To ladies, help me work through this

[cheaptrickfan]

well - you have referred to Remedy's post as melodramatic. and well - while he is bitter... i know that i DO feel this way too sometimes, and so do others. so - to me - yes, it is belittling :/

If I thought that had been a real suicidal cry for help and not just a knee-jerk sarcastic comment I wouldn't have called it melodramatic.

and well, i don't know just how well you know the poster you are talking about but again, unless you know him well enough to know of his daily life - i would reserve judgement.

Again you go with "judgment." We must have very different definitions of judgment.

 

[Steel]

What is frustrating is when the person concerned has fashioned a set of rules for how relationships work, and is using those to justify their situation - it is not their fault, they are adrift at sea and at the mercy of the elements. Reinforcing such misconceptions will do them NO favours whatsoever.

Don't mistake spelling out the truth as some kind of attack. You know what lies down the road of blaming others? Bitterness, anger, hate, and an ever diminishing chance of meeting someone who is not repulsed by such negative emotions. I've seen someone on this board (nobody around now) become so twisted by following this route that they started talking about murdering people... scary stuff indeed.

Of the relationships I've had, no two were the same. How could they be? I'm the only common denominator in them, and I'm sure as hell not the same person I used to be. There are no simple rules - to believe otherwise is self delusion.

 

[SophiaGrace]

wow maybe steel has a good point o____o

I think I know who he is thinking about and that person eventually left the forum but yeah they were bitter and blamed external forces instead of trying to change themselves on the inside. They even threatened to become violent and someone had to call the police on them.

oh wow...i never thought about how having an external locus of control (blaming outside forces and/or feeling helpless against them) could effect one emotionally.

Now I can see it though....

It causes fear, isolation, anger, bitterness, depression.

DAMN. this might be the whole KEY to unlocking why people become lonely o___O and how they can get better.

O____O *revelation*


Interesting. I'd be taking notes if I were you xsocrates

 

[packyourbags]

Steel, i think i know who you are talking about :/ scary indeed

but well - imho - even people that do become twisted following this route deserve some sympathy and kindness. and there are many ways of doing so - not all of them reinforcing the belief of others being the cause of one's suffering.
(and well - sometimes others ARE the main cause of suffering :/ )

 

[Zak]

 

[packyourbags]

lol XD xkcd ROCKS XD

 

[SophiaGrace]

that was perfect sanal

 

[Steel]

I (and I'm sure this applies to other posters who can occasionally be blunt) don't do so because we are lacking in sympathy - quite the reverse in fact. I personally see it as a way out for them - I would rather they shifted the way they view the world, and accept to themselves that they can, and deserve, to have the relationship(s) that have so far eluded them.

I see pure sympathy as just putting a sticking plaster over an infected wound; sure, you won't be able to see the injury for a while, but it's still there and its probably going to get worse. At the end of the day, all anyone on this board who needs help can do is help themselves... the rest of us can offer support and advice, but any changes that need to be made have to come from them.

---

Lmao! Great cartoon Zak

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Sanal, that was perfect.

 

[packyourbags]

I (and I'm sure this applies to other posters who can occasionally be blunt) don't do so because we are lacking in sympathy - quite the reverse in fact. I personally see it as a way out for them - I would rather they shifted the way they view the world, and accept to themselves that they can, and deserve, to have the relationship(s) that have so far eluded them.

I see pure sympathy as just putting a sticking plaster over an infected wound; sure, you won't be able to see the injury for a while, but it's still there and its probably going to get worse. At the end of the day, all anyone on this board who needs help can do is help themselves... the rest of us can offer support and advice, but any changes that need to be made have to come from them.

---

Lmao! Great cartoon Zak

---

Steel, i agree - just sympathy means nothing - it IS a temporary feel good pill in a way. and of course - you can't live someone else's life and learn their lessons. that's not what i meant though.

even critique can, and should imho, be more than "stop whining". even if the person IS whining, things can be put in a better manner than "If this thread continues on in this vein, however I will have no choice but to post my long diatribe to the f&^%ng whiners."

it's not the toughness, or bluntness that i have a problem - in fact i'm all for that - it's just that i think that anything that is said should be said in an at least civil manner, if not nicely, lol

 

[Badjedidude]

Wow! Busy morning! OK, here's my 2 cents to the whole shpiel going on:

This site IS a good place to vent frustrations and feelings...after all, everyone needs to vent somewhere, and it is easier for some to do it semi-anonymously online.

I think the contentious point here is that some people (noobs, mostly) keep posting the SAME THINGS over and over again...we keep seeing the same shallow arguements and generalizations...and that does tend to get a bit old after a while.

I think it's the responsibility of the newcomer to actually read earlier threads. The answer to their question or problem could very well have been previously discussed and dealt with...and then we wouldn't see the same shallow views/generalizations popping up over and over again. It's also on the newcomer's shoulders to investigate the site to learn how their views will be recieved by the overall forum community.

For instance, anyone that's done a little research of the site should KNOW how Eve or cheaptrickfan are going to respond to an issue like this, and expect the appropriate response, whether it be nice or harsh or blunt, etc etc etc. (Love you peeps! )

*shrug* Well, that's how I sees it. Have a good weekend, everyone! ^_^

----Steve

 

[Remedy]

If I thought that had been a real suicidal cry for help and not just a knee-jerk sarcastic comment I wouldn't have called it melodramatic.

I did not mean it in a sarcastic manner and I truly meant it literally. It is truly how I feel because none of us males who feel the same way are doing the world any good. Nobody likes our consistent whining and nobody wants us in that way we want others to want us. For now I will try my hardest to change but if I see myself in the same situation in 10 years I couldn't help but to feel suicidal and go through with it if I can overcome my fear. I guess since others have called me ugly and nobody has ever been attracted to me, I will never accept such a fate because I didn't ask to be created ugly enough to never be loved.


To be made fun of for being a 30 or something year old virgin in the future who has never been on a date is nothing I will ever accept. I did not ask to be created the way I was so I guess I can't stand it. So I literally see no point in being around if no one enjoys my company as far as finding a mate goes or just whining too much which makes people annoyed. I just feel truly no good for this world sometimes and I really didn't mean my last sentence to come across sarcastic but literally.Sorry and I'm not trying to feel pity for myself because we are really more of a nuisance than any good to this world since nobody wants us.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

I did not mean it in a sarcastic manner and I truly meant it literally. It is truly how I feel because none of us males who feel the same way are doing the world any good.

Then I really am very sorry. I assumed that your comment was flippant. I apologize.

So I literally see no point in being around if no one enjoys my company as far as finding a mate goes or just whining too much which makes people annoyed. I just feel truly no good for this world sometimes and I really didn't mean my last sentence to come across sarcastic but literally.Sorry and I'm not trying to feel pity for myself because we are really more of a nuisance than any good to this world since nobody wants us.

You are not a nuisance. Your life has meaning, all of our lives have meaning even though it can be hard for us to see when we are in a bad spot.

 

[jales]

remedy

you arent ugly

you are not undesirable

there is nothing wrong with being a 30 year old virgin

life is made up of a lot
A LOT, A LOT, A WHOOOOLE LOT.

look at haiti for example. what they are going through... life is so beautiful cause this not just one way to find happiness..

i agree having someone to make love to is important.. but other things can make you happy and complete as well..

they are not going to show up on your door step though.. and im sure that they all involve other humans.

make friends.. dont focus too much on looking for a mate.. help others.. do things you are interested in

life with work out

and you will be happy!

also it is not true that no one wants you

before i met my husband.. i used to sit and just think... is that person out there who is alone.. who is waiting to be with me.. do they exist..? yes..well he existed .. someone out there wants you.. you just have not met her yet...(maybe you have not met her that is)

If I thought that had been a real suicidal cry for help and not just a knee-jerk sarcastic comment I wouldn't have called it melodramatic.

I did not mean it in a sarcastic manner and I truly meant it literally. It is truly how I feel because none of us males who feel the same way are doing the world any good. Nobody likes our consistent whining and nobody wants us in that way we want others to want us. For now I will try my hardest to change but if I see myself in the same situation in 10 years I couldn't help but to feel suicidal and go through with it if I can overcome my fear. I guess since others have called me ugly and nobody has ever been attracted to me, I will never accept such a fate because I didn't ask to be created ugly enough to never be loved.


To be made fun of for being a 30 or something year old virgin who has never been on a date is nothing I will ever accept. I did not ask to be created the way I was so I guess I can't stand it. So I literally see no point in being around if no one enjoys my company as far as finding a mate goes or just whining too much which makes people annoyed. I just feel truly no good for this world sometimes and I really didn't mean my last sentence to come across sarcastic but literally.Sorry and I'm not trying to feel pity for myself because we are really more of a nuisance than any good to this world since nobody wants us.

 

[Remedy]

By the way I'm sorry I did not mean to make anyone feel bad. My last sentence did come off as sarcastic and I'm sorry for that. Also, I typed my last post wrong because I'm actually 22 almost 23 and im just saying that if im the same way down the line in 10 years I couldn't help but to feel the same way. So I don't have it that bad yet and still have time to change but I don't see it really changing.It's just the way I'm even perceived by other human beings at the moment. I'm really sorry about my posts and how they sometimes come across wrong.

@cheaptrickfan- I'm sorry i didnt mean it to come across in a way where you would feel like you need to apologise which you dont because it really did seem like I didn't really mean it.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

@cheaptrickfan- I'm sorry i didnt mean it to come across in a way where you would feel like you need to apologise which you dont because it really did seem like I didn't really mean it.

No problem, really. In retrospect it shouldn't surprise me because I tend to mask or brush off a lot of my own hurt with sarcasm and humor.

 

[Mr. Sir]

Hey guys I have answers to all your questions, I've just been real busy and can't talk.