I'm the type of person who tries to be sincere. I try not to say something unless I mean it, so if I say something good to someone, it's real. And when someone tells me good things about me, I believe it too. I want to believe they really mean it, and aren't just trying to get me to orbit them so they have someone to use for compliments and attention and to feel superior to, setting a limit on my potential without even giving me a chance to have a real, meaningful interaction. I don't want to be insulted with that treatment, especially because I am really trying to figure out how to be someone who is worth something even though it's not easy. I'm trying to be their equal, not their inferior, and I want to believe we were genuinely enjoying each other's company, and it wasn't just some stupid, immature power game. I hope people are better than that. If you genuinely like something about me, tell me so. But if you think you're better than me, don't even talk to me if you've made up your mind ahead of time that anything I say or do is only worth so much and can't possibly be worth any more, and you're just going to patronize me instead of treating me like an equal and allowing even the possibility for an interaction with me to be meaningful. I'd rather just be bullied again, because at least that's honest, and I can hit you back. Better yet, leave me alone in the first place. I despised the social elites growing up because I thought they had ugly personalities, but at least you knew where you stood with them, I have to give them that. I don't want to be patronized to, I don't want pity, I don't want to be thought of as an orbiter, a second-class citizen, a permanent, natural inferior. **** that role, that is not what I am. I know I'm worth more than that, or at least I could be, because I just have to have it in me to be worth more than that. It's important to me. But the idea that people like this exist is making me freak out because it has me second-guessing a lot of things, basically any interaction I've ever had with any peer-aged women more advanced than me. I can't tell if some of the things that felt like genuine interactions and really made me feel good, were real or not. I want to believe they were real but I just don't know.