Why Are You Alone?

[Triple Bogey]

Why do you think you are unsuccessful at socializing?

I don't like attention. When I am in a group, I just go quiet and nobody notices me. I don't try and compete with people who love attention. I don't like showing off either.

 

[benj]

Same as above - dissappear into the background in groups, hate competing conversationally. Also probably depressed and have lost the sense of humour that is vital in conversation, also convey to others by body language etc that I'm not interested in them, when actually it's just nerves or I'm trying to think of the next thing.
Thing I got nervous about interacting and lost the knack when I wasn't particularly good at it to start of with.
I also blame smoking too much weed alone for 8 years for this. T

 

[rayeo]

im alone because I chose to.. for now I want to live a simple, slow-paced life, be who I am, make decisions on my own...and aside from that I just got tired of being around some hypocrites, fair-weather and social climber people.

+1

+2

I haven't really stepped out of my house in 3 years to meet anyone after agoraphobia/anxiety happened to me. And most people who first meet me don't care to know me or we don't have the same interests. But I'm alright with that.

 

[5pt7art]

at one point i had freinds...that ended for a long period...now i rarely go out..i dont have nothing to talk about since ive been at this for almost 4 years...i cant realate to anyone anymore

 

[edgecrusher]

Going to sound extremely arrogant but I simply cannot connect to people on an intellectual level. I don't care about sports, Miley Cyrus, gossip, etc. I pretty much have nothing in common with people my age (24) When I communicate with people I want to learn something useful or interesting and as part of that exchange I would love to give something useful or interesting in return otherwise the interaction isn't worth my time. I can rarely find a person who seeks the same thing, so, I'm alone.

This is me to an extent as well. I am a male that has no interest in quite a few "manly" things like sports, cars, guns/hunting, etc. I also don't care about celebrities, gossip, etc. I like things that make me think and question life, or things that evoke emotion from me. I mean... I am a 32 year old male who's eyes water up at the end of Wall-E, lol. I find it hard to make a legitimate connection with people because... and I will likely sound arrogant or pretentious to most but, most people are just too... simple. It seems like most bite on every ridiculous thing/trend that society offers without putting much thought into anything. Maybe I'm the one who's weird because I question and think about everything. I don't know. I just know I feel out of place in most social situations because of this.

 

[Rainbows]

Because I want to be left alone.

 

[ardour]

Not alone exactly. I fall well below most people's standards. Goblin face, not funny, intelligent or creatively inclined. Life experience is very limited.

 

[Darkness]

The darkness conquered my inner light.

 

[lonelyfairy]

I'm not alone anymore, I haven't been for months, thank you so much for my dear boyfriend. BUT I have chosen to let only very very few person to close me.

 

[Siertes]

I have no passion for life/living. I'm a nice enough guy who gets along with plenty of people, am fairly fit and not atrociously ugly. I just don't care about a lot of things and people can see that easily. I've been told I have a cute and lovely smile, but that means nothing if you have dead eyes.

 

[Yoosha]

Because of my awkwardness and silence. Couple years ago I started hanging out with new 'friends', but then they started making fun of my quietness, I felt like an outsider around them so I chose to be alone instead and ignored their calls and invitations which I now regret it. Loneliness is horrible!!!

 

[neuromai]

I have to work and study hard to make a life for myself and I don't share the same perspective as others, which I find a huge challenge. Another factor is that I look young for my age and people never take me seriously.

People expect me to be a certain way and when it does not meet their judgement it goes into some weird direction.

 

[Peaches]

Going to sound extremely arrogant but I simply cannot connect to people on an intellectual level. I don't care about sports, Miley Cyrus, gossip, etc. I pretty much have nothing in common with people my age (24) When I communicate with people I want to learn something useful or interesting and as part of that exchange I would love to give something useful or interesting in return otherwise the interaction isn't worth my time. I can rarely find a person who seeks the same thing, so, I'm alone.

This is me to an extent as well. I am a male that has no interest in quite a few "manly" things like sports, cars, guns/hunting, etc. I also don't care about celebrities, gossip, etc. I like things that make me think and question life, or things that evoke emotion from me. I mean... I am a 32 year old male who's eyes water up at the end of Wall-E, lol. I find it hard to make a legitimate connection with people because... and I will likely sound arrogant or pretentious to most but, most people are just too... simple. It seems like most bite on every ridiculous thing/trend that society offers without putting much thought into anything. Maybe I'm the one who's weird because I question and think about everything. I don't know. I just know I feel out of place in most social situations because of this.

Just by reading this I feel better about the world it's a pity that where you live all those young people are into Miley Cyrus etc, or hunting, yuck
wish you to find your own tribe soon

 

[Blue Thunder]

Going to sound extremely arrogant but I simply cannot connect to people on an intellectual level. I don't care about sports, Miley Cyrus, gossip, etc. I pretty much have nothing in common with people my age (24) When I communicate with people I want to learn something useful or interesting and as part of that exchange I would love to give something useful or interesting in return otherwise the interaction isn't worth my time. I can rarely find a person who seeks the same thing, so, I'm alone.

This is me to an extent as well. I am a male that has no interest in quite a few "manly" things like sports, cars, guns/hunting, etc. I also don't care about celebrities, gossip, etc. I like things that make me think and question life, or things that evoke emotion from me. I mean... I am a 32 year old male who's eyes water up at the end of Wall-E, lol. I find it hard to make a legitimate connection with people because... and I will likely sound arrogant or pretentious to most but, most people are just too... simple. It seems like most bite on every ridiculous thing/trend that society offers without putting much thought into anything. Maybe I'm the one who's weird because I question and think about everything. I don't know. I just know I feel out of place in most social situations because of this.

I can identify with both of you to an extent. I don't particularly align myself with my assigned "gender role" as a straight male. I suppose I'm what some would derisively call a "beta male," but I see this distinction as a mark of pride because it means that I am capable of showing emotional intelligence and sensitivity (the song "Sensitive" by the Field Mice is practically my anthem ). I'm 24 and can't stand most of what is produced for widespread consumption in my age group these days; I prefer discovering older, sometimes obscure things to enjoy. I listen to a lot of music, and am fond of a lot of rock and pop from the 60s, 70s, and 80s as well as jazz from the 50s to the 70s. I love reading books about philosophy, art, and architecture and going to museums to learn new things. As a result of my decidedly unpopular interests it can be tough finding people with whom I can share a conversation. Many people I meet don't know who Sun Ra and Arthur Russell are, which is understandable as I couldn't expect them to, but regrettably some my age don't even know anything about Miles Davis. I probably sound conceited here, but it's the way I feel and it's an important factor in my social life (or lack thereof).

Oh, and I also cried while watching Wall-E! lol.

 

[Blue Thunder]

I have to work and study hard to make a life for myself and I don't share the same perspective as others, which I find a huge challenge. Another factor is that I look young for my age and people never take me seriously.

People expect me to be a certain way and when it does not meet their judgement it goes into some weird direction.

Looking young for your age is really not a bad thing depending on how old you are. Consider the alternative: I look significantly older than I actually am because my severe oily skin issues have made the pores on my face gigantic. Of course, the proverbial grass may appear to be greener on the other side, but regardless I think there may be a way to spin this "issue" and convert it into an asset. Likewise, working and studying hard may be difficult for you but others may find your determination, experience, and knowledge that come along with this way of life admirable. Once again, I don't know the specifics of your situation, so forgive me if I'm incorrect. Lastly, I would also point out that you can't possibly know what people expect out of you unless it is explicitly stated (as in a job posting) or suggested through "social norms."

I don't intend to belittle any of your concerns, I just wanted to demonstrate that there may be ways to rethink some of the issues you posted and feel more confident about them.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Because I'm so awesome, I haven't found the person to compliment me.

 

[ZombieTurtle]

Because I have to be.

 

[Realist]

The lack of social relationships have made me reject those present or future opportunities. Social phobia and social isolation have made me alone. The latter is my fault.

---

Why do you think you are unsuccessful at socializing?

I can socialize when it's necessary, but it's too much work, work im not willing to make when I can avoid it.

Same here but I guess I was meant to be social but I reject it even though I should embrace it and just step out of my comfort zone. Were just making excuses to not have some responsibility in life. Its much easier to live in isolation with no responsibility than live happy and have things to live for.

 

[neuromai]

I have to work and study hard to make a life for myself and I don't share the same perspective as others, which I find a huge challenge. Another factor is that I look young for my age and people never take me seriously.

People expect me to be a certain way and when it does not meet their judgement it goes into some weird direction.

Looking young for your age is really not a bad thing depending on how old you are. Consider the alternative: I look significantly older than I actually am because my severe oily skin issues have made the pores on my face gigantic. Of course, the proverbial grass may appear to be greener on the other side, but regardless I think there may be a way to spin this "issue" and convert it into an asset. Likewise, working and studying hard may be difficult for you but others may find your determination, experience, and knowledge that come along with this way of life admirable. Once again, I don't know the specifics of your situation, so forgive me if I'm incorrect. Lastly, I would also point out that you can't possibly know what people expect out of you unless it is explicitly stated (as in a job posting) or suggested through "social norms."

I don't intend to belittle any of your concerns, I just wanted to demonstrate that there may be ways to rethink some of the issues you posted and feel more confident about them.

I never thought about it that way turning an issues into and asset, so I thank you for that! With the expectation of others, I've been told to my face by family, encounter, and co-workers. Especially with social norms which an "oi vey".

 

[The Replicated Man]

I don't know. Everyone around me seems so transparent and shallow and disinterested. Untrustworthy. I could be the problem but I'm nor sire how or why. I do love socializing. Just never take it past the banter stage.