Why do I continue to meet emotionally abusive guys?

[Just_Some_Dude]

ah christ, more generalizations...

good luck with this dude!

 

[dreamer8]

The-One, you spout a lot of dumb ****. Shut up.

*shrug* It had to be said.

----Steve

I know he does say plenty of stuff that is false but we shouldn't be so cruel to him even if he sounds like he is. He just sounds like he's in a lot of pain . Practically everyone deserves happiness and I hope he finds it because he might sound like he doesn't deserve it. He just sounds like he has become so bitter and I think I can understand.

I agree with Remedy as much as I agree with Badje that it had to be said. Although The-One has some obvious emotional problems, he does sound smart enough to make me think that he'll chill out over time and learn to be fair to both sexes (don't fight me on this, The-One, ..... just think about it).

---

Every guy I tend to 'connect' with is seemingly emotionally exploitive. I don't see any warning signs or whatever until it's too late,and I've been 'had'.

I'm starting to feel as though I'm an open target,or will forever fall prey to men who are that way.

I think they pick up on the fact that I am lonely,or overweight...I don't know.

You come across as someone who maybe has low self-esteem. I think that the reason that you continue to fall prey to these types of males is that your personality compliments theirs. A female who is overly submissive and has low self-esteem fits together with an abusive, domineering male like two puzzle pieces. The same can thing happens with wussy males and dominant ***** females, so it can go both ways.

So in order to stop having these abusive guys gravitate towards you, you must raise your confidence, your self-love, and your self-respect.

Holy crap, this is going to sound so horribly cheesy, but I learned it back when I was taking therapy and found found it to be true, believe it or not, and in an unimaginably powerful way too. It helped me a lot, so maybe it'll help you................. (yes, I did notice that rhymed, and it doesn't help at all with the cheesiness :club:, but here you go):



We're all born with an instinct (or energy, if you will) that loves us, guides us, and protects us. What happens with some of us is that instinct gets suppressed or damaged by bad circumstances (such as abusive and/or dysfunctional family members) or even traumatic events. So you must find that instinct in yourself again to nurture it and bring it back to the surface. If you're able to do that, you'll be emotionally and mentally strong, and you will not be such an easy target for abusive guys.



Anyway, I'm not saying that this problem of yours is your own fault, but that there are probably some beneficial changes that you can make to yourself which can help you to repel these types of guys, and you'll be able to find a better man for yourself.

That is all.

---

I think you're right. I do think I've made progress in some way though. There are certain,'signs' I can kind of pick up on with these types of guys.
I think I am a bit overly submissive,of course I do lack self esteem,and that's something they target. They'll more or less 'compliment' me physically,which is more or less my achilles heel and I fall for it every time.
Eventually they drop off with the compliments,turn into bigger ******* bullies,while I continue to wonder what I did wrong. The answer still remains with all of my experiences...absolutely nothing. I just have a feeling they need something to control and manipulate to cushion their ego.
Family wise,I did experience years of verbal abuse that stole my sense of self-worth. In conjunction with this,in the past I've let other men put a value on my self worth,and when they've been ****** toward me,I tend to think that I'm not worth much.
With all of this,I'm trying to piece myself back together to be able to live a healthy life,at least emotionally.

 

[Steel]

As you've noticed, all though I do like to meet people and get to know them on an individual basis, I am not going to ignore HUGE amounts of evidence, and behavioral patterns that I see repeated in a certain racial/gender/religious group. No, I do not mean all women. But this whole feminist movement which has only been used to make the divorce rate go up 50% is a serious problem.

Not you SophiaGrace. You know how I feel abut you.

Just see the forest through the trees.

You don't seem to think of people as individuals at all; your posts are full of bitterness, hatred, and generalisation. When you can truly see people as individuals then perhaps you will have more to offer on threads such as these; currently all we are getting from you are your own preconceptions and made up statistics.

 

[EveWasFramed]

In the past 1/10 women ended up with a guy who abusive because she made a mistake and he was a ***** who hit women. The other 9/10 of men were hardworking, strong, providing men.

Since the counterculture movement, men have been moving to two polarities: Dweeb and Thug, both are which are forms of weaknesses. So women have no decent choices of their men. Now they have a "**** ladder" and a "provide ladder". It's only getting worse and worse.

On top of that, since the Feminist movement, the Media tells women to **** bad boys who they would never really marry. The media tells them to dress like whores and act like *******. It's all about feeling liberated to have their "fun" with the thugs, and then marry a dweeb to provide for them and clean up their emotional baggage.

All I'm going to say is that it would be nice if you could post some links to support your "statistics." The feminist movement caused the divorce rate to be 50%? You need to provide proof that supports this statement. 1 in 10 ended up marrying an abuser....yes, proof to support this is needed as well.

And on behalf of every man I know, I take offense at them being labeled Dweeb or Thug. And to refer to men as "**** ladder" or "provide ladder" is just 1. untrue and 2. in poor taste. Im rather surprised some of the men here haven't stated an opinion on being called Dweebs and Thugs.

 

[Badjedidude]

Im rather surprised some of the men here haven't stated an opinion on being called Dweebs and Thugs.

Haha it's because that's not really a fighting insult, Eve. If a guy got upset every time he was called a dweeb, his knuckles would be permanently swollen. I don't take offense at it because I know for a fact I'm not a dweeb or a thug....so it's just not a big deal for me, I guess.

I wonder which one of those labels applies to SocratesX, though. Dweeb or Thug?

Probably neither. *rolls eyes*

There are plenty of strong men out there, who have the balls to do what needs to be done to provide for their girl or family....who are not weak at all, but are great examples of the kind of morally stand-up men whose unflappable character and actions help keep this world running.

----Steve

 

[A new life]

Why are women attracted to abusive men?

The question of the ages, asked by every man with a gentle spirit.

 

[Mary Mary]

Why are women attracted to abusive men?

The question of the ages, asked by every man with a gentle spirit.

Women aren't attracted to abusive men. Abusive men tend to be narcissistic and arrogant, which is mistaken for confidence. Women like confidence.

Also, many men and women are attracted to drama. Ordinary life can get pretty boring.

 

[edgecrusher]

so according to this thread i am not arrogant and i hate drama so i am doomed to be alone. sweet.... that makes a lot of sense.

 

[Mary Mary]

so according to this thread i am not arrogant and i hate drama so i am doomed to be alone. sweet.... that makes a lot of sense.

Stupid world, eh?