Why do people cheat?

[Unsigned]

So there is no winning this.
If I am the sweet guy, she'll take the guy who ***** her in the roughest way possible.
If I am the other guy, she'll look for a sweet guy to take on the side.
I guess the conclusion is simple: as soon as you detect such behaviour, dump the ****.

I am probably one of the worst people here to give advice on relationships, but...
Yeah pretty much what you said. We're screwed.
UNLESS you can find someone who is different.
I have said this before, but from what I have observed, genuinely religious people do seem to have pretty solid relationships.
I am sure it is possible without being religious, but it seems to me that it is most common in that realm.

 

[insecure]

I am probably one of the worst people here to give advice on relationships, but...
Yeah pretty much what you said. We're screwed.
UNLESS you can find someone who is different.
I have said this before, but from what I have observed, genuinely religious people do seem to have pretty solid relationships.
I am sure it is possible without being religious, but it seems to me that it is most common in that realm.

Well, I am the atheist, and she was religious.
I don't think that helps, religious people learn all about hypocrisy, and they often use god to justify themselves.

 

[M_also_lonely]

Because they lack integrity.

 

[user 139760]

I am probably one of the worst people here to give advice on relationships, but...
Yeah pretty much what you said. We're screwed.
UNLESS you can find someone who is different.

That's not bad advice lol.
I really do think mileage varies by person. Religious or not, political or not, fatalist or not, whatever description or not....it depends on who the person is and what values they adhere to. Some people nowadays have a strange view of faithfulness.
But I think it's all about finding the person who's view of it matches your own.
Way I see it, there's two ways of going about in relationships; trying as many people as you can, or holding out for the right one. I'm definitely of the later category. When I do find the right one, I plan to work the relationship, not bail at the first sign of trouble or play around in secret. Not everyone is wired the same. So I'm holding out until I decide "she's the one".

 

[donald pippin]

It's hard when your heart wants to keep the marriage together after 29 years. But she seem to be attracted emotionally, physically, sexualy and makes me feel like I am the one who had the affair.

 

[okidoke]

It's hard when your heart wants to keep the marriage together after 29 years. But she seem to be attracted emotionally, physically, sexualy and makes me feel like I am the one who had the affair.

Did you mean to say she is NOT attracted…….

 

[user 190541]

I have said this before, but from what I have observed, genuinely religious people do seem to have pretty solid relationships.
I am sure it is possible without being religious, but it seems to me that it is most common in that realm.

I can confirm this, both from observation and experience.

Although I'm an agnostic myself, I've never had anything close to a good relationship with another agnostic or atheistic girl. I've found that piety and women mix very well, as well as that a genuine religious inclination seems to heuristically predict a successful relationship.

Personally, I think I would only ever marry a woman if she was a piously Catholic girl (which, provided that you live in a Catholic country, isn't asking for too much). For that I'd have to consider her piety a strong enough force so that her actions would always conform to the dictates of that faith. Other than that, she simply would have to be perfect, something that isn't possible, anyway.

As of late, I'm becoming more and more skeptical of the feminine capacity for systematic ethical behavior, being faith, not a rational evaluation of morality, one of the few things that can make them conform to certain musts, premises and manners that guide our behaviour. I'd much rather be with someone like that than with someone who is merely fun on the bed.

 

[insecure]

I can confirm this, both from observation and experience.

Although I'm an agnostic myself, I've never had anything close to a good relationship with another agnostic or atheistic girl. I've found that piety and women mix very well, as well as that a genuine religious inclination seems to heuristically predict a successful relationship.

I once married a catholic Cuban woman, she was a real ****.
Being catholic didn't stop her from lusting and banging other men, to say the least.

The Tanzanian girl said she was very much religious, in the protestant realm.
Again, she was the one who cheated.

I think you should not be naïve in this.
There is a lot of hypocrisy, and this is taught by religion.
I think having morals has nothing to do with religion.
Also, people use 'god' as a manipulation tool.
It can't be a coincidence that conmen like to use god in their rants as well.

Personally, I think I would only ever marry a woman if she was a piously Catholic girl (which, provided that you live in a Catholic country, isn't asking for too much). For that I'd have to consider her piety a strong enough force so that her actions would always conform to the dictates of that faith. Other than that, she simply would have to be perfect, something that isn't possible, anyway.

I think you're naive in this.
So Spain and Italy, some of the most catholic countries would have the most faithful women?
Good luck on that...
Many of these women simply feel, like someone said before, they are entitled to get as many men as they want, beit for good sex, for buying them stuff, for status, you name it.

 

[TheSkaFish]

They arent addicted to sex, they arent in love, they are just doing whatever they want to do because they do not respect you. Simple. When you stop giving excuses and trying to diagnose why someone cheats you're half way there.

But... if you want a real excuse, from a cheaters point of view, sometimes its because the person you are supposed to be with is not that good in bed. They are simply too loving and too caring, when you just want a dirty session. You love that they care about you... but because it's not an act they cant just turn the care off and give you all that you crave. Takes a lot to accept you'll never be satisfied fully ever again. Kinks are hard to share, because people will judge you, and they wont be able to just get into it because you are... So it's like your sex life and the life you want just dont align with that person.

I think this raises a good point.

It reminds me of someone I met once that I thought I wanted a relationship with, but that was at least part of the problem - I was on that "caring" end of the spectrum, all that "nice" stuff, while they were more into the "dirty" side. I'm a "play it safe" person, while they were a risk taker. They even did several crimes. It was a major example of our general incompatibility with personality, views on life, etc.

Over the years I came to the conclusion that the women I lust for, and the women I could care for and see myself living with day to day and actually liking as people, are two different groups that don't overlap at all. And I just can't change myself into the kind of person that would "click" with the lust crowd, not even with a cowboy hat and a bottle of pinot grigio. They tend to be attention seekers, risk takers, and egotists, and seeking the same in men, while I'm self-conscious, NOT a risk taker, and not an egotist. The "care about" women are real, the lust people are not. So in the end I decided the lust is the thing that has to go. I feel like the whole thing is mostly a fantasy created by the media anyway. It's very hard to find the two in the same person, maybe even impossible, and in the end I decided it wasn't worth it to keep looking because ultimately I knew which one I valued more.

 

[TheSkaFish]

As far as OP goes, I think the issue with that woman is selfishness and immaturity, plain and simple.

The woman wanted to do whatever, was fake and only thinking of herself, while OP was looking for a serious relationship.

Sorry you had to deal with that, hopefully you can find a more genuine connection instead of these bs artists.

 

[Unsigned]

I think you should not be naïve in this.
There is a lot of hypocrisy, and this is taught by religion.
I think having morals has nothing to do with religion.

No. You misunderstand.
Just saying "I am Christian" or something does not make someone devoutly religious.
I am talking about people who take religion very seriously, and live their lives by the rules of the Church.
Here in the US, those are mostly Mormons, Evangelical Christians and very devout Catholics.
These are people who almost always meet their SO in Church or through Church related activities.

So Spain and Italy, some of the most catholic countries would have the most faithful women?

Again, no.
There is a big difference in "being Catholic" vs. being especially devout.
I am a Catholic, but I am not devout in the least.
It is hard to find devoutly religious people in 1st world countries unless you are a regular church goer and very involved with the church community. You won't find these types of girls on Tinder or in Rooftop bars.

 

[insecure]

No. You misunderstand.
Just saying "I am Christian" or something does not make someone devoutly religious.
I am talking about people who take religion very seriously, and live their lives by the rules of the Church.
Here in the US, those are mostly Mormons, Evangelical Christians and very devout Catholics.
These are people who almost always meet their SO in Church or through Church related activities.

I wouldn't want any girl who is very devout, because what does that actually mean?
No sex before marriage?
And when they have sex, they only want it for procreation purposes?
And only in the positions like god intended them?
So always missionary?
Wants to wash out her mouth with soap if she uses a dirty word, and wants you to do the same?
Feeling she has sinned if she enjoyed the sex?
Never use contraceptives?
So you can have 12 children?

If that's what you mean by a good girl, you can have her.
Looks stuck-up and dead boring to me.

 

[Unsigned]

I wouldn't want any girl who is very devout, because what does that actually mean?
No sex before marriage?

- Almost certainly

And when they have sex, they only want it for procreation purposes?
Never use contraceptives?
So you can have 12 children?

- Possibly, but many devout people think birth control is fine, too. Although I would say it's near 100% that she would want a child, and probably more than one.

And only in the positions like god intended them?
So always missionary?

- I have never heard that mish is the only allowable position.

Wants to wash out her mouth with soap if she uses a dirty word, and wants you to do the same?

- Probably not, but if their children do, then probably yes, and it would probably keep the kid from cursing in the future. Physical punishment works. I can always tell an adult that was never hit as a kid.

If that's what you mean by a good girl, you can have her.
Looks stuck-up and dead boring to me.

- Oh, don't get me wrong. Like I said in the above comment I am absolutely not devoutly religious. And the girls I see regularly are most certainly not "good girls". I am simply saying that couples who meet in devoutly religious environments seem to have very good marriages. Just because I can recognize this does not mean I am part of that lifestyle. Although if I could get a "do over", I think it would be a good way to go.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I think this raises a good point.

It reminds me of someone I met once that I thought I wanted a relationship with, but that was at least part of the problem - I was on that "caring" end of the spectrum, all that "nice" stuff, while they were more into the "dirty" side. I'm a "play it safe" person, while they were a risk taker. They even did several crimes. It was a major example of our general incompatibility with personality, views on life, etc.

Over the years I came to the conclusion that the women I lust for, and the women I could care for and see myself living with day to day and actually liking as people, are two different groups that don't overlap at all. And I just can't change myself into the kind of person that would "click" with the lust crowd, not even with a cowboy hat and a bottle of pinot grigio. They tend to be attention seekers, risk takers, and egotists, and seeking the same in men, while I'm self-conscious, NOT a risk taker, and not an egotist. The "care about" women are real, the lust people are not. So in the end I decided the lust is the thing that has to go. I feel like the whole thing is mostly a fantasy created by the media anyway. It's very hard to find the two in the same person, maybe even impossible, and in the end I decided it wasn't worth it to keep looking because ultimately I knew which one I valued more.

This is how I felt for so long, I thought it was impossible for a nice caring guy to get me going but idk everything changed when I met my Rob, might be religious influence too but I think theres someone out there who is the perfect balance of sexy and compatible Ska

 

[Unsigned]

This is how I felt for so long, I thought it was impossible for a nice caring guy to get me going but idk everything changed when I met my Rob, might be religious influence too but I think theres someone out there who is the perfect balance of sexy and compatible Ska

OK let's be honest here.
"Rob" is not on only caring and responsible, but well off, very tall/imposing, and handsome/attractive.
But that is fine.
I only want 5'4 or under SUPER ATTRACTIVE, petite, submissive girls under 25.
You found your unicorn. And God bless you for that.
But it is rare.
Very rare.
Not something that is attainable for most of us.
Good for you.
I only ask that people like you DON'T look down on people like me for using money to get what we are attracted to...

 

[CenotaphGirl]

OK let's be honest here.
"Rob" is not on only caring and responsible, but well off, very tall/imposing, and handsome/attractive.
But that is fine.
I only want 5'4 or under SUPER ATTRACTIVE, petite, submissive girls under 25.
You found your unicorn. And God bless you for that.
But it is rare.
Very rare.
Not something that is attainable for most of us.
Good for you.
I only ask that people like you DON'T look down on people like me for using money to get what we are attracted to...

Truthfully I thought it was impossible to find so I know its rare and you’ll get no judgement from me thats for sure out of everyone here I find I can reason with your mind set easier in all honesty

 

[Unsigned]

Truthfully I thought it was impossible to find so I know its rare and you’ll get no judgement from me thats for sure out of everyone here I find I can reason with your mind set easier in all honesty

Yeah... I think you understand what I do.
I want what I want and that is non-negotiable.
An "age appropriate" woman, even 25 years younger, for me, is totally unacceptable. As a "short, tan complexioned, blue collar class" bloke would be to you.
I get it.
Respect.
Total respect for honesty.
You want what you want the same way I want what I want.
Good on you that you found it.

Maybe one day I'll get this...

 

[insecure]

This is how I felt for so long, I thought it was impossible for a nice caring guy to get me going but idk everything changed when I met my Rob, might be religious influence too but I think theres someone out there who is the perfect balance of sexy and compatible Ska

And he is faithful too?
I mean, if a guy is 'a unicorn' they often have many girls wanting them.

 

[insecure]

Which makes me think of what my 'unicorn' is, the ideal woman in other words.
She doesn't have to be physically perfect, I find youthfulness attractive, but some intellect is also important.
I guess I'm also attracted to the exotic, so maybe a black or a Latina woman.
And I don't want her to love me for what I have but for who I am.
Sexually speaking she would not be submissive, rather the opposite.
I guess if she is too beautiful it will make me feel like I could lose her any day, but of course, the opposite is not a guarantee of faithfulness.
So yes, I guess it is difficult to find that person.

 

[Unsigned]

Which makes me think of what my 'unicorn' is, the ideal woman in other words.
She doesn't have to be physically perfect, I find youthfulness attractive, but some intellect is also important.
I guess I'm also attracted to the exotic, so maybe a black or a Latina woman.
And I don't want her to love me for what I have but for who I am.
Sexually speaking she would not be submissive, rather the opposite.
I guess if she is too beautiful it will make me feel like I could lose her any day, but of course, the opposite is not a guarantee of faithfulness.
So yes, I guess it is difficult to find that person.

Submissive is important to me.
I want the pre-1960 male/female dynamics.
I'd rather be alone than have otherwise.