive learned to blow it off and have a laugh about it. I don't want to sound conceited at all, but I feel like I'm a great guy. It makes me wonder why certain things never seem to work out for me....Maybe I just fall in the "friend zone"? or i just get too personal with girls? Idk....And with friends? Maybe I'm just too nice. Maybe I'm too sensitive. Maybe I'm not "guyish" enough. Idk...

I am pretty self-conscious. It seems like the only time I ever hook-up/ make out/ meet girls anymore, is when I go to Virginia Tech to party with my friends/ sister at the TKE house there or at house parties my sister or friends throw. Or if I go to bigger cities where I don't know people and just talk to someone. It makes me feel as though the only time I meet women is when either I or they are drunk/ high. Or if I'm out of my hometown. It's a very ****** feeling knowing...I'm grateful for the women I have met and all, don't get me wrong...But I can never seem to get in a relationship. Ever...

I've been ****** over by girls, many, many, many times...And used, abused, ignored...Etc...It makes me wonder how maybe the things girls say they want and what they actually want might be very different...

In conclusion, I'm tired of with my friends, being usually the only one or of the few that doesn't get invited/ told about events and gets left out. Or I get treated like a sensitive bitch from time to time.

And with girls, I'm tired of how I'm a good guy, but that's it. NOONE seems to see me as a potential mate or boyfriend. I'm tired of getting led on. I'm tired of throwing myself out there, and having all my efforts put to nothing...I'm tired of lies....I envy my friends with steady gf's so much.....

I'm simply tired of feeling this way

...Advice?

 

[DJ ML]

I just realized you guys have an "introduction" thread. I probably should of posted this in there. Ahh!!! lol

My bad.

 

[Steel]

Hey, and welcome, and thread moved

 

[Minus]

Welcome

 

[Spare]

Hello, DJ ML!

 

[DayvanCowboy]

Welcome to the A Lonely Life forums DJ ML

 

[Punisher]

Hey DJ ML

 

[itsmylife]

Hey and welcome to the forum DJ ML.

 

[Naleena]

Hello DJ ML
I think it's a great thing that you have come so far in your life. It would be so easy to just give up and use your experience with your family as an excuse to give up and quit. You are wise to understand that you do have a choice. It is hard sometimes to know what "normal" is when you have grown up in a dysfunctional family.
Though no family is "normal" most families do things in a simular way. Like having a home and ways and traditions of doing things. I can empathise with you. I think being a careing guy is a very great quality. I hope you enjoy your stay here and make friends. There are some nice people here. Look forward to seeing you around, kiddo.

 

[Zak]

Hey DJ. Welcome to the forum

 

[Jesse]

Welcome!

 

[Nyktimos]

Welcome DJ ML.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Welcome Mike.

My father too is an alcoholic.

I hated my father...but i found myself drinking and abusing alcohol just like him.
I got clean and sober at a very young age...luckiely.
I attend AA meetings...still to this day.
Bascailly alot of alcoholic grew up or were raised by an alcoholics..it can really **** up a person.
While the physical wounds will heal in a short time,..the mental and emotional pain/scars can last a life time if not treated.

Well...hell yes I learned to isolate...I used to lock myself in my room so i wouldn't get my head bashed in
as a kid growing up. It's a ****** up habit I learned.

I felt lost and alone most of my life..even when I get into relationships.
I constantly lived in fears and had that damn habit too.

I'm a surivelist...I know how to survive. I became a master at it.
Living...Truely living and being happy felt totally foriegne and uncomfortible as hell to to me.
I got into self sabatage behaviors..that I didn't even know I was doing.
Some people term that as fear of sucess. On freaken overdrive for an ACOA.
Adult Children Of Alcoholics.

Anyway...I was able to learn alot about that in recovery.
Recovery taught me copping skills and healhty living tools that my parent never tuaght me.
I had to reparent myself...Love myself and raise myself as if I was another one of my children.
Some poeple term that as you inner child...
I had to stopped nailing the child (me) to the cross.

I'm glad non of my children never saw me drunk. If there's anyhing that I've accompished in my life..is
that i broken chain. I broken the chain of abuse.

Maybe you can try attending ALa-teen, Alan-on, Coda or ACOA....if they're avaliable in your area.
There's a lot of people in there that can help you get through some of your issues.
They share the same pain, dysfuntional, chaos that you experinced.
You can attend those meetings to release your anger, pain, shame , guilt...etc without being judged.

Growing up in that type of environment...played a big part in how i process life, my perception
and a lot of my depression.
It also effected how i have realtionships with women. Bascailly get involve in toxic relationships.

Please keep reaching out and be good to yourself.
Be WELL

 

[MiKeY]

Welcome; glad to have you!

 

[fern]

welcome