Why Do Good Women Stay With Bad Men?(Seriously)

[LoneKiller]

Hi Everyone.

Before I begin, I just want to clarify that I'm not in any way shape or form,intentionally offending our female members. I'm just very curious to know something.

During the course of my life I've seen countless numbers of poor women who are living with men who physically and mentally abuse them. Why are these poor souls staying together with these punks?!

If someone I was with was abusing me, I'd bolt. Is there something that I'm missing. I know that most of these men apologize up and down after they hit their spouse or fiance, but still continue to abuse them. Is a woman's love and understanding beyond the scope of any man's understanding of love?

God Bless.
-LK

 

[DreamerDeceiver]

That's life.

 

[Ak5]

Could it be related to the Stockholm syndrome?

P.S. This thread is going to cause a hellstorm.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Beats me.

My sis has a history of going after these types of men. She is a pretty smart individual, although she doesn't have a very good health self esteem (sound familiar?)

My mom kicked my dad to the curb after he showed his real colors, but we're having trouble with my sis. And I simply do not understand it, why someone as smart and pretty and funny as my sis would go for these losers? She could get a guy with a good career, and start a new life with her kids!

I just don't understand it, either.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Because, Lone, it's easier said than done to get away and stay out. I couldn't even begin to answer that myself, or I would have not stayed with my ex for as long as I did.

 

[annik]

Shouldn't this thread be worded why do people stay with abusive partners? Leave out the whole gender issue. Men are abused by women both physically and mentally and a lot less help and support is available to them. Plus there's the ridiculous social stigma of it.

I'd say the answer is a hundred reasons.

My sister once informed me I'd be the sort of girl to stay with a man who hit me, not sure what to make of that. As its never happened I can't answer...

 

[LoneKiller]

Shouldn't this thread be worded why do people stay with abusive partners? Leave out the whole gender issue. Men are abused by women both physically and mentally and a lot less help and support is available to them. Plus there's the ridiculous social stigma of it.

I'd say the answer is a hundred reasons.

My sister once informed me I'd be the sort of girl to stay with a man who hit me, not sure what to make of that. As its never happened I can't answer...

That's a good point.

 

[flaneur]

Insecurity/thinking they won't find better
Early marriage/commitment
Physical attraction impairing their intellectual judgment

Shouldn't this thread be worded why do people stay with abusive partners? Leave out the whole gender issue. Men are abused by women both physically and mentally and a lot less help and support is available to them. Plus there's the ridiculous social stigma of it.

This. Women are just as likely to initiate domestic violence, for example, and some statistics show women as being more violent than men. It's probably because they think it's less serious of an issue when they're doing it.

 

[LoneKiller]

Because, Lone, it's easier said than done to get away and stay out. I couldn't even begin to answer that myself, or I would have not stayed with my ex for as long as I did.

I see what you are saying Vanilla, but doesn't it depend on the specific situation? Some that are being abused have family
who are more than happy to let the abused one live with them, but still they decline. After about 6 months into a marriage my aunt was in, her husband hit her. She went to the fridge and took out a six pack of beer in cans and threw it at him cutting his forehead wide open. He never raised a hand to her again. I'm not saying that all women are like that.

But her sister, my mother, was the first one to offer her a place to stay.
I'm not naive, I know that restraining orders mean nothing to some guys,
and the cops won't do anything because when they get a call regarding domestic violence, almost nothing ever happens, because the abused one decides not to press charges, wasting the polices' time.

The are homes that are exclusive to battered wives. There are a lot of resources out there.

 

[Okiedokes]

There's a cycle that happens usually in these cases. The guys will be alright for awhile..then slowly add in some violence and then act like the nicest man in the world afterwards. I think a lot of why someone stays in this is they want to try to fix the person and since they are being treated so badly, they start to feel like they aren't worth anything or will get any better people out there. Or another reason could be that they feel their lives are in danger if they leave. They feel helpless.

---

When you love someone who you thought was someone you knew.. it's not gonna be easy to stop loving them because they hit. I am gonna take a guess here and say that I bet the guy or girl who hits makes the victim feel like it's their fault for the violent behavior.. and that leads to the feelings of worthlessness.

 

[DreamerDeceiver]

Lack of comprehension.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

plus a lot of manipulations , programming, conditioning and mind control

I'm not sure if there's a god...just using beliefs system as an example...
becuase it gets....really, really personal...hits the nerves. Emotion runs high.
if i told you that you were programmed to believe theres a god.
You would tell me I'm full of honeysuckle.

If you tell people they were in an abusive relationship.
They wouldnt see byound it or believe it.
Like someone said...it's just life. Hitted them mother fucken nerves.

Plus you have behavior patterns going. Comfortzone...etc
Were creatures of habits.


Its the same reasons why some people on here cant get GF or BF.
They dont see/believe things any other way or a way out of it.
Seriously.....

Its the samething why I do what I fucken do over and over and over and over again....
I'm well educated to the facts.
Sometimes its like OCD...you're fulley awear of your actions as you're observing yourself make
unhealthy actions but you cant stop yourself.


Kindda like being an addict....I'm sure you can relate.
Your awear of the consequnces or know its not going to be good or theres a heavy price to pay.
But when your in COMPLUSION....youre fucken screwed.
If the women and hooked on dope...thats why they stay in toxic or abusive relationships too.
All codependents are in abusive relationships.
Toxic or codependency is the sugar coat version of it...People dance around it and sugar coat it.
So theres you go...seriously

 

[LoneKiller]

It's important that you understand that I didn't create this thread to cause any friction. I feel bad for so many women who give their
boyfriend's or husband's their entire heart only to be rewarded with a backhand to the face. I truly don't know why some women don't leave.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

ITS NOT GENDER ESPECIFIC DUDE.....

JUST LIKE SOMEONE PIONTED THE OUT TO YOU,
IT STILL WENT OVER YOUR HEAD....

KINDA LIVING IN DENIAL.

---

Just like Stockholm syndrom....

Gettung held nentally and emotionally hostage.
The victims felt guilty and sorry for the bank robbers.

 

[oopsiedoop]

Oh please. Women are smaller than men so physical abuse is not in the same league. What claptrap. The only people who say that are man pleasers. That's why your sister said what she did. I see it in you too. You'd defend guys to the ends of the earth.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

GUILT IS TRAINNED EMOTIONAL RESPONSE.
ISOLATIONS TO PROGRAM, CONDITIONING AND LOVE STRAVATIONS.
CONYROLL....

---

Oh please. Women are smaller than men so physical abuse is not in the same league. What claptrap. The only people who say that are man pleasers. That's why your sister said what she did. I see it in you too. You'd defend guys to the ends of the earth.

Errr...you aint nevered been punched in the face by a womsn
Wearing a diamind ring repestedly?

Of course the male cant touch her.

Sometimes shell punch herself...

Cry wolf....shell cry her heart out in from of the cops

You knoe theres prisons for women too...no?
Ot yourr gonna trun a blinde eye to that?

---

Its your type of mentality that abusive women
Use to their advantage.

Most of the time guys arnt going to say anything
When thier women punches them...
Even if they see stars or get knock the fresia out.

 

[LoneKiller]

ITS NOT GENDER ESPECIFIC DUDE.....

JUST LIKE SOMEONE PIONTED THE OUT TO YOU,
IT STILL WENT OVER YOUR HEAD....

KINDA LIVING IN DENIAL.

---

Just like Stockholm syndrom....

Gettung held nentally and emotionally hostage.
The victims felt guilty and sorry for the bank robbers.

---

Nobody is perfect Lonesome Crow.
With all due respect to you're being a member a lot longer than I. Don't ever talk that way to me again. Next time you type in caps to get my attention, learn how to spell.

 

[oopsiedoop]

Most women are in prison for KILLING their abusive husbands. Learn your facts. Yes, women are just as violent as men -- they just don't get a chance to express it. Even if she did try to use a weapon to merely hurt you, you could easily defend yourself. Are you saying you wouldn't out of fear of legal repercussions? GOOD. That's what they're there for, to have some kind of power. How ridiculous is this argument. COMPLETELY. It's a disgrace to the people who make it who know there's no truth to it and to women who are all at risk. It's the same argument abusive parents make about their children -- that the children were so bad. But how can a child be so strong that that much force is required? It doesn't make any sense. Only parents and only men can truly be physically abusive. And few men get slapped. It's not the same kind of problem in any way but if I heard you were getting slapped I wouldn't be too bothered about it because you outweigh her by 60 lbs. at LEAST and usually much more. It's just a joke to cry about it.

There are more bad men than bad women. Women in general have to settle. Most men are not willing to do anything to build a relationship. They're more interested in masturbating to porn. It's pathetic.

Men also don't get raped except by straight men (in jail).

 

[Hoffy]

You feel trapped and scared that they will kill you if you leave. I started dating a guy my junior year of highschool that was 6 years older than me. He was great at first then it started of with small things, like he didn't like what I wore, he wanted me to wear makeup all the time even if we weren't going anywhere. He was about 6'4 and wasn't fat, but wasn't skinny either, he didn't like his weight so he started making me feel like I was fat. He made me go to the gym everyday and would set my speed on the stair step and if I changed it he'd fuss at me infront of the whole gym. Well after I graduated I went into the Air Force. As you can imagine by the time I was done with boot camp I not only looked amazing I also felt like a bad ass. My confidence was sky high. He came to my boot camp graduation. He could see I was different. When I came home for christmas break from tech school he asked me to marry him. I don't know why I said yes but I did. I went back to school for another 3 weeks. After I came home we moved in together and in less than 3 months he had withered me back down to nothing. He would scream at me, squeeze my arms, pull my hair. One time I spilt something on the carpet and I cleaned it as best as I could. I was in the bathroom actually using the bathroom, he bust the door open picks me up off the toilet throws me on the ground by the spot and throws the cleaner at me and says clean that ******* mess up *****. I was scared beyond belief. After that I did everything he said. I continued seeing him for another year. It finally clicked one day when we were arguing and he picked me up off the bed and slammed me down onto a coffee table at the end of our bed. I ran out the door and got in my car and locked it called my best friend to come over there and I moved out the next day. He mentally and physically abused me for 3 years. I didn't leave because I was scared he would really hurt me if I tried. Sorry it was so long.

 

[oopsiedoop]

Basically men are raised to be macho and women are raised to be masochistic.