To ladies, help me work through this

[Mr. Sir]

From at what I have read and witnessed, it seems that all women view all men who approach them as, long and short, potential rapists. It's the woman's decision who she picks. So basically it comes down to looks, muscles, experience and confidence exuding from both of those. Apparently women feel threats from all guys, so it seems to be looks that mark the difference between a stalker and a cool guy. Basically, from what I have witnessed, any unattractive guy who approaches a woman is basically in the same category as a stalker.

So I feel like when I am talking to girls, it's almost like I have a loaded gun, that I have to show them that I unload it. That is what puts me in friendzone. Feminists want men to feel guilty for being attracted to women "you're a sexist, you're a rapist, you're a pig". And I do feel guilty.

Long and short what I am trying to say is, what can I do when I talk to a girl to find that happy balance between friendzone and stalkerish.

 

[Badjedidude]

What you're saying is not true at all.

I've seen plenty of butt-ugly guys that look like rapists with really pretty women on their arms. It's not about looks at all. Sure, there's an amount of that when women first glance at a guy...but it's about the same as if you were looking at a woman. Do you only look at pretty women? Do you automatically assume by a plain-looking woman's appearance that she is desparate for attention or poor or has less opportunity in this world? It's the same when a woman looks at a guy.

Most women aren't shallow and are willing to get past a guy's looks, at least long enough to determine what sort of character and inner drive he has. In fact, uglier guys might actually have a better chance. Women love it when a man is confident enough about himself to approach her, despite his poor appearance.

Haha watch out...I can hear Eve coming to slam you down for "sweeping generalizations."

----Steve

 

[SophiaGrace]

A guy has to prove himself trustworthy to me before I'd even consider him.

The most nonthreatening thing I can think of is to have a guy as a friend for a while before I'd date him.

So its not neccesarily bad to be friendzoned in my book, especially when a girl is painfully shy and awkward herself.

@badjedidude=> You arent a lady lol

 

[Badjedidude]

@badjedidude=> You arent a lady lol

Yeah I just noticed that.

----Steve

 

[SophiaGrace]

@badjedidude=> You arent a lady lol

Yeah I just noticed that.

----Steve

whoa wait JUST???? LOL!

thats kind of scary o_o

 

[Badjedidude]

whoa wait JUST???? LOL!

Don't you discriminate against me! So what if it takes longer for some than for others? I figured it out eventually! That's sooner than some!

----Steve

 

[SophiaGrace]

whoa wait JUST???? LOL!

Don't you discriminate against me! So what if it takes longer for some than for others? I figured it out eventually! That's sooner than some!

----Steve

LMAO!!!!!!!

 

[shells]

For the record, if I didn't feel safe around my boyfriend -- I wouldn't be with him. End of story.

As a couple, neither of us are too glamorous or even close to Hollywood's perception of being attractive. However, he's the only one I have eyes for, and most importantly, he is attractive to ME. I don't give a damn what anyone else thinks. I'm drawn to him because of the person that he is and the way he makes me feel around him. I will continue to be attracted to him long after age and gravity takes a toll on both of us.

 

[Silvernight]

From at what I have read and witnessed, it seems that all women view all men who approach them as, long and short, potential rapists.

Erm... no. At least for me, it's very easy to establish whether a guy is indeed a potential rapist, which, to be honest, I have no experience of meeting so far.

It's the woman's decision who she picks. So basically it comes down to looks, muscles, experience and confidence exuding from both of those. Apparently women feel threats from all guys, so it seems to be looks that mark the difference between a stalker and a cool guy. Basically, from what I have witnessed, any unattractive guy who approaches a woman is basically in the same category as a stalker.

Dude, I won't lie that looks totally don't matter, cause they do, especially as a first impression. BUT... and that's a big BUT, a guy who is attractive to one woman, may be butt-ugly to another. There are some general beauty standards for both men and women, but people are different and have different preferences. E.g. I totally do not understand why women swoon over, say, Brad Pitt or David Beckham. I recognize that these guys are kind of attractive physically, but not my personal kind of attractive, see what I mean? Personally I like another actor, who's not so famous, and actually really very skinny. See, it's all about personal preferences. It is also about personality, and how much confidence you show. Confidence is very attractive, you know. By which, I don't mean arrogance, by the way. Even if you don't feel all that confident, it's really enough just to pretend that you are. There is also the fact that the more you like the personality, the more physically beautiful that person will appear to you. No matter that he/she might be considered plain-looking by general standards.

So I feel like when I am talking to girls, it's almost like I have a loaded gun, that I have to show them that I unload it. That is what puts me in friendzone.

What is it about this so much feared 'friendzone' that guys just keep whining about? (I'm not referring just to you) As I understand it, every healthy relationship should, first of all, be firmly rooted in friendship and appreciation of each other. So, first, you become friends and see where it takes you, it may develop into more romantic feelings or it may not, that's how it goes. I cannot fathom how can there be love without friendship? Lust, sure, but not love.

Feminists want men to feel guilty for being attracted to women "you're a sexist, you're a rapist, you're a pig". And I do feel guilty.

And you shouldn't. You should have more sense than listen to every ***** who makes ridiculous generalisations based on what people have in their pants.

 

[Badjedidude]

What is it about this so much feared 'friendzone' that guys just keep whining about?

Friendzone doesn't refer to being simple friends with a woman...it refers to a black pit of friendship from which it is impossible for a poor, tortured sap to crawl out of and into a romantic situation with the woman. The Friendzone is the end of the line for all romantic hopes with a woman, not the friendship that can be built upon and eventually become a romantic relationship.

Haha with that said, I think it is important to be friends first...and hey, if the chick isn't into you romantically, then you still have a FRIEND! Which is more than you'd have without her, right?

----Steve

P.S. I personally have no problem with Friendzone. There are plenty of women.

 

[Silvernight]

What is it about this so much feared 'friendzone' that guys just keep whining about?

Friendzone doesn't refer to being simple friends with a woman...it refers to a black pit of friendship from which it is impossible for a poor, tortured sap to crawl out of and into a romantic situation with the woman. The Friendzone is the end of the line for all romantic hopes with a woman, not the friendship that can be built upon and eventually become a romantic relationship.

Haha with that said, I think it is important to be friends first...and hey, if the chick isn't into you romantically, then you still have a FRIEND! Which is more than you'd have without her, right?

----Steve

P.S. I personally have no problem with Friendzone. There are plenty of women.

Well, I mean, how can you even find out whether a girl likes you and you like her if you don't become friends? Unless, it is all about, ya know, banging each other, in which case friendship isn't important. But I don't believe in a relationship based on ***.

 

[Badjedidude]

Alright, I guess I'm not making myself clear enough.

Friendzone: ONLY friends with absolutely NO possibility of romance.

Friendship: Friends with future possibility of romance.

That's the difference between the two. I believe in friendship before romance, and I believe that this allows for the strongest possible relationship between two people. Friendzone, however, means that you are ONLY friends, with no possibility of becoming anything more. That is why some men (and not I) find Friendzone to be a horrible situation.

----Steve

 

[Remedy]

First of all when will this women don't think looks are as important as guys do get tossed out the window. To me every damn human being is as shallow as the next regardless of gender.There are those who seek beauty from the inside but i believe they can be found just fine in both genders. Sure everyone has their own opinion on who they think looks great but that doesn't take away the fact that there are some really ugly people out there hell I'm probably one of them.

I'm really glad there are some ugly guys with some pretty women if there are. It makes plenty of the other people think which a lot of them are jerks for thinking that way, they think why is that loser with such a great looking girl? Probably because they are envious of them.

Sadly enough I have heard girls from other forums say that if a guy was unattractive and they approached her she would find them creepy. Why some guys are so afraid of the friendzone is probably because that is all they have ever known.It seriously seems like if a guy is unattractive they are friendzoned or dropped all together unless they find that one really non-shallow person.

 

[Steel]

When will people stop assuming there is some simple rule, and start treating each gender as consisting of individuals?

 

[EveWasFramed]

Well, Eve has arrived to "come down on you" for those "sweeping generalizations" and cheaptrickfan will likely be along shortly to do the same.
If a guy comes up to me, rubbing his crotch, drooling, getting my tag number, asking address, etc, THEN I might look at him as a potentional rapist. Come on....get real. Who the hell are these females that you hang out with???

 

[Zak]

Well, Eve has arrived to "come down on you" for those "sweeping generalizations" and cheaptrickfan will likely be along shortly to do the same.
If a guy comes up to me, rubbing his crotch, drooling, getting my tag number, asking address, etc, THEN I might look at him as a potentional rapist. Come on....get real. Who the hell are these females that you hang out with???

You can't blame him Somebody's got ze curvez

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Well, Eve has arrived to "come down on you" for those "sweeping generalizations" and cheaptrickfan will likely be along shortly to do the same.

I heard the bat-signal and heeded it. I was just waiting for my head to stop spinning.

I agree 100% with Steel. Women aren't some borg-like entity with a signal brain, marching in lock-step desiring to mow down the unattractive creeps. Treat each woman or man that you meet as a new person with his/her own likes and dislikes.

A locked-in negative attitude like the OP's is a huge obstacle to making any change at all. I'm willing to bet that the negativity ripples off of him in waves. THAT'S what many women respond to, not the lack of a muscled physique or a hideously deformed face. - Not that the OP is hideous. I've seen his picture and he's not bad-looking at all.

Ok, I wrote a lot more, but had to delete it because it was very angry. lol

If this thread continues on in this vein, however I will have no choice but to post my long diatribe to the f&^%ng whiners.

---

Friendzone doesn't refer to being simple friends with a woman...it refers to a black pit of friendship from which it is impossible for a poor, tortured sap to crawl out of and into a romantic situation with the woman. The Friendzone is the end of the line for all romantic hopes with a woman, not the friendship that can be built upon and eventually become a romantic relationship.

Or like when a woman hears those dreaded words from the guy of her dreams, "You're like a kid sister to me!" only to be followed up with, "Say, who's your friend? You know, the hot one in the bikini?"

Been there done that, wept bitter tears. But hey, I was 19. I got over it and grew up.

 

[Mr. Sir]

OK guys, thanks for all the advice. FYI, I'm not really a whiner, I'm just scared. I see popular magazines day after day telling women to cheat on their husbands and go for bad boys and all that kind of ****. It gets me down. I am 20 now, and I know some people who are 21 and engaged, so no there are not "plenty of women". It makes me want to shoot myself in the head.

I believe my enemies from the past want me to be in this incel state. The sadist bully from when I was 13 wants this to happen to me. The teachers who all thought I was borderline ******** want this to happen to me. They've won the fight.

I really don't know how to prevent the negativity from coming off of me. This is a nasty ******* world and you need to fight to not get ******.

And I have no proof of believing that relationships start from friendships. Guys rate girls on a scale of 1-10. Girls rate guys on a scale of Yes/No. There is a three-minute-rule. If you do not attract the girl in the first 3 minutes, you have 0% chance. I have realized that if girls don't come up and talk to me, or smile immediately when they see me and try to keep me around, then they obviously dont give a ****.

Sorry for being negative, but this is what seems like the truth.

Well, I mean, how can you even find out whether a girl likes you and you like her if you don't become friends? Unless, it is all about, ya know, banging each other, in which case friendship isn't important. But I don't believe in a relationship based on ***.

Yeah well, this is true for most people in 2010, which is why 50% of marriages end in divorce.

 

[EveWasFramed]

You can't blame him Somebody's got ze curvez

shaddup!!!! lol :club:

 

[Badjedidude]

Or like when a woman hears those dreaded words from the guy of her dreams, "You're like a kid sister to me!" only to be followed up with, "Say, who's your friend? You know, the hot one in the bikini?"

Heh soooo true. It goes both ways. -_-

But like I said earlier, even if you're Friendzoned, it still means that you have a friend.

----Steve