To ladies, help me work through this

[cheaptrickfan]

OK guys, thanks for all the advice. FYI, I'm not really a whiner, I'm just scared.

First, there's nothing shameful about being scared. Living can be a white-knuckled experience for lots of us.

I see popular magazines day after day telling women to cheat on their husbands and go for bad boys and all that kind of ****.

Really? A popular women's magazine telling women to cheat? I don't believe it for a second. This sounds like exaggeration to me. I'm going to need to see proof.

And I have no proof of believing that relationships start from friendships. Guys rate girls on a scale of 1-10. Girls rate guys on a scale of Yes/No. There is a three-minute-rule. If you do not attract the girl in the first 3 minutes, you have 0% chance. I have realized that if girls don't come up and talk to me, or smile immediately when they see me and try to keep me around, then they obviously dont give a ****.

No, no, NO! ARGH!

Jesus Christ, it's this inflexibility of mind of yours (not to mention the melodrama) that I find so annoying. How many posters here over your many single-themed threads have said that NO, Girls do NOT employ a 3-second/3-minute/3-whatever rule. Just because a girl doesn't stop WTF she is doing to beam a million-watt smile at you the second you pass her by does not mean that she thinks you're *******. Maybe she's busy. Maybe she's thinking. Maybe... she just doesn't notice you because she's spacing out.

It's not all about you.


Other people here have said that YES, relationships can come from friendships.

You either are not listening, or you think that we are all full of **** OR you seem to WANT to set up a combative attitude with the rest of the world.

Yeah well, this is true for most people in 2010, which is why 50% of marriages end in divorce.

My own theory of why the divorce rate is so high is a bit different. I think that we have gotten accustomed to disposable goods, ready-made meals and instant gratification that no one ever feels like that should have to WORK at something anymore.

So, if a marriage hits a rough patch, instead of putting your head down, working at it and possibly even learning something about yourself while you're at it, you hire a ******* divorce lawyer and throw your spouse in the trash. /soapbox

---

But like I said earlier, even if you're Friendzoned, it still means that you have a friend.

A good friend is a good find, no matter the gender.

 

[yesm]

all you gotta do mang is put on the moves and let em know what's up.

you gosta be leik, "Hey baby girl, I saw you from across the way and I think you and me should get to talkin'" And you could also say... i'm not a rapist stalker or anything so it's kewl baby.

thas all u gosta do mang.

 

[Mr. Sir]

No, no, NO! ARGH!

Jesus Christ, it's this inflexibility of mind of yours (not to mention the melodrama) that I find so annoying. How many posters here over your many single-themed threads have said that NO, Girls do NOT employ a 3-second/3-minute/3-whatever rule. Just because a girl doesn't stop WTF she is doing to beam a million-watt smile at you the second you pass her by does not mean that she thinks you're *******. Maybe she's busy. Maybe she's thinking. Maybe... she just doesn't notice you because she's spacing out.

It's not all about you.


Other people here have said that YES, relationships can come from friendships.

You either are not listening, or you think that we are all full of **** OR you seem to WANT to set up a combative attitude with the rest of the world.

Maybe I do believe you, but it's just very very very hard for me. Extremely hard.

I was bowling with my church last night. There was this cocky dude with a bit more muscle than me and his friend who had a ******** smile on his face. All the good-looking girls were on their team and were giving the guy and his friend 24/7 attention. I had less good looking girls on my team. One girl was showing interest in me. She had a good bod but an awkward looking face. Then there were three freshman on the team, ok looking more or less. I didnt get the vibe they were creeped out by me, as its something i think about 24/7.

I just can't get it out of my head when I have 24/7 proof. Cheaptrickfan, find me a bunch of other women to tell me contrary to this stuff: I have heard there is 3-minute rule of attraction, and that girls have a yes or no scale while guys have a 1-10 scale. Maybe "looks" aren't all that matters, but attraction and *** appeal is.

With a girl you can be one of three things: Sexy, Stalker, or Friendzone.

 

[SophiaGrace]

well on here it matters what you post

 

[Badjedidude]

With a girl you can be one of three things: Sexy, Stalker, or Friendzone.

Hmmmm.....I thought guys had more than 3 boxes to fit into. But then maybe I just believe that the CLEAR MAJORITY of women aren't shallow enough to be like you say they are.

One girl was showing interest in me. She had a good bod but an awkward looking face.

What the hell, man? Why weren't you all over that chick? Are YOU doing the exact same thing that you claim women do--judging by looks alone?

----Steve

 

[Remedy]

One girl was showing interest in me. She had a good bod but an awkward looking face.

Jeez dude talk about being completely hypocritical holy ****. You go on talking about how so many women judge you by looks than you go and drop something like that. I agree with Steve I literally can't believe how you don't notice yourself doing the same exact thing. If I was you and I had the same girl show interest in me I'd probably jump on that opportunity to get and know her to see if I'd like her for who she is. I mean damn dude you had someone on your doorstep and you didn't take the opportunity to see if you'd like her for who she is which is what really matters. If by chance you still see this person I'd take the opportunity. Coming from me a person who has never had one girl show interest in me I think you really should be more open to future chances.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

One girl was showing interest in me. She had a good bod but an awkward looking face. Then there were three freshman on the team, ok looking more or less.

That sound you just heard was my head hitting my desk. Repeatedly.

Ok, time for tough love, because apparently I wasn't getting through before. Let me be frank here: If you want people (women specifically) to throw off the old ******** paradigm of only being interested in the "hot guys," then in the interest of not being a hypocrite, you really ought to do the same.

"An awkward looking face" Really? Are you shitting me here? So let me get this straight: Despite the legions of women out there who, in your own words, have categorized you as a potential stalker, now that a girl is, again in your own words, showing an interest in you, you decide that that's not good enough because of an "awkward looking face?"

Dude, my head just imploded.

Now, my grandmother would have said, in her Down East accent, "Beggahs cahn't be choosahs." Actually I hate this idea, because it actively encourages settling for mediocrity instead of striving for the stars. In this case, though since you haven't got a slew of girlfriend experience under your belt, I say... why not at least hang out with her? No one's saying you have to sleep with her, but really, try spending time with a real flesh and blood woman for a change instead of listening to the font of negativity at incel forums. Spending time with some quality girls who aren't preoccupied with banging frat boys might change your perception of girls in general.

With a girl you can be one of three things: Sexy, Stalker, or Friendzone.

No. You are missing a much broader 4th category called: Friend.

Now the beautiful thing about the Kingdom of Friend is that a girl can be good friends with a guy, feel completely at ease with him and not fear his taking advantage of her. They can enjoy one another's company without the pressure of "When the hell are we going to have ***?" looming over them. All that, and guess what, feelings can change, and they can grow to love one another.

Wow. Amazing.

I know it can happen because I've SEEN it happen. I just saw it with two of my good friends, and they couldn't be a better-suited couple.

Friendzone (which I'd ever even heard of before I came to ALL) is a smaller region within the Kingdom of Friend. Sadly, there will always be those relationships which will never progress past Just Friend. I have a few of those guys in my past to whom I would bever be anything but "just like a sister." It blows, yes.

But our task is to move on from those people, because locking ourselves into unrequited love is only going to hurt us in the end. Trust me, you may have a difficult time moving on now, in your early 20s, but once you solidify these patterns of behavior, it'll be damned-near impossible to break free of it when you're in your 40s.



And one last time, just for the record: YOU HAD A GIRL WHO WAS SHOWING INTEREST IN YOU....

...yet you did nothing.

---

With a girl you can be one of three things: Sexy, Stalker, or Friendzone.

But then maybe I just believe that the CLEAR MAJORITY of women aren't shallow enough to be like you say they are.

*MWAH*

 

[Zak]

LOL same story but different dude So you are into that **** too yeah? Which is called "BEING CHOOSY"

Let me tell you straight out You will be alone for your entire life, dissing about girls . If you don't change your attitude towards it. You are just doing what you claimed other girls are doing. What you do is what you receive lol. If are gonna be choosy, then don't complain on how girls look at you and how they treat you. Thats just awkward when you do it.

I was ******* super choosy in my life but I never complained about hot girls not being attracted to me. My only complaint was, "I am surrounded by chicks but all of them are taken and I enjoy it because atleast I get to hang around". Not trying to brag lol. Seriously, it kinda makes me mad when those who are choosy complain about others being choosy lol.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Seriously, it kinda makes me mad when those who are choosy complain about others being choosy lol.

^^^ What he said.

Is there a face-palm smilie or a head-desk smilie? Because I sure need one.

 

[Zak]

Is there a face-palm smilie or a head-desk smilie? Because I sure need one.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Is there a face-palm smilie or a head-desk smilie? Because I sure need one.

Brilliant!

lol

 

[SophiaGrace]

With a girl you can be one of three things: Sexy, Stalker, or Friendzone.

what the kind of catagories are these?

ok let me RE-Catagorize

1) great friends
2) mega-cute but you dont have the guts to ask them out
3) pleasant to talk to
4) Guys who are ********
5) authority figures
6) wont take no for an answer but nice
7) My Papou (Greek for Grandfather) [He's in a league of his own and I luff him to death :3]

Try to appreciate your friendship with girls more for it's a wonderful thing to have true-blue friends!


Dont let *** define your worth as a human being & also ruin what appreciation/Love you COULD have for the friendships you've already obtained.

You know there IS such a thing as platonic love and let me tell you something. It is VERY valuable.

I love my best friends. They are a part of me. A part of my very soul and I'd literally grieve to lose them.


Now if that isnt valuable...I dont know what is.

Look around you. Life isnt all about Virginity & Desolate Wasteland vs. Machismo & ***-Romps

 

[Steel]

I just can't get it out of my head when I have 24/7 proof. Cheaptrickfan, find me a bunch of other women to tell me contrary to this stuff: I have heard there is 3-minute rule of attraction, and that girls have a yes or no scale while guys have a 1-10 scale. Maybe "looks" aren't all that matters, but attraction and *** appeal is.

With a girl you can be one of three things: Sexy, Stalker, or Friendzone.

Ok, I'm going to be brutal.

You're making excuses Socrates. You're trying to discover an explanation that will allow you to shift the blame of your lack of relationships off of yourself and onto women.

There isn't some simple rule that you can apply to everyone, and I don't care what you have read or have heard. Stop assuming that women are one dimensional creatures who all think the same.

FFS... open your eyes. The people on this thread are telling you how your ideas are wrong... people of both genders. People who have had/are in relationships. People, who may I humbly submit, know a hell of a lot more about relationships than you do right now.

 

[Remedy]

If this thread continues on in this vein, however I will have no choice but to post my long diatribe to the f&^%ng whiners.

It might be whining but isn't the whole damn point of a forum like this to vent out your frustrations? If you can't go anywhere else and just let such **** stay bottled up inside you it does not feel good you know? I know that when people do what socrates did and sticks their foot in their mouth you can't help but to lash out and make sure they know they are wrong.I know for me I have absolutely no where else to go to except for online sources because there's no one I can talk to in the real world. Why do you show such animosity especially toward males who are upset because they are alone and lonely because they have never had a girlfriend?


Isn't everyone's ways of feeling lonely legitimate in their own ways? What makes our way of thinking so bad? I do know some people like to blow everything out of proportion and I'm probably at fault with that sometimes. Me personally though I tend to treat both genders equally and don't try to say one is better than the other. To me both genders are equally as shallow,kind, or anything else. It just depends on the person i guess and not what gender the person is.


Aren't you whining whenever you complain about being lonely or anything like that. That is why people come here and I don't see how your lonliness can be so much different if you complain about it sometimes as well. You seem to act as if its whining that needs to stop but aren't we suppose to use such a forum for this? I guess its just like how are we suppose to exactly know how women really perceive some guys whenever its usually only negative feedback we receive?


I guess it's because all we have ever known is rejection or being called ugly or some **** by women although men do the same to women. So it's not necessarily fair to point out one whole gender when its actually all human beings as a whole. If you do notice though most of the time its guys whining about how they have never had a girlfriend and its hardly ever women. I guess because most guys are not single by their own choice and a lot of women usually have a choice if they want to be or not. I do know that there are definitely women who are not single by their own choice, I'm just saying that males tend to be the overwhelming majority. Maybe all of us whining and unsuccessful males should just go keel over to make everyone happy. So the elite crowd of human beings can live in peace without such nonsense cluttering up their forums.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

If this thread continues on in this vein, however I will have no choice but to post my long diatribe to the f&^%ng whiners.

It might be whining but isn't the whole damn point of a forum like this to vent out your frustrations?

I guess I get annoyed by people posting the same whine over and over again and never taking the chance on doing something different, especially when the person asks for advice, gets advice form many other posters, but doesn't use said advice, opting instead to recycle that same old whine in new threads.

Maybe all of us whining and unsuccessful males should just go keel over to make everyone happy. So the elite crowd of human beings can live in peace without such nonsense cluttering up their forums.

Seriously, the melodrama doesn't help at all.

 

[packyourbags]

remedy, aside from the bitterness - i agree with you. both genders are guilty of some prejudice, and while i agree that men ARE indeed the majority of the older virgins out there - it does not mean that you all need to "keel" to make everyone happy.

(please don't

and cheaptrickfan, i agree that it's hard to read again and again how people keep complaining but not taking and putting to use the good advice given to them. but still - it's not very nice to assume that NOONE does. even good advice is very hard to put to use. and i think that being nice and suppotive is a much better strategy than belittling someone's pain, even if they DO seem to be overly bitter. it's their pain, and until one spends a while in anothers' shoes - i suggest reserving judgement.

this site is supposed to be about support, and giving an ear and a shoulder to each other. let's keep it that way!

(and if whining annoys some of you - spend your time doing better things may i suggest:
http://icanhascheezburger.com/ or xkcd.com
and there are some others )

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Isn't everyone's ways of feeling lonely legitimate in their own ways?

Everyone's feelings are valid, no question.

Aren't you whining whenever you complain about being lonely or anything like that.

Also, everyone is entitled to vent, no question.

I think that the difference between venting and whining is intent. I consider it to be whining when a person expresses a desire that things were different, yet does nothing to make that change.

Example:

Venting: I can write a post complaining about a ****** job, but then feel better now that the pressure is off my chest, then get my head back in the game and plug on in the job because for whatever reason I am not ready to move on or, perhaps the job really isn't that bad.

Whining: I write a post about how much I hate my job.

I write another post about how much I hate my job, saying. "How the hell can I change this? I hate my job! Help!" I get lots of advice fro other people, but change nothing.

I write another post about my crappy job. "I can't take it anymore!"

and so on.

 

[packyourbags]

Is there a face-palm smilie or a head-desk smilie? Because I sure need one.

Brilliant!

lol

oh, and those ^ are GREAT

 

[cheaptrickfan]

and cheaptrickfan, i agree that it's hard to read again and again how people keep complaining but not taking and putting to use the good advice given to them. but still - it's not very nice to assume that NOONE does. even good advice is very hard to put to use. and i think that being nice and suppotive is a much better strategy than belittling someone's pain, even if they DO seem to be overly bitter. it's their pain, and until one spends a while in anothers' shoes - i suggest reserving judgement.

How have I belittled anyone's pain? Have I said, "You are stupid for feeling this way! or "God, what a loser, you'll never have a GF!" No.

Don't mistake frankness for judgment. I've been frank, yes, but I have not denigrated anyone, which is certainly more than can be said for people making blanket statements about entire genders. I have gone out of my way to say that yes, these situations suck. I have never called anyone a loser, stalker, creep or anything like that.


Neither have I assumed that NO ONE takes other posters' advice. I see plenty of people listening to other posters. I have been referring to one poster. ONE. One poster who has posted the same thing many times asking for advice, but who never seems able to change his mindset enough to be able to put it into action. It's no skin off my nose if he never does make a move on a girl, but yeah, I will say something about the repetitive posts, just as I'll call out misogynistic posts.


I feel no malice toward anyone here. I wish that everyone here could find the relationship of his or her dreams, but as we know, that takes courage.

 

[packyourbags]

and cheaptrickfan, i agree that it's hard to read again and again how people keep complaining but not taking and putting to use the good advice given to them. but still - it's not very nice to assume that NOONE does. even good advice is very hard to put to use. and i think that being nice and suppotive is a much better strategy than belittling someone's pain, even if they DO seem to be overly bitter. it's their pain, and until one spends a while in anothers' shoes - i suggest reserving judgement.

How have I belittled anyone's pain? Have I said, "You are stupid for feeling this way! or "God, what a loser, you'll never have a GF!" No.

Don't mistake frankness for judgment. I've been frank, yes, but I have not denigrated anyone, which is certainly more than can be said for people making blanket statements about entire genders. I have gone out of my way to say that yes, these situations suck. I have never called anyone a loser, stalker, creep or anything like that.


Neither have I assumed that NO ONE takes other posters' advice. I see plenty of people listening to other posters. I have been referring to one poster. ONE. One poster who has posted the same thing many times asking for advice, but who never seems able to change his mindset enough to be able to put it into action. It's no skin off my nose if he never does make a move on a girl, but yeah, I will say something about the repetitive posts, just as I'll call out misogynistic posts.


I feel no malice toward anyone here. I wish that everyone here could find the relationship of his or her dreams, but as we know, that takes courage.

well - you have referred to Remedy's post as melodramatic. and well - while he is bitter... i know that i DO feel this way too sometimes, and so do others. so - to me - yes, it is belittling :/

and well, i don't know just how well you know the poster you are talking about but again, unless you know him well enough to know of his daily life - i would reserve judgement.

and i will add - i do not mind fair, tough love. but sometimes it does more harm than good