Time, Time, Time

[lonelyloser]

Ok, I have talked to girls before, never successfully. I was on a date once, and like 2 hours into the date she wanted to go home. And it wasn't a "oh I'm feeling kinda sick" thing, she made it obvious that the date sucked! I'm lucky I even got that far...usually after talking to a girl for half a minute they'll go away or won't acknowledge me. So I know that I'm not the type of guy the want - who would want me? After many many years of getting brutalized by the female population I realized that it's not even worth it. If girls want good looking strong guys who are well endowed and drive sports cars...that's fine, I've accepted that I can't offer that and if they want that then they should have that. I'm not even upset about it anymore! I'm much more at peace with myself now that I've given up on girls. The fact that I failed so miserably is kind of a good thing because now I don't make a fool of myself and I have one less thing to worry about.

 

[IgnoredOne]

If girls want good looking strong guys who are well endowed and drive sports cars...that's fine, I've accepted that I can't offer that and if they want that then they should have that.

And we boys like good-looking model girls who are well-endowed and come from rich families. We don't exactly seem to get what we want, and most of us settle. I think its completely fair to try to make the girls settle for less than they want, too.

Regards,
IO

 

[blak000]

Ok, I have talked to girls before, never successfully. I was on a date once, and like 2 hours into the date she wanted to go home. And it wasn't a "oh I'm feeling kinda sick" thing, she made it obvious that the date sucked! I'm lucky I even got that far...usually after talking to a girl for half a minute they'll go away or won't acknowledge me.

Well, did you have a nice conversation with her? Did you ask her what her interests were, or did you go on and on about yourself? Did you compliment her on her outfit or tell her how pretty she looked? Compliments go a long way with women. Did you talk about your positive traits, or did you tell her about your inferiority complex? What did you do that made her want to go home so bad? Did you ever stop to ask yourself what you could have done differently? If she went out on a date with you, then it's obvious that she was interested. Therefore, it must have been some action that changed her mind, not you. Analyze what went wrong, and then work on that thing. Maybe you're exhibiting strange body language, or saying things that women find offensive. Plenty of books on the subject... go educate yourself. Don't buy that ridiculous "player's guide to blah blah blah" crap, just buy books about general social skills.

My point is: don't just assume that things didn't go well because of YOU. You shouldn't link your previous failed attempts to your personal self-worth. All that results in is low self-esteem. Instead, try to think constructively. Believe me, I've been rejected more than once. You just have to bounce back from it. Don't let a few failed attempts discourage you. Instead, use each failure as a learning experience.

Personally, I feel like you may have done something specific that is turning these girls off. I can get by far longer than 2 hours with a girl, without saying a single thing about myself; I just focus on her interests. You should try that sometime. It does wonders. People are slightly interested in you, but they're more interested in themselves. They'd rather have someone sit there and listen to them, rather than listen themselves. If she asks about you, then feel free to mention things about you.

Also, nobody likes being around someone who is rude. Be nice and considerate, and girls will enjoy talking to you. Before you say something, stop and think about how she might react; don't just say the first thing that pops into your mind. If she starts getting quiet, either ask her more questions about herself or try to think of something funny to say. You want to impress her, and you accomplish this by keeping her entertained.

If being courteous, considerate, and attentive is too much for you... then, you're right, you're not what women want. However, those three qualities are very easy to obtain, and, with a little work, you can easily turn your luck with girls around.

So I know that I'm not the type of guy the want - who would want me? After many many years of getting brutalized by the female population I realized that it's not even worth it.

Yes, some girls can be cruel sometimes. You just have to learn to laugh it off. Who cares if they laugh? Those aren't the kind of women you should concern yourself over, anyways. If you find the right woman, though, she will do wonders for your self-esteem and your ego. A good woman strengthens the man she stands by.

If girls want good looking strong guys who are well endowed and drive sports cars...that's fine, I've accepted that I can't offer that and if they want that then they should have that.

That's a generalization, as well as a stereotype, and I know where you got it from: television and magazines. There are millions of men out there, without a great physique or a nice sports car, who have girlfriends. Hell, I knew 1-2 guys who didn't even have cars; their girlfriends drove them everywhere. ***** size? Come on, man... really? You really think women care about that? Unless you're got a 3-incher... most women are perfectly happy with whatever the man has.

All women REALLY want is a confident, considerate male who isn't afraid to do what he wants -- an ambitious man with initiative. Having money and a great body are great bonuses, but that's all they are. Women are more than willing to settle for an unattractive man with goals and a good heart.

Also, if you think women want a guy with a great body... why don't you work out? Nothing stopping you from getting a good physique.

I'm not even upset about it anymore! I'm much more at peace with myself now that I've given up on girls. The fact that I failed so miserably is kind of a good thing because now I don't make a fool of myself and I have one less thing to worry about.

Frankly, I don't believe you. I think, deep down inside, you long to have a girlfriend. You'd jump at the chance to have one. I'm not looking down on you if you do, because so does every other person out there. Most people would rather not be single. Making excuses to convince yourself otherwise, however, isn't going to make you feel any better. Go out there and be proactive about making changes in your life.

Don't just accept things in your life the way they are. Things can change, but they have to start with you. When I set about to change myself, I suffered countless embarrassing moments. I got laughed at all the time, but I realized that it was OK. Am I perfect? No... far from it. I still have problems going up to random women and hitting on them (but so do most "normal" men). Now, though, I have several female friends that I can talk to, and hang out with. I also don't have problems starting conversations with random girls that I meet. If you had asked me if something like that was possible 2-3 years ago, I would have laughed in your face. Change is possible...

Don't tell yourself "but I tried that already"... just keep doing it.

 

[lonelyloser]

Well, did you have a nice conversation with her? Did you ask her what her interests were, or did you go on and on about yourself? Did you compliment her on her outfit or tell her how pretty she looked? Compliments go a long way with women. Did you talk about your positive traits, or did you tell her about your inferiority complex? What did you do that made her want to go home so bad? Did you ever stop to ask yourself what you could have done differently? If she went out on a date with you, then it's obvious that she was interested. Therefore, it must have been some action that changed her mind, not you. Analyze what went wrong, and then work on that thing. Maybe you're exhibiting strange body language, or saying things that women find offensive. Plenty of books on the subject... go educate yourself. Don't buy that ridiculous "player's guide to blah blah blah" crap, just buy books about general social skills.

We did have a decent conversation. I think she thought that I liked her, but she wasn't into me, so that's why she cut it short. Most of the time we talked about her, and I did compliment her. She went on a date with me probably because it meant a free dinner. I get irritated when a girl does not offer to pay at least half. It's just the gesture. I wouldn't expect her to actually pay but it just shows that she's not in it for a free meal. So whatever, I let that go. I'm convinced that she was just bored with me and wanted to leave. The fact that I paid probably made it seem like I'm a complete pushover and we all know what girls think about those type of guys. I don't blame her, really, cause those things are true. I am however extremely polite and attentive.

That's a generalization, as well as a stereotype, and I know where you got it from: television and magazines. There are millions of men out there, without a great physique or a nice sports car, who have girlfriends. Hell, I knew 1-2 guys who didn't even have cars; their girlfriends drove them everywhere. ***** size? Come on, man... really? You really think women care about that? Unless you're got a 3-incher... most women are perfectly happy with whatever the man has.

All women REALLY want is a confident, considerate male who isn't afraid to do what he wants -- an ambitious man with initiative. Having money and a great body are great bonuses, but that's all they are. Women are more than willing to settle for an unattractive man with goals and a good heart.

Also, if you think women want a guy with a great body... why don't you work out? Nothing stopping you from getting a good physique.

Here is where I disagree completely. Women SAY they want those things, but ultimately they will go with the guy who has a Beemer and a 10 incher over the guy who has a Honda, every time. Women want males who will make good providers, it's an animalistic instinct. And they have every right to...I'm not saying they don't. It's just that I can't offer that. If women really went after an attentive man with a good heart, then there wouldn't be so many girls my age talking about how the last guy they dated was such a jerk and was playing them. That's why these player books actually make sense to me, because women are signaling that if you're a little bit of a jerk, that's a good thing. They don't want to be treated that well, because then it shows that you're a *****. If you treat them like they're not important then all of a sudden they get really interested and want to find out what this guy is all about. You might say, well those girls are not worth your time. True, but who isn't like that these days? It's competitive and you have to show that you have something to offer.

Frankly, I don't believe you. I think, deep down inside, you long to have a girlfriend. You'd jump at the chance to have one. I'm not looking down on you if you do, because so does every other person out there. Most people would rather not be single. Making excuses to convince yourself otherwise, however, isn't going to make you feel any better. Go out there and be proactive about making changes in your life.

You're right, I probably would jump at the chance if I knew a girl was interested in me. But guess what the chances of that are about .00001% and it's not worth it to hope for that. I studied statistics in college, I know the odds are not in my favor. To me, it's not really worth losing time and money over these girls. Most people I meet are really superficial and only care about how they look on the outside. I'm very tired of being shot down and getting my self-esteem destroyed.

 

[blak000]

If the date was really going as well as you claim, then I don't understand why the girl would want to leave after two hours. That simply doesn't make any sense. Girls will continue to go out with a guy, even if they're not totally sure if they're into him, just to see where the date will go. The fact that the girl made an obvious attempt to end it, however, tells me that something didn't go well. Analyze the date carefully... there's more to it than you probably realize.

Also, when you think "she's only going out with me for a free dinner," that just speaks volumes about your self-esteem. Thoughts like that tend to translate themselves into your actions and facial expressions. If a women senses that in you, then, yes, she will probably only go out with you for a free meal. If you can, I suggest asking others around you about how you come off to them. The way you see yourself might be vastly different from what others see.

And I disagree with you about women's materialism. There are many women who would choose the guy with the BMW, but not all. Yes, women do want to be taken care of, but not at the expense of the man's personality. If a guy is a jerk, then the girl will put up with it only for so long. And the fact that those girls you know were saying "the last guy" was such a jerk proves that point. You know why jerks get the girl? It's not because they're jerks; it's because they just go out and take what they want. It's because they take initiative, and don't care what others think of them. When they see a pretty girl, they just go straight over to her and talk to her. Being a jerk has nothing to do with it. You might be noticing what kind of men get girls, but I don't think you understand why. There are a lot of decent men with girls, too.

There's this common misconception that "nice guys finish last" with women. That's not true; wussies and pansies finish last with women. Those "nice guys" finish last, because they're too timid to just go out and get what they want. When they see a pretty girl, they clam up and don't say a word. Even when they become friends with a girl they like, they don't have the balls to come out and tell her how they feel. Women do want a man who is attentive and considerate. What they don't want, though, is a slave -- someone who bows down and carries out their every demand. I said women want a nice guy, but I also said they want a man who is confident and ambitious. Now answer me this: is a man who gives up totally on women and totally beats himself up confident and ambitious? You have to learn to love yourself and become your own person. If you're not afraid to be yourself, women will respond to that. They want someone who isn't going to lean on them for emotional support or use them as a crutch. That's why they tend to aim for men who seem independent and strong.

Stop telling yourself things like "I have a 0.00001% chance with girls." That's not helping your cause... like I said: I had a hard time with women (still do at times), but I was able to change; you can too. All it takes is practice and putting yourself out there.

A lot of times, those player's guidebooks are only useful against airheads or girls with low self-esteem. They're also aimed at tricking women solely for the purpose of having ***. You really want to use those tactics?

Ladies, PLEASE.. chime in and help me out here.

 

[IgnoredOne]

blak000 said everything that I have essentially better than I could have. I'll just add one more thing: women are very sensitive to desperation. Women don't actually have telepathy that some of them claim, but they are incredibly capable of telling how you feel about yourself. Generally speaking, most of them will drop you immediatey if they sense that you are self-conscious. Most girls I know are insecure and are looking to find security, and as selfish as it sounds, they'll distance themselves if it seems like they'll have to provide security and strength. They want to look to their boys for strength, not provide strength.

Its not particular fair or even rational, but such is life.

So you have to feel good about yourself first. Do whatever it takes to get there. Girls will pick up on any confidence that you have in yourself and you'll find yourself making friends. Moving from friend to lover is another story entirely(and sometimes not all that possible), but remember one of the things I've consistently said throughout here. Baby steps. Everything has to come in baby steps. But you HAVE to make them, not try to make them.

Regards,
IO

PS: Even so, women are not a monolithic entity. Even in my most wimpiest moments, I've been able to find a few girls who were willing to tolerate or even help me. Insofar as that, you'll have to just keep meeting girls. I would very much advise not to rely on the nuture/pity urge or instinct in women to find lovers, though, as I don't think that's either particularly healthy or lasting.

 

[lonelyloser]

If the date was really going as well as you claim, then I don't understand why the girl would want to leave after two hours. That simply doesn't make any sense. Girls will continue to go out with a guy, even if they're not totally sure if they're into him, just to see where the date will go. The fact that the girl made an obvious attempt to end it, however, tells me that something didn't go well. Analyze the date carefully... there's more to it than you probably realize.

Also, when you think "she's only going out with me for a free dinner," that just speaks volumes about your self-esteem. Thoughts like that tend to translate themselves into your actions and facial expressions. If a women senses that in you, then, yes, she will probably only go out with you for a free meal. If you can, I suggest asking others around you about how you come off to them. The way you see yourself might be vastly different from what others see.

Ok, maybe I made a mistake by giving her flowers at the beginning of the date. She probably thought I was desperate from the beginning and wrote me off. Sheesh, I thought flowers were a nice thing, but apparently it's a sign of weakness these days. Brutal. Even if that wasn't it, I could tell she was bored with me. I didn't want to take any risks, because she was obviously very smart and not a tramp or anything. I was nervous because she was hot and I couldn't believe that she was going out with me. So yes, perhaps she read through that and thought that I was a loser and need to be discarded.

And I disagree with you about women's materialism. There are many women who would choose the guy with the BMW, but not all. Yes, women do want to be taken care of, but not at the expense of the man's personality. If a guy is a jerk, then the girl will put up with it only for so long. And the fact that those girls you know were saying last guy" was such a jerk proves that point. You know why jerks get the girl? It's not because they're jerks; it's because they just go out and take what they want. It's because they take initiative, and don't care what others think of them. When they see a pretty girl, they just go straight over to her and talk to her. Being a jerk has nothing to do with it. You might be noticing what kind of men get girls, but I don't think you understand why. There are a lot of decent men with girls, too.

Yes, jerks have the balls to go out and pick up a girl without caring, I won't deny that. But a jerk can pull it off in a way that I'll never be able to. I'm a dork, if I tried that **** I'd get slapped. Many women will continue to date the jerks even though they say they don't like jerks. Because their brains are wired to go for guys who are desired by other women.

There's this common misconception that "nice guys finish last" with women. That's not true; wussies and pansies finish last with women. Those "nice guys" finish last, because they're too timid to just go out and get what they want. When they see a pretty girl, they clam up and don't say a word. Even when they become friends with a girl they like, they don't have the balls to come and tell her how they feel. Women do want a man who is attentive and considerate. What they don't want, though, is a slave -- someone who bows down and carries out their every demand. I said women want a nice guy, but I also said they want a man who is confident and ambitious. Now answer me this: is a man who gives up totally on women and totally beats himself up confident and ambitious? You have to learn to love yourself and become your own person. If you're not afraid to be yourself, women will respond to that. They want someone who isn't going to lean on them for emotional support or use them as a crutch. That's why they tend to aim for men who seem independent and strong.

I'm a nice guy who has nothing to offer, so that puts me in no man's land. Maybe I'm not confident or ambitious, so therefore, no woman would have any reason to be attracted to me. That's fine. Listen - I used to be upset about this, but I've learned to accept the fact that I've lost the game.

There was a time when I was going out with girls, taking them out to dinner a few times, and then they'd stop talking to me. I got really upset about this. Absolutely ridiculous. It was like paying for a hooker and not getting the ***! I of course was not expecting *** but I mean I at least expected that they would acknowledge my existence once in a while. So I started going to strip clubs. I love strip clubs, because I'm not getting conned. I get exactly what I pay for. Seriously, I don't know how I could have gotten through '05 without strippers. You see, I don't like prissy girls. With strippers I can be as expressive as I want to be and I won't be chastised for it. They do their thing, and then they leave. With regular chicks so much money and time is wasted talking trying to get to know them, dealing with their mood swings, and such. I'm not trying to justify my visits but just giving you a little insight as to why I have so much difficulty with regular girls.

 

[blak000]

Well, it seems like you've settled into your way of life. Further talk isn't going to change your thinking. However, I sincerely hope you learn to love yourself; not for the women, not for friends.... just because you owe it to yourself.

See you around.

Oh, and thanks, IO, for chiming in. It really means a lot. =)

 

[Psychedelic]

1. I can't simile

2. I don't have the look to boost up my confidence. When you get call "ugly" often as a child, and never once handsome, beside your family, well you get the point.

3. I have a boring background, never had a single decent holidays or birthday. Never play sport, join clubs, play instruments, do something crazy, party, drink, and etc...

4. I'm not a bad boy

5. I don't have the heights, I'm only 5'9, and most girls want tall guys.

6. I'm extremely poor, I could barely buy stuff for myself much less take a girl out to dinner. My college tuition was pretty much pay for with grants and loans.

7. I have social anxiety

Hey man, here's me proving you wrong.

1. I always smile. I'm always happy and people think of me as a sunny positive person who will not be brought down by anything.

2. I'm definitely not hot, but neither bad looking. Light brown hair, green eyes, swimmer's body.

3. I am an artist for a living, own and run one of the most respected studios in my city, have lived in 5 countries, speak 4 languages, have an iq of 137, have so many experiences to tell that a hundred years wouldn't be enough.

4. I am definitely a "bad boy" as you say, as in the james dean type, good person but against all rules.

5. I'm not 7 feet tall tall but neither short, and my physique is perfect for my height.

6. I have no money problems whatsoever. I own my own flat, plus 4 others and a yacht, even though few people know since i never brag about my luck or material possessions.

7. Even though i have always been insecure around girls, i have an overwhelming social life. i have so many friends its impossible to keep track of everyone. if i go to a party where i know nobody, i am most definitely going to end up talking to many different people, or being recognized by someone.


Nonetheless, i have only been with one girl so far, and that was many years ago. since then, i have never been able to convince a girl i like to even go on a date with me. i must say that i will not settle for someone i dont like truly, and i always aim pretty high, but i always get politely rejected, or just ignored, situations very embarassing for me and for the girls.
my friend, you are no better and no worse than i am. being good around girls and having charme is something you grow up with. as an adult, either you have it, or you just don't. if you started hitting on girls when you were 13, probably right now you would be having so much *** you wouldnt believe. if you didnt care about girls or were too afraid as an adolescent, like me, you will grow up lacking all those essential qualities girls look out for when being approached.

so lemme tell you, **** girls and **** ***: if looking for realtionships is something that will get you nowhere, dedicate yourself to something else, like i have, and enjoy the millions of other aspects in life that are just waiting for you out there.

 

[Bluey]

Psychedelic, Fist of all let me welcome you to the sight.

That post has got to be one of the most interesting, honest but yet unbelievable posts I have ever seen here.

I find it truly unbeliverble that you would have success in every aspect of life apart from the one.

I do agree hugely that ppl put to much enforces on finding that special someone and that life has so many moor things to offer then just simply finding that special one person. After all in order to make somebody happy you fist must learn how to be happy with in your self. Am I right? maybe?

Maybe you have had that much success in your life because you have not had to put the amount of huge effort that's involved in a relationship. ie You have not had to sacrifice friendships in order to keep the misses happy and because you have not had to sacrifice the time needed you have been able to build up successful businesses.

Still, how is it that a person can be so sociable but yet not be able to get a simple thing like a date? That is incredible.

I think maybe something in your childhood could be responsible for that? You may benefit from a few sessions with a philologist/hypnotist to take you back to where this originates from.

Thanks for sharing with us. I hope to see you here again

 

[Psychedelic]

haha, to be honest i would never be writing here if i hadnt accidentally dropped by on a random post and decided i felt like replying. im not a discussion board enthusiast, neither do i feel particularly lonely in life except maybe in this one thing.
sure, my mission (work is not the appropriate word for me) and my essential need for freedom and friendship have taken away a lot of time to invest in wooing, sure thing, but its not like i dont meet anybody. actually, exactly the opposite. for example this week im being interviewed, holding lectures at the university and participating in a national convention in another city on saturday and sunday.
childhood? definitely no traumas. my parents wouldnt have hidden anything too early to remember from me. perhaps adolescence. i was the average nerd, a little immature perhaps. and now im 25, sufficiently self confident, have changed a lot but deep inside its still like im a 14 year old sweating cold and stuttering in front of the pretty girls.
this is only because my first and only contact with a girl was around my 20: metaphorizing what i was saying before, it's like a sport. if you train a lot as a kid, you can make it into a strong major league team. if you eat burgers and sit on your *** until you're 25 and start playing hockey with a bad back and crooked legs, you will only be a sloth with no knowledge of tactics.
catch what im saying?

 

[IgnoredOne]

if you train a lot as a kid, you can make it into a strong major league team. if you eat burgers and sit on your *** until you're 25 and start playing hockey with a bad back and crooked legs, you will only be a sloth with no knowledge of tactics.
catch what im saying?

Very good metaphor, but you'll start off overweight with no knowledge of tactics and a strange mental association on the ice to milkshakes fantasies rather than with a bad back and crooked legs

And you can learn it. It'll be hard and even painful, but just like starting late with hockey, you can do well if you focus and practice on it. The problem is that most of us hate "starting all over again" on something we have no knowledge on, but its possible, and if you want a girl, its probably necessary.

I started fairly late - my first female friends were in my late teens, and I've never managed to even get a girl to say "I love you" until I was in my early twenties. And I only actually developed any degree of confidence last year. So you can definitely can do it, if you're willing to take on the effort.

Gambatte?



Regards,
IO

 

[Psychedelic]

i cant say youre wrong to a certain extent....training does give you a stronger back. and i still am pretty convinced that miracles are a very rare thing. introduce me to a major league player who was a lazy fatass until he was 25 and ill believe you
and what does gambatte mean? sounds like some weird italian dish haha

 

[IgnoredOne]

i cant say youre wrong to a certain extent....training does give you a stronger back. and i still am pretty convinced that miracles are a very rare thing. introduce me to a major league player who was a lazy fatass until he was 25 and ill believe you
and what does gambatte mean? sounds like some weird italian dish haha

I chuckle. Gambatte the Japanese word for "try your best" or "try hard." I mutter it quite often or myself or friends whenever I have to commit to something painful or tedious; as you're an artist as well, I'm sure you know exactly where that comes in for daily work. Especially because we don't work until we're inspired, and inspiration comes in the form of last-minute panic.

And you do have a point that its unlikely that you'll be a major league player if you started training very late. Even Michael Jordan was an unspectacular player when he switched to baseball in 1994 with the White Soxs. But what's important is that you're improving and doing better than what you were before.

Essentially, all skills have decreasing returns. If you want to completely avoid sucking at a game, you need to put in a few dozen hours. If you just want to be a competent/good player, putting in a few hundred hours would be needed. If you want to be competitive and top of the game, then you'll be looking for thousands of hours of practice plus natural skill.

Not need to be perfectionist. Just do better and let your natural talent for success shine through you.

Regards,
IO

 

[Chris 2]

1. I can't simile

2. I don't have the look to boost up my confidence. When you get call "ugly" often as a child, and never once handsome, beside your family, well you get the point.

3. I have a boring background, never had a single decent holidays or birthday. Never play sport, join clubs, play instruments, do something crazy, party, drink, and etc...

4. I'm not a bad boy

5. I don't have the heights, I'm only 5'9, and most girls want tall guys.

6. I'm extremely poor, I could barely buy stuff for myself much less take a girl out to dinner. My college tuition was pretty much pay for with grants and loans.

7. I have social anxiety

Hey man, here's me proving you wrong.

1. I always smile. I'm always happy and people think of me as a sunny positive person who will not be brought down by anything.

2. I'm definitely not hot, but neither bad looking. Light brown hair, green eyes, swimmer's body.

3. I am an artist for a living, own and run one of the most respected studios in my city, have lived in 5 countries, speak 4 languages, have an iq of 137, have so many experiences to tell that a hundred years wouldn't be enough.

4. I am definitely a "bad boy" as you say, as in the james dean type, good person but against all rules.

5. I'm not 7 feet tall tall but neither short, and my physique is perfect for my height.

6. I have no money problems whatsoever. I own my own flat, plus 4 others and a yacht, even though few people know since i never brag about my luck or material possessions.

7. Even though i have always been insecure around girls, i have an overwhelming social life. i have so many friends its impossible to keep track of everyone. if i go to a party where i know nobody, i am most definitely going to end up talking to many different people, or being recognized by someone.


Nonetheless, i have only been with one girl so far, and that was many years ago. since then, i have never been able to convince a girl i like to even go on a date with me. i must say that i will not settle for someone i dont like truly, and i always aim pretty high, but i always get politely rejected, or just ignored, situations very embarassing for me and for the girls.
my friend, you are no better and no worse than i am. being good around girls and having charme is something you grow up with. as an adult, either you have it, or you just don't. if you started hitting on girls when you were 13, probably right now you would be having so much *** you wouldnt believe. if you didnt care about girls or were too afraid as an adolescent, like me, you will grow up lacking all those essential qualities girls look out for when being approached.

so lemme tell you, **** girls and **** ***: if looking for realtionships is something that will get you nowhere, dedicate yourself to something else, like i have, and enjoy the millions of other aspects in life that are just waiting for you out there.

Wow that just really suck to know. Well I'm not looking for ***, I'm looking for love. But it is disappointing to know. My first crush was my first grade teacher, so I have always like girl. Of course I blame it all on my parent. They would never let me have any friend that was a girl, and keep lying to me that it is a sin to have a friend that is a girl. This was to keep me from doing "BAD thing" and not lose track of my education. And look where it gotten to me now? I am in a pretty good university, and yet the first quarter of it, I felt like killing myself. I was bought by a police car down to the rehab center, where they lock me up for 4 hours, because I was so suicidal at that time. And you wouldn't believe, but even in college, my mom is still against me for even hanging out with girl. She told me I should only hang out with boy??? I"M Not GAY, and I look like a ****** just hanging out with guy. I don't understand my parent, and they don't understand the American way of life, and therefore my life suck.

 

[Chris 2]

I haven't been on this thread for a while, so here is a sum up of all the reply that I found interesting.

I think one of the main problems that lead us down this path of not believing we can find someone special and getting down on ourselves about it is the fact that we compare ourselves to other people and also generalize.

We have to realize that no matter how you wish, you CANNOT be or be like someone else. It's impossible. So don't wish you were, you only have what you are. And it's that that we have to emphasize on and encourage ourselves with. Just cause you can't smile, doesn't mean you have no personality. You're a thinking person with something to say. Characterize who you are as a person and not what you think you should be. It's a major step to finding someone. Nothing happens instantly but it gives you the opportunity to build more friendships and possibly lead into relationships.

Don't be afraid to do things around people even if you don't know them. What anyone says doesn't make a difference in who you are, and you may just get another's attention. You don't have to be in the spotlight all the time, but it's good to make an impression ^^.

Don't generalize women by saying that all they go for are bad boys and "hot" guys. I don't really know what defines someone to be "hot", but it's definitely not a shared view I'm sure. I've never liked any guy for the way he looks, a personality really speaks to me more, if the personality attracts me, I also become physically attracted since it's this great person that I see and not just some shell. This need to be physically attractive happens with both sexes. I mean I don't think it would be fair for me to say that all men want 100 pound girls with DD breasts. I don't believe that. I don't really like to be generalized as a woman just because I am one, I'm my own person. I have never found any one seen as a "bad boy" attractive and I'm sure I'm not going to start but if I ever found one that I seen as an actual good person, that would be the only thing that would have attracted me. And girls that I grew up with that have a thing for "bad boys" aren't exactly the greatest people themselves. Having a set of attraction standards really tells a lot about a person and these people may never find what they want because no one can live up to standards perfectly. It's much better to head in and see what the world has to offer.

You're in uni/college and your still young. I'm sure you will pull through and find someone. There's so much out there and so many people that are willing to interact with you. Just give them and more importantly, yourself, a chance.

You are right about that! I don't think I care too much if a girl is 100 lbs and has DD. And I'm not into *** before love as much as other guy, so your right in that everyone is different. And I will do just that, once I find that courage which I'm talking small step, or like Ignored One would say "baby step".

If you believe you can't get a girlfriend, then you won't.

Try to stop focusing on the negative, and just love yourself for who you are. How can you expect someone to love you, if you can't even love yourself?

I notice you make a lot of generalizations about what girls want and what they look for in a guy. Not all girls need a guy who is 6'5", and not all girls want a guy who puts up a front about how tough he is. Attractiveness counts to a degree, but girls value confidence and charm more than anything. I know girls who would rather go out with an ugly, but charming, guy than a handsome wallflower. If you have trouble talking to girls, then go out and talk to some. They don't have to be pretty... any girl will do. Having female friends helps a LOT. It'll teach you how to interact with them better, and they can also introduce you to MORE girls. Being vouched for by another girl means her friends will already feel more comfortable around you. If she's your friend, you can't be all that bad, right?

If you feel like you have a boring background, then go out and have some fun; do things to MAKE yourself interesting. There's nothing stopping you from going to a party, and meeting people. If you start feeling social anxiety at those places... just keep going until you don't anymore. If it helps, have a small drink or two (assuming you're legal)... you'd be surprised how many "normal" people do exactly that to loosen up.

You are your own worst enemy in life. If there are things you don't like about yourself, take initiative (by the way, girls LOVE a guy who takes initiative) and take steps to change them. Don't like how you look? Read some fashion magazines, and try to dress nicer. Go to a gym and work out. Eat right, and get plenty of rest.

I used to suffer from social anxiety and intense shyness. I'm still working on becoming less shy; I've improved a lot, but it took a lot of effort. You know what I did to overcome it? I learned to dance. Dancing is something you can practice in the privacy of your own home. When you can learn to dance in front of a group of people, it'll give you a major confidence boost. Plus, if you're especially good... people will be impressed and they'll want to talk to you. Sometimes, I don't even have to go up to girls anymore -- they'll usually smile, and come over to me. There's always ways to work around your shortcomings.

Moping and focusing on your negative aspects, however, won't change anything. Remember that. Positive, positive, positive!

I have always wanted to dance, but believe me, sometime I feel I can get a girl if I only did the above^^ thing, but first I need to get a haircut first. She was my friend before until I stop talking to her, and I can sense that she know something is wrong with me.

exactly. if you dont intermingle with others who can you get a girlfriend?. how can you know new aquantances?

if you just try to get out from your comfort zone, try new stuff then you will know somebody little by little and in the long run GOd for bid she might be you girlfriend in the future.

Your exactly right, and I am going to join a club next quarter with someone I know on my floor! And she a girl of course...

girlfriends come along when you're not really looking for them. It's sort of weird that way. And, the girls that respond when you're desperate to find them, well, often times end up being the less desireable types.

Yup, I find this true too. When you least expect anything to happen.

I actually doubt that, and most of the thing I believe in is actually turn out true, but I'm going to be open about it.

Yes exactly so just enjoy life to the fullest, be happy with yourself, its what im beginning to realise. You dont need someone to make yourself happy

Ok I absolutely disagree with that, because I can't see myself ten years from now without a single person to come home to.

If the date was really going as well as you claim, then I don't understand why the girl would want to leave after two hours. That simply doesn't make any sense. Girls will continue to go out with a guy, even if they're not totally sure if they're into him, just to see where the date will go. The fact that the girl made an obvious attempt to end it, however, tells me that something didn't go well. Analyze the date carefully... there's more to it than you probably realize.

Also, when you think "she's only going out with me for a free dinner," that just speaks volumes about your self-esteem. Thoughts like that tend to translate themselves into your actions and facial expressions. If a women senses that in you, then, yes, she will probably only go out with you for a free meal. If you can, I suggest asking others around you about how you come off to them. The way you see yourself might be vastly different from what others see.

Ok, maybe I made a mistake by giving her flowers at the beginning of the date. She probably thought I was desperate from the beginning and wrote me off. Sheesh, I thought flowers were a nice thing, but apparently it's a sign of weakness these days. Brutal. Even if that wasn't it, I could tell she was bored with me. I didn't want to take any risks, because she was obviously very smart and not a tramp or anything. I was nervous because she was hot and I couldn't believe that she was going out with me. So yes, perhaps she read through that and thought that I was a loser and need to be discarded.

That is a huge mistake, but OMG look on the bright side. It just shown that hot girl are willing to go out with you. It doesn't matter if the date wasn't going well, girl are still attracted to you nonetheless. Reading your post make me laugh lonely, because you say your lonely, but in turn I'm actually quite lonelier than you. Hmm...maybe I should change my name to Lonely Chris 2.

And I disagree with you about women's materialism. There are many women who would choose the guy with the BMW, but not all. Yes, women do want to be taken care of, but not at the expense of the man's personality. If a guy is a jerk, then the girl will put up with it only for so long. And the fact that those girls you know were saying last guy" was such a jerk proves that point. You know why jerks get the girl? It's not because they're jerks; it's because they just go out and take what they want. It's because they take initiative, and don't care what others think of them. When they see a pretty girl, they just go straight over to her and talk to her. Being a jerk has nothing to do with it. You might be noticing what kind of men get girls, but I don't think you understand why. There are a lot of decent men with girls, too.

Yes, jerks have the balls to go out and pick up a girl without caring, I won't deny that. But a jerk can pull it off in a way that I'll never be able to. I'm a dork, if I tried that **** I'd get slapped. Many women will continue to date the jerks even though they say they don't like jerks. Because their brains are wired to go for guys who are desired by other women.

There's this common misconception that "nice guys finish last" with women. That's not true; wussies and pansies finish last with women. Those "nice guys" finish last, because they're too timid to just go out and get what they want. When they see a pretty girl, they clam up and don't say a word. Even when they become friends with a girl they like, they don't have the balls to come and tell her how they feel. Women do want a man who is attentive and considerate. What they don't want, though, is a slave -- someone who bows down and carries out their every demand. I said women want a nice guy, but I also said they want a man who is confident and ambitious. Now answer me this: is a man who gives up totally on women and totally beats himself up confident and ambitious? You have to learn to love yourself and become your own person. If you're not afraid to be yourself, women will respond to that. They want someone who isn't going to lean on them for emotional support or use them as a crutch. That's why they tend to aim for men who seem independent and strong.

I'm a nice guy who has nothing to offer, so that puts me in no man's land. Maybe I'm not confident or ambitious, so therefore, no woman would have any reason to be attracted to me. That's fine. Listen - I used to be upset about this, but I've learned to accept the fact that I've lost the game.

There was a time when I was going out with girls, taking them out to dinner a few times, and then they'd stop talking to me. I got really upset about this. Absolutely ridiculous. It was like paying for a hooker and not getting the ***! I of course was not expecting *** but I mean I at least expected that they would acknowledge my existence once in a while. So I started going to strip clubs. I love strip clubs, because I'm not getting conned. I get exactly what I pay for. Seriously, I don't know how I could have gotten through '05 without strippers. You see, I don't like prissy girls. With strippers I can be as expressive as I want to be and I won't be chastised for it. They do their thing, and then they leave. With regular chicks so much money and time is wasted talking trying to get to know them, dealing with their mood swings, and such. I'm not trying to justify my visits but just giving you a little insight as to why I have so much difficulty with regular girls.

How that like? Strip Club sound fun!

 

[lonelyloser]

Wow that just really suck to know. Well I'm not looking for ***, I'm looking for love. But it is disappointing to know. My first crush was my first grade teacher, so I have always like girl. Of course I blame it all on my parent. They would never let me have any friend that was a girl, and keep lying to me that it is a sin to have a friend that is a girl. This was to keep me from doing "BAD thing" and not lose track of my education. And look where it gotten to me now? I am in a pretty good university, and yet the first quarter of it, I felt like killing myself. I was bought by a police car down to the rehab center, where they lock me up for 4 hours, because I was so suicidal at that time. And you wouldn't believe, but even in college, my mom is still against me for even hanging out with girl. She told me I should only hang out with boy??? I"M Not GAY, and I look like a ****** just hanging out with guy. I don't understand my parent, and they don't understand the American way of life, and therefore my life suck.

Hey man don't blame you for blaming your parents. They raised you in the wrong way. Every parent should be interested in promoting their child's social development. Unfortunately my parents are just like yours. They don't want to get involved in those kinds of issues cause they are so traditional, and frankly they are wusses. I was in the exact same situation as you my freshman year in coll. I was in a good university, but I was just so inexperienced and feeling bad cause everyone was hooking up and I wasn't. I spent so much time thinking about girls that I just ****** up everything else. I felt like I was some kind of perv. I also recently ended up in the hospital for the same issue. It was like I was some sort of criminal.

And I do think my problems are because of my parents. I have every right to blame them. I see people who have good, fun parents, and they turned out great. They're confident in themselves. My parents just wanted to control me and make sure that I was a nerd, look how I turned out. So yes, my plight is because of them and I'm not afraid to say it. The whole "there's no use blaming your parents" thing is useless to me, cause it doesn't change who I am. I'm always going to be miserable as long as they are a part of my life. I did try to talk about this with them, but they just blame everything on me. They don't understand how I feel, nor do they make an effort to. They think that they were heroes because they were there financially, but they did not to their part in any other aspect. They think I should worship them. I don't understand how someone can be so utterly screwed. I feel so primitive, so barbaric.

 

[Chris 2]

Wow that just really suck to know. Well I'm not looking for ***, I'm looking for love. But it is disappointing to know. My first crush was my first grade teacher, so I have always like girl. Of course I blame it all on my parent. They would never let me have any friend that was a girl, and keep lying to me that it is a sin to have a friend that is a girl. This was to keep me from doing "BAD thing" and not lose track of my education. And look where it gotten to me now? I am in a pretty good university, and yet the first quarter of it, I felt like killing myself. I was bought by a police car down to the rehab center, where they lock me up for 4 hours, because I was so suicidal at that time. And you wouldn't believe, but even in college, my mom is still against me for even hanging out with girl. She told me I should only hang out with boy??? I"M Not GAY, and I look like a ****** just hanging out with guy. I don't understand my parent, and they don't understand the American way of life, and therefore my life suck.

Hey man don't blame you for blaming your parents. They raised you in the wrong way. Every parent should be interested in promoting their child's social development. Unfortunately my parents are just like yours. They don't want to get involved in those kinds of issues cause they are so traditional, and frankly they are wusses. I was in the exact same situation as you my freshman year in coll. I was in a good university, but I was just so inexperienced and feeling bad cause everyone was hooking up and I wasn't. I spent so much time thinking about girls that I just ****** up everything else. I felt like I was some kind of perv. I also recently ended up in the hospital for the same issue. It was like I was some sort of criminal.

And I do think my problems are because of my parents. I have every right to blame them. I see people who have good, fun parents, and they turned out great. They're confident in themselves. My parents just wanted to control me and make sure that I was a nerd, look how I turned out. So yes, my plight is because of them and I'm not afraid to say it. The whole "there's no use blaming your parents" thing is useless to me, cause it doesn't change who I am. I'm always going to be miserable as long as they are a part of my life. I did try to talk about this with them, but they just blame everything on me. They don't understand how I feel, nor do they make an effort to. They think that they were heroes because they were there financially, but they did not to their part in any other aspect. They think I should worship them. I don't understand how someone can be so utterly screwed. I feel so primitive, so barbaric.

I agree 100% and I'm not the only one who also agree with you. In class, I been reading this book call the "Nature of Children Growth &
Development", and when I read it I wanted to cry. Because everything that help a child live a happy life, my parent have done just the opposite

Jean-Jacques Rousseau wrote and quote "Excessive severity and excessive indulgence are equally to be avoided." " If you are over-careful in shielding them from trouble for every kind you are laying up much unhappiness for the future you are withdrawing them from the common lot of man, to which they must one day become subject in spite of you.


I resent both my parent, just as Jean wrote, and I am very unhappy with life, just like what he wrote.

YES our parent **** up our life bad, and not once in the book did my parent do anything right.

The book was very interesting yet it hurt.

 

[sloth4urluv]

Parents can really mess you up.
Mine think I turned out great, but they only see the surface.
They have no idea how ****** up and hurt I am on the inside.