What are you thinking right now?

[147]

I'm wondering why the idea of NOT being afraid anymore feels more scary to me than my regular anxiety.
Do we really think that living in a state of waiting for the next bad thing to happen is actually going to soften that blow (IF it even happens)? It's still going to suck, no matter what. Might as well be light-hearted in the meantime.

 

[ardour]

The Tyson vs Paul fight. After all the build up, what a farce and a cash grab. Tyson looked like he could barely stand and didn't even try. Shouldn't be allowed to happen.

 

[okidoke]

The Tyson vs Paul fight. After all the build up, what a farce and a cash grab. Tyson looked like he could barely stand and didn't even try. Shouldn't be allowed to happen.

I didn’t watch it, but wasn’t it all for charity?

 

[ardour]

I didn’t watch it, but wasn’t it all for charity?

Jake made 40 million, Mike 20 million.

 

[okidoke]

Jake made 40 million, Mike 20 million.

In their pocket or for charity though?

 

[ardour]

In their pocket or for charity though?

Doubtful. Tyson's been bankrupt and is suffering chronic health conditions, and Jake Paul's a scummy youtuber...

 

[ardour]

I've been persisting with the meetup events lately, pretty much forcing myself to go. Noticing what could be interest from younger women at these events. (Late 20s onwards.) They'll ask personal questions I'm not used to. Sometimes it seems like they're trying to figure out my age without asking directly.

And once that cat is out of the bag the interest is gone.

I don't feel any bitterness towards them. Why should they date a middle-aged man? Common sense suggests I would be a less than ideal choice to have kids with and no-one wants to be stuck with a geriatric in the future, not when they are still relatively young themselves and want someone to be physically active with.

It's just depressing in how it confirms what I already knew: regardless of physically passing for younger, time's up. Realistically it was just about up ten years ago. 'Self-improved' 20 years too late. It's like the premise for a black comedy.

 

[Unsigned]

Jake made 40 million, Mike 20 million.

And just think what they made with the betting...

 

[okidoke]

I've been persisting with the meetup events lately, pretty much forcing myself to go. Noticing would could be interest from younger women at these events. (Late 20s onwards.) They'll ask personal questions I'm not used to. Sometimes it seems like they're trying to figure out my age without asking directly.

And once that cat is out of the bag the interest is gone.

I don't feel any bitterness towards them. Why should they date a middle-aged man? Common sense suggests I would be a less than ideal choice to have kids with and no-one wants to be stuck with a geriatric in the future, not when they are still relatively young themselves and want someone to be physically active with.

It's just depressing in how it confirms what I already knew: regardless of physically passing for younger, time's up. Realistically it was just about up ten years ago. 'Self-improved' 20 years too late. It's like the premise for a black comedy.

Well get with the program man and forget about younger women already.

 

[ardour]

Well get with the program man and forget about younger women already.

Eh... not gonna happen. Dating an averagely experienced woman my age feels like teenaged boy me hooking up with his school teacher. Mentioned it before but I've been to the 'age appropriate' meetups with mostly divorcees and it was very uncomfortable.

 

[okidoke]

Eh... not gonna happen. Dating an averagely experienced woman my age feels like teenaged boy me hooking up with his school teacher. Mentioned it before but I've been to the 'age appropriate' meetups with mostly divorcees and it was very uncomfortable.

And I think I’ve mentioned before that this is a problem in YOUR head and there’s no point going on about it. You either sort out your conditioned thinking or stop whining about it. You have to work on it, like a phobia or an addiction.

 

[ardour]

And I think I’ve mentioned before that this is a problem in YOUR head and there’s no point going on about it. You either sort out your conditioned thinking or stop whining about it. You have to work on it, like a phobia or an addiction.

I don't have the necessary 25+ years of normal life experience to find a middle aged person appealing, end of story, and you don't get to gatekeep who can whine here.

 

[okidoke]

I don't have the necessary 25+ years of normal life experience to find a middle aged person appealing, end of story, and you don't get to gatekeep who gets to whine here.

You can whine here as much as you like, I meant that whining about it doesn’t help your situation. I whine too.

The fact that you don’t find a Middle Ages person appealing says something about you and your thought processes. That can be worked on. You don’t need “the necessary 25+ years of normal life” which itself is a very debatable point. I know there’s nothing I can say to change you because you’re determined to stay as you are. You have a sense of security now in the way your life is. It’s too much effort to try an change it.

There are awesome people out there that can make us feel terrific. You just have to make more of an effort to find them. That goes for me too mind you. I’m not suggesting it’s easy and I know that I should try harder myself (albeit I have to extricate myself from my situation first) but if one is determined not to keep living the misery one does, then better attempts are required, different perspectives need to be viewed, comfort zones need to be breached.

 

[ardour]

You can whine here as much as you like, I meant that whining about it doesn’t help your situation. I whine too.

The fact that you don’t find a Middle Ages person appealing says something about you and your thought processes. That can be worked on. You don’t need “the necessary 25+ years of normal life” which itself is a very debatable point. I know there’s nothing I can say to change you because you’re determined to stay as you are. You have a sense of security now in the way your life is. It’s too much effort to try an change it.

Our biological default is to find people of healthy reproductive age attractive. Any adjustment to that happens through experience.

This is not a matter of being a few years behind, or some 30 yo guy with an unhealthy interest in barely legal girls. Most of the people my age are simply old in appearance and behaviour, and it's not normal to be comfortable with that as a first partner, it requires some serious 'been there, done that' habituation over the course of decades of dating and being in an out of relationships. Just on lifestyle alone there would be major miss-match. The majority of people my age are slowing down. You know it too, I'd say. They've 'been there and done that' already. That's fine for them, but frankly, I think I deserve a bit more than that. It would mean giving up my freedom for something way too far from ideal.

I am actually trying but not in the way you deem acceptable.

There are awesome people out there that can make us feel terrific.

True. And I'd be happy being platonic friends with them, assuming they're actually interested in doing things.

 

[okidoke]

Our biological default is to find people of healthy reproductive age attractive. Any adjustment to that happens through experience.

This is not a matter of being a few years behind, or some 30 yo guy with an unhealthy interest in barely legal girls. Most of the people my age are simply old in appearance and behaviour, and it's not normal to be comfortable with that as a first partner, it requires some serious 'been there, done that' habituation over the course of decades of dating and being in an out of relationships. Just on lifestyle alone there would be major miss-match. The majority of people my age are slowing down. You know it too, I'd say. They've 'been there and done that' already. That's fine for them, but frankly, I think I deserve a bit more than that. It would mean giving up my freedom for something way too far from ideal.

I am actually trying but not in the way you deem acceptable.

True. And I'd be happy being platonic friends with them, assuming they're actually interested in doing things.

You have to start somewhere mate. I just see you putting up hurdles. Why not just experience some relationships instead of waiting for some ideal? You don’t know how you might evolve. Stop comparing the older people to the young. Forget about any biological need to produce offspring. At your age you just need an adoring companion. They are out there. You just have to realign your way of thinking. What’s the alternative? Being lonely and fantasising the rest of your life for someone that you’ll never have.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

@ardour nice to see you posting again.

Cheer up ya freakin' KIWI!

heh

 

[Just Games]

Yeah you're not dead yet.Look I've done the pull your socks up mate and get a girlfriend friend mate post to Ardour and very much regret it.
I couldn't find myself a good friend for thirty years so who am I to talk.

 

[Just Games]

I see this bloke walking up and down my road and it's painfull to watch.At eight in the morning he's swigging from a bottle of vodka he's just bought.Its a long walk and uphill twenty minutes back.He does it again about six .

I've learnt from my kids it's just not worth nagging them .You think we'll I'm experienced I got the t-shirt I'll show them the right way the mistakes they're making.They just get angry with me give me lots of twenty something lip back which I deserve. They all doing alright they sorted and still are sorting their problems without me butting in.

But this bloke I want to do something he's wasting away bordering anorexic but I can't because he's not going to listen I was a binge drinker since thirteen I would have ignored any advice too.It was meeting my wife that saved me.But it's heart tugging when I see him.

 

[funnylife33]

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Restyl 0.25mg Tablet is a benzodiazepine.
It works by increasing the action of a chemical messenger (GABA) which suppresses the abnormal and excessive activity of the nerve cells in the brain

 

[TheSkaFish]

What happens if you're forced to be a boring person because of your job (or worse, your genes),
which makes you too angry, depressed, tired, and bored to be interested in/excited about/care about anything,
because you don't like being who you're forced to be, you feel trapped in a life you hate,
but you don't know if you can get good at anything you'd actually like,
and you do know that unless you can, nothing will make you feel as good as your situation makes you feel bad,

but you need to be an interesting person in order to start, and hold/carry conversations, and have thoughts and experiences in common with people, so that you can date?

It's hard to be attractive and send out good vibes when you hate your life,
and wish you could be somebody else more interesting, who could do something more interesting
(then again, a lot of bros and aggressively normal people are like this and they seem to make it work - but I'm not one of them, and I never have been, so what works for them, wouldn't work for me).
But it's hard to NOT hate your life, when you're trapped in a life you don't enjoy.

It feels like a catch-22.

It's great when your career, and interests/personality, are the same thing.
Then your need to be "you" is fulfilled easily. There is nothing to figure out.
But when they're not, society doesn't have any answers for you, and just wants to ignore that you exist.