What do you want to know about getting girls ?

[harper]

/\ Well said...!

 

[RovoR]

What happened to going to the bar, getting smashed, waking up with someone who was alot hotter last night, and then trying to date them until it fizzled out? Rinse and repeat until you get lucky. The good ol' days...lol.

 

[harper]

I think the threat of HIV must have put the kibosh on that.

Spent nights as a bouncer when I was in school, and that pretty much put me off of drunks and drinking for good. Not even sure where to meet women now that I'm pushing 60. You'd think it would be a pretty common thing, with the aging population and all.

 

[RovoR]

I hear ya, I was being a bit silly. I don't think what I posted to be a "good" idea kids. Be responsible!


EDIT: Here in Arizona if I wanted to meet someone my age, with traits I enjoyed, I would look into where to meet women who liked crystals and superstitious stuff. That's my speed now a days. If it changes, then I would hang out where ever I thought those kind of people might be.

 

[harper]

I hear ya, I was being a bit silly. I don't think what I posted to be a "good" idea kids. Be responsible!


EDIT: Here in Arizona if I wanted to meet someone my age, with traits I enjoyed, I would look into where to meet women who liked crystals and superstitious stuff. That's my speed now a days. If it changes, then I would hang out where ever I thought those kind of people might be.

Oh, I know... I LOL'd but I struggle a bit with the formatting options here.  :shy: 

Over a million people in this town (KC) and it just seems like you have to either join a church or find a singles' group to meet anybody.  When I'm able to enter the dating scene, I'm sure I'll figure something out.  School and work are really under-appreciated as far as the mate selection process goes!

 

[xploe]

Not just stop... she must never start.  If 'testing' is part of your dating life, you need a guide more than those asking your advice.   :O)

You probably don't know exactly what these test are.

Let's play a little roleplay. I am the hottest girl you could ever imagine and you asked me out on a date and now we are sitting at the cafè and I am asking you:
"Soo, what cool things do you do in your spare time ?"

And you respond... ?

I collect stamps..i have a massive collection and i play pool with the boys on a Friday night.

See Xploe this is what my interests were at your age , i'm not going to lie and sound interesting.I'm sure someone will come along with a cooler answer.Anyway i did pull a lovely looking girl at that age but she didn't ask what i did in my spare time...just saying.

And that is exactly what you have to do. Tell a woman what your passion is. Never lie about yourself and be proud about the things you are interested in.

I don't want somebody to put on a mask on and act different. I want to bring out the best of someone and teach him how to communicate his interests and himself to women.

The test here was exactly that. The girl asks you about things you like and you respond to that. In this roleplay I didn't even had to answer and you already started to justify your hobby. 

Do you see what I mean with these test ? They are not real tests, they are part of communiction but exactly these moments are important for a woman to see what kind of man you are, because they show how confident you are.

 

[xploe]

Forgive my critical thinking here and please I am very much open to discussion.

I'm sure your intentions are good and you're just trying to help out here. However, I can't help but feel like your approach and coaching is a bit more on the extroverted and materialistic side and you're applying it to introverts and people who are clearly very in-experienced. That's the target audience here, no? My foresight only sees a recipe for disaster and certain future hurt on their part. You're preparing themselves with charm and experience that is not their own, essentially. They are bound to not be able to retain it all or lose something else in it's delivery. Potentially looking fake in front of a woman who can read easily. Sure, you are only guiding them but there's a more sincere way to get someone's charm out other than coaching them. Let them explore their capabilities in a less extroverted fashion.

Either way, In my opinion this delivery and boxed up thinking won't apply to everyone. And I also can't help but be bothered that some of what's been said here can come off as if it's gender specific when it's very much a trait or thing that everyone does just in their own way. I'm not asking for political correctness here but rather, sounding less like a relationship requires mind games. Mind games are not healthy and are childish. That's something you do with a part-time girlfriend, not the potential partner you see yourself with for the rest of your life. You marry someone who completes you and accepts all your flaws. Your imperfections as perfection.

I think you're dwelling too deep in the psyche of women you personally dated rather than women as a hole. And applying logic and understanding that society and media have told us about the dating world. Not necessarily dynamic advice. Which means it can be bad advice to a guy dating a woman entirely different than you've ever dated. There's far too many unique people with unique personalities, pasts, and experiences that I find it hard to believe or trust someone's confidence in such a matter. It's just overall confidence boosting and there are more subtle and careful ways in doing it than listening to a Mr. Hitch. Sometimes such advice might even mistakenly come of as being misogynist or bigoted with it's delivery. Either way, it's a person with complexities. Not a wild beast that needs to be understood and tamed lol.

This is potentially causing deceit as the man is not himself entirely. Do we just want ***, a swinger life, one night stands, or a long-lasting and loving relationship built on a very real and flourishing start? If the woman sees weakness in you and that is a turn-off for her, then that's her loss. You don't need that negativity in a woman especially if you are already insecure. It most certainly will not last. What is the point of pushing someone if it's only going to make them fall on their face and not want to bother getting back up again as this is clearly an audience that lacks their own will and self-confidence as-is.

Sure what you're doing may work for some but I can't help but think it's for a very selective group and I'm genuinely worried of the people who may be hurt over it later down the line. Sorry for the damper but I'm very much scared for the people that go along with this and how it's already looking thus far.

First of all I am not coaching here, I am just answering a few questions.

The strategy of my coaching is different. It start with the client himself, because in my opinion the approach of "a girlfriend makes me complete" is very dangerous, because I think that you can't expect someone to love you when you don't even love yourself and to be dependent on you partner brings up completly new problems and insecuritys. 

"If the woman sees weakness in you and that is a turn-off for her, then that's her loss." That is something I actually teach. A man who is unafraid to express his emotions will find a girlfriend who likes him for who he is. To show who you are is very powerful and very attractive.

 

[harper]

Sounds like you're getting ready to sell a training course.

 

[nibbysaurus]

Sounds like you're getting ready to sell a training course.

I'm waiting for that part too, lol

 

[harper]

"Be a Playa in 12 Simple Payments" :O)

 

[xploe]

Sounds like you're getting ready to sell a training course.

Yes I am selling my coaching. That is what I do for living.

As I already said I am here to improve my work with the help of the members of this forum.

 

[harper]

You came here to sell bad information to a support group for depressed and lonely people?

Does the admin approve of this?

 

[TheRealCallie]

He didn't come here to SELL his work, he came to IMPROVE his work. He is giving free advice on the forum. He has no posts or links anywhere to paid work, he's not breaking any rules.

 

[harper]

He's here to sell it. And he's giving bum advice.

 

[TheRealCallie]

And that is exactly what you have to do. Tell a woman what your passion is. Never lie about yourself and be proud about the things you are interested in.

I don't want somebody to put on a mask on and act different. I want to bring out the best of someone and teach him how to communicate his interests and himself to women.

Really?  THIS is "bum" advice? 
I don't agree with everything the guy says, but not all of his advice is bad.  Not everyone is going to agree with his advice and they shouldn't, but holy ****, so many damn people are attacking him just for trying to help others. 

I don't really understand what is so hard to understand.  Yes, he has a business as a dating/life/whatever coach, he has never tried to hide that, but he has also stated numerous times that that's not what he's giving here, he is giving FREE advice here.  If you don't want his advice, don't read his advice.

 

[harper]

Your opinion. Sounds like a lounge lizard to me, and I think it's bad business. Especially here, where the depressed and vulnerable come to discuss the worst parts of their lives.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Mhm, and that is YOUR opinion. There's a saying that you might find helpful in life.....take what you like and leave the rest.
How is it okay for you (and anyone else) to come in here attacking this guy when he's done nothing wrong?

 

[harper]

You're trying too hard. Let's just see what happens.

 

[Siku]

Mhm, and that is YOUR opinion.  There's a saying that you might find helpful in life.....take what you like and leave the rest.  
How is it okay for you (and anyone else) to come in here attacking this guy when he's done nothing wrong?

I know I was more critical than I should have been but please understand the intention was to promote more dynamic and open minded advice and it was a very real worry that such advice will potentially hurt many and be entirely counter-productive. How long my reply was, most certainly shows such a passion. At least I really hope I conveyed it in such a way where it wasn't absorbed wrongly but sometimes that's unavoidable.

I respect your stance as I see your point and I agree with you. However, you also might want to evaluate yourself and realize that you're out-pouring your own anger and pain over being through very similar situations as this one in the past. I contributed to such thinking as I used to unfairly judge you in the past. And I am very sorry and I regret it.... And I can just feel it in you now as you so articulately put yourself in xploe's shoes right now... I know it's probably too late by now but I sincerely apologize for mis-reading you. The very same applies to harper and RovoR and even me as well in my opinion. Whether any of us want to dig deep enough to acknowledge it or not. You can't help but feel the other person was selfish, ignorant or stemmed from a dark place because your past feelings and dealing with bad people suddenly surfaced while reading it. Which often causes many of us to mis-judge someone.

But we're ALL simply mis-understanding each other here with our past hurt or subjective empathy on our sleeves. No one here is trying to purposely put anyone down. We're venting our pasts and very real hurt somewhere it probably doesn't belong. EVERYONE in here, You're absolutely right! And we ALL are in some way. It's all subjective to us and is clearly, very passionate.

We have to remind ourselves sometimes that the majority here are very broken and hurt people. Whether we want to hide it or not. Otherwise, we're going to unknowingly enable and hurt each other even more with our indifference.

 

[RovoR]

Wut I do? PM if ya want.