Ugly = lonely

[lmph8885]

Ever since I can remember, I've been called ugly. Even my parents think I am ugly. Everyone has always bullied me for being ugly. Some people have asked me if I am a man. That is how I am perceived, as an ugly woman. Last night for instance, a guy I spoke to in a bar asked me to leave. That has happened many times. When I go out, men are always interested in my friends, never in me.
I look at myself and I don't understand why people are like this with me. I know I am not a sexy bomb or a model, but I don't see myself that ugly to be so mocked. Maybe my mind is playing tricks on me, making me think I am not ugly when I really am. I've tried make up, clothes, gym, etc. Nothing works. The only thing I achieve with that is people telling me that no matter how much I try, I will always be ugly.
I've had relationships, but I have never felt satisfied. I know how rejection feels, so when a guy likes me but I don't, I give him a chance, at least a date. Sometimes no matter how much I try, I can't fall in love with the very few men that feel attracted towards me.
There is nothing else in this world I would like more than finding love. Having someone to hug, kiss and enjoy being with. If I ever find love, I would leave my heavy drinking, my sadness and will give everything to him, if possible my whole life, my whole self. But that person is not here. I think of this hypothetical person every day. I cry and long for him so much.

 

[constant stranger]

You use the word 'ugly' a lot. You make it very clear how much of an issue it is for you, I can hear that (even though I'm reading it).

I'm sensing that your "..mind playing tricks on you.." is something to consider, not perhaps in exactly the way you say here, but rather that your mind is made up about the features you were born with and hence your perception of peoples' response to you is already a foregone conclusion....a self fulfilling prophecy.

Is there any possibility of taking a step away from your own opinions, approach a social encounter without any preconceptions?

Easier said than done, I know.

 

[lmph8885]

Well, hi again constant stranger hehe. I do indeed use that word too much, I guess. Ugly is really an ugly word hehe. I wish I could erase it from the dictionary, make it disappear forever. It is a four letter word that has a very strong negative impact in a person. It hurts more when it comes from your own parents when you are a 4-5 year old child.

When I first started going to school "ugly" was my very first nickname, all the kids would call me, Lucia, the ugly. I remember I gave candy to one of the girls that bullied me and she just went saying "oh you're not ugly anymore!". That says a lot about human behaviour. That's why I am not fond of most of the humans.

Since then, I had no place in society. My mother always tell me that I isolate myself, but the truth is that since I was young, society denied me the entrance, all because of what they call "my ugly face".

My life is not that different now, being almost 30. I still feel pretty much the same now as when I was a young child in that playground at school. I am a normal woman, not a monster. I have a pair of brown eyes, long wavy brown hair, olive skin, tall. I see myself and don't see an ugly woman. However, I've seen pics of me and my friends and by comparison, I am less attractive most of the time. It is probably not true that I am ugly, maybe below average by comparison. However, people are so stupid and ignorant that they just tag me as ugly (here I go again using that word)
!).

Yes, sometimes I feel like I am going crazy with this. I am suffering for someone I don't know. Wishing to meet him, to love him, give him everything I could give him, but he is not here. Many times I just try not to think about all this, and it works. But when I go to bed on my own, wake up alone, eat alone, walk alone, when I crave for a kiss and a hug, it is not easy. I am a woman after all, I have my needs.

I hope I find him soon, my life alone feels so hard.

 

[McDamned]

"for everyone there's a certain someone" is what my grandma always says, and I'm a firm believer :shy:

This one's for you. Dont you give up on your dreams, it'll come to you when you least expect it. [video=youtube]

 

[ladyforsaken]

I'm sorry you are feeling so down.
I know that no words can help you feel better much but I do hope that this feeling passes. I also hope that you can find it in yourself to stop comparing yourself to your friends no matter how much people do those comparisons on you. You're beautiful by your description alone and I think the most important thing that matters is what's in the heart. It tends to shine through and I find that a lot of people do appreciate that and find that attractive. At least from what I know.

Good luck, I hope you'll find what you're looking for in life soon and that it goes well for you. Take care!

 

[TheRealCallie]

It sounds to me like the verbal abuse you received growing up brainwashed you, in a way. You seem to have gotten to the point where YOU believe that you are ugly and it may be hurting what chance you have of finding love and being in a relationship.

You say that you give them a chance, at least a date, but that's not always enough, that's almost never enough to know whether you are going to be able to care for them in the long run or not. Love at first sight or first date is very rare, IMO, so you need to give them AND yourself more of a chance.

Lastly, I am extremely confident in saying that you are NOT ugly. I don't believe anyone is ugly because we are all individuals and each one of us is beautiful in his or her own way. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so maybe you need to start seeing it and things will go more smoothly for you.

 

[lmph8885]

Hi TheRealCallie. Thank you for your response. I guess that mentioning that I give them a chance, at least one date, it was just a saying. I totally agree with you on that one needs time to get to know the person and actually know if he is the right person to love. I say this because I have had relationships with guys that don't really convince me. Nice guys that like me and are good and caring. I spend time with them, not only a few weeks. I had a bad experience with my ex. He is a great guy, a great boyfriend, he would buy me flowers, be nice and kind most of the time. We were together for a year. In that year, I really tried to convince myself that being with him was the best option, because I was not going to find a better man like him to love me. By saying this, I don't mean it as if I am not good enough to be loved (although at times I do think that), but it is a tough world out there and very few nice men are remaining. So well, this went on and on until I realised it was a mistake, I didn't love him no matter how much I tried and how much I thought he was a great guy. I really don't understand love anyway. I just felt that I was not happy with him, I felt incomplete, no matter how much he did. I left him, I couldn't be so selfish anymore and just keep him because I felt lonely. Besides, it was better to set him free to give him the chance to find someone that could really love him instead of sticking with me and both be unhappy.

From that experience, I learned that I have to be more reasonable with the time I give guys that like me, enough to know them, but not so much to make it complicated. It is just that finding a balance with someone is hard, especially when you don't have it yourself.

I know perfectly well that it is important to feel good with myself first in order to be in harmony with a partner, but sometimes loneliness can be discouraging and make it hard to achieve some peace of mind.

For now, I will just continue longing and looking for that special someone.

 

[xaero]

Beauty is subjective.

 

[Shrimp]

You need to stop comparing your looks to others (your friends). It's very unhealthy because there's always going to be someone you consider more 'attractive' than you such as a model. And even if you are a model, you're going to get older someday.
The only real way is to stop caring. Like xaero says, beauty is subjective, so why should it matter how attractive you think someone is?

 

[Jafo]

I'm not only ugly, but short and fat as well. Life has a sick sense of humor. I'm new here by the way.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I'm not only ugly, but short and fat as well. Life has a sick sense of humor. I'm new here by the way.

Life can be pretty ridiculous sometimes. Welcome to the forum, Jafo.

 

[Mr. M]

Hello there Imph.

What you describe..bullying because of looks and denying someone as a lover because of looks, as well as heavy mocking and causing self esteem issues are part of why I would ever support the idea of slow, agonising and lethargic torturing, Because, really, most people deserve it (As far as the society in general is involved, not this forum in particular, for someone who may understand so). I mean really, most people deserve to burn. Anyhow, I'm really sorry for you feeling so bad, to the point of crying because you can't find and a proper lover, and feeling such an urgent need to. I'm here for you, If you need someone to talk to or if you're feeling sad.

P.S. I don't think ugly = lonely, If someone falls in love with someone partially, or fully because of their looks, they'll likely break up, and I'm glad.