Why can't I find someone that wants me?

[ShybutHi]

Now no longer a virgin they are seen as "dirtied". However, that is not the case. So while many of us think virginity as a pure/dirty label, it is really about feelings and commitment.

Why wait till after marriage? Because who gets married just to divorce? Divorce is a tedious process and sometimes expensive even at its cheapest. So if wait till you marry, you can most of the time trust them. Afterall, every relationship is about trust.

Yes it is all about feelings and commitment, personally I still believe love can flourish in a relationship well before marriage. Not being a virgin is certainly not dirty at all, it just depends on your perception of sex in the end. I kind of feel sorry for those people who go around sleeping with multiple different people and the reason for that is because I think it devalues sex. It is a very intimate act and should be between two people who love each other.

Honestly I do not think you can trust having a ring on your finger so much in this day and age in general. It depends all on the perception and values of the person in the end and how much they value it. Divorce rates nowadays are actually incredibly high if you look at the statistics. There are also a lot of people out there who marry for different reasons than love including money, convenience, status or even for sex.

 

[aloneforever]

im a little confused..should i wait? or no? how will i know if he loves me if its before marriage? i mean, i know i dont have much experience with men but i do know that just because they say "I love you" doesnt mean that its true, right?

Now no longer a virgin they are seen as "dirtied". However, that is not the case. So while many of us think virginity as a pure/dirty label, it is really about feelings and commitment.

Why wait till after marriage? Because who gets married just to divorce? Divorce is a tedious process and sometimes expensive even at its cheapest. So if wait till you marry, you can most of the time trust them. Afterall, every relationship is about trust.

Yes it is all about feelings and commitment, personally I still believe love can flourish in a relationship well before marriage. Not being a virgin is certainly not dirty at all, it just depends on your perception of sex in the end. I kind of feel sorry for those people who go around sleeping with multiple different people and the reason for that is because I think it devalues sex. It is a very intimate act and should be between two people who love each other.

Honestly I do not think you can trust having a ring on your finger so much in this day and age in general. It depends all on the perception and values of the person in the end and how much they value it. Divorce rates nowadays are actually incredibly high if you look at the statistics. There are also a lot of people out there who marry for different reasons than love including money, convenience, status or even for sex.

 

[LonesomeLoner]

I hate how being a virgin makes people act/feel different. I'm 'almost' a virgin and I know I'd much rather still have my virginity

 

[ShybutHi]

Really it is totally up to you in the end aloneforever. I think it depends just how much you trust the person and your interpretation on if they are honest and really mean the words they say. It totally depends on the persons personality and it depends on how much they value those special words. You need to make a judgment on if you really think the person really means those words.

 

[KingEzio]

Honestly, I find it kind of refreshing to see that you want to keep your virginity. I am a college student and I share the same values as you do. If I started dating a girl and she told me she was a virgin I would think it's sweet. I personally am going to wait until I found a girl that I believe is the one for me, and she may not be in the end, but I am willing if I love her that much.

 

[aloneforever]

thank you! i hope you find her one day!!

Honestly, I find it kind of refreshing to see that you want to keep your virginity. I am a college student and I share the same values as you do. If I started dating a girl and she told me she was a virgin I would think it's sweet. I personally am going to wait until I found a girl that I believe is the one for me, and she may not be in the end, but I am willing if I love her that much.

 

[KingEzio]

thank you! i hope you find her one day!!

Honestly, I find it kind of refreshing to see that you want to keep your virginity. I am a college student and I share the same values as you do. If I started dating a girl and she told me she was a virgin I would think it's sweet. I personally am going to wait until I found a girl that I believe is the one for me, and she may not be in the end, but I am willing if I love her that much.

Your very welcome and I hope we both find that special person one day

 

[Shadow]

I don't really see why it would not be as special. You can certainly love someone before you actually get married to them, so why is it that sex is more special after you are married?

How many people have said the words "I love you" in a relationship, yet have every photo of you destroyed once the relationship has ended. Love is deeper than words, it's an overwhelming emotional bond and connection between two people. The type of love expressed in the act of sex should be done solely with the partner you wish to spend the rest of your life with... the one that you truly love. In the sanctity of marriage, love is abundant and everlasting.

This standard is backed by the ideal that divorce is never an option or should be considered. Marriage is a commitment that extends far beyond that of a 'loving relationship' between a girlfriend and boyfriend. Someone who would argue that divorce is prevalent in society and possible in a marriage, thus it has no greater impact on love than a common relationship because it can just as likely 'end', have already lowered the standard of what they call marriage and have devalued it. So what then is their value of sex?? When you place such little emphasis on sex, the act of love, that is what makes it "less special". Once the commitment to one another has been made through marriage, the commitment of each others flesh can be made.

People like myself and the original poster don't wish to commit our bodies to numerous people through several failed relationships. Once that is done, people become so desensitized to idea of sex that it becomes just that.... sex, not love. People who leave you for knowing that you wish to wait, do it because they have no intentions of you being their only partner for the rest of their life. They think, "I don't get to have sex until I commit myself to marriage with this woman. I don't want to make that commitment or think about it at this point in life." The timing for them in "inconvenient". They're not looking for someone to love for the rest of their life, they're looking for someone for the time being. Thus, they don't love you, so why share the ACT of love with them? If they love you, they will wait.

 

[ShybutHi]

I don't really see why it would not be as special. You can certainly love someone before you actually get married to them, so why is it that sex is more special after you are married?

How many people have said the words "I love you" in a relationship, yet have every photo of you destroyed once the relationship has ended. Love is deeper than words, it's an overwhelming emotional bond and connection between two people. The type of love expressed in the act of sex should be done solely with the partner you wish to spend the rest of your life with... the one that you truly love. In the sanctity of marriage, love is abundant and everlasting.

This standard is backed by the ideal that divorce is never an option or should be considered. Marriage is a commitment that extends far beyond that of a 'loving relationship' between a girlfriend and boyfriend. Someone who would argue that divorce is prevalent in society and possible in a marriage, thus it has no greater impact on love than a common relationship because it can just as likely 'end', have already lowered the standard of what they call marriage and have devalued it. So what then is their value of sex?? When you place such little emphasis on sex, the act of love, that is what makes it "less special". Once the commitment to one another has been made through marriage, the commitment of each others flesh can be made.

People like myself and the original poster don't wish to commit our bodies to numerous people through several failed relationships. Once that is done, people become so desensitized to idea of sex that it becomes just that.... sex, not love. People who leave you for knowing that you wish to wait, do it because they have no intentions of you being their only partner for the rest of their life. They think, "I don't get to have sex until I commit myself to marriage with this woman. I don't want to make that commitment or think about it at this point in life." The timing for them in "inconvenient". They're not looking for someone to love for the rest of their life, they're looking for someone for the time being. Thus, they don't love you, so why share the ACT of love with them? If they love you, they will wait.

I still believe it completely depends on the people involved. It depends on how much the people value those words and how honest they are when they use them. Many people say they "love" someone in a relationship and that is because love is actually something which is subjective, there is no real clear definition and so it depends on the person, how he/she uses it and how much the person values the words.

Love can of course be there in a relationship before marriage otherwise marriage would just basically be a complete risk. I think the people in the relationship should want to make sure each other both love each other mutually before marriage!

Marriage is a commitment that extends far beyond that of a 'loving relationship' between a girlfriend and boyfriend. Someone who would argue that divorce is prevalent in society and possible in a marriage, thus it has no greater impact on love than a common relationship

Actually with regards to that I think it is the other way around and you are devaluing what you call a "common relationship". EVERY relationship is different and the people in it are different.
You simply can not assume that a couple who are not married are not actually in a very deep loving relationship!

You could be in a relationship with someone, but not actually married, and love each other far more than another couple who is married.
You see how it is actually subjective? It totally depends on the people involved.

If you read the other posts that I did then you will see how I actually really value the words "I love you" and would not say it if I did not really mean it. If someone wants to wait to have sex after marriage then that is totally their choice.
I just personally would wait until I am in a stable relationship with a person who I know loves me and who I love back and we mutually agreed that we would like to get intimate on that kind of level. That could potentially happen before or after marriage it just depends on the relationship.
That said, I do not actually think "love making" means any less in that sense and situation, than if it happened after marriage you see. Keeping in mind that love can flourish before actually being married, I think marriage is a wonderful special thing and I think it actually even transcends love making.

 

[Regumika]

I think the real argument about before marriage or after marriage is the fact that it is way [safer to trust] a marriage as true "I love you" than a non marriage "I love you".

Before you pull the "there are plenty of divorces." you have to consider that perhaps 40% of marriages fail, but 95%+ of relationships fail. Plus there are way more out of marriage relationships than there are married. For every 1000 relationships you might have 10 marriages.

I'd much rather trust Marriage's 60% success rate "I love you" than the out of marriage <5% success rate "I love you".

People are starting to back away from marriage because it HAS failed and people are afraid to be tied up to something "Doomed" to fail. So they rationalize that they do not need marriage because they fear to be in a bad situation that they can't get out of.

If you truly love the other person, what is another commitment? Why not get married? Wouldn't you take every single opportunity possible to show that love rather than just use the words? Actions speak louder than words, no matter how loud the words are.

 

[ShybutHi]

Yep that is true it gives a bit more clarification that the person really means their words. You would certainly hope the person means it when they say they love you!
Personally I do not understand why someone would use those words in the first place if they did not truly mean it.

If you truly love someone, think the world of them and would never want to be without them then perhaps you should propose.
Marriage is the ultimate way to show a person that you really love them deeply.

 

[Pedestrian]

Personally i would love to find a girl who wants to wait til marriage, and this is coming from someone who isn't religious or even really wants to get married, developing the emotional and physical side of the relationship takes time and often sex will ruin that, marriage binds you to that person and then once you let out the sexual desires, well i'd like to think that leads to happy marriage, but hey that could probably be a fantasy to any who read this.

 

[jayme89]

wow well i'm 24 and a virgin so..i guess i'm screwed lmao

 

[lonelyfairy]

wow well i'm 24 and a virgin so..i guess i'm screwed lmao

24 is still young and you're not screwed. There's always hope!

 

[Rosebolt]

Once men have figured out that I am a virgin, they don't want me. Why is that? Is there any guy out there that wants an 18 year old virgin that understands that I don't want sex until marriage? Is it possible for anybody to love me?

I think what has put those people off is the no sex before marriage part. Of course you're not the only one with that mindset, so there'll be plenty of people who share that ideology.

Don't give up!