Unhappy with my looks

[Northern Lights]

I've made significant strides in improving my self-esteem.

From kindergarten age, I was bullied constantly for my looks and called ugly on a regular basis. It continued on almost a daily basis until I graduated from High School. Post High-school, compounding my feelings of worthlessness was my invisibility to men and their lack of interest in me. To a normal person, it may seem that my suffering was superficial, but no one knows the extent of verbal, emotional, and physical abuse that I endured because of other's obsession and dislike of my appearance. 

I am 28 now and only recently started healing a few years ago when I met my husband. I have moments where I feel "ok" or might be pleased for a fleeting moment with my appearance. Overall, I've never felt beautiful and don't think I ever will. It doesn't cut me as deep as it used to now that I'm married, but I wish I could be fully confident with my appearance. I've had negative reinforcement for so long and I hope that it'll become a distant memory as time passes by. 

My appearance doesn't hinder my life at this point. I'm not consumed by depression and self-hate with my appearance like how I used to be. But as I'm aging, I feel a loss for never having felt beautiful when I was younger. I'm starting to notice very fine lines around my eyes and my skin isn't as smooth as it used to be. Thoughts of my appearance don't plague me everyday. 

But sometimes, when I'm alone and look into the mirror...I'm disappointed with what's looking back.

 

[Eternitydreamer]

I am disappointed every day. I have considered cosmetic surgery if I had the money. My nose is long, my body is obese, my eyes are wrong, my whole body is ugly.
I was bullied a lot for my looks so I can 100% understand. I've never had any relationship and my only dating site success was from pedophiles and highly edited photos (youcam for the win) but no dates!
I know I'll always be ugly but it doesn't matter because I can't change who God created me to be. Makeup is fake and a waste of time

 

[TheRealCallie]

What does your husband think about your looks? Or the other people who care about you?

If you have fine lines, use some anti aging cream. If you don't have smooth skin, use some moisturizer. Do what you can to help, but try not to go crazy with things. If you don't like looking in the mirror certain days, just avoid it as much as you can. Also, know that you are most likely seeing the "flaws" much more than anyone else is.

Not sure what you kind of undergarments you buy, but maybe consider going more sexy than practical or comfortable. How you dress, even the stuff other people can't see can hold a lot of weight with how you feel about yourself.

 

[Jack Rainier]

Your husband may not have married you for your looks, but underneath he saw a sweet woman with a gentle personality...and the rest followed.

Callie's advice on creams is good. I suggest on a 'pale day', use a little blusher. It's good and positive that you're not 'consumed by depression and self-hate', for that is highly destructive and kills one's self esteem.

Don't use a mirror unless you need to. Angle it back a little as it's more flattering. High street clothes shops use that ploy and it works, flattering the person into buying that nice outfit.

On a grey murky day, dress in a brighter colour and avoid black as it can be depressing. On the other hand, wearing a flattering little black number one evening has great husband appeal.

Ask your best friend for a bit of uplifting advice. That's what best friends are for. They can be critical, but then again a best friend will only give you their honest, most caring advice.

 

[Nicolelt]

I feel that way about myself. I look in the mirror and it's like....ugh...you! My finace told me that I need to look in the mirror once a day and say something good about myself, because he doesn't see what I see. I try to do it, and it does make me feel better, but it's not easy.

I'm getting better, I go and do things that make me feel better about my looks (like a haircut, waxing my eyebrows, tanning, etc.)

 

[Cornishboy]

I'm not happy with my looks, which, coupled with the social issues, probably goes someway towards my lack of relationships, but it's got to the point now where I know I can't change anything drastically so it's a case of living with it.

 

[Jstar845]

I am inspired by your strength. I am sorry that you had to experience this when you were younger. It is understandable that these scars sometimes last a while. I am glad you are better and that you have a wonderful husband. When we look back at what we have been through we can’t understand why. But, you are a lovely person who has a beautiful appearance. It does not matter what anyone thought or what they think. We have times in our life when we may not feel like who we are. I encourage you to continue to move forward and do what makes you feel good. When, I don’t feel good some days; I dress up to go out and run errands. I do not always feel good but try to make myself look good this helps me. Please remember to stay around others who support you. We are here for you. I wish you the best.

 

[Elyseon]

I got made fun of all through school too. Until I started getting into fights over it and kids learned to leave me alone. They made fun of my name, my looks, my clothing and the fact that I was shy and withdrawn made me look like an easy target. I am always self conscious about my looks but I don't do anything to change it. I still wear baggy clothes and I don't fix my hair or do my make up. Most of it is probably my own fault for not caring. I can get how it affects your image of yourself late into life. People suck.

 

[Erasercrumbs]

I think I know how you feel.

My earliest memories seem to be of me being made fun of and ostracized for my looks. Girls scared me, because the only attention I ever received from them was in the form of degradation. I was a frequent target for the old, 'tee-hee, (name of girl being pranked) told me she has a crush on you, you should go talk to her,' routine, and it was not lost on me that the fulcrum of the joke was that I was so undesirable they no one could ever like me. My first reaction to this was resentment, then fear, then acceptance of the fact that my feelings being continually hurt is just a natural part of my waking life, and that my pain was some kind of penance for offending everyone with my looks. Hiding from others became a moral and emotional imperative; it saved me from being hurt, and prevented me from sickening anyone with my grotesque appearance.


It's impossible to go back and enjoy a healthier childhood, but the good news is that you're quite young enough to have a happy adulthood. You're so much younger than you realize, and the fact is, you've barely begun to experience the truly good things life has to offer. You've turned a corner, and I'm confident that decades of wonderful things lie before you.