The Horrible Truth

[Jesse]

I find myself wanting to avoid going to that petstore ever again.

I do this exact same thing. Because I don't know how to chit chat and interact with people, I get severely anxious of meeting them, especially meeting the same person twice, even if it's just a store attendant. I never go to the same shop twice in a row, I use all the shops in my area over the course of a few weeks to avoid regular contact.

I don't make small talk at the counter. This often makes people think I am being ignorant or something, and they can get quick-mannered with me. I want to talk but I'm just petrified.

It's the same story wherever people are, such as if I go walking along a local route, I avoid going on he same one all the time, because once you see the same face more than once or twice, you are expected to stop and chat, and I haven't a clue about how to do that.

After a particularly uncomfortable, awkward or embarrassing experience, i do consider never going to that same place again.

Not sure if you get this but I'm also oversensitive to people's facial expressions. If they are smiling, or look happy, i warm to them. But if they pull an angry or odd face at me, I just feel uncomfortable and want to get out of there. The worst part is that i can't easily identify what it is that i am doing that makes them react the way they do, this adds to my social anxiety.

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I went back to the petstore today.

Well done

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We have a lot in common. That last paragraph though I think a lot of people are like that. You'd be surprised by the power of the smile. I'm going to post a thread somewhat related to this one. Thanks for the "well done". You can do it too man. You just have to go for it and be yourself and it's really not so bad. I've found it's best if you kill the awkwardness immediately and not wait around. Kill the awkwardness by introducing yourself or talking to someone you see quickly.

 

[Avengard]

Yeah you're right. I'm thinking that maybe people kill the awkwardness with small talk. Maybe that's what it's all about. Instead of standing there awkward it's "Hey nice weather we're having huh?". I just wish people didn't feel the need to have to talk during silences and could just stand there in silence and be comfortable. But i have to accept that's not going to be the case and if i want to get on socially i have to accept these social norms.

With the facial expressions thing, I always pay too much attention to their expression, and seem to think i've upset them if they are frowning, when they could be frowning for any reason. When I've asked other (more sociable) people about this, most people say they don't even take any notice of the facial expression, or if they do they just shrug it off and carry on with what they are doing.

I think small talk or some social action will work here too. If I see someone frowning, I should try talking about the weather or make a joke, or just ignore it and refocus on the task at hand. I guess with more practice and perseverence at this I can build up confidence and feel more comfortable with daily interactions.

Other times I talk Too much and that can be a problem, like now, lol. I'll keep an eye out for your new thread.

 

[Jesse]

The new thread is the opposite of fear thread which you posted in.

If you look someone in the eye and their frowning, try pulling a smile on them. You'd be surprised at the power behind it. It is all about small talk man. You'd be surprised at what can happen. Here's an example-

The other night I went to walmart. I recognized that I'd seen my cashier before. I've actually been through her line at some point in the past. I know that because I'm very good at remembering faces I've seen. The last time I saw her though I was more or less a different person. The first encounter included virtually no talking other than perhaps a thank you at the end or a "have a good night". She seemed like she was in a bad mood.

The second encounter was much different. It was different because I chose to make it different. I chose to influence it and I did. It was about 12 midnight. When I first walked up to her I asked, "How's it going?". Nonchalantly she said, "It's going." I asked if she was about to get off work. (Keep in mind I was not interested in this person romantically in any fashion.) She said that she wouldn't get off work until about 7 in the morning. I commented about how I had worked 3rd shift for two years and she came back about how she worked 3rd shift for several years at a certain company. I recognized the company she spoke of. My aunt and uncle had worked there several years ago. The company moved to Mexico and several people lost their jobs. I asked her if she knew my aunt and uncle. She did! We then engaged in a conversation about their relationship between each other and I noticed that her countenance changed. She lightened up quite a bit and we had a great chat.

Once you get rolling with it fear vanishes and power takes its place. I highly encourage you to try this in everyday situations no matter who the person is.

 

[Avengard]

Haha I thought she was going to turn out to be your long lost sister for a moment there

Smiles, power, joy... they are the force we must use... i used to be able to use it... but fear is so tricky and slowly eats up your confidence

It's really a battle between darkness and light; fear and wickedness vs love and goodness

I feel like my life is an RPG video game sometimes

 

[Jesse]

Lol nope, not my sister.

Fear does slowly eat up your confidence. The trick is to slowly let go of it.

 

[Avengard]

Let go of the fear to find freedom! Way to go my libetarian companion.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Damn..man how can u be terrified of women?
They look good, smell good and taste good.
First off...other women are not your mother, grandma, sister, or children...so don't treat them like they are.


They're just people with in door plumbing...

Face your fears. Courage is not without fears.

U can always look at it from a different piont of view, attitude or perspective.
mmmm...if you have issues, U should get alone with a lot of women just fine.
Women are walking, talking, living isssues creatures