What are you thinking right now?

[TogetherAlone]

You can say something if you want.
I made myself easy to find on purpose.

How did you know I meant you xD But yeah was just browsing and saw yor name and was like "no way" Good to see you posting over there too.

 

[okidoke]

I get so tired of being nice, of taking the high road at times.

Sometimes I want to unleash my inner jerk. My dark side, my anger, my hate.

I still want to be nice for the most part, I just also want to be selectively bad/mean, and to the extreme.

I want to be bad to those I consider bad people. I want to bully bullies.
Merciless, just like they are right back at them.
I want to be heartless to heartless people.
Everyone that acts glad that it's a cold, cruel world, I want to be cold and cruel to them.
I get so sick of the way they feel like they run the place.
It's become more and more clear in recent decades, people like this think they have an increasingly blank check to be like this as much as they want, because they think they can, that no one is going to do anything about it.

The way they're like, if you're hurting, it's your fault. Suck it up, loser. "Git gud".
But when they're hurting, it's wrong because it's happening to them. No, not like that!
Turns out your precious system, your "just" world, your meritocracy isn't your friend after all.
In fact, it hates you too.

There are so many people that act like the first part, then turn around and act the second.
I want to let them know that they way they are is not OK.
I also want to let them know, I hate you. Seriously. I'm not joking, or just having a bad day or something. I really mean it.
I want to be completely cold, savage, and cruel to these "tough luck" people. Right back at ya.
You only like the game when it's cruel to people you don't like, and think deserve to suffer.
But when it's cruel to you, oh no, it's the game's fault!
Maybe if you said "maybe it's the game that sucks FOR EVERYONE" I'd have empathy for you, but you don't.
So guess what? I don't, either.
Try taking your own advice. "Git gud", or shut up.
And if you can't "git gud", then I guess you're not that good after all, and this is just your level.
So just "accept" that your life is going to suck, and that's it - just like you tell others to resign themselves to.
How does it feel? Huh?

You love "life's not fair", only as long as it's "not fair" to people you don't like.
When "life's not fair" comes for you, boy do you change your tune with a quickness.
I just feel like if you're going to take that stance, then you should love it all the time, even when it turns on you, because by your own beliefs it is always the individual's fault.
Otherwise you are a hypocrite, a coward, and a low-life.

When I complain, it's "you're not working hard enough", "not enough effort", "should have seen it coming", "shoulda this, shoulda that".
Where are THEIR "shoulda's"? Why are they exempt from that?
You know what?
THEY should have studied harder.
THEY should have picked a different major.
THEY should have played less games.
THEY should have tried harder at dating.
Why is their pain different and more valid?
You want to be all "tough luck", well it's a double-edged sword and I hope it cuts you hard.

They wouldn't think twice about being heartless to me, in fact they'd enjoy it.
They would actively take pleasure in my pain, so why shouldn't I be the same to them?
Why should I be nice? Why should I be the bigger person, what do I get for that but insults and humiliation?
More and more it just makes me feel like a sucker. And I hate that.

I'm just not good at being bad/mean though. At least, not effectively. I wasn't raised that way - which I'm starting to think more and more was to my detriment - and I don't have the instinct for it. I just don't have the killer instinct.

Mate, you need to go camping.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Mate, you need to go camping.

A particularly bad Reddit thread (not even mine), and some other related things set me off.

Camping could be a short term fix. The last time I went was 2012. I went with my oldest friend, his brothers and their friends, and some of our other friends.

It was nice for the time, and I would be open to doing it again.
But I need to find something lasting. That's the hard part.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Why should you be nice? Because by stooping to their level—being the jerk, being the a$$hole, being the guy who is heartless—all you're doing is emulating them. People who, by your own confession, you despise, so why would you want to be just like them? By being yourself, by being nice, you are demonstrating that you are the bigger man. Essentially, you win. You may not think you're winning, but you are.

You don't have the instinct to be bad because you aren't bad. Don't let the world make you into a jerk - you are above that.

Thanks. There are some people and kinds of people that just make me see red, and sometimes all I want to do is get even with them.

It's very tempting to stoop to their level, but ultimately unproductive, and a quick glance at how they are reveals that this kind of person is almost always unhappy themselves. They are just looking for someone to pick on that they think won't or can't fight back, for a short-term ego boost.

Nobody gets all "you shoulda this, shoulda that" because they are truly happy and satisfied with who they are.
They act like that, because it's how they cope.
I guess I should remember that.

 

[TheRealCallie]

But I need to find something lasting. That's the hard part.

You need to stop giving people power over you. Especially (from what it sounds like) people you don't know and who don't know you.

 

[TheSkaFish]

You need to stop giving people power over you. Especially (from what it sounds like) people you don't know and who don't know you.

It's a little Column A, Column B. A whole laundry list.

There is probably more I could let go, but sometimes the hypocrisy is more than I can take.
There are some people and types that I just can't engage with at all. It never ends well.

Knowing I can beat them in life, would go a long way to feeling better about all of it.
If I could get to that point I'd probably worry, or even think about them at all, a lot less.
As it is now though, they're beating me, and that's what irks me.

 

[TheSkaFish]

How did you know I meant you xD But yeah was just browsing and saw yor name and was like "no way" Good to see you posting over there too.

I sensed it in the Force, lol.

But yeah. "Way". I'm here, and there.

I've seen people from other places, show up from time to time too.
I pick up on phrases and mannerisms people use.

Good to see you around both, too