When might it be too late?

[Midnight Sky]

besides being with a woman is difficult there's always the chance every day she is cheating on you...

:club:

Yeah, there's so much more I wanted to say about that, but oh well.

I might just say something on that
I do understand where the fear comes from... But it is not just men, or just women, that do this... Both can. Both do. Both might. Many will.

Being with anyone is difficult... Especially if your past relationships seemed to follow the pattern of "cheaters" "players" "users"... When you carry this profound fear of being hurt by someone you love, you trust, and you have loyalty to... It's worse than a break up. It's taking everything you desire, everything you know, and turning it upside down.

It makes it harder to have a relationship, with this deep fear. I know this for a fact, and it really starts to make a lot of people paranoid about their future or current relationships.

I am a woman, and have been cheated on several times in previous relationships... Because once they had what they previously desired (me), they were bored and went thrill seeking.

___________________________

I don't think it is ever too late. Unless you make it so, in your head and/or heart.

I've never worried about being cheated on. If there is no trust, there is nothing, and no trust will push people to do things you fear them doing. That's not to say I don't have other worries, they are there, but cheating wont be one of them. Of course, if it's obvious that one is cheating, I will leave them quick. No endless drama and all that, like couples like to do when they got caught cheating. See you no more, I'm out the door. And no second chances.

And I have been cheated on before, but the person I was with, we were gonna split anyway, because I don't wont to be with control types.

 

[jayme89]

maybe i'm a bit of a pessimists but i think it can be too late for some people. if you've gone through both high school and college without ever being in a serious relationship (or having been in one at all) i think chances of finding a match are a lot harder. I'm only speaking from my personal experience because now having graduated and been living in the real world its 1000% harder to even imagine meeting someone and it takes so much more effort.

 

[Triple Bogey]

maybe i'm a bit of a pessimists but i think it can be too late for some people. if you've gone through both high school and college without ever being in a serious relationship (or having been in one at all) i think chances of finding a match are a lot harder. I'm only speaking from my personal experience because now having graduated and been living in the real world its 1000% harder to even imagine meeting someone and it takes so much more effort.

if you have a million to one chance, it's still a chance however slim.

 

[Batman55]

maybe i'm a bit of a pessimists but i think it can be too late for some people. if you've gone through both high school and college without ever being in a serious relationship (or having been in one at all) i think chances of finding a match are a lot harder. I'm only speaking from my personal experience because now having graduated and been living in the real world its 1000% harder to even imagine meeting someone and it takes so much more effort.

But this is the same attitude that sanctions a defeatist attitude. The same attitude that leads you to think giving up is the proper action and that you should just settle for being happy by yourself forever. No life is meant to be lived alone.

 

[Triple Bogey]

my main problem now is meeting nice women who are available and roughly my age

 

[Solivagant]

I don't think a lot of people can empathise with what it's like not to have the slightest indication that a member of the opposite sex has ever found you attractive. Not once.

I can.

I don't think it's ever entirely too late. There are some people who never end up with anyone, but you can't know for sure if you will be one of those people. There always remains a possibility, but I actually agree with jayme that probability decreases under certain circumstances. Same goes for making friends. Keep trying, but I wouldn't say it's unreasonable at some point to temper your expectations. Sometimes it does more harm than good.

But that might just be my own hopelessness talking, so disregard this post if it's not helpful or optimistic enough.

 

[andyluvsfilms]

I have experienced real love just once, i was married for sixteen years, most of them were lovely but we both made mistakes along the way and now we're divorced but good friends. The point im about to make serves me well but it may also help you, i have dated lots in the last five years(mostly from singles websites) but none of these girls could hold a candle to my ex wife and the dates never really went anywhere, the vast majority of them never made it to a second date so im content to say at the age of 41 i probably have one big relationship left in me if im lucky. Take your time, dont get yourself into a situation which you might regret by being with someone you're not destined to be with, there are tons of very unhappy and lonely people that are in a relationship.
Your time will come and maybe mine will too but if you want something special then you're gonna have to be patient and keep smiling.

 

[Midnight Sky]

but none of these girls could hold a candle to my ex wife a

Yeah none of them will work if you expect them to meet the standards set by your ex-wife.

aka comparing.

 

[blackdot]

At about what age should people give serious consideration to giving up and stop actively looking?

I have found as a guy that in the late 30's the odds of finding someone drop exponentially each year you get older. The pool of women is very small and of those looking to date, most aren't actually looking to date.

Once you hit 40, you might as well just throw in the towel and dig a grave so to speak.

 

[Hawx79]

At about what age should people give serious consideration to giving up and stop actively looking?

I have found as a guy that in the late 30's the odds of finding someone drop exponentially each year you get older. The pool of women is very small and of those looking to date, most aren't actually looking to date.

Once you hit 40, you might as well just throw in the towel and dig a grave so to speak.

Now, being single and childless at 40 is actually not so bad as you make it out to be. Its all in the mindset. If you desperately want a relationship then yes you're going to be miserable. But if you look on the bright side then life is much better then.

 

[Rosebolt]

It is too late the second you think it is.

 

[ardour]

I have found as a guy that in the late 30's the odds of finding someone drop exponentially each year you get older. The pool of women is very small and of those looking to date, most aren't actually looking to date.

Once you hit 40, you might as well just throw in the towel and dig a grave so to speak.

okay... well there could be someone a few years younger. It seems acceptable for men approaching middle-age to see with women in their late 20s/early 30s.

 

[Gutted]

I would suggest always keeping an open mind. Looking however. That's up to you. For me, it's not based on age. It's more based on situation. If your life is good enough for you as it is, you might be ready for a relationship so it might be worth looking. Otherwise, work on yourself but keep an open mind.

 

[blackdot]

Now, being single and childless at 40 is actually not so bad as you make it out to be. Its all in the mindset. If you desperately want a relationship then yes you're going to be miserable. But if you look on the bright side then life is much better then.

I would look at the bright side if there was a bright side. So far I have not found any evidence it exists.

---

okay... well there could be someone a few years younger. It seems acceptable for men approaching middle-age to see with women in their late 20s/early 30s.

except women in their 30's do not want to date someone in their 40's.
Plus, women in their 30's don't date anyways.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Now, being single and childless at 40 is actually not so bad as you make it out to be. Its all in the mindset. If you desperately want a relationship then yes you're going to be miserable. But if you look on the bright side then life is much better then.

I would look at the bright side if there was a bright side. So far I have not found any evidence it exists.

---

okay... well there could be someone a few years younger. It seems acceptable for men approaching middle-age to see with women in their late 20s/early 30s.

except women in their 30's do not want to date someone in their 40's.
Plus, women in their 30's don't date anyways.

---

you need to change how you think !

 

[EveWasFramed]

except women in their 30's do not want to date someone in their 40's.
Plus, women in their 30's don't date anyways.

This is simply NOT true.
I dated a guy who was over 40 when I was in my 30s.
I DID date in my 30s.

 

[theraab]

 

[The Replicated Man]

I would say never really give up completely, but do, at a certain age, put it on the back burner and learn to be comfortable with solitude.

Or maybe become a monk or Cardinal or something.

 

[NightHawkJohn]

I would say never give up i the idea you will find someone, you never know and just keep going on with your life but don't obsess over it and focus on getting your life ready for a relationship.

 

[blackdot]

I would say never really give up completely, but do, at a certain age, put it on the back burner and learn to be comfortable with solitude.

Or maybe become a monk or Cardinal or something.

people in college used to tell me I should be a monk.