What are you feeling, hoping, thinking, or remembering right now?

[user 115627]

Dammit. Once again...too little, too late. I'll have to call it a day then.

 

[Lilith]

Feeling down, wanting to end it with the *******.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Will I ever be good enough..

 

[EveWasFramed]

Will I ever be good enough..

^^ Ditto.

However, I think you're wonderful.

 

[Peaches]

I feel fear that I will become obese, I just can't seem to be able to eat less, and the weight is raising, and my body is falling apart, stretch marks, bad circulation, no clothes to wear, even hands feel swollen and I look awful. When will it stop? Remembering how hard it was at age 16 to lose those ten extra kilos.

---

Feeling down, wanting to end it with the *******.

I don't know your story but I will quote a wise man:

 

[ladyforsaken]

Will I ever be good enough..

^^ Ditto.

However, I think you're wonderful.

Thanks Evey, you are too.

 

[Alma lost her spoon]

I'm so pleased & relieved that 'operation piano' went off without a hitch earlier.

I am now the very proud owner of a Monington & Weston upright(circa 1931-1940 if I read/looked up her serial number correctly).

She's got some wear & tear on her(to be expected-just gives her extra character), but she's still a real beaut. I may take some pix of her tomorrow/weekend.

Need to get her tuned, oh & learn to play her haha tonight I had my first wee tutorial about key finding(I am an absolute beginner on this!).

 

[DVEUS]

hoping to help...be a friend...be a sound board....a listener...a shoulder...to anyone who is in need...

 

[InSearchOfPeople]

I feel like I don't matter to anyone around me.

I got a roommate with the hope, that I will have an alive soul in my home, that when I come home from work, someone will ask me "how was your day".

So far, this girl, that is my friend for over a year, could care less about me or anything I have to say.

She is absolutely not interested when I start saying something about me, my day or anything that is not about her.

She doesn't ask questions, she doesn't text me, doesn't call me if I am not home.

What is wrong with me, why I can't make friends?!

---

"I am -->| this |<-- close to dying tonight...

No one would know. Someone once said the worst thing to happen is to be living in a world of 7 billion people, and have not a single one who wants anything to do with you. That's where I am. I don't have family. I don't have a friend. They don't get me, they don't want me. No one would know, until it was time to collect a bill on my room 6 months from now. Unless the smell of me tipped them off first. I would lie dead for days. Weeks. Months, even. And no one would know. Or care. I'd be another obituary in the daily newspaper, skimmed and dismissed callously over morning coffee.

Coffee. I like it sometimes. Think of it, I tell myself, all the tastes, sights, sounds, that you'll miss if you do this. Only it's not true. There's nothing on this earth that I love enough to stop myself from leaving it. I'm still young, and yet I feel older than an age. Every movement, every thought, is an effort. Something I've done over and over again 1,000 times, and still an effort. Everything is pain. There is a deep sorrow in me, an empty void that's only ever filled with pain. It surrounds my heart and tears it apart, so that it hurts it to thump inside me. I don't want this anymore. Not any of it. I want to be finished. I can't stand this loneliness any longer. I heard once, that "All people are alone in some ways, but some people are alone in all ways." The latter is me.

I am alone. My soul desperately needs. Something to hold onto. Someone. Anyone who can show me why life is worth this. There is still life where there is hope. My hope is dried up. I have no reason to endure this pain I feel in every crack and chasm of my self. I want to leave my broken heart behind. I want to leave.

But I suppose it's not really leaving, if I have nothing to walk away from. It's just the next step into another kind of homelessness. A new plane to wander. Another side to life. Death.

I never thought of myself as a wanderer, but I am. I am a wanderer, like others before me. We share the same plight, the same loss, and yet we never find each other. Because we are all following different paths to the same destination. We wander alone. And death is for us."

I can so relate. You could have not say better how I feel now. If I don't matter, I don't want to be here. If anybody just told me how to change that, I would do anything it takes, to turn this around. I know there is happiness somewhere, but this loneliness blinded me, I can't see pass that, it's eating me alive.

 

[johnny196775Again]

i feel uneasy every time i hear an airplane fly by when i am at home.

 

[InSearchOfPeople]

"I am -->| this |<-- close to dying tonight...

No one would know. Someone once said the worst thing to happen is to be living in a world of 7 billion people, and have not a single one who wants anything to do with you. That's where I am. I don't have family. I don't have a friend. They don't get me, they don't want me. No one would know, until it was time to collect a bill on my room 6 months from now. Unless the smell of me tipped them off first. I would lie dead for days. Weeks. Months, even. And no one would know. Or care. I'd be another obituary in the daily newspaper, skimmed and dismissed callously over morning coffee.

Coffee. I like it sometimes. Think of it, I tell myself, all the tastes, sights, sounds, that you'll miss if you do this. Only it's not true. There's nothing on this earth that I love enough to stop myself from leaving it. I'm still young, and yet I feel older than an age. Every movement, every thought, is an effort. Something I've done over and over again 1,000 times, and still an effort. Everything is pain. There is a deep sorrow in me, an empty void that's only ever filled with pain. It surrounds my heart and tears it apart, so that it hurts it to thump inside me. I don't want this anymore. Not any of it. I want to be finished. I can't stand this loneliness any longer. I heard once, that "All people are alone in some ways, but some people are alone in all ways." The latter is me.

I am alone. My soul desperately needs. Something to hold onto. Someone. Anyone who can show me why life is worth this. There is still life where there is hope. My hope is dried up. I have no reason to endure this pain I feel in every crack and chasm of my self. I want to leave my broken heart behind. I want to leave.

But I suppose it's not really leaving, if I have nothing to walk away from. It's just the next step into another kind of homelessness. A new plane to wander. Another side to life. Death.

I never thought of myself as a wanderer, but I am. I am a wanderer, like others before me. We share the same plight, the same loss, and yet we never find each other. Because we are all following different paths to the same destination. We wander alone. And death is for us."

Please be alive....I hope you are...

 

[Solivagant]

^ No worries, I live. That was something I wrote in my journal about six years back; I came across it the other day. But thanks for your concern and empathy. *hug*


As for how I'm feeling right now... I feel like the crappiest crap ever crapped.

 

[ladyforsaken]

As for how I'm feeling right now... I feel like the crappiest crap ever crapped.

*hug* I really hope you'll feel better soon - you don't deserve and should not be feeling crappy at all. Uh-uh.

 

[Arachne]

The brush on my cheek by someone who cares.

 

[Alma lost her spoon]

Tonight I am not allowing myself to remember how this time last year having an extra hour, meant having an extra hour in 'his' arms, after having the best ever day together.

Nope, not allowing myself to remember at all....opsie...

 

[TheSkaFish]

I wish I'd just found myself on time, when everyone else did. It's just like learning to tie your shoes, swim, do multiplication and division, ride a bike, learn to drive. There's a time and a place to learn, otherwise you get left behind. Now I'm 10 to 15 years behind everyone else. No wonder I fail every time I meet an interesting girl. She's years ahead of me, she'd have to backtrack for me. She has lots of new things to show me but I have nothing new for her. I think I've finally pinned down exactly what's wrong with me on this. I just don't know what I can do about it. I can try to be interesting, I can try to catch up. The boat's already left though...I can't help but wonder if I can't swim and catch up, or if my time has come and gone.

 

[Mr Seal The Albatros]

I wish I'd just found myself on time, when everyone else did. It's just like learning to tie your shoes, swim, do multiplication and division, ride a bike, learn to drive. There's a time and a place to learn, otherwise you get left behind. Now I'm 10 to 15 years behind everyone else. No wonder I fail every time I meet an interesting girl. She's years ahead of me, she'd have to backtrack for me. She has lots of new things to show me but I have nothing new for her. I think I've finally pinned down exactly what's wrong with me on this. I just don't know what I can do about it. I can try to be interesting, I can try to catch up. The boat's already left though...I can't help but wonder if I can't swim and catch up, or if my time has come and gone.

Believe me, there's always time for that. Here's what I do. When I become friends with someone, I try to follow what they're interested in. For instance, a friend of mine was interested in wargames. He showed me a few, and I decided to give them a try. Turns out, I'm a huge fan of them now.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I wish I'd just found myself on time, when everyone else did. It's just like learning to tie your shoes, swim, do multiplication and division, ride a bike, learn to drive. There's a time and a place to learn, otherwise you get left behind. Now I'm 10 to 15 years behind everyone else. No wonder I fail every time I meet an interesting girl. She's years ahead of me, she'd have to backtrack for me. She has lots of new things to show me but I have nothing new for her. I think I've finally pinned down exactly what's wrong with me on this. I just don't know what I can do about it. I can try to be interesting, I can try to catch up. The boat's already left though...I can't help but wonder if I can't swim and catch up, or if my time has come and gone.

I never learned how to ride a bike, even though my mom bought both my brother and myself two expensive bikes. They sat in the basement of our house for years. I tried for a bit, but never really cared enough to keep at it. I think there's something wrong with my balance on bikes. It's like unequilibrium or something. I just don't have any.

But, I'm sure I could learn if I really wanted to.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I feel too much.
I hope for nothing more.
I think a lot.
I remember it all.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Haven't talked to her in about a month now. The last time I did we had a terrible fight which threw me into a slump that I'm still somewhat stuck in to this day. It's the longest time we've gone without speaking since really starting to get to know each other last year in around April or so. I feel sad about it. But I haven't had the energy to try and reach out to her, on top of everything else I have to do just to keep existing, to keep moving forward. I can't afford to try with her and endure the hurt that will surely happen, because I can't afford to get thrown into a bigger slump which is just going to make me feel like just sitting here all day doing nothing. I miss her and I hope this isn't the end, that it's only a phase, a huge mistake and somehow she'll be back. But I can't afford to be thrown into another funk again and spend so much as another day wallowing in despair.