All these jobs that I'm looking for seem to be so slavish...it's hard to be motivated to apply for something that I don't REALLY want. I wish I knew how to be a big winner. It's just like how back in school I couldn't find a major I liked, because there didn't seem to be any major that lead to any kind of excellence. Everything seemed to lead to servitude. That's really the only question I've ever had, the only thing I've wanted to learn that no one ever seemed to want to or be able to teach: how do I learn to become a big winner? How do I become the kind of person that gets what they want? I'd like to have more to look forward to in life than a best-case scenario of a job I'm apathetic towards at best, a ****** apartment, ****** car, videogames, TV and movies, junk food and bottom shelf booze. I can't seem to find anything that leads to wealth, intellectual/creative/artistic stimulation, prestige, adventure, or anything interesting whatsoever. I can't seem to find anything that leads to me waking up in the morning and actually excited, actually glad to be me.
I'm looking at this Library Assistant position right now, just reading the description and requirements and I can't help but think "this is it? this is what it all adds up to? this is all that I am and will likely ever be?!?!"
I KNOW that you have to start at the bottom and all. I am not looking for a lottery ticket. I'm merely looking for something that leads to something that makes me feel like I'm actually getting somewhere, instead of the same dead ends that most people spend their whole lives at. I wish I knew the "right" way to go.
I'm not really asking for anything here. Just venting/sharing my thoughts, as per "What are you Thinking Right Now".