Who thinks this site is becoming too dysfunctional

[Lonesome Crow]

No, we were debating. I don't feel threatened by someone having a different opinion than my own - it would be a boring world if we all agreed

I think you should agree to send me your credit card account number...
I'll garantee, it won't be boring.

 

[Naval_Fluff]

lol It would be nice if all the people in Xbox live could agree..or the people playing WoW for that matter. =/

 

[Zak]

Sometimes you have to be what you want to see in the world. It's easy to gripe and bitch about things but, instead of pointing fingers....sometimes you just need to be proactive and get off your collective ***** and be the change you want to see.

You want a site with more support? Take it on yourself to be the supporter of the people who come here. You don't need a mods hat for that. A perceived click can't stop you from that. You want friendly and interactive? Take it on yourself to be that to everyone who is here. Don't expect change unless you are willing to be that change and don't make up excuses and blame the way things are on other people. No one is holding anyone back from answering posts and supporting other people or trying to be anyones friend. Let change begin with YOU.

But alas, I know from experience of being here that only a few choose to do so. There are plenty of complainers and not enough people who will take it upon themselves to make this place better. To everyone who wants this place to be better, I challange YOU to make it better. Post positive things, be the friend you want to find, be the support you wish to recieve. There is so much ME ME ME in this forum. THAT is why this isnt a COMMUNITY. MY feelings, MY loneliness, my this and my that! And then so many wonder why this forum is the way it is. If people could stop for one day, JUST ONE, and forget about thier own selfish desires, and reach out a hand to someone else here, I wonder how that would be? Yet in all honesty, I don't believe it will ever happen. Not because of some friendly group or because of the mods but, because no one wants to take responsibility and I know as sure as I am writing these words...they will go by unnoticed because it is not what most people want to hear. It's easier to balme everyone else instead of taking some responsibilitilty. I would like for everyone here tot ask themselves what have you done for this forum lately? Infact, I am most tempted to make this question a thread.

And Minus, I agree with you. Anyone who wants to see helpful advice should take it on themselves to research the internet and post it.

I didn't want this post to go unnoticed, so I just quoted it again.

Now to add my views to the thread,

If you feel there is a group of people here who knows each other pretty well and only they stay here and talk and outsiders are not allowed into that, as in like a high school, then you should know that we were all newbies at some point and started a friendship through this forum. It's not like we wont allow new members to be our freinds. You feel this as a small group because this is the usual crowd in chat and people know pretty well about each other there cos it's a live chat and we can ofcourse talk more there. If you feel like you are sitting outside just watching us, feeling that you have been left out and not allowed to be in the group (there aint such a group to start with though) then whose fault is it? Our's or your's? Why dont u take more initiative to introduce yourself and make a bit more thoughtful threads or why don't you pm some people to get to know them well? As long as you don't do it, no body is gonna force you to start a friendship with other person. Ofcourse there will be people who doesnt reply to pms and your threads might not get the good response as you expected, but if you are giving up with a few tries, then it would be pretty difficult for you to continue a friendship without complaining even if you make one. It's YOU and only YOU who are supposed to take the first step other than complaining about the forum. We all are individuals like YOU and this is just another friendship forum, just that it's for lonely people. This is NOT any counseling forum (with loads of counselors asking for money to hear about your problems) for people here to talk to everyone and ask about their problems. It's just another internet forum with a bit more friendly crowd and that's about it. "A BIT MORE". If you thought it's anything bigger, then I'm sorry to inform you, it's nothing more than that. So please don't expect anything from here other than what you get of a forum and please dont diss the forum when it's not matching your expectations.

Thankyou

 

[EveWasFramed]

Where is that "applaud" smiley when I need it? (D) lol

 

[Estreen]

I pretty much second what Zak and Nal said.

What do people expect from a forum on the internet? Do you expect it to fix all of your problems, heal the sick, feed the poor, etc.? =P

I'm not trying to be insulting, and forgive me if this comes off that way, but...it's just a bit ridiculous. Like Zak said, it's just an internet forum. People come here to talk. If you don't find it to your liking...there are millions more out there. Another simple Google search is all that is required.

This isn't to say that I'd like to see people leave, but...you've gotta look out for yourself, and if this place isn't fulfilling your needs, then you need to ask yourself if it's worth staying here.

 

[Minus]

Where is that "applaud" smiley when I need it? (D) lol

 

[EveWasFramed]

aww Thanks, Minus!!!!!! lol

 

[Minus]

.... If you don't find it to your liking...there are millions more out there. Another simple Google search is all that is required.

This isn't to say that I'd like to see people leave, but...you've gotta look out for yourself, and if this place isn't fulfilling your needs, then you need to ask yourself if it's worth staying here.

I have been on quite a number of forums. Some i have had disagreements with how they are run or some of the things happening on them. Some met my needs for a while but later no longer served any purpose for me.

I wasn't chained to any of them. If it served some purpose for me then i stayed, if it didn't then i was on to the next one.

It would be nice if one forum could be all things to all people but i just don't see that happening so i have to find the ones that are right for me. Even at that i couldn't claim that any are perfect but they do their best and i get from them what i can and offer to them what i can.

 

[Steel]

Well said Minus.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I'm responsible for my own happiness and life.

#1. I'm powerless over people, places and things and my life had become unmanageable.

As in anything else..Even support groups that I attend in real life.
The same message, the same principle or the same truth of it all comes into light.
Simply becuase people from all walks of life attend these meetings.

These sametype of discussions gets brought up every so often.
The complainer...always gatta be complaining about something.
Things ought to be this way, that should be run a better way...etc.
There are service positions to be filled, floor to be mopped, literature to be printed,
many bussiness meetings to attend to keep the doors open for people to attend...

The complainers always have an excuse why they can't participate or do service work.
Becuase it's all about me...me....me. I come here to get what I need to get and you all
have your head up your ass becuase I'm not happy...

And of course..the people that's been doing service work with the titles as "secutaries"...etc
gets persaonally attack and redicue, of what ****** up job they been doing by the complainers.

And of course...say the same stupid **** in so many different ways..
" Goldcard membership only" by the complainers.


I stop leaning on people, place, and things for my happiness.
It requires that I get real, honest, and clear with myself. Know thyself.
They comes a time in everyone's recovery that a person relized..they should
stop leaning on the group also...as a person heals and grow.
The principle of step #1 is applied with greater clearity.

A group's dynamic will simply change over time..as different members attend or not attend.
A group has a life of it's own. No one is in control of it.

Because a peron rather work on something else...
FIX other people, places and things instead of working on themselves.
A place = a forum or even a support group.

"I can only change myself and not anyone else"...It's the simple fact of life.
It is why these message continues from the begining of mankind to today.

Another cool message is "check your fucken motive"

 

[Oceanmist23]

I second what Nal, Zak and Minus has said, and Nal's post didn't go unnoticed by me either.
What I'm about to say might be a mess of things cos my thoughts are messy right now, but some of it should be relevant at least lol.

I remember back in November when I was still kinda fresh here, and made a thread about how I didn't understand why some people just stopped PMing me after a while without saying why.
It was quite interesting reading people's reasons for not replying to PMs, and it made me realise it wasn't like I thought.

I reached out to people and people reached out to me, sometimes just for causal chats, other times for help with loneliness and other problems. I didn't exactly like it when people I'd had good conversations with would suddenly stop PMing me, and it did somewhat put me off reaching out to other members.

Then I saw people's replies to my thread and someone replied saying they wanted PMs. I decided to reach out to them and what did I get when I wasn't even asking for anything in return? The greatest friend anyone could ask for

Maybe this is just me, but I believe positive things, big or small, will happen to those who do positive things for others as well as themselves. If for example a person go all their life asking for help without ever having helped anyone or themselves, how can they expect someone to help them?

You just gotta keep trying. Continue to reach out to people and people will reach out to you. I do my best to help people when I see posts I feel I can give a decent reply to, and people do the same for me. If I want more friends or want to see more positive things on this forum it helps to reach out to people. Just like if I want a job it helps to apply for jobs lol. Or, you can't expect to have a chance at winning the lottery if you never play

In a nutshell: You get what you give.

 

[Fergus]

Too many Americans on this site.

Farewell.

 

[Twitchy]

It's funny, but I often end up talking to the people that have left this website and try to listen as they tell me how much it sucks. :/ For someone accused of never contributing to a place, I seem to end up cleaning up a great deal of it's messes. I'm not sure how I ended up with that job, but it's completely thankless and it really shouldn't be my problem to begin with.

I don't see anyone else running after these people trying to provide comfort or answers. Maybe some of you should "give" a little as well.

 

[Zak]

It's funny, but I often end up talking to the people that have left this website and try to listen as they tell me how much it sucks. :/ For someone accused of never contributing to a place, I seem to end up cleaning up a great deal of it's messes. I'm not sure how I ended up with that job, but it's completely thankless and it really shouldn't be my problem to begin with.

I don't see anyone else running after these people trying to provide comfort or answers. Maybe some of you should "give" a little as well.

At-least you are doing your part in listening to what they say 'after' they leave. Congrats and how is it our concern in anyway? Well it's definitely not mine. If they wanna stay, then they can, if they don't wanna stay, then they are all welcome to leave too. It's not like anybody is abusing them verbally or insulting them in anyway "forcibly" making them leave. They leave on their own will. So what do you mean cleaning up messes in the first place? "YOU" are also a member of this forum. If you think we are making a mess over here by not talking to people, then you are responsible to that too in a way. If anybody didn't like this place or the crowd here, then it's their choice, not ours and your way of distinguishing things are just pathetic like "I seem to end up cleaning up a great deal of it's messes" like as in you are cleaning up the mess 'we' make and what mess?. What the hell? Well who asked you to? We aren't getting paid to talk to anybody or "NOR" did we sign any contract at the time we signed up which says "we will definitely talk to everyone who registers". It's our personal choice whether if we want to talk to someone and whether if we don't. Like I said, this isn't any counseling website. This is just another forum and I don't give a jack if you contribute to it or not. It's for you to decide whether you should or shouldn't.

"You don't see anyone else running after the people who leave, trying to provide comfort or answers?" You know why I don't run behind them? It's simple. Because I "dont" want to. It's my choice and not anyone else's. People just can't say the forum sucks for that reason. You are forgetting again that this is just a forum and nothing else than that. People have their own choices and they are not bound to stick to any rules or any particular behaviour.

 

[EveWasFramed]

rawr!!!!!

 

[Steel]

Too many Americans on this site.

Farewell.

Actually, I resent this, and I am not American. To me, you may as well have said "too many *insert minority here*"... a majority does not excuse predjudice.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

It's funny, but I often end up talking to the people that have left this website and try to listen as they tell me how much it sucks. :/ For someone accused of never contributing to a place, I seem to end up cleaning up a great deal of it's messes. I'm not sure how I ended up with that job, but it's completely thankless and it really shouldn't be my problem to begin with.

I don't see anyone else running after these people trying to provide comfort or answers. Maybe some of you should "give" a little as well.

No one gave you that job. That's just self promoting and self grandiose.


You mean talk to people that got banned ?

Hell No... I don't run after people that chose to go out and relapsed.
It's call enabling. Fixing other people, places and things instead of fixing youself.

When you enable people..the sickness is contagious. It's unhealthy.

A group is autonomous and have no opinions on outside issues.
A group is an entity that has a life of it's own.
A group can stand it's own..meaning it dosn't lean on a single person either.
It also means a group can live and survive without a person or a member.

At the end of the day...no matter how anyone wants to spin it.
People are going to do and say whatever the hell they're going to do.
Back to step #1.

Principles before personalities...
I would say.." I don't really give a **** or a rats ass what anyone say about me."
Others would say..." Don't enternalize what other people think or do"
Some would say " Don't worry what other people think or say"

This holds me accountiable and responsible for my happiness and life at the very core of me.
It's also good for myself esteem or self worth. It's freedom.

 

[Naval_Fluff]

As I said before..this thread is slowly declining into dysfunctional madness have fun with it guys

 

[Steel]

As I said before..this thread is slowly declining into dysfunctional madness have fun with it guys

You make a good point. It is just declining. Thread closed.