That one thing I'm tired of hearing over and over from people who just don't get it!

[blackdot]

What bugs me is people assuming you haven't done that.
Assuming that you just languish at home.

Well, they don't know that you haven't done something either. Unless you're telling them all of your business, they don't know if you've tried something or not. Sometimes, people give suggestions just in case there's something that someone hasn't thought of yet.

Maybe those people do know. My coworkers know I do a lot of charity/volunteer things outside of work yet they also tell me I should start doing things when I'm not at work so I can meet someone to date.

 

[VanillaCreme]

What bugs me is people assuming you haven't done that.
Assuming that you just languish at home.

Well, they don't know that you haven't done something either. Unless you're telling them all of your business, they don't know if you've tried something or not. Sometimes, people give suggestions just in case there's something that someone hasn't thought of yet.

Maybe those people do know. My coworkers know I do a lot of charity/volunteer things outside of work yet they also tell me I should start doing things when I'm not at work so I can meet someone to date.

They still don't know all of your business. They're not supposed to keep track of everything you do so they don't repeat something. If they suggest something that you've already tried, then politely telling them that will suffice. There's no need to get hot about it. They're just trying to help. And if you don't want that help, then perhaps you should tell them that. They don't know how you're feeling about something unless you tell them.

 

[blackdot]

oh, I don't get hot about it. It's just annoying. Especially since they always repeat the exact same things.

 

[handheart]

Well maybe you are right but this people want to help you and if you are so negative then its not ood for you .For example i was in a very bad situation in my life almost like you and someone recomend me law of attraction ,and the i change my life .

 

[Menorahman]

Work on yourself. Get a hobby that doesn't require other people. If you rely on other people for happiness in this era, you're doomed.

 

[Ulysses68]

Well! In for a pound? I guess I'm one of the 16% who annoy the first poster.
For a start yes I have been right to the edge of the cliff and down the bottom of the well and I'll probably never be "right" and still have problems. Life's still a struggle but I'm not in despair now and have come to terms with my problems --- because I fought them and still do!
  Whilst I'm sure it is some help to express unhappiness, I have to ask .. What do you want to do about it? Do you want to stay in Hell forever? The thing is you have to try and grasp the first rung of the ladder and make an attempt to try and do those things others suggest. God knows it isn't easy and one problem is the low esteem one feels so that one starts out thinking you'll fail. I'm still lonely, I'm still a mess but I've found new friends and interests by trying things. I tell you this - If I hadn't tried to fight my demons I wouldn't be here now! I'm not preaching just saying don't keep thinking you can't!

 

[Glowgirl]

"....why don't you...."

•   join a club
•   join a team
•   join a group
•   join a church
•   volunteer
•   help out with...

You know why? Of course you do...because it makes things worse. For me anyway.
Because if I do any of those things, I'm surrounded by people and I have a good time....and the I go home alone.

I sleep alone. I eat dinner alone. I watch TV alone.

If alone I'm meant to be, I'd rather spend my time alone, because after a few hours around people, it truly sucks to spend the night alone again.

I also noticed that just like any other forum on the Internet, this place too has that 16% of nosy busybodies who have an answer to everything, who don't know what it's like to go through what many of us experience day in and day out. These armchair closet Dr. Phil people, without the benefit of education or training, or personal experience, always have an opinion/answer/solution to everything.

Folks, honestly, many of us come here for one reason, and venting and sharing experiences and thoughts can make one feel better...the last thing many of us need is to be lectured on how we are supposed to be running our lives, lectured by these opinionated gasbags who don't realize all they are doing is hurting us more.

58 Voyager, I know how you feel with people lecturing you on what you should do.  "Fill your life, don't sit around moping, etc etc." These might be solutions that make your life look better from that person's point of view, but they don't solve the problem of your loneliness.  That's the essence of being lonely, being misunderstood is part of it. 

Don't be too hasty to condemn the people on the forum who try to give advice though.  It's a human thing when you're faced with someone who's got a problem to try to solve it for them.  To understand where somebody's really coming from you've got to really get to know them and get more of a personal relationship going than we can on a forum like this.  You've also got to recognise that solutions that work for some people don't work for everybody. 

Hang in there and keep on going.

 

[Jessicat]

I agree with you. I have tried lots of stuff to improve my life to no prevail. So it gets annoying to get suggestions that sounds like I’m just having an attitude problem. 

However.
Most of the time people are only trying to help. 

So I listen and say thanks for the advise!
No use in getting hurt or mad.

 

[user 139760]

I doubt Voyager cares much, considering this thread dates from 2016...
On nights like tonight though, I agree with the general sentiment. People don't know better though, mostly because of the structure of the internet. Its a wonderful tool to make contact with people you would never get a chance to meet, yet they cannot know you (us, the person posting, etc.) as well as what a 30 minute face 2 face conversation would reveal. So, the advice is generic, because it can't help but be just that.

As for outside of it, well, people enjoy labeling. Its hard to think of others, especially now that prolonged habits of a connected world has hampered our socialising skills (my own personnal theory), people have trouble listening, or empathising, with others. It turns into pre-prepared, pre-mulled advice according to what label they can most closely match you with (depressed person is X advice, lonely people is Y advice, etc.). It's very impersonnal, unless you speak with people who, I feel, have no personal knowledge of you and have been professionnally trained to listen, more than give advice. I'm thinking here of social workers, etc. Not psychologists, personally. I feel they've more been trained to say nothing and take your money. But that's just me. I'm ironically looking for the stereotypical Stephen King "Bankgor" style bar with the same 4 regulars every night who play bridge in a corner and the wisened, friendly yet stern, no nonsense Vietnam vet turned bar tender of 60 or so years old who'll listen and give advice....well I guess time-wise, that'd be more a Gulf War vet now. Not a lot of those in Montreal, however, certainly not withing walking distance of the middle of nowhere I now live in. But I'll find something eventually.


What I would suggest to our poster if he ever comes back is to do the same. Search your feelings to know exactly what you feel you're lacking and try to find it. Of course it's hard. Of course it takes forever. But it's ultimately the best thing you can do to alleviate yourself some pain.

 

[user 150037]

I've had people say to me 'Cheer up, it might never happen'. Why do people say that? What if the thing that'll never happen is the thing that you wish could happen?

*groan*