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J
Jently
Guest
Serenia said:
Yes i'd go along with that Serenia
TheSkaFish
Jedi Guardian
I've been reading a lot of that dating/self-improvement stuff again. I think I've figured out some things about myself, what was really going on all my life.
I've also found out just what it is exactly that pisses me off so much about Nice Guy shaming. These days, it has become increasingly less acceptable to publicly say racist and sexist things. It still happens, but not without a significant amount of people viewing the one saying the things as backwards. The same goes for trashing someone for their religion - again it still happens but usually with a significant backlash against it. Even homophobia is starting to become more and more unacceptable in public. But it seems there are 3 types of people that most feel like it is OK and even encouraged to talk **** about: the obese, the poor, and Nice Guys - which is really just a euphemism for "the uncool". I think part of the problem is the confusing name. If you have a physical problem, people say what's wrong with you - you have a cold, your leg is broken, you drink too much alcohol, etc. and from that you at least know how to fix it, or where to go for help. You at least have a direction. The Nice Guy appears to be a combination of insufficient belief in one's value and ability to do well and get what they want in life, and insufficient identity, they are not interesting/exciting enough, there is simply not enough things going for them to make a good impression. So it would be clearer to say they have insufficient mental/emotional strength and insufficient depth to their personality - it's a mouthful but describes the "sickness" better and hopefully points to a solution.
I've noticed a lot of parallels between the groups. They are all seen by the mainstream as lacking in value, either due to laziness or inherent worthlessness, fundamental inferiority, and that they are trying to rip off or leech from their oh-so-righteous "superiors". The shaming crowd seems to take sick pleasure in mocking them as lazy, or condescendingly asking them why they can't just accept their place at the bottom of the totem pole, why they can't just accept that they "suck". They think that the people in these three groups are okay to mock because they believe they are just trying to get something for free. And this is what really upsets me. I have spent hours and hours, days and days trying to figure out why things go wrong for me and how to stop it. I have read tons of articles and taken pages of notes and examined myself and my whole life thoroughly. I might not have solved the problem yet and I might have a long way to go, but I figured that out at least, and I am constantly thinking of ways I can both improve while still being myself, not compromising my values because I DO believe in a nicer, friendlier, kinder world and I DON'T believe in being another walking, talking macho man cliche and if you think that makes me weak then **** you. If you think I've done nothing and just lazy and looking to rip some girl off and steal value from her, then **** you. And if you just want to mock someone and tell me to stay in my place and just accept my fate as a natural loser, then **** you. I am TRYING. And I'm sure there are other "Nice Guys" trying too. Just as I am sure that there are overweight people who are trying to lose weight, poor people trying to get more skills or get better jobs or improve in some way. The hard thing is that maybe in some cases they are trying to lose the weight and nothing's worked yet, or trying to get the job or the skill but no one has called back yet or the material is hard to understand, or there are people who are trying to be more interesting and believe in themselves but just haven't found a way yet. Not all of them are lazy or trying to scam anyone and it could very well be that a lot of them WANT to be able to provide value, they WANT to be well and be better than they are. But for whatever reason they just don't know how yet, or it just hasn't come together yet.
You wouldn't mock a sick person for trying to get well, so I don't see how someone can take the moral high ground while kicking these other groups who are down and out. People are trying to improve, but it doesn't come easy and there can be times when it looks like nothing you do is even making a difference. It's hard enough to power through that without the shaming. A little compassion goes a long way, especially if it is also packaged with a solution or a push in the right direction and if that is too much, do like the old saying says and if you can't say something nice just don't say anything.
Rant over, but man, I needed that.
I've also found out just what it is exactly that pisses me off so much about Nice Guy shaming. These days, it has become increasingly less acceptable to publicly say racist and sexist things. It still happens, but not without a significant amount of people viewing the one saying the things as backwards. The same goes for trashing someone for their religion - again it still happens but usually with a significant backlash against it. Even homophobia is starting to become more and more unacceptable in public. But it seems there are 3 types of people that most feel like it is OK and even encouraged to talk **** about: the obese, the poor, and Nice Guys - which is really just a euphemism for "the uncool". I think part of the problem is the confusing name. If you have a physical problem, people say what's wrong with you - you have a cold, your leg is broken, you drink too much alcohol, etc. and from that you at least know how to fix it, or where to go for help. You at least have a direction. The Nice Guy appears to be a combination of insufficient belief in one's value and ability to do well and get what they want in life, and insufficient identity, they are not interesting/exciting enough, there is simply not enough things going for them to make a good impression. So it would be clearer to say they have insufficient mental/emotional strength and insufficient depth to their personality - it's a mouthful but describes the "sickness" better and hopefully points to a solution.
I've noticed a lot of parallels between the groups. They are all seen by the mainstream as lacking in value, either due to laziness or inherent worthlessness, fundamental inferiority, and that they are trying to rip off or leech from their oh-so-righteous "superiors". The shaming crowd seems to take sick pleasure in mocking them as lazy, or condescendingly asking them why they can't just accept their place at the bottom of the totem pole, why they can't just accept that they "suck". They think that the people in these three groups are okay to mock because they believe they are just trying to get something for free. And this is what really upsets me. I have spent hours and hours, days and days trying to figure out why things go wrong for me and how to stop it. I have read tons of articles and taken pages of notes and examined myself and my whole life thoroughly. I might not have solved the problem yet and I might have a long way to go, but I figured that out at least, and I am constantly thinking of ways I can both improve while still being myself, not compromising my values because I DO believe in a nicer, friendlier, kinder world and I DON'T believe in being another walking, talking macho man cliche and if you think that makes me weak then **** you. If you think I've done nothing and just lazy and looking to rip some girl off and steal value from her, then **** you. And if you just want to mock someone and tell me to stay in my place and just accept my fate as a natural loser, then **** you. I am TRYING. And I'm sure there are other "Nice Guys" trying too. Just as I am sure that there are overweight people who are trying to lose weight, poor people trying to get more skills or get better jobs or improve in some way. The hard thing is that maybe in some cases they are trying to lose the weight and nothing's worked yet, or trying to get the job or the skill but no one has called back yet or the material is hard to understand, or there are people who are trying to be more interesting and believe in themselves but just haven't found a way yet. Not all of them are lazy or trying to scam anyone and it could very well be that a lot of them WANT to be able to provide value, they WANT to be well and be better than they are. But for whatever reason they just don't know how yet, or it just hasn't come together yet.
You wouldn't mock a sick person for trying to get well, so I don't see how someone can take the moral high ground while kicking these other groups who are down and out. People are trying to improve, but it doesn't come easy and there can be times when it looks like nothing you do is even making a difference. It's hard enough to power through that without the shaming. A little compassion goes a long way, especially if it is also packaged with a solution or a push in the right direction and if that is too much, do like the old saying says and if you can't say something nice just don't say anything.
Rant over, but man, I needed that.
J
Jently
Guest
Serenia said:Jently said:Serenia said:
Yes i'd go along with that Serenia
Thanks for those hugs, just what I needed and sending some back to you x
N
nibbysaurus
Guest
I'm thinking of all the stuff I should be doing while I sit here procrastinating and chatting to lovely people. Then still not doing the work...
Bones 2.0
Outlined in Chalk
Two shy people passing in the hallway trying to small talk was so awkward, it was very pleasant with both participants stumbling with their words & finally introducing themselves after smiling & waving at each other for the past couple of months.
H
haywud
Guest
I'm thinking that nibby needs to get back to work instead of getting distracted.
N
nibbysaurus
Guest
stop being distracting then! You with your face
A
AmytheTemperamental
Guest
You should spice it up a little. The same ****, different day thing is getting old.
user 130057
Well-known member
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2015
- Messages
- 2,346
- Reaction score
- 105
The 3-5 minutes between heavy sets is REALLY boring...
kamya
Well-known member
Ive learned this year that being myself isnt good enough to get what i want.
P
Paraiyar
Guest
Amazing how much some people could improve their lives if they'd just LISTEN.
user 130057
Well-known member
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2015
- Messages
- 2,346
- Reaction score
- 105
Still can't open those photo albums and feel good...
V
Volt
Guest
Serenia said:
ALL relationship confirmed?
V
Volt
Guest
Serenia said:Volt said:
Whatever would make you think that
I will have you know that i am an expert detective.
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