Why do I continue to meet emotionally abusive guys?

[Steel]

Lol! Of course you're not; like you said, shipoopie happens.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Because you haven't yet found a guy whom YOU ARE able to emotionally exploit. Be strong, it's war and might is right.

Lmao! I've never heard anything so ridiculous. *Still laughing*

Just *what* is so ridiculous about that statement? I stand by my sincerity.

I too think it is ridiculous... and now two people concur and thus "might is right"

Hey...i just took the words right out of your mouth. no need to thank me

 

[Badjedidude]

The-One, you spout a lot of dumb ****. Shut up.

*shrug* It had to be said.

----Steve

 

[The-One]

The-One, you spout a lot of dumb ****. Shut up.

*shrug* It had to be said.

----Steve

It's not dumb. It's life, **** happens in it.

Just think, would dreamer8 be here on this forum posting, if she was the one manipulating guys. I doubt it, she'd just be getting her fill, then sit in a circle with friends and group bitch.

What I find surprising is not that there's people who are lonely and unhappy, but that they're unwilling to look up, see what the people who are shitting on them are doing and how they are; who's in the total opposite situation to their own, and start the ascent. As if it's a slap in the face to where they are now, but the question is, do they want to be where they are forever?

In dreamer8's case, her ascension should end in becoming a bitchy queen bee. Say where a fat kid being bullied at school, his ascension's endgoal would be tone up, learn mixed martial arts and beat the crap out of his bully then bully him. I myself are in the midst of my ascent from late virgin to manwhore, amongst other ascension goals.

There is a quote from a film called Layer Cake, which I find apt.

"You're born, you take ****. You get out in the world, you take more ****. You climb a little higher, you take less ****. Till one day you're up in the rarefied atmosphere and you've forgotten what **** even looks like. Welcome to the layer cake son."

 

[Badjedidude]

Just think, would dreamer8 be here on this forum posting, if she was the one manipulating guys. I doubt it, she'd just be getting her fill, then sit in a circle with friends and group bitch.

So causing harm to others is better than being harmed? That's your expert answer?

Shut up.

----Steve

 

[SophiaGrace]

this is how abusive people are formed. hmpth.

It's the completely wrong way to look at life though...

 

[DrunkenMonkey]

just kick them in the junk dreamer8. you will feel better about it.

but seriously, i think since men have been the dominant sex throughout history (im not saying this is right, just a lame fact) that in the male mind most of them feel they have the right to be pricks. it really comes down to their upbringing. fortunately times are changing and this will hopefully change.

both sexes have the ability to be emotionally abusive to the other, but there are some out there who were raised properly or at least with some respect for the other gender.

it isnt easy to spot these as when you first meet people you are meeting their "representative". (yeah chris rock said this) but its true. as one of my friends recently told me. you never know until you take the chance and open yourself up to the other.

personally i think it will be easier to just say screw it and not allow yourself to let someone in. then you wont get hurt again... right? meh whatever, im drunk.

 

[Zak]

ROFL @ dreamer having a go at Steel hahaha. Way to go dreamer. Steel really needs some asskicking xD

 

[Remedy]

The-One, you spout a lot of dumb ****. Shut up.

*shrug* It had to be said.

----Steve

I know he does say plenty of stuff that is false but we shouldn't be so cruel to him even if he sounds like he is. He just sounds like he's in a lot of pain . Practically everyone deserves happiness and I hope he finds it because he might sound like he doesn't deserve it. He just sounds like he has become so bitter and I think I can understand.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

well..I don't think what the one said is odd becuase I've actaully done it.

I don't think I emotionally explioted those women. i didn't beat them or anything of that nature.
But what i did do was treated them like ****. The relationship was on my terms, totally one sided. I showed no signs
of loving these women, had feeligns for them nor made any promises to them. Yet they would throw themselves at me,
do anything and everything for me..Thinking and hoping somehow i would love them back.
They acted like they're the perfect wife or GF..
Even when I did say I couldn't love them..they would still throw themselves at me even more..that was really a trip.
It had nothing to do with thier looks..these women were every beautiful and very nice...
yeap...super nice...they bascailly kissed my ass.
Sometimes I found myself telling them to do stuff that was a bit odd just for kicks..to my surpirzed they actaully did it.
Half of the time I was asking myself...WTF is wrong her???

Whats even more of a trip is...I saw myself in these women. It was like looking at myself in the mirror.
Yes i saw the pains and suffering...but I also alot of things that I didn't like. As i stated...I couldn't love these women even if i tried.

Untlimately, I relized women wouldn't fix me...wheather I was totally in love with them or when I treated them like ****.

I'm very attracted to Chelle for many reasons. One of things I love about her is...she can be 51% angle and 49% bitch.lol
Not a perfect balance..but pretty damn close.

I'm 51% prince charming, 39% bastard, 10% insane....Don't **** with me either

 

[Badjedidude]

I know he does say plenty of stuff that is false but we shouldn't be so cruel to him even if he sounds like he is. He just sounds like he's in a lot of pain . Practically everyone deserves happiness and I hope he finds it because he might sound like he doesn't deserve it. He just sounds like he has become so bitter and I think I can understand.

You're a better person than I am, Remedy.

Whenever someone spouts unfounded filth like he does, I have a habit of smacking 'em for it. *shrug* Just who I am, I guess. I honestly do wish that he would have a good life and happiness...but if he comes on here and says dumb, generalized, offensive crap, then he's going suffer the consequences of it.

lol not that any rebuke from any of us means anything to him at all.

----Steve

 

[Wyrm]

The-One, you spout a lot of dumb ****. Shut up.

*shrug* It had to be said.

----Steve

I know he does say plenty of stuff that is false but we shouldn't be so cruel to him even if he sounds like he is. He just sounds like he's in a lot of pain . Practically everyone deserves happiness and I hope he finds it because he might sound like he doesn't deserve it. He just sounds like he has become so bitter and I think I can understand.

I agree with Remedy as much as I agree with Badje that it had to be said. Although The-One has some obvious emotional problems, he does sound smart enough to make me think that he'll chill out over time and learn to be fair to both sexes (don't fight me on this, The-One, ..... just think about it).

---

Every guy I tend to 'connect' with is seemingly emotionally exploitive. I don't see any warning signs or whatever until it's too late,and I've been 'had'.

I'm starting to feel as though I'm an open target,or will forever fall prey to men who are that way.

I think they pick up on the fact that I am lonely,or overweight...I don't know.

You come across as someone who maybe has low self-esteem. I think that the reason that you continue to fall prey to these types of males is that your personality compliments theirs. A female who is overly submissive and has low self-esteem fits together with an abusive, domineering male like two puzzle pieces. The same can thing happens with wussy males and dominant bitch females, so it can go both ways.

So in order to stop having these abusive guys gravitate towards you, you must raise your confidence, your self-love, and your self-respect.

Holy crap, this is going to sound so horribly cheesy, but I learned it back when I was taking therapy and found found it to be true, believe it or not, and in an unimaginably powerful way too. It helped me a lot, so maybe it'll help you................. (yes, I did notice that rhymed, and it doesn't help at all with the cheesiness :club:, but here you go):



We're all born with an instinct (or energy, if you will) that loves us, guides us, and protects us. What happens with some of us is that instinct gets suppressed or damaged by bad circumstances (such as abusive and/or dysfunctional family members) or even traumatic events. So you must find that instinct in yourself again to nurture it and bring it back to the surface. If you're able to do that, you'll be emotionally and mentally strong, and you will not be such an easy target for abusive guys.



Anyway, I'm not saying that this problem of yours is your own fault, but that there are probably some beneficial changes that you can make to yourself which can help you to repel these types of guys, and you'll be able to find a better man for yourself.

That is all.

 

[caropi]

For some strange reasons, I tend to date emotionally abusive guys... I don't know why, but when my bf is controlling, I felt a sense of relief... I like the feeling of being in control, and if I can't control my own live, might as well let someone control mine.... I had a very bad childhood, was physically abused and was quite sick. I felt so lost for a long time, having a controlling bf helps me in a way... I feel better knowing that my live will be in control and no matter what happens to me, its not my fault... I know this is not right, but I really can't help myself... My current bf treats me quite bad at time, he is very controlling and can by physically abusive... he cheated on me before and he is a compulsive liar... He lies about very little things as well and is driving me crazy.... I know he is not a good bf or a husband to be, but I felt as if I have no choice.... I am so scared that my live will again be out of control without him and I am so afraid to be alone again... I don't know what to do... I am hoping the he will change one day... hoping that he will understand what he is putting me through... I feel so stupid being with him but in the same time I feel so scared without him... I feel so lonely and miserable

 

[Lonesome Crow]

For some strange reasons, I tend to date emotionally abusive guys... I don't know why, but when my bf is controlling, I felt a sense of relief... I like the feeling of being in control, and if I can't control my own live, might as well let someone control mine.... I had a very bad childhood, was physically abused and was quite sick. I felt so lost for a long time, having a controlling bf helps me in a way... I feel better knowing that my live will be in control and no matter what happens to me, its not my fault... I know this is not right, but I really can't help myself... My current bf treats me quite bad at time, he is very controlling and can by physically abusive... he cheated on me before and he is a compulsive liar... He lies about very little things as well and is driving me crazy.... I know he is not a good bf or a husband to be, but I felt as if I have no choice.... I am so scared that my live will again be out of control without him and I am so afraid to be alone again... I don't know what to do... I am hoping the he will change one day... hoping that he will understand what he is putting me through... I feel so stupid being with him but in the same time I feel so scared without him... I feel so lonely and miserable

I married someone that was very controling. In general, things kind of
happened the way you discribed it. A part of me felt fuastrated, but
also at the sametime...I felt comfortiable with it. My life was a bit
out of control..I was a bit out of control when I met her.
But in the bedroom....she gave me total control over her.
She and I also grew up in simular enviorment or one of our
parents was abusive. Her mother abandent her as a child...not
only physically but also mentally and emotionally...
She felt her life was out of control as a child or teen becuase her mother was totally out of control.
She vow and made consious decisions on her life to not be like her mother.
Marrying me ment she wanted to take control back in her life.
She even asked me out...She took control of that aspect too.
We both came from dysfucntional home with alcoholics or drug
addicts parents, I too was abused as a child.
My father is a very controling person...I vow to be the opposite of my father.
The first time I stood up to my father was about 5 years ago...I felt very guilty and afriad.
It was kind of like a turning piont for me...some of the root cuase of my living problems.
I don't blame my father...I love my father very much....

Heck even yesterday...my father started on his ******** again...the redicue, citizing...nit picking me.
bascailly trying to cut me into peices becuase he felt like **** and he fucken broke something by accident.( He made mistakes and wasn't perfect)
I bascailly told him to ****-off in a nice way....
I said" you can acknowlege the mistake I've made and piont those things out to me...however do not redicue or critizise me (mental and emotional abuse).
FFS..all i did was left one of the kicthen's drawls half open becuase he was in the kichten with me...all i did was got out of the kicthen to get the **** out
of his way becuase he was already on a roll(spelt milk).

My father has no boundaries...I chose to filter out his ********.
becuase I'm not going to allow him to hold me mentally and emotionally hostage anymore...

A long term relationship I was involved in after that...was different.
She wasn't controlling and was very nice. At the sametime...I also
felt I was more in control of my life. The transition to that relationship
was a bit odd to me....becuase it was actaully healhty...so I thought.
We seldom fought or argued...On the surface it seem find ...
but ultimately it cuaght up to us...there too, communications broke down.

Sometimes we all need a very, very intense argument...to let all
of it out...what we're really thinking and feeling inside instead of
pretending everything is rosie all the fucken time...becuase it's not.
At the end of that relationship...she felt very, very fustrated about everything
as if her life was out of control....which it was for her.
Her mother is very, very controling...Guess what she did or vow to do?

I was in another long term relationship of 12 years...the last 5 years of that relationship
got very, very ugly. Everything you described...is like describing my experince and what I
felt ...to the key. It felt as if I was going to die if i leave her...Even after separating from
her time after time again...I kept running back to her.
To this day she still dosn't give a **** about me oneway or the other. There was so much
wreckage. Nothing I said and did changed her. Ultimately she left me for dead.

Today my ex-wf and i can talk and communicate. We both needed healing and understanding.
I actaully got into some intense aurguments with her not too long ago...we needed that too.

 

[dreamer8]

Wow. The last guy I dated was an emotional vampire. He lived to make me sad and or miserable. I asked him why he did it,and he told me so I wouldn't hurt him first.
Granted,he's bipolar and on an extreme dosage of Lithium.
I chose to be with him for a few months. I had that whole mentality,"You're nobody till somebody loves you,so find somebody to love." I was so lonely without someone,but soon figured I was lonely and still had someone. He was a body,but was devoid of all emotional support,and treated me like complete crap. I'd point it out all the time,and he didn't get it.
I gradually broke free of my thought that I needed someone to make me happy. I'm forever in search of trying to find my own peace,I grab little moments here and there. I'm still alone,probably for a multitude of reasons,but at least now I don't have that emotional abuse by way of some ********* guy.

 

[PoWer2tHePeOpLE]

I gradually broke free of my thought that I needed someone to make me happy.

well done! that's a hard one to learn.

I'm forever in search of trying to find my own peace,I grab little moments here and there.

that sounds like reality to me too. just keep striving and take little bits of happy here and there. reminds me of a lyric,

"It's not so simple as I try to wish
But then again what is?
There is no other worthy quest
So on I go"

I'm still alone,probably for a multitude of reasons,but at least now I don't have that emotional abuse by way of some ********* guy.

damn right, much better off!

without the emotional vampire all your energy is for you to build your strength again

 

[Cypha]

Every guy I tend to 'connect' with is seemingly emotionally exploitive. I don't see any warning signs or whatever until it's too late,and I've been 'had'.

I'm starting to feel as though I'm an open target,or will forever fall prey to men who are that way.

I think they pick up on the fact that I am lonely,or overweight...I don't know.

My advice has always been that you should get to know them better before you invite your emotions into the relationship. Just enough to know the character of a person. You should be able to answer these questions to yourself. Would he ever use this against me if we have an argument? When I get lovely dovey with him will he run? Does he make me happy? Just because your with someone doesn't mean you're truly happy even though you may think you are, only because you might have been lonely before. These three questions are imperative.

 

[Mr. Sir]

In the past 1/10 women ended up with a guy who abusive because she made a mistake and he was a pussy who hit women. The other 9/10 of men were hardworking, strong, providing men.

Since the counterculture movement, men have been moving to two polarities: Dweeb and Thug, both are which are forms of weaknesses. So women have no decent choices of their men. Now they have a "**** ladder" and a "provide ladder". It's only getting worse and worse.

On top of that, since the Feminist movement, the Media tells women to **** bad boys who they would never really marry. The media tells them to dress like whores and act like *******. It's all about feeling liberated to have their "fun" with the thugs, and then marry a dweeb to provide for them and clean up their emotional baggage.

 

[SophiaGrace]

In the past 1/10 women ended up with a guy who abusive because she made a mistake and he was a pussy who hit women. The other 9/10 of men were hardworking, strong, providing men.

Since the counterculture movement, men have been moving to two polarities: Dweeb and Thug, both are which are forms of weaknesses. So women have no decent choices of their men. Now they have a "**** ladder" and a "provide ladder". It's only getting worse and worse.

On top of that, since the Feminist movement, the Media tells women to **** bad boys who they would never really marry. The media tells them to dress like whores and act like *******. It's all about feeling liberated to have their "fun" with the thugs, and then marry a dweeb to provide for them and clean up their emotional baggage.

With writing this, I assume you aren't trying to attract females to you?

You're kind of painting women as dense. :l

I don't like this box you've put me into, its claustrophobic!

 

[Mr. Sir]

In the past 1/10 women ended up with a guy who abusive because she made a mistake and he was a pussy who hit women. The other 9/10 of men were hardworking, strong, providing men.

Since the counterculture movement, men have been moving to two polarities: Dweeb and Thug, both are which are forms of weaknesses. So women have no decent choices of their men. Now they have a "**** ladder" and a "provide ladder". It's only getting worse and worse.

On top of that, since the Feminist movement, the Media tells women to **** bad boys who they would never really marry. The media tells them to dress like whores and act like *******. It's all about feeling liberated to have their "fun" with the thugs, and then marry a dweeb to provide for them and clean up their emotional baggage.

With writing this, I assume you aren't trying to attract females to you?

You're kind of painting women as dense. :l

I don't like this box you've put me into, its claustrophobic!

As you've noticed, all though I do like to meet people and get to know them on an individual basis, I am not going to ignore HUGE amounts of evidence, and behavioral patterns that I see repeated in a certain racial/gender/religious group. No, I do not mean all women. But this whole feminist movement which has only been used to make the divorce rate go up 50% is a serious problem.

Not you SophiaGrace. You know how I feel abut you.

Just see the forest through the trees.