Time, Time, Time

[tennisgirl]

Where has this perception that ALL girls like bad boys come from!! That is absolute BS! As a girl I can tell you a nice guy (even a broke one) has the a greater chance of getting the girl of his dreams then a "bad boy".
Don't give up, there is someone out there!

Also, as a girl, I think what Jasmin said is exactly right

 

[mink]

Where has this perception that ALL girls like bad boys come from!! That is absolute BS! As a girl I can tell you a nice guy (even a broke one) has the a greater chance of getting the girl of his dreams then a "bad boy".
Don't give up, there is someone out there!

True!

 

[SadRabbit]

haha i guess one thing, gals don't like lazy boys.... i am pretty lazy...so cheers to nothingness!

 

[Skorian]

haha i guess one thing, gals don't like lazy boys.... i am pretty lazy...so cheers to nothingness!

That is probably pretty close to the truth.

 

[tomuchnothing]

Because im shy and i cant get out to meet anyone new because i have nobody to go out with, kind of an evil cycle

 

[stone-rose]

I think one of the main problems that lead us down this path of not believing we can find someone special and getting down on ourselves about it is the fact that we compare ourselves to other people and also generalize.

We have to realize that no matter how you wish, you CANNOT be or be like someone else. It's impossible. So don't wish you were, you only have what you are. And it's that that we have to emphasize on and encourage ourselves with. Just cause you can't smile, doesn't mean you have no personality. You're a thinking person with something to say. Characterize who you are as a person and not what you think you should be. It's a major step to finding someone. Nothing happens instantly but it gives you the opportunity to build more friendships and possibly lead into relationships.

Don't be afraid to do things around people even if you don't know them. What anyone says doesn't make a difference in who you are, and you may just get another's attention. You don't have to be in the spotlight all the time, but it's good to make an impression ^^.

Don't generalize women by saying that all they go for are bad boys and "hot" guys. I don't really know what defines someone to be "hot", but it's definitely not a shared view I'm sure. I've never liked any guy for the way he looks, a personality really speaks to me more, if the personality attracts me, I also become physically attracted since it's this great person that I see and not just some shell. This need to be physically attractive happens with both sexes. I mean I don't think it would be fair for me to say that all men want 100 pound girls with DD breasts. I don't believe that. I don't really like to be generalized as a woman just because I am one, I'm my own person. I have never found any one seen as a "bad boy" attractive and I'm sure I'm not going to start but if I ever found one that I seen as an actual good person, that would be the only thing that would have attracted me. And girls that I grew up with that have a thing for "bad boys" aren't exactly the greatest people themselves. Having a set of attraction standards really tells a lot about a person and these people may never find what they want because no one can live up to standards perfectly. It's much better to head in and see what the world has to offer.

You're in uni/college and your still young. I'm sure you will pull through and find someone. There's so much out there and so many people that are willing to interact with you. Just give them and more importantly, yourself, a chance.

 

[mink]

I think one of the main problems that lead us down this path of not believing we can find someone special and getting down on ourselves about it is the fact that we compare ourselves to other people and also generalize.

We have to realize that no matter how you wish, you CANNOT be or be like someone else. It's impossible. So don't wish you were, you only have what you are. And it's that that we have to emphasize on and encourage ourselves with. Just cause you can't smile, doesn't mean you have no personality. You're a thinking person with something to say. Characterize who you are as a person and not what you think you should be. It's a major step to finding someone. Nothing happens instantly but it gives you the opportunity to build more friendships and possibly lead into relationships.

Don't be afraid to do things around people even if you don't know them. What anyone says doesn't make a difference in who you are, and you may just get another's attention. You don't have to be in the spotlight all the time, but it's good to make an impression ^^.

Don't generalize women by saying that all they go for are bad boys and "hot" guys. I don't really know what defines someone to be "hot", but it's definitely not a shared view I'm sure. I've never liked any guy for the way he looks, a personality really speaks to me more, if the personality attracts me, I also become physically attracted since it's this great person that I see and not just some shell. This need to be physically attractive happens with both sexes. I mean I don't think it would be fair for me to say that all men want 100 pound girls with DD breasts. I don't believe that. I don't really like to be generalized as a woman just because I am one, I'm my own person. I have never found any one seen as a "bad boy" attractive and I'm sure I'm not going to start but if I ever found one that I seen as an actual good person, that would be the only thing that would have attracted me. And girls that I grew up with that have a thing for "bad boys" aren't exactly the greatest people themselves. Having a set of attraction standards really tells a lot about a person and these people may never find what they want because no one can live up to standards perfectly. It's much better to head in and see what the world has to offer.

You're in uni/college and your still young. I'm sure you will pull through and find someone. There's so much out there and so many people that are willing to interact with you. Just give them and more importantly, yourself, a chance.

Well said, stone-rose. I very much agree with you

 

[HiddenHydey]

haha i guess one thing, gals don't like lazy boys.... i am pretty lazy...so cheers to nothingness!

A man after my own heart.

 

[blak000]

If you believe you can't get a girlfriend, then you won't.

Try to stop focusing on the negative, and just love yourself for who you are. How can you expect someone to love you, if you can't even love yourself?

I notice you make a lot of generalizations about what girls want and what they look for in a guy. Not all girls need a guy who is 6'5", and not all girls want a guy who puts up a front about how tough he is. Attractiveness counts to a degree, but girls value confidence and charm more than anything. I know girls who would rather go out with an ugly, but charming, guy than a handsome wallflower. If you have trouble talking to girls, then go out and talk to some. They don't have to be pretty... any girl will do. Having female friends helps a LOT. It'll teach you how to interact with them better, and they can also introduce you to MORE girls. Being vouched for by another girl means her friends will already feel more comfortable around you. If she's your friend, you can't be all that bad, right?

If you feel like you have a boring background, then go out and have some fun; do things to MAKE yourself interesting. There's nothing stopping you from going to a party, and meeting people. If you start feeling social anxiety at those places... just keep going until you don't anymore. If it helps, have a small drink or two (assuming you're legal)... you'd be surprised how many "normal" people do exactly that to loosen up.

You are your own worst enemy in life. If there are things you don't like about yourself, take initiative (by the way, girls LOVE a guy who takes initiative) and take steps to change them. Don't like how you look? Read some fashion magazines, and try to dress nicer. Go to a gym and work out. Eat right, and get plenty of rest.

I used to suffer from social anxiety and intense shyness. I'm still working on becoming less shy; I've improved a lot, but it took a lot of effort. You know what I did to overcome it? I learned to dance. Dancing is something you can practice in the privacy of your own home. When you can learn to dance in front of a group of people, it'll give you a major confidence boost. Plus, if you're especially good... people will be impressed and they'll want to talk to you. Sometimes, I don't even have to go up to girls anymore -- they'll usually smile, and come over to me. There's always ways to work around your shortcomings.

Moping and focusing on your negative aspects, however, won't change anything. Remember that. Positive, positive, positive!

 

[lonelyloser]

Alcohol and partying helped me to become less shy. I'm a completely diff person than who I was when I was 18 and just entering college. I've found that its more fun to just hang out, no matter who your with, than spend a ton of time chasing girls. Like the person said above if you have female friends they'll introduce you to their friends. Girls can really sense the desperate guys, so I know that I have to really force myself to act like I'm secure and social even though inside I'm very insecure and awkward. It's really all an act - you just got to know the game to play it.

 

[mink]

Moping and focusing on your negative aspects, however, won't change anything. Remember that. Positive, positive, positive!

I like the attitude

 

[armor4sleepPA]

girlfriends come along when you're not really looking for them. It's sort of weird that way. And, the girls that respond when you're desperate to find them, well, often times end up being the less desireable types.

 

[toxic-tears]

exactly. if you dont intermingle with others who can you get a girlfriend?. how can you know new aquantances?

if you just try to get out from your comfort zone, try new stuff then you will know somebody little by little and in the long run GOd for bid she might be you girlfriend in the future.

 

[mink]

girlfriends come along when you're not really looking for them. It's sort of weird that way. And, the girls that respond when you're desperate to find them, well, often times end up being the less desireable types.

Yup, I find this true too. When you least expect anything to happen.

 

[tomuchnothing]

girlfriends come along when you're not really looking for them. It's sort of weird that way. And, the girls that respond when you're desperate to find them, well, often times end up being the less desireable types.

Yup, I find this true too. When you least expect anything to happen.

Yes exactly so just enjoy life to the fullest, be happy with yourself, its what im beginning to realise. You dont need someone to make yourself happy

 

[IgnoredOne]

Yup, I find this true too. When you least expect anything to happen.

I have to say that while I can agree, I find this philosophy uncomfortable, since you're looking for good things to fall into your lap. I'm a firm believer in being as proactive as possible no matter how much it gets you hurt, and think that it should apply here as well as anywhere else.

Regards,
IO

 

[mink]

Yup, I find this true too. When you least expect anything to happen.

I have to say that while I can agree, I find this philosophy uncomfortable, since you're looking for good things to fall into your lap. I'm a firm believer in being as proactive as possible no matter how much it gets you hurt, and think that it should apply here as well as anywhere else.

Regards,
IO

That's true as well indeed. And yes as I was thinking of more positive things to happen, I don't rule out the fact that negative things may also come when you least expect it. Bottomline is, we never know what's going to happen, good or bad...but I think it's always better to be prepared for the worst.

 

[SadRabbit]

I don't know how to say but....I am in a relationship right now...those long distance relationship(I hope it last)....but i seriously think I am just not fit for her....I feel like I am not good enough for her.....like she is gold....n I am just a pile of **** (mind my words). It just hurts sometimes. Thats maybe gonna be the reason why i might going to be single or was single. Lack of confidence and inferiority complex.

 

[lonelyloser]

I don't know how to say but....I am in a relationship right now...those long distance relationship(I hope it last)....but i seriously think I am just not fit for her....I feel like I am not good enough for her.....like she is gold....n I am just a pile of **** (mind my words). It just hurts sometimes. Thats maybe gonna be the reason why i might going to be single or was single. Lack of confidence and inferiority complex.

My inferiority complex prevents me from talking to girls as well. It doesn't take a genius to realize that I am not the type of guy girls want. I have nothing to offer them and I'd be doing them a favor by not talking to them or wasting their time. I've learned to accept my Darwinian fate and that the more powerful alpha males will get what they want. I'm just too weak and inferior. As I look back on the countless times that I've tried talking to girls only to get rejected, I realize what a fool I made of myself and how little insight I had at the time. They must have been laughing so hard.

Considering how my life has been, I just assume more bad things will happen, and I'm usually right.

 

[blak000]

My inferiority complex prevents me from talking to girls as well. It doesn't take a genius to realize that I am not the type of guy girls want.

How do you know that? You just said you don't talk to girls, so how do you know what they want?

I have nothing to offer them and I'd be doing them a favor by not talking to them or wasting their time.

Again... how do you know that? The reality is, the only real difference between you and the next guy is your attitude. There are plenty of skinny/overweight, broke guys with girlfriends. There are plenty of jerks with girlfriends. You are no less than the next guy... just believe in yourself.

As I look back on the countless times that I've tried talking to girls only to get rejected, I realize what a fool I made of myself and how little insight I had at the time. They must have been laughing so hard.

I've been rejected, too. I've got news for you: everyone's been rejected before... even players. You might have been rejected for a variety of reasons, none of them linked to your self-worth. You could simply have not been their type... or maybe didn't share their same interests. You were probably rejected a few times, because the girls could sense your lack of self-esteem. In all cases, you probably weren't rejected because you weren't a worthy person. It was all in your mind.

Also, who cares if they were laughing? What does it matter? And if the girl laughed, is that the kind of person you really want? Someone who is so insensitive that she's willing to laugh at the expense of others?

Considering how my life has been, I just assume more bad things will happen, and I'm usually right.

Look up something called "self-fulfilling prophecy." If you believe something, then you will make it so. If you believe girls don't want you and that more bad things will happen, then they probably will.