Why Do Good Women Stay With Bad Men?(Seriously)

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I think a lot of it comes from low self esteem.

My sis, for example, is a really intelligent and funny person. However, she is incredibly insecure. She doesn't see herself as a catch...therefore, every guy that is attracted to her is either A.) mentally unstable, or B.) abusive. She either attracts the "nice guys", or she attracts the "bad boy abusers"...never anything in the middle. Every guy who's smart and kind and funny, like her, runs a mile once they learn how insecure she is.

I am not stereotyping. You can be a bad boy who's nice, but just doesn't take ****. But someone who is bad and also an abusive person, typically falls into the same genre. A guy who think it makes him a bad ass to hit his woman, but instead it makes him a *****.

 

[oopsiedoop]

I don't take that to be research. At any rate, the number is far less than for women, plus, as a I said and this page agrees because it's just common sense, it's straight men who are the problem. Endo of story.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I just done talking about it...
It wasnt a debate...just personal experience.

Ambivalence isnt gender especigic either.

None of it is gender.

For me it wasnt low selfesteem.
I dated plenty of women and left other women
For her again and again.
I wasnt playing the victim. It was my chioce
And decision.

Shes not always like that...
most of the time, shes the most loveing
Caring person.

Theres not one reason

---

Anyway, i just done telling ya what i lived
Through..it gose over your head....

I know, i know. I should grow balls...be a
man and walk away.

 

[flaneur]

I don't take that to be research. At any rate, the number is far less than for women, plus, as a I said and this page agrees because it's just common sense, it's straight men who are the problem. Endo of story.

You claim it's "common sense" but all you've shown is that you're victim to common misconceptions, and your other "common sense" claims have been argued against, most of which you've ignored in order to pursue the rape issue. It doesn't matter if the number is far less, because the amount of help available is also far less due to people like you thinking the issue doesn't exist or ignoring it, which was the point being made in the first place.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I think a lot of it comes from low self esteem.

My sis, for example, is a really intelligent and funny person. However, she is incredibly insecure. She doesn't see herself as a catch...therefore, every guy that is attracted to her is either A.) mentally unstable, or B.) abusive. She either attracts the "nice guys", or she attracts the "bad boy abusers"...never anything in the middle. Every guy who's smart and kind and funny, like her, runs a mile once they learn how insecure she is.

I am not stereotyping. You can be a bad boy who's nice, but just doesn't take ****. But someone who is bad and also an abusive person, typically falls into the same genre. A guy who think it makes him a bad ass to hit his woman, but instead it makes him a *****.

I've run a few people off with my insecurity

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Anyway....this isnt the first time ive done this.
As i said i was also in a toxic relationship previously.
The last 3 yrs of it got really bad.
I stayed or took her back over and over again...
To the point that my employer, family, friends
Got very very up set with me.


Anyway...i have a long history with my fiancee
I love her very much. Shes the mother of
My child. Shes also self destructive.
The amount of pains she inflicts on me
Is pale in comparison that she hurts
Herself...

Why do i stay???.
I tolerate it because i love her.
I akso hope that she will heal.
Not because im a good man or unwise man.
I simply just love her.

i mean.... a couple of months before she came back into my life...
i was accused of being a womenizer do threesomes with women half my age
every other night.

Maybe it should have been rephrase
To...why do people stay.

 

[S t r a y]

Hi Everyone.

Before I begin, I just want to clarify that I'm not in any way shape or form,intentionally offending our female members. I'm just very curious to know something.

During the course of my life I've seen countless numbers of poor women who are living with men who physically and mentally abuse them. Why are these poor souls staying together with these punks?!

If someone I was with was abusing me, I'd bolt. Is there something that I'm missing. I know that most of these men apologize up and down after they hit their spouse or fiance, but still continue to abuse them. Is a woman's love and understanding beyond the scope of any man's understanding of love?

God Bless.
-LK

Been one of these women you speak of, I can tell you. My reason for going back over and over (over a period of 3 years) was because I had no emotional support from anyone else that would allow me to handle the breakup. He also had a split personality and I was very much in love with his nice side so as soon as I would try and end it I would feel as if I couldn't live without him and I would go back.

Those are my reasons but there are many others why people stay in abusive relationships such as having no where else to live, worried they will lose their children, money worries, they have been brainwashed into believeing they deserve the abuse or their partner threatens to kill them or themselves if they leave.

Sometimes it's not as simple as just "bolting".

 

[SophiaGrace]

LK its like drug addiction. Unless you've actually been a girl that finds it hard to leave their abusive significant other, its hard to understand.

 

[oopsiedoop]

I don't take that to be research. At any rate, the number is far less than for women, plus, as a I said and this page agrees because it's just common sense, it's straight men who are the problem. Endo of story.

You claim it's "common sense" but all you've shown is that you're victim to common misconceptions, and your other "common sense" claims have been argued against, most of which you've ignored in order to pursue the rape issue. It doesn't matter if the number is far less, because the amount of help available is also far less due to people like you thinking the issue doesn't exist or ignoring it, which was the point being made in the first place.

That's not the point to me, because I'm a woman, under far far more risk than the likes of you, and your concern for men is unimpressive and damaging.

---

Been one of these women you speak of, I can tell you. My reason for going back over and over (over a period of 3 years) was because I had no emotional support from anyone else that would allow me to handle the breakup. He also had a split personality and I was very much in love with his nice side so as soon as I would try and end it I would feel as if I couldn't live without him and I would go back.

Those are my reasons but there are many others why people stay in abusive relationships such as having no where else to live, worried they will lose their children, money worries, they have been brainwashed into believeing they deserve the abuse or their partner threatens to kill them or themselves if they leave.

Sometimes it's not as simple as just "bolting".

All these reasons are addressed by feminism, yet it's the f word most places because fighting, literally The Man is such a struggle! All the more need for feminism and fighting this malevolent force!

 

[suckaG]

oopsiedoop: men are the problem? no one should care about men who experience violence or abuse because that's somehow damaging?

damaging to what, some ideological script that says only women's suffering legitimately matters? people's real lives are far more complex than grand academic political theories, which is probably why there is not a single overarching answer to the thread, but an endless multitude of factors and personal contexts which lead to these sorts of disastrous situations.

 

[VanillaCreme]

. . . it's straight men who are the problem. Endo of story.

Wrong. I don't even feel like wasting my time commenting on this other to say that it's wrong, because straight men aren't the only problem when it comes to this.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

[youtube]SsnpNEJk9Ms[/youtube]

 

[Limlim]

That's not the point to me, because I'm a woman, under far far more risk than the likes of you, and your concern for men is unimpressive and damaging.

---

---

How is it damaging? It's not like as humans we are capable of only a finite amount of compassion. Why settle for solving one problem when we can try to solve them all?

 

[LoneKiller]

LK its like drug addiction. Unless you've actually been a girl that finds it hard to leave their abusive significant other, its hard to understand.

I've gotta say Sophia, when you put it that way, it makes perfect sense. I understand a little better now. Thanks.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Straight men aren't the problem.

Also, what are the statistics, out of curiosity, of lesbian and gay couples who are in abusive relationships? Are they much, much less reported?

Back on topic: I don't think that just because I am a man and have a penis, it makes me better than a woman.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Straight men aren't the problem.

Straight men are always the problem.

Straight men and the country of North Korea.

They're going to cause the Apocalypse someday.

I think we women should assasinate all the men and take over the world!!! (starting with North Korea) Then we could turn everything pink and talk about kittens all day.

 

[Felix]

Phaedron's theorys are slowly starting to catch on this forum. He must be thrilled!

 

[oopsiedoop]

I think we women should assasinate all the men and take over the world!!! (starting with North Korea) Then we could turn everything pink and talk about kittens all day.

I don't know about that. After we get a taste of power, we won't be forced into the pink ghetto no mo.

 

[Ak5]

Phaedron's theorys are slowly starting to catch on this forum. He must be thrilled!

LOL

 

[passage]

Yes, all problems in the world are caused by (white) man.