I don't know where to be, should I be here or there? Either way I feel scared and I wish I stopped existing but if I stop existing the nothingness would still be lonely, then I'll wake up feeling dread and if I stay sleeping..sooner or later I might have a nightmare and I don't want that. I just want some peace and security, smiling and comfort. I don't want to be sleeping but I don't want to be awake either. What can I be, then? I want to exist yet not exist, like an echo or a ghost.
I feel so unbelieavably numb, vulnerable and scared, I'm so tired of feeling this way. I can't even sleep to forget about it because even as I'm sleeping, I can never be unconscious, I'm always wide awake.
I haven't slept yet, too scared to, I guess I'll try, I hope the dreams I'll have will be gentle to me because I wouldn't be able to take anything else.