The Best Places To Meet Women

[WillPower]

This is something I've struggled with a lot throughout my life, and I'm sure other guys have too. So I thought I'd make this thread so people could give their tips on the best places to meet women. This is the meat and potatoes of it. I was listening to the Mating Grounds podcast, and one guest revealed how he was good looking and great with women, but the women he’d hook up with at bars were usually not the type he wanted to marry. He said it took him years to realize he was fishing in the wrong lake. So, what can you do to find the right fish? Reverse engineer it:

Picture where your ideal person goes. Think of her lifestyle, tastes, activities, and friends. What does she do for fun? Where does she spend time? Where does she go to meet a great guy? Go there.

You know what most people find out the hard way? That if you fish in a crappy lake, you will get crappy fish.

If you want an ambitious, proper, busy woman, your chances are lower if you just go to a random, low-class bar. The only thing you know about people in a bar is that they like to drink alcohol, not the best differentiating factor to look for. Many people end up finding a lot of bad fish in a bar (financially poor, unproductive, rude, or crazy people).

You may find amazing people at a bar too, but you can say that about any situation with a group of random people. There will probably be some good and bad people. Doing this was 100 times less inefficient and doesn’t increase the chances you will bump into people you actually like as a person.

I wanted to give you examples of good places to meet women based on the reasons stated. A lot of guys who do better than me with girls have told me “Women are everywhere if you just go outside and look around.” While that’s not really true if you live in a small town, understand the underlying message: Girls are abundant around the world. Women aren’t going anywhere. Get your life together first. Women aren’t going to disappear so don’t freak out. (But don’t be so chill you waste all of your youth without realizing it). Here are some great places to meet women. Once you’ve decided on an activity, Google for nearby groups or events or use Meetup.com to find a local group.

• Volunteer at a community event
  • Homeless shelters
  • No-kill pet animal shelters
  • Spend time with senior citizens (a great way to practice talking to someone if you’re nervous talking to girls)
  • Park or beach cleanup groups
• Amateur athletic events with a social component
  • Tough Mudder
  • Spartan Race
• Dance classes (great girl-guy ratio). Look for partner-oriented classes.
  • Hip hop
  • Ballroom
  • Salsa
  • Bachata
  • Tango
  • Country
  • Swing
• Arts-themed classes, groups, clubs, or events (great girl-guy ratio because girls love these)
  • Writing
  • Painting
  • Drawing
  • Pottery
  • Gardening
  • Photography
  • Improv
  • Stand-up Comedy
  • Acting
  • Theatre
  • Broadway
  • Local choirs
  • Acapella
  • Bands
• Fitness classes (great to meet fit girls)
  • Crossfit
  • More interactive than other fitness things
  • Powerpump
  • Soulcycle
  • Acroyoga
  • Barre
  • Note: From personal experience, I’d revise this to say only fitness classes that have a more social culture, like CrossFit or certain fitness studios are good for meeting people. Many, especially stuff that are cookie-cutter, like yoga or Soulcycle, are not conducive to meeting people because the attendees are not there to chat; they want to be in and out because they’re there just to work out. Therefore, some of these are worse than others for chatting.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Aside from the fish reference....seriously, even if people say that, NO ONE likes that phrase. There's a reason for that....I agree with everything you said here.

The problem is, no one seems to believe this. You can literally meet your "soulmate" at the grocery store. You just have to be open to finding it wherever you go. Though, now that a GUY has said it, maybe they'll be more inclined to believe it.

 

[okidoke]

I think that guys who struggle don't need the question "where do i find a woman" answered, it's "where do i find a woman who will like me?"

Picture where your ideal person goes. Think of her lifestyle, tastes, activities, and friends. What does she do for fun? Where does she spend time? Where does she go to meet a great guy? Go there.

and this assumes that men have got a clue how women think lol

But I do like you thread.

 

[Cherubino]

that's why internet and dating sites are the best places for that in the whole human history

 

[user 135671]

According to the local vicar and our cleaning lady, the best place to meet women is round mine.

 

[Forgottendanfan]

Aside from the fish reference....seriously, even if people say that, NO ONE likes that phrase. There's a reason for that....I agree with everything you said here.

The problem is, no one seems to believe this. You can literally meet your "soulmate" at the grocery store. You just have to be open to finding it wherever you go. Though, now that a GUY has said it, maybe they'll be more inclined to believe it.

People in grocery stores are there to shop for groceries, not to find a partner. I don't know what it's like in the U.S. but here in the U.K. people in supermarkets barely even look at each other.

 

[okidoke]

People in grocery stores are there to shop for groceries, not to find a partner. I don't know what it's like in the U.S. but here in the U.K. people in supermarkets barely even look at each other.

You have to learn how to talk to people, chat them up, ask them out.

 

[Forgottendanfan]

You have to learn how to talk to people, chat them up, ask them out.

Not in a grocery store, you don't. People are there to go about their business and likely don't want to be harassed by strangers trying to pick them up.

 

[okidoke]

Not in a grocery store, you don't. People are there to go about their business and likely don't want to be harassed by strangers trying to pick them up.

You gotta use right approach. You don’t harass! This is your problem, not knowing how to interact. I’ve got into some great conversations with women in all sorts of places including supermarkets and I would’ve taken it further if I’d not been married. It’s an art I guess. But you can learn it.

 

[WillPower]

People in grocery stores are there to shop for groceries, not to find a partner. I don't know what it's like in the U.S. but here in the U.K. people in supermarkets barely even look at each other.

Yeah, there are definitely some places that I think are more ideal than others. I’ve tested out a lot of the places that the dating advice online lists out. Some of it is horrible. I believe some of these people just list out ideas to put online without ever actually having tried them out. Here is what didn’t work and why for me.

Do NOT go to:

Yoga – I’ve tried out numerous different yoga classes from many companies. Everyone there is there usually for yoga. They leave immediately after the class and get there late or barely on time. There really is little time to talk. When class is in session, the instructor is talking, so you can’t talk unless you want to be really rude, which the girl won’t like. Trying to chase down a girl after a class can be seen as creepy. Is it possible to do well at meeting people with yoga? Possibly. Maybe the yoga culture in your area is more friendly. Maybe the girl you chase down will be more open. But I’ve consistently found this to be an uphill battle. There are better alternatives. Why make it harder for yourself?

Standard Gyms – Standard gyms like Gold’s Gym, Lifetime Athletics, or Planet Fitness are not great. The only exception would be the group dance or PowerPump classes they offer at the gym because it’s more interactive. But if it’s a normal gym workout, people are in the zone and don’t want to be disturbed. I’ve found that girls here come to exercise, not to talk. They have their headphones on to not be disturbed and give off the vibe that they get hit on often here and are sick of it. I’ve found it’s like pulling teeth here. If you try hard and long enough, you’ll eventually meet a girl who is relaxed enough to stop her workout and talk in a friendly manner. But it’s just less likely and there are better alternatives to meeting women.

Malls and Bookstores – Public venues are given as advice by almost everyone. Average women and dating coaches will recommend going to a mall or coffee shop to meet people. Some of these may work, like a dog park because you both have a common interest in dogs to talk about and it’s a more relaxed setting. But generalized public venues, like a shopping mall, are tough. As for bookstores, there really are not many women in here; I figure people just buy from Amazon these days. Likely spurred on by the thousands of “Pick Up Girls” YouTube videos that have accrued hundreds of millions of views, it seems like attractive girls are approached more than ever when they’re out and about. They seem to have started acting more cold because of the annoyance. It still can be done, but it’s tough. You’ll likely get a higher rejection rate which can be traumatic and scarring for young, shy men.

Marathons – Any long athletic excursion event may not be ideal if you’re a participant because everyone is so focused on preparing for the event. I’ve volunteered for one, which was a bit better for meeting people.

However, I’ve noticed that sometimes, I can blame the venue when it’s really just my shyness holding me back. I’ve caught myself labeling a place as bad when it was really simply because I wanted an event that forced women to talk to me first so I didn’t have to do any initiating (like a Speed Dating event).

If you find yourself in this situation, check if the venue really sucks or if it’s just an excuse. Some places, like a Pilates or Soul Cycle, class may require you to get out of your comfort zone and initiate with someone before class and talk a bit during class. Don’t make excuses just because it’s a bit “rude” to talk when the instructor is.

Seeing outgoing men strike up friendships in fitness classes that I pegged as “bad for meeting women” really just blew my excuses out of the water. I’ve concluded that, technically, you can meet women in any gathering if you’re outgoing and attractive enough based on what she’s after.

Having said that, there are still venues that are harder to meet girls than others and some of us are a bit shy. So why handicap yourself? That’s why I mentioned the few venues I suggest avoiding.

 

[okidoke]

I met my wife in a gym @WillPower

 

[TheRealCallie]

It's not about "hooking up" or even strolling the peanut butter aisle for a date, it's about meeting people, socializing, saying hi. People meet each other literally EVERYWHERE. You never know where you will first meet your partner, but you do have to keep your eyes and mind open if that's what you want.

 

[okidoke]

It's not about "hooking up" or even strolling the peanut butter aisle for a date, it's about meeting people, socializing, saying hi. People meet each other literally EVERYWHERE. You never know where you will first meet your partner, but you do have to keep your eyes and mind open if that's what you want.

I reckon as soon as you “plan” to try and meet someone it’s bound to fail. Natural meetings and the art of conversation is key.

 

[Unsigned]

Not in a grocery store, you don't. People are there to go about their business and likely don't want to be harassed by strangers trying to pick them up.

I'm "tallish", 6'1".
I've had women in grocery stores ask me to get things for them off the top shelf.
And then act very appreciative when I get it for them.
I suppose if I had wanted to continue the conversation, make small talk and perhaps a couple of jokes, I could have.
So yeah...even I can see that once in a while, you can try to chat up a female at the grocery store.

Also, in a retail store, you could be buying a present like perfume or something for your mother or sister, and ask a female for advice. Thus starting a conversation that way.

I don't do these things because...it's just not what I do or have ever done.
But I know that's on me, not some "unspoken rule of shopping".
But the opportunities are there in those places. Maybe not all the time, but they are there.

 

[okidoke]

I don't do these things because...it's just not what I do or have ever done.

Why not though? What stops you?

 

[user 135671]

People in grocery stores are there to shop for groceries, not to find a partner. I don't know what it's like in the U.S. but here in the U.K. people in supermarkets barely even look at each other.

This is not true. If you are in the London area I can personally highly recommend Whole Foods on Kensington High Street, ideally the aisle with Kombucha and cold pressed coconut oil or Sainsburys on Stratton Street. Fortnum & Mason on Piccadilly is always a good shout too but you may need to wear a collar and tie to gain entry.

 

[Unsigned]

Why not though? What stops you?

What stopped me when I was younger (teens & 20s) was that I just assumed I would be rejected and humiliated.
So I never broke the ice back then.

Later on in life (starting in my 30s maybe?) I no longer had this fear, but...I have been going to professionals since I was 19 and it's just become part of who I am. So now, it's like "what's the point?". And yeah, also the age thing. The ones that ask me to pick from the top shelf aren't quite as young as they used to be...

 

[WillPower]

What stopped me when I was younger (teens & 20s) was that I just assumed I would be rejected and humiliated.
So I never broke the ice back then.

Yeah you assumed right though. There is a lot of rejection and humiliation that I've experienced first hand. That's what comes with it though I guess. No way around that.

 

[Unsigned]

Yeah you assumed right though. There is a lot of rejection and humiliation that I've experienced first hand. That's what comes with it though I guess. No way around that.

And you are doing the right thing by fighting through it and trying to reverse it.
I took the "easy way out" and it became my life.
Younger guys should not do what I do.
Breaking out of your comfort zone is absolutely what is needed.
Keep spreading your message!

 

[TheRealCallie]

EVERYONE gets rejection. Even the "cool people."

As for humiliation, you can only be humiliated if you allow yourself to be. It's a state of mind.