Why are You Lonely?

[HellsLittleAngel]

As the title implies, why are you lonely? What makes you feel this way? What have you done for yourself to keep you from feeling this way?

 

[TheSkaFish]

I'm lonely, basically, because I don't have anything going for me.

At first I didn't do anything about it because I thought I wouldn't be able to until I got through college, and all I could do until then, was go through the motions and wait my turn.

For a long time, I didn't try to improve because I felt so insulted and angry for being treated like this, but I thought it was just the way I was, I couldn't help it, I didn't like it but I felt like there was nothing I could do. For me to try to improve, I felt like I was acknowledging the a**holes as being "right".

At the same time, I worry that I'm not able to do anything about it regardless, because I feel I wasn't born with it.
I worry that you need to be born with enough capacity to improve at things, and with the right kind of mind, for it to have any meaningful, significant effect.

I've tried improving in various ways, but it's never really worked very well.

I don't know what to get interested in doing, or where to fit in, because I don't know what I can get good at, if anything.

 

[HellsLittleAngel]

I'm lonely, basically, because I don't have anything going for me.

At first I didn't do anything about it because I thought I wouldn't be able to until I got through college, and all I could do until then, was go through the motions and wait my turn.

For a long time, I didn't try to improve because I felt so insulted and angry for being treated like this, but I thought it was just the way I was, I couldn't help it, I didn't like it but I felt like there was nothing I could do. For me to try to improve, I felt like I was acknowledging the a**holes as being "right".

At the same time, I worry that I'm not able to do anything about it regardless, because I feel I wasn't born with it.
I worry that you need to be born with enough capacity to improve at things, and with the right kind of mind, for it to have any meaningful, significant effect.

I've tried improving in various ways, but it's never really worked very well.

I don't know what to get interested in doing, or where to fit in, because I don't know what I can get good at, if anything.

I'm sure you have a lot of things going for you. Sometimes, you just have to kick back, quiet your mind, and do some soul searching. We all have a purpose in life, and all deserve to be here. What were you treated as? Why do you feel this way? What weren't you born with? What makes you feel the way you are? Is there something you have that others see different or what?

 

[kaetic]

It's complicated, but these days it's just living alone can get lonely sometimes.

What led you to joining the forum, @HellsLittleAngel ?

 

[HellsLittleAngel]

It's complicated, but these days it's just living alone can get lonely sometimes.

What led you to joining the forum, @HellsLittleAngel ?

I joined out of curiosity, to help others with their own issues that I've dealt with & healed from, as well as to have fun. Believe it or not, but I'm a mental health advocate and have been on several mental health forums as well as Fb groups. I've since left the Fb groups, because Fb itself is very disorganized. I like forums like this, as they're well organized. I've already helped a great deal of people, and I continue to do so.

 

[kaetic]

I joined out of curiosity, to help others with their own issues that I've dealt with & healed from, as well as to have fun. Believe it or not, but I'm a mental health advocate and have been on several mental health forums as well as Fb groups. I've since left the Fb groups, because Fb itself is very disorganized. I like forums like this, as they're well organized. I've already helped a great deal of people, and I continue to do so.

Yeah I'm not a fan of Facebook myself, or most social media in general. It's too easy to start comparing yourself to others, and get depressed because you aren't as happy as other people appear to be. After all, most people aren't going to share their failures, they'll want to brag about the good things that happen.

Heard this saying recently "comparison is the thief of joy" so true.

But it is usually easier to see the good qualities in others than it is to recognize our own.

I think it's nice you want to help people, even in your downtime. I imagine that's a very stressful job, but a very fulfilling one when things go well.

 

[HellsLittleAngel]

Yeah I'm not a fan of Facebook myself, or most social media in general. It's too easy to start comparing yourself to others, and get depressed because you aren't as happy as other people appear to be. After all, most people aren't going to share their failures, they'll want to brag about the good things that happen.

Heard this saying recently "comparison is the thief of joy" so true.

But it is usually easier to see the good qualities in others than it is to recognize our own.

I think it's nice you want to help people, even in your downtime. I imagine that's a very stressful job, but a very fulfilling one when things go well.

Yes, it is very fulfilling, yet draining. You have to learn to protect your own energy in that type of field. I have Fb, but barely post there. I'm a very private person and don't post my life on Fb, like a lot of people do. I like it the way it used to be, but since it's changed, not a big fan and use it mainly for messenger. That's very true about comparison. I don't compare myself to anyone, but I used to a lot before I healed. It's just a waste of time and energy. Never compare yourself to others as you'll fail trying to perfect yourself by trying to live up to someone else's standards, which will cause massive depression. Thank you for the compliment.

 

[Riven]

I'm lonely because I have experienced trauma from the actions of people I loved, and this in turn makes me distrustful of people.
I'm lonely because of an uncommon worldview and experience (due to mental health and a strange religious past), so I don't have much in common with most people.
I'm lonely because I have been unable to find God or a connection to something beyond the material, since I don't trust hearsay, and these beings don't say much themselves except through very subjective means.
I'm lonely because I feel irrelevant, like what I say is just a waste (including this post); just a whisper amidst a choir of screams.
I'm lonely because I see a world abandoned to destruction, teetering on the precipice of an abyss, with no hand to save it. (It is not catastrophizing from depression, but a reasoned opinion.)
I'm lonely because I can't find value in the pleasures of life, since our inevitable death renders it all meaningless.

I have improved my self worth over the years, so the reduced need for external validation has helped a lot.
I have learned to be present in the moment, to enjoy the simple small things. So I'm lonely, but not without joy. My pets, nature, music, movies, any art in general are all a source of joy.
I have tried reaching out to family, though its a challenge. But their company does not really solve feeling alone somehow, since I don't feel I can be myself with them probably.
I have tried dating apps, but I found most relationships to be very carnal with all things considered. Physical intimacy alone doesn't seem to be the solution to my type of loneliness, although I seem to confuse the need sometimes.
I have developed a keen interest in Jungian psychology, and the process of integration. Creative writing in an exercise of 'active imagination' has basically cured my depression, preventing depths of depression by giving a voice to my subconscious/unconscious troubles. They voice presents as diverse characters in my fictional stories; archetypes like the orphan, persona, hero, warrior, shadow and most distinctly as in my dreams - the anima. Maybe my loneliness is a result of a need to integrate the anima, I'm not sure, or a combination of many.

I think my biggest problem is the fight between a need for companionship, love, the need for someone who cares enough to take care of me, against a spiritual need that transcends a physical world that is doomed to wither and perish. The fight is: Between material things and spiritual things, which is meaningful? Some say a balance is good, but the most respected religious icons show that the spirit is the only meaningful option, living ascetic or self-denying lives. Unfortunately, every time I get close to someone, this view spoils it all. Maybe I need just friendship and not love.

I'm lonely because I write lengthy posts on forums, oversharing and scaring or boring people I guess.

 

[Unsigned]

Why are You Lonely?​

- Lack of meaningful female companionship. It's as simple as that.

 

[HellsLittleAngel]

Why are You Lonely?​

- Lack of meaningful female companionship. It's as simple as that.

Understandable.

 

[HellsLittleAngel]

I'm lonely because I have experienced trauma from the actions of people I loved, and this in turn makes me distrustful of people.
I'm lonely because of an uncommon worldview and experience (due to mental health and a strange religious past), so I don't have much in common with most people.
I'm lonely because I have been unable to find God or a connection to something beyond the material, since I don't trust hearsay, and these beings don't say much themselves except through very subjective means.
I'm lonely because I feel irrelevant, like what I say is just a waste (including this post); just a whisper amidst a choir of screams.
I'm lonely because I see a world abandoned to destruction, teetering on the precipice of an abyss, with no hand to save it. (It is not catastrophizing from depression, but a reasoned opinion.)
I'm lonely because I can't find value in the pleasures of life, since our inevitable death renders it all meaningless.

I have improved my self worth over the years, so the reduced need for external validation has helped a lot.
I have learned to be present in the moment, to enjoy the simple small things. So I'm lonely, but not without joy. My pets, nature, music, movies, any art in general are all a source of joy.
I have tried reaching out to family, though its a challenge. But their company does not really solve feeling alone somehow, since I don't feel I can be myself with them probably.
I have tried dating apps, but I found most relationships to be very carnal with all things considered. Physical intimacy alone doesn't seem to be the solution to my type of loneliness, although I seem to confuse the need sometimes.
I have developed a keen interest in Jungian psychology, and the process of integration. Creative writing in an exercise of 'active imagination' has basically cured my depression, preventing depths of depression by giving a voice to my subconscious/unconscious troubles. They voice presents as diverse characters in my fictional stories; archetypes like the orphan, persona, hero, warrior, shadow and most distinctly as in my dreams - the anima. Maybe my loneliness is a result of a need to integrate the anima, I'm not sure, or a combination of many.

I think my biggest problem is the fight between a need for companionship, love, the need for someone who cares enough to take care of me, against a spiritual need that transcends a physical world that is doomed to wither and perish. The fight is: Between material things and spiritual things, which is meaningful? Some say a balance is good, but the most respected religious icons show that the spirit is the only meaningful option, living ascetic or self-denying lives. Unfortunately, every time I get close to someone, this view spoils it all. Maybe I need just friendship and not love.

I'm lonely because I write lengthy posts on forums, oversharing and scaring or boring people I guess.

I'm sorry to hear about this. I can understand why. You have a lot of knowledge and insight into your feelings too. I wonder things sometimes too, but try to live my life the best that I can for myself, regardless of the ups & downs.

 

[Ace Face]

Why are You Lonely?​

- Lack of meaningful female companionship. It's as simple as that.

Il get you one

 

[Ace Face]

I'm isolated and don't have any friends at all, Oscar is sick of me talking his ear off

 

[Murakami_1]

Yes, it is very fulfilling, yet draining. You have to learn to protect your own energy in that type of field. I have Fb, but barely post there. I'm a very private person and don't post my life on Fb, like a lot of people do. I like it the way it used to be, but since it's changed, not a big fan and use it mainly for messenger. That's very true about comparison. I don't compare myself to anyone, but I used to a lot before I healed. It's just a waste of time and energy. Never compare yourself to others as you'll fail trying to perfect yourself by trying to live up to someone else's standards, which will cause massive depression. Thank you for the compliment.

Very noble though, gives me a bit of hope lol