Fortunately I haven't been through all what you have been put through Normski.
What you have added since I left my reply really shocked me that so many people can be so uncaring to the level of cruelty towards you in your life.
The only other thing I can think of could you maybe move away, start afresh so to speak.
Although I would totally understand if you said 'Your home is your home and filled with memories'.
All I can add is 'Please don't do anything to yourself, life is for living the best way it can be lived'.
Take care.
Thank you, And sorry for the typos. I did NOT mean being with my wife was Hell no, it was the
Opposite. I was told I was a mistake, since the day I could understand words, My parents just did not want me. Point here is my wife is the only person on this planet, that ever truly love me, ever. It God took her back home. Oddly, she had the same views as me, 99% of people are not worth the time of day, I wish it was different. I have always tried my very best to be a positive person, but what life, or my experience of it, has shown me to the most part they wolf’s look for the next mea, I was bullied at school, when from about 10 years old as I was great at sport, and won near everything I went into, so the thugs, hated the attention I got, jealously. I had fight my way through school, at 13 year, I had nervous breakdown and could not go to school, every day, I mean every day, I had to fight to survive, and as I was doing lots of self defense, means I won near all the fights, but all it done was attract more and more thugs to try me out. I could not go to school in the end, they had to moved me to an other school. But a long time ago now. I never wanted to fight, I hate it, but if someone want to attack you or rape you for example, I hope you would fight to the very end. That was me. I honestly thought, they would kill me, so I had to be a vicious fighter, with reputation, as don’t mess with him. A more than worthy test for the hard boys. All it done attract more thugs. All I was doing was trying to survive. But now I see, that’s the world today, and its not something I want. I what love not war, all I wanted was to be happy, I say, please just leave me alone. I will stay a way from you if you wish, but if you attack my little home and wife, I will rip you apart. I have all been the person, that you show me kindness and help, I will help you move the world if you need help. The very best friend you could ever have. But please never attack what I love, you will unleash hell.
And that only my school and early years.
After my wife died, about 13 months, due to stress, and run down, I was taken to hospital, after having a heart attack, and small stroke and pneumonia, all at the same time. Doctors said they could not understand how I was not dead, I was on the edge , my step Daughter came out , she clamed to look after me. Stole 1500$ from my wife’s purse , took her gold, promised everything was going to help me back to the UK. I Had a buyer for my house, spent 18000$ new car, trailer to go back after weeks, she just up and left, leaving me stood there, wandering what was going on. Cut me off face book, and everything else, and bad mouthed me to everyone over there. I had done nothing!!~ I will never speak to her again. Even her own 24 year old Daughter told me down the phone, her mom is a whore, she knew she was banging other men all over the place as well as being married. I was shocked; obviously I did not know her.. Anyway, Now, my memory has been effects, things come and go, My speech, is not really bad but I cannot pronounce some words anymore, I sometimes see words I have typed, but they are not really there, as I think I have typed them, but I have not. And often, I cannot spell simple words, please, garden, stupid stuff . What makes it all worse, 35 years ago, I ended up, university, got a BSc, in science , cognitive psychology. Even work in psych wards n hospitals. Carried research, many, many things I have worked on and done. Now that also has been stripped away. My speech on the phone , I screw bits up, I write, I screw stuff up, So can’t even do that anymore. I cannot go back to my own country, the UK, its now a toilet, its all done, and no one to go back to, nothing, But can’t carry on here, now getting old 67, no back up, no one to love, no focus in life, no one love and care for. And those few I do know are users. I see those sad/poor people in some parts of the USA. Women living in cars and tents, some you can see, are victims of circumstance,, bit like me , but not, don’t do drugs. I would love to help one, some 40 or 50 year old and given them a home here with me, so we can help each other, but its just not practical, I am in the EU and they are there USA. Its all so, so sad. I could go on and on, I have tried to be a good person, and life just keeps kicking me in the teeth, and I have had enough of it. Too much pain, too much sorrow. Too many tears. Just can’t do it anymore. I am a team player. I am so desperate to love and be loved, but I seem to do get is more sadness.
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