What are you thinking right now?

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It's like that scene from Bob's Burgers, where the girl is driving 3 miles an hour in a giant empty parking lot, and somehow manages to crash into the one car that was completely avoidable, all the while quietly going: "aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh..!" Why cant I stop :|
 
As soon as I write 1 more song I'm putting together a short and weird 4-track low-fi EP that'll be a little more complex and full sounding. I am very excited. I have 3 of the 4 written and with ideas or partial sounds already. I'm using my "new" equipment that'll hopefully be a "permanent" part of my act. Something that people will possibly be engaged by one way or another even if they don't like my music. So excited!
 
I know I will forget to do something today like the food shopping or put the bin out. In a strange mood today.
 
Hearmenow2012 said:
I feel like I do more of what other people want me to do than doing what I'd actually like to do.

I have probably been doing this all my life and still doing it.
 
I love this place. Its like home. Its like when you move out and go away for a long time, and life happens, but you know that when things get really bad, that there's a place you can come back to.

I miss you guys over here *hugs*. When the going gets less tough, I'll be glad to be back.

And I miss him. I often talk myself out of admitting such things because what if he's moved on, and found someone, and doesn't think about me anymore? That would make me seem pathetic. But then not admitting how vulnerable, weak and emotionally attached I am, repressing these emotions has made me bitter and cynical. So I might as well say it. No, I haven't forgotten him, I haven't exactly moved on and I miss talking to him.
 
There's a lot of cool and interesting people on here. It's nice to see people from different walks of life, and to be able to talk to them.
 
All these jobs that I'm looking for seem to be so slavish...it's hard to be motivated to apply for something that I don't REALLY want. I wish I knew how to be a big winner. It's just like how back in school I couldn't find a major I liked, because there didn't seem to be any major that lead to any kind of excellence. Everything seemed to lead to servitude. That's really the only question I've ever had, the only thing I've wanted to learn that no one ever seemed to want to or be able to teach: how do I learn to become a big winner? How do I become the kind of person that gets what they want? I'd like to have more to look forward to in life than a best-case scenario of a job I'm apathetic towards at best, a ****** apartment, ****** car, videogames, TV and movies, junk food and bottom shelf booze. I can't seem to find anything that leads to wealth, intellectual/creative/artistic stimulation, prestige, adventure, or anything interesting whatsoever. I can't seem to find anything that leads to me waking up in the morning and actually excited, actually glad to be me.

I'm looking at this Library Assistant position right now, just reading the description and requirements and I can't help but think "this is it? this is what it all adds up to? this is all that I am and will likely ever be?!?!"

I KNOW that you have to start at the bottom and all. I am not looking for a lottery ticket. I'm merely looking for something that leads to something that makes me feel like I'm actually getting somewhere, instead of the same dead ends that most people spend their whole lives at. I wish I knew the "right" way to go.

I'm not really asking for anything here. Just venting/sharing my thoughts, as per "What are you Thinking Right Now".
 

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