Why Do Good Women Stay With Bad Men?(Seriously)

[Sci-Fi]

Women are not all defenseless petite weak things. There are some very strong women out there who can beat the living crap out of men. Let's stop this "all women are weaker than men stuff" it's false. I've known women who were smaller than their men and didn't hesitate to smack/hit him, and the guys never hit back, ever. I worked with a guy who's wife beat him, she was a petite thing but she had an abusive streak in her. Everyone knew it but he never said a word. People pitied him and looked down on him but no one offered him any help because he was a man. There are women out there who abuse their men, it's not as common but it does happen. I don't care about percentages, it does exist. There are also gay/lesbian's who abuse their partner. It doesn't matter what sex is dishing it out, domestic violence is domestic violence. It is wrong and shouldn't happen.

 

[Hoffy]

I remember that "Goodbye Earl" song. I actually used to own that album.

I think, instead of "men vs. women" debates on here, we should stop hating the opposite gender, and try to understand how to stop these kinds of things from happening.

*original comment withdrawn by poster*

Just to clarify, I wasn't being for real posting that song, I was being
facetious. I agree that the gender bashing should stop. Women and men need equal support. I feel just as bad for a man who gets beat as I do a woman.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Just to clarify, I wasn't being for real posting that song, I was being
facetious. I agree that the gender bashing should stop. Women and men need equal support. I feel just as bad for a man who gets beat as I do a woman.

Hoffy, don't worry. I realized you were joking.

But two posters, one male, one female, seem to be taking the gender bashing seriously...so I wanted to clarify my opinion on it.

And I removed that second part you quoted, because I felt that it didn't compare. Violence doesn't compare to having your children taken away from you. The violence is much, much worse.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Women are not all defenseless petite weak things.

I qualify though. At 5 foot flat, and less than 103lbs.

I've hit a guy before in anger. I've also thrown empty tissue boxex and milk caps at him. At 6 foot 5 inches he would get disproportinately rageful over it.

It was my moms boyfriend. The one that doesn't know sign language and ignores me all the time. The one that told me I was a bitch with no friends, after which I decided he was right and that I should kill myself. So I ended up spending the rest of the night in my room trying to talk myself out of it.

I've never told anyone offline about that. only that he shouldn't have said it, but never why he shouldn't have said it.

 

[Callie]

Plain and simple, you can't understand it unless you've been in that situation. People in that situation could try to explain til they are black and blue (pun possibly intended), but it won't make much sense to someone that hasn't been there, hasn't done that.
Because sometimes, even to us, we realize how stupid we are, but the sense of worthlessness usually outweighs any common sense we may have or that anyone else tries to give us. We can't do better, it's what we deserve. No one is going to want us, no one is going to care enough. In our heads, it's our fault.... some may call and report it to the authorities, but for others, if we did that, we would lose the only thing we had, the only thing we believe we will ever have...and if we don't lose that person, it would just be worse. The sense of losing the only person we will ever have is crushing, so as it's "our fault" we just try to make things better, try to change ourselves to be what they want us to be so they won't leave us....

(my opinion only, I can't speak for anyone but myself)

 

[Sci-Fi]

That's true Callie, every bit of it. Every time I've read stories or listened to people who've talked about it one on one they all say the same thing. It's so easy for those not in one to know what to do to get out of it, and so easy to tell someone that. But it's like when those of us feel depressed, lost, hopeless, and don't know what to do to get out of it. If you stop and think about that then it's easier to realize why people stay in abuse relationships. The only difference is that we are doing the abuse to ourselves, there isn't someone else doing it. Understanding others is as simple as finding something in your life that you can use to relate to why it is difficult for another person. Just like being bullied, people don't know what to do to make it stop. That is abuse whether it's physical or abusive. I've never been in an physically abusive relationship, but I've been bullied and mentally abused by others. I've felt hopeless and didn't go to anyone for help. I just kept taking it.

We can sit here and say, "I'd never anyone hit me, no matter what." or "If someone hit me I'd be like, see ya." Yet many of us here have had our own problems that we haven't been able to, or had a very hard time pulling ourselves out of. Yet others tell us, "just get out" "just do something to better yourself" "stop dwelling on the past" "don't let the bad things get you down" but the person hearing it doesn't know how. We see those kinds of posts all the time here. Just like those who think their only out is suicide and people tell them to "think about this or that" "its not the answer to your problems" to them it doesn't matter, nothing does. Just like people who are in abusive relationships, they don't see a way out, or they feel they deserve to be treated that way for whatever reason.

Just like in my signature, Never Give Up, Never Surrender, that isn't just for those who are feeling hopeless, but for those who are trying to help others as well.

There is always a way out no matter how bad things get, it's finding it and finding those who can help you, never giving up, and never letting go of hope.

 

[LoneKiller]

I remember that "Goodbye Earl" song. I actually used to own that album.

I think, instead of "men vs. women" debates on here, we should stop hating the opposite gender, and try to understand how to stop these kinds of things from happening.

*original comment withdrawn by poster*

Just to clarify, I wasn't being for real posting that song, I was being
facetious. I agree that the gender bashing should stop. Women and men need equal support. I feel just as bad for a man who gets beat as I do a woman.

I sure wish the Dixie Chicks were still together. My favorite song was "Cowboy Take me Away". Why Natalie had to open her mouth about George Bush is beyond me. Everything went to hell after her remark.

 

[DesertWolf]

Regarding someone not being a bad person because of one thing, you know, it counts. It all counts. Are you saying that someone who would never do this isn't better? Wrong. And, it also depends on what. We all know that Hitler liked animals. Does that make him a good person? Chris Brown is good looking and a good enough entertainer (I suppose). He is not a good person. People are saying the media doesn't know but then what do they know about him other than those superficial things? What we know is he punched a woman in the face. What could justify that?

Of course it counts, but my point was that black and white thinking isn't helpful and one bad action doesn't mean a person is completely bad (just like one good action by Hitler doesn't make him a good person either - BTW if he genuinely loved animals, he wouldn't have sent dogs to fight in his wars), and I was talking about people and bad actions in general, not specifically Chris Brown and domestic violence. I don't think there's any justification for violence of any kind unless it's in self-defense. I admit I haven't bothered reading through the whole thread due to lack of time, and so I was open to the possibility (even if it seemed remote to me) that Chris hit her in self-defense.

If a woman were to try to punch a guy's face in though she could easily be stopped by him.

Stereotyping women as weaker than men isn't exactly productive to the feminism cause, or fair to men who are victims of domestic violence perpetrated by women.

---

Women are not all defenseless petite weak things.

I qualify though. At 5 foot flat, and less than 103lbs.

I've hit a guy before in anger. I've also thrown empty tissue boxex and milk caps at him. At 6 foot 5 inches he would get disproportinately rageful over it.

It was my moms boyfriend. The one that doesn't know sign language and ignores me all the time. The one that told me I was a bitch with no friends, after which I decided he was right and that I should kill myself. So I ended up spending the rest of the night in my room trying to talk myself out of it.

I've never told anyone offline about that. only that he shouldn't have said it, but never why he shouldn't have said it.

And this is an example of why to avoid black and white thinking. While it would have been ideal for her to avoid hitting this guy, I find it perfectly understandable that she did given that he abused her so much mentally when she was so vulnerable. I consider it to have been a form of self-defense. Her action doesn't make Sophia a bad person. Again, just to clarify I'm not saying something like this happened with Chris Brown, just that every incident should be scrutinized separately and judged on its merits.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I sure wish the Dixie Chicks were still together. My favorite song was "Cowboy Take me Away". Why Natalie had to open her mouth about George Bush is beyond me. Everything went to hell after her remark.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dixie_Chicks

They are still together, and playing shows. They are also recording a new album together.

I think they will be forgiven. It's not like America doesn't believe now that Bush is an idiot and a terrorist.

Ahem...

Anyway, back on topic. I think that having either viewpoint, women as the enemy *or* men as the enemy, is a bad idea. We are equals, we should treat each other as such.

Domestic abuse, whether or not it is carried out by men, or women, should result in a jail sentence.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Equals? In the sense we all deserve the same rights and opportunities yes. We are not so equal when it comes to physical blows though.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Equals? In the sense we all deserve the same rights and opportunities yes. We are not so equal when it comes to physical blows though.

I meant equal rights. Of course we are not equal physically, we have different body parts.

 

[Sci-Fi]

And this is an example of why to avoid black and white thinking. While it would have been ideal for her to avoid hitting this guy, I find it perfectly understandable that she did given that he abused her so much mentally when she was so vulnerable. I consider it to have been a form of self-defense. Her action doesn't make Sophia a bad person. Again, just to clarify I'm not saying something like this happened with Chris Brown, just that every incident should be scrutinized separately and judged on its merits.

True. When a friend of mine left her husband all I heard about was how terrible of a person he was, how mentally abusive he was to her, yet I always felt there was more to the story. Over time she admitted to a few things, like hitting her husband once, and some things without knowing it. It formed a different view of her situation and that she wasn't so goodie goodie as she thought she was. She had her own form of emotional abuse, which after getting closer to her I began to understand why her husband did what he did.

I once heard an expression that I really like. There are 3 sides to every story (not 2), there is the each persons side and then there is the truth. Usually the truth is a combination of the two stories and what goes unsaid but can be seen if you just read between the lines.

 

[oopsiedoop]

If a woman were to try to punch a guy's face in though she could easily be stopped by him.

---

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Not necessarily true. There are women that are stronger than some men.

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Not the ones who complain, let's put it that way.

---

It formed a different view of her situation and that she wasn't so goodie goodie as she thought she was. She had her own form of emotional abuse, which after getting closer to her I began to understand why her husband did what he did.

So women deserve it. Interesting. Like the men are goodie goodies.

 

[DesertWolf]

So women deserve it. Interesting. Like the men are goodie goodies.

That's not what he wrote.
No offense, but are you sure you're not sexist yourself?

 

[oopsiedoop]

Everyone is like, listen to the male side to be fair. Who said I haven't and decided it's worthless? As for me being sexist, I have yet to hear men speak the truth. I don't doubt that they know it though.

---

Anyway, back on topic. I think that having either viewpoint, women as the enemy *or* men as the enemy, is a bad idea. We are equals, we should treat each other as such.

But we're not. Men still act as if they own the world, and women as if they're guests. It's a bad idea to men if women see each other as comrades. VERY bad.

 

[Sci-Fi]

All I've seen you do is sit there and accuse ALL men being the abusers and ALL women are ALWAYS the victims and ALL women are weak petite things that can't defend themselves. That is not true, there are women out there who are abusers too. You seem to want to ignore that and act like it doesn't exist. Your all male bashing can stop.

 

[oopsiedoop]

Male bashing is simply telling the truth. Female abuse of males is a joke. But female violence and justice won't be someday.

 

[Sci-Fi]

No it is not and I told you once already that it stops.

No one is denying that men abuse women and that it is much more common, but you fail to see that there are women who do it as well. You seem to think it is okay for women to rise up and become the abusers. That is extremely hypocritical of you. Violence against anyone is NOT okay.

 

[DesertWolf]

Well now her true colours are showing... Congratulations, you've become the very thing you hate.

 

[Callie]

Male bashing is simply telling the truth. Female abuse of males is a joke. But female violence and justice won't be someday.

You, are WRONG. Females DO abuse males, just the same as men abuse women.