What are you thinking right now?

[Ace Face]

May I ask what who hash is?

OMG!

 

[Unsigned]

Why is it not letting me quote your post?

Anyway, yes, I got that much, but it was never clear what the "beast" was, so I thought maybe you could tell me. Inquiring minds want to now.

I think it was that elephant...

 

[TheRealCallie]

This is beyond ridiculous. It's absolute ********. Could you people please pull your heads out of your backsides?

(No, this isn't about anything on the forum, so don't get your knickers in a twist.)

 

[Lonely virgin]

About how I’m only good in sign holder jobs along with snow shoveling jobs and mascot jobs

 

[TheSkaFish]

About how I’m only good in sign holder jobs along with snow shoveling jobs and mascot jobs

I have similar fears.

Words can't convey how much I hate the notion that that's what I am.
There's no way to accurately describe the magnitude of anger it makes me feel - the force, the fire, the heat.
I hate feeling inherently inferior, so much that it hurts.
There have been times when I've been alone and all the sudden I find myself screaming and swearing and foaming at the mouth, and I look up and see that an hour has passed.

I always burned with a desire to be successful, because my background was lower and worse than a lot of people around here and I hated feeling like that, I hated feeling like a biologically low quality person. It was so humiliating, made me feel like I had nothing to take pride in. Also, I really wanted a better quality of life. I wanted more out of life than screens. I wanted to really live.
But the problem I always had was, I didn't feel mathematically or mechanically inclined, which is what it seemed to me that you needed if you wanted to be successful (and you weren't a pro athlete or A-list entertainer). So I didn't know what to do.

I also thought you needed to have a natural interest in that stuff too, like you naturally thought about, read about, and want to know more about that kind of stuff, and I never did - partially out of feeling like there's no point being interested in things I didn't feel like I could do, and partially out of simply not being interested.

I don't want to discourage you, or poison you with negativity, and I don't know what to say that would be useful.
I just wanted to say, I understand where you're coming from.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Okay, for both of you, any job is better than no job. Even if it's not the greatest job in the world, you are still going to be making money. That goes a long way. You always have the option of finding a better job and there are A LOT of jobs out there, you just have to keep trying until you find something you like and/or can tolerate. It's okay to start small, it's okay to do the "crap" jobs everyone complains about because in the long run employers want you to have job experience.

About how I’m only good in sign holder jobs along with snow shoveling jobs and mascot jobs

What other types of jobs have you tried? Have you considered getting certifications to be qualified for other jobs? Some of them are pretty easy to get. Also, if you can shovel snow, I'm assuming you could also mow lawns and the like, so maybe you could look into getting a job at a landscaping type of business that would do snow in the winter. Just an option.

I have similar fears.

Words can't convey how much I hate the notion that that's what I am.
There's no way to accurately describe the magnitude of anger it makes me feel - the force, the fire, the heat.
I hate feeling inherently inferior, so much that it hurts.
There have been times when I've been alone and all the sudden I find myself screaming and swearing and foaming at the mouth, and I look up and see that an hour has passed.

I always burned with a desire to be successful, because my background was lower and worse than a lot of people around here and I hated feeling like that, I hated feeling like a biologically low quality person. It was so humiliating, made me feel like I had nothing to take pride in. Also, I really wanted a better quality of life. I wanted more out of life than screens. I wanted to really live.
But the problem I always had was, I didn't feel mathematically or mechanically inclined, which is what it seemed to me that you needed if you wanted to be successful (and you weren't a pro athlete or A-list entertainer). So I didn't know what to do.

I don't want to discourage you, or poison you with negativity, and I don't know what to say that would be useful.

ETA: forgot to reply to yours. lol

I sincerely feel that your biggest problem is that you have no confidence. You are so sure that you are going to fail that you are too afraid to try. Just get a job...literally any job. Yes, the job will likely suck, but it's not forever. If you can get an entry job in the type of company you want to work in, you always have the opportunity to work your way up. I think if you got some money, got out on your own, got a car, etc, you would be a million times better than you are right now. You have to DO something, Ska.

 

[Lonely virgin]

Okay, for both of you, any job is better than no job. Even if it's not the greatest job in the world, you are still going to be making money. That goes a long way. You always have the option of finding a better job and there are A LOT of jobs out there, you just have to keep trying until you find something you like and/or can tolerate. It's okay to start small, it's okay to do the "crap" jobs everyone complains about because in the long run employers want you to have job experience.

What other types of jobs have you tried? Have you considered getting certifications to be qualified for other jobs? Some of them are pretty easy to get. Also, if you can shovel snow, I'm assuming you could also mow lawns and the like, so maybe you could look into getting a job at a landscaping type of business that would do snow in the winter. Just an option.



ETA: forgot to reply to yours. lol

I sincerely feel that your biggest problem is that you have no confidence. You are so sure that you are going to fail that you are too afraid to try. Just get a job...literally any job. Yes, the job will likely suck, but it's not forever. If you can get an entry job in the type of company you want to work in, you always have the opportunity to work your way up. I think if you got some money, got out on your own, got a car, etc, you would be a million times better than you are right now. You have to DO something, Ska.

I’ve had warehouse and retail jobs mostly cellphone stores from 18 to 27. Yes I agree any job is better than no job.

 

[HellsLittleAngel]

OMG!

I corrected myself after I had misread it at first. I knew what she was talking about after re-reading it.

 

[HellsLittleAngel]

Is that the Grinch?

The Grinch and I are good friends!

 

[TheSkaFish]

ETA: forgot to reply to yours. lol

I sincerely feel that your biggest problem is that you have no confidence. You are so sure that you are going to fail that you are too afraid to try. Just get a job...literally any job. Yes, the job will likely suck, but it's not forever. If you can get an entry job in the type of company you want to work in, you always have the opportunity to work your way up. I think if you got some money, got out on your own, got a car, etc, you would be a million times better than you are right now. You have to DO something, Ska.

It's OK.

Yes, it's true that I have no confidence. I never really did have confidence at anything, except for memory, reading, and speaking well.

And it's true, I've often felt so sure that I'm going to fail that I'm too afraid to try, or don't see the point to trying/feel like it's not worth it because it probably isn't going to work anyway. This is why I didn't really do sports or art forms when I was younger, and still have problems with learning skills today.

I have a lot of thoughts about this that would go beyond the scope of the "What Are You Thinking" thread, and would probably be more appropriate for a thread of my own, or the Diary.

The TL;DR version, though, is basically I've always been very sensitive about being seen as mediocre/average/limited/no potential/inferior/a loser/low status/low biological quality. I wrote them all out because I think they're all different facets of the frustration, humiliation, powerlessness, and insecurity about my potential and quality, that bother me intensely.

As a kid almost everyone acted like they were better than me, and I hated it so much.
I burned to disprove it and defy it.
But I always feared it was true, because I felt like I had nothing going for me, and I felt like I had no particular aptitude for anything I tried.
It was bad enough I wasn't born high, or even normal - and I worried that I wasn't even born with any avenue to get there either.
I got into feeling that it was better to not do anything, than to do something, suck/fail/lose at it, and invite insults and ridicule, or prove that I couldn't do what I was trying to do, and humiliate myself.
At least if I didn't do anything, I wasn't confirming, agreeing with, and accepting, that I was inferior/low status/a loser.
I'd hate thinking that how I was treated as a kid - low status - is who I've grown up to be, that the a**holes were right about me after all and get the last laugh, and that it was always who I was and all I could ever be, this whole time.
I'm afraid I can't ever wash the stench of "loser" off, which has always been one of the most important things to me.
Honestly, if I can't be successful then I'd rather not have been born.
I don't even know what I'm interested in anymore at times - just not being low status.

I don't mean to be argumentative, and I know you mean well.
I was just giving you an idea of my reasoning, my headspace.
I do need to do something, I just don't know what - I just wish I had some avenue out of low status.
And even if I did, then I'm only at "just OK". "Normal". I'm still not at "good".
I'm still not what I actually want to be, just NOT what I DON'T want to be.